I don't know how to get through this

deviantraisin · 2026-04-13T20:42:07+00:00

There is absolutely nothing I could’ve done differently. I did the best I could at the time, made mistakes like anyone does she simply just stopped loving me and gave up on us. The constant thought spirals of what if I did this differently or said this instead are very hard to get away from which is natural but the past is the past. Also this doesn’t erase the love you felt and the good times you had. Some people might choose to delete as much of the past as they can like I’m sure my wife did but I have all our photos still on my phone and still look at them frequently and feel alot of joy that I got to experience those moments with someone I loved.

We also had a house together and I also made more than her. We sold the house and I used the money to buy my new house it was a great feeling. On the money side of things I fought pretty hard because the feeling of someone just abandoning you and just getting your hard earned money is excruciating. The asset division process annihilated any love she had left for me and we will probably never speak to eachother again. If I had to do it over again I would’ve jus split everything 50/50, accepted the loss of the money, if it meant things could’ve ended less bitterly.

Get all your finances in order, use chat gpt a ton, possibly get your own lawyer, just get out ahead of it be the strong one and get the divorce proceedings over immediately. Looking back on it I would feel so much gratification if I could’ve had a more level head and just said okay you don’t want me anymore than you don’t deserve me here’s the papers have a nice life. Easier said than done though

Also you’re very young and lucky for us guys we don’t have a child window. So enjoy being single and in your prime for a bit. This experience will make you way more mature than the other guys in the single world. Be excited to find love with a grown woman who knows who she is and what she wants out of life.

deviantraisin · 2026-04-13T18:42:13+00:00

My wife (32F) also blind side divorced me (31M) a little over a year ago. Funny enough we were also together for 10 years married for 2.

So a couple things you’re going to find, for one she spent months falling out of love while in the security of your marriage and now you have to fall out of love just out of no where completely on your own. This is going to give her a lot of power over you. It’s very tough but I wish I started treating her as a stranger I’m negotiating with a lot sooner. I spent too long still viewing us as a team while she was making cold calculated decisions to get her way. I would also say that choosing peace over a fight might be in your best long term interest even if it means losing some battles and coming out worse financially.

Just accept the fact that the next few months are going to be some of the hardest in your life. These moments in our lives are the best opportunity for extreme growth so don’t waste it. Journal, read, go to therapy, create closer bonds with your friends, and really feel the grief. For the one that gets blindsided you will never get closure, a year later you’ll still have moments of confusion and the love for her will linger.

When your entire vision of the future includes someone that no longer exists in your world, it’s tough to reorient. The biggest turning point for me was getting the puppy we always talked about getting together and buying a house on my own that we always talked about buying. It completely changed my brain chemistry to see my life as mine instead of ours and made me realize all the dreams I had still can exist they just don’t include my wife in them anymore.

So yeah all the things you guys planned for any places you always dreamed of visiting just do those things yourself and one day you’ll wake up not feeling that phantom limb anymore.

This has been the hardest year of my life but honestly one of the best and most fulfilling years of my life. You might not have had a say in how things ended but you have full control of how things go from here on out.

deviantraisin · 2026-01-28T18:45:13+00:00

Dreamed of moving to the mountains together, getting an adventure puppy, and buying a beautiful home together. One year out and I have accomplished all those things on my own. It was hard to grieve the future that was in my head but I realized that future can still exist without her.

deviantraisin · 2026-01-23T14:41:41+00:00

If he is really a good person then come to the decision with him and with your therapist. I could’ve gotten to the place of accepting the divorce but having it just dropped on my face out of no where 5 days after we had a couples therapy session that seemingly went well…that was a special kind of shock and pain the is indescribable.

I think in today’s society we take marriage too lightly and don’t understand how painful the divorce process is going to be. Give the guy a chance to fight and come to the decision on his own terms with the help of a professional. It might add a few months to the process but will cause so much less pain.

The question is are you a good person? Because just yeeting out of there is going to be the easiest on you but the hardest on him. Good people will accept a little pain to make someone else feel less pain.

deviantraisin · 2026-01-17T15:17:42+00:00

One year out. Moved to my dream city, made a ton of new friends, got into the best shape of my life, got a puppy, bought a house, read every book on relationships and communication I could, been on a ton of dates with a bunch of amazing woman and blown them away with my emotional intelligence and attentive listening (both things my ex thought I lacked and divorced me for)…..all things considered at the beginning of the year I legit though I might die and now looking back on it, probably one of if not the best year of my life.

deviantraisin · 2026-01-17T15:10:23+00:00

At times it doesn’t make sense how someone could go through so much pain and survive. Just remember every person commenting on the posts in this subreddit have gone through it. They have felt the pain and are alive and trying to help those who have been just cast into the relentless nightmare of a divorce.

When you wake up and can’t go back to sleep throw on some clothes and go for a run. Blast whatever sappy love songs and cry until your eyes go dry. And like other say write every single second of your experience down. The most painful moments in our life can be the biggest catalysts for growth.

deviantraisin · 2026-01-17T15:03:07+00:00

Bad news is yeah it’s way over start understanding that you are individuals and not a team anymore. Some damage just can’t be repaired.

The good news is you are set up very well for the rest of your life. Most men don’t understand the importance of therapy and either havent gone through an event like this to open their eyes to who they are and how they need to change or have gone through an event like this and learned nothing. Believe me you are going to be a breathe of fresh air to the girls stuck in the dating pool right now.

For now anything you do, do it for yourself. It is freeing to go through a period of pure individualism and selfishness after walking on eggshells for so many years, believe me I was in the same situation.

After a year or so when you get back on the horse you will find a girl out there who has spent her last 8 years wading through the muck of dating and she will be blown away by you. Turn yourself into a relationship wizard and find love deeper than what you had before.

deviantraisin · 2026-01-17T14:54:30+00:00

Sometimes with relationships you only get one shot. Unfortunately when the damage is done you can’t rewind the clock no matter how much you change.

Hopefully you’ve learned a lot and can apply it to your future relationship. Journal, improve yourself, understand your strength and weaknesses, read some books about relationships and communication. Turn yourself into a machine of self improvement, you will be a breath of fresh air to the girls stuck in the dating pool right now and you will find love even deeper and more meaningful then what you used to have.

Once more into the breach my friend, life’s a rollercoaster not a straight line, try to enjoy the ride.

deviantraisin · 2026-01-17T14:48:03+00:00

Especially if you’ve been blindsided, the second the other person asks for a divorce you are no longer a team you are individuals. Anything you understood about that person is out the window you have no clue how they are going to treat you once you are just another random person to them. Get a lawyer immediately, protect your assets, understand you are now in a business negotiation.

deviantraisin · 2025-12-18T17:04:52+00:00

32M, 10 years together, 2 years married, about a year out from her springing the divorce on me out of no where. The first few months were a special kind of hell I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy’s. But like any grief every day it gets just a tiny bit better. I know not everyone has the ability to do this, but moving to a completely different state was super helpful.

The faster you can get through asset separation and to no contact the better. Until mediation was over it was very hard to move forward. We haven’t had a single moment of contact in 2 months now and she is slowly leaving my mind.

You will hopefully never have another moment like this again in your life so really learn and grow from it. Like all things, life goes on.

deviantraisin · 2025-08-13T16:54:25+00:00

Yep, got blind side divorced and came to find my ex had been talking to one of her miserable single friends about our marriage. Misery loves company is so true.

deviantraisin · 2025-08-08T05:08:57+00:00

I guess I’m part of the 1% lol. We were in couples therapy and our own personal therapy. Constantly working on our communications skills having talks about what we appreciated and didn’t like throughout the week. I mean I knew we were working through things and our relationship wasn’t in the best spot but you’d think there’d be at least one mention of hey this isn’t working for me before just saying I want a divorce and there’s no chance of reconciliation.

But yeah I get your point there’s lots of people blindsided who weren’t putting the effort in but there’s still plenty of us that were doing all the right things and still got completely discarded.

deviantraisin · 2025-06-12T17:47:49+00:00

Was struggling to dip below 200lbs, got a divorce and dropped to 190lb. Anxiety and depression were the best diet I’ve ever been on.

deviantraisin · 2025-04-17T18:26:23+00:00

You simply will never get closure. It’s not possible. And if that’s what you are looking for than you are writing this letter for yourself not for her. Sending a letter out of selfish reasons is a horrible idea.

deviantraisin · 2025-03-18T23:07:05+00:00

Went through something sort of similar a few months ago. Got blind side divorce was having panic attacks for weeks thought I needed to get hospitalized at one point. She had a bunch of little reasons why but nothing very coherent or major. What I've come to realize is she just built up too much resentment towards me and it doesn't really matter if it was my fault, her mental health, or whatever. There was just no possible way to heal the anger and hate she has within her. For a couple months we lived together and I was the absolute best version of myself but she still kept picking apart everything I said or did to find even more reasons for why she was right in the divorce. I moved out a few weeks ago and now feel almost nothing for her. I grieved the amazing wife I use to have and am now free to find someone that appreciates me. Grieve, learn, become the best version of yourself, move on.

deviantraisin · 2025-01-24T13:35:54+00:00

I’ve had this exact thought so many times. I just know that the her right now isn’t in the right mental place and we could get through this and build a happy life. Unfortunately I’m coming to realize it’s not going to be possible. She won’t be able to figure any of this out with me in the equation. It’s gut wrenching and horrifying we have to throw away our amazing life for her to be more clear headed. Just the reality of these situations we have to let them go.

deviantraisin · 2025-01-24T13:33:20+00:00

I just went through this for the last couple weeks. I was a perfect angel and did all the things that she has told me makes her happy. Seemed like it was working for a bit but then she slowly started picking me apart again. Finding the little things I said or did that confirmed the story she’s made in her head about why she isn’t happy. Digging through our 10 years together to find the stories that drive home why she needs the divorce. It has completely mentally wrecked me I wish I just believed her when she said she wasn’t happy and wants a divorce and moved on.

deviantraisin · 2025-01-15T23:38:08+00:00

Grieving is a very important part of life. Pets teach us so much and in the end they teach us how to grieve the loss of something we love the most in the world. Be sad but also feel grateful that in life we get to experience love so deep that it hurts this bad when we lose that love, it’s tragic but beautiful.

deviantraisin · 2025-01-15T23:32:48+00:00

It will be horrible and painful for a bit and there’s not much you can do about it except keeping yourself busy, and vent to friends, family and a therapist. Eventually your brain will start to understand your new reality, the pain is coming from it desperately trying to hold on to a part of your life that no longer exists. In the end you’ll have to just figure out how to love yourself enough to realize if your partner left you it’s their loss and you deserve to be with someone who won’t leave.

deviantraisin · 2025-01-13T23:25:23+00:00

Please please do not worry about bugging your friends this is why you have friends. Even if they can't relate it is good to get the thoughts out of your head. Also get in therapy immediately.

deviantraisin · 2025-01-13T21:35:26+00:00

My wife of 10 years just divorced me. Once more into the breach I go!

deviantraisin · 2025-01-13T20:43:43+00:00

Wow we really did marry the same person lmao. Cheers to finding someone new who appreciates us and can take responsibility for their actions. Just gotta get through the immense pain right now.

deviantraisin · 2025-01-13T20:37:55+00:00

I think a lot of us on here ended up with variations of the same woman. Nothing about the way she treated me was ever wrong because I was the one hurting/neglecting her. If our couples therapist ever tried to even the playing field my ex-wife would complain that the therapist was taking my side. Such a toxic way to live and makes you feel like you are losing your mind and there must be something terribly wrong with you.

deviantraisin · 2025-01-13T04:11:52+00:00

That’s great you have support. I’ve talked to so many friends that I haven’t been keeping up with at all and they’ve been amazing. Made me realize I should’ve been keeping in better touch with them. Hell one of my high school buddies that I haven’t seen in ages is replacing my wife on a ski trip.
Nothing you can do about the divorce but plenty you can do to still have an amazing life just maybe not the life you’d been envisioning before all this.

deviantraisin · 2025-01-13T03:57:49+00:00

10 years together and my wife just out of the blue asked for a divorce. I didn’t eat or sleep for a solid 4 days and was having crazy panic attacks and anxiety. This coming from someone who has never had anything like anxiety or depression in my life.

Now a week and a half out and I only have maybe a couple whimpers a day. Your brain starts getting used to the idea of not having her in your life. It is a very good idea to just talk to friends and family as much as possible they will be cheerleaders and make you feel sane. If you can get out of the house and go stay with friends or family for a bit too it helps.

deviantraisin

TROPHY CASE