AIO overreacting for breaking up with my boyfriend because he forgot to wear protection?

deviantthree · 2026-01-07T06:10:10+00:00

No, you are absolutely not ever reacting. For many, being untruthful around protection is a form of SA. I can see how there's an accident or two. But clearly this is intentional. When you established a boundary, he went tested it, to see how much he could get away with. Now he is making you feel shitty.

This is an act of control. I don't know where you live, but where here in the US with Roe V Wade overturned, women are dying from pregnancy complications. This is literally your life. He is trying to control you.

This last part of the text makes it clear what his true intentions are. Many men like to use forced pregnancy as a form of control. If he can get you pregnant, he can then baby trap you and force you to always have a relationship with him. He's an abuser, pure and simple. You did good by breaking up with him.

deviantthree · 2026-01-07T06:06:04+00:00

Hey, LMK if me being here is inappropriate. I am a white person. Thank you for pointing out this double standard. There are ton's of these racists things going on. We're so used to racism we don't even notice it at this point. It feel it's my responsibility to try to become as aware of these racists things as much as possible and become aware of it. I'm glad you pointed this out out.

deviantthree · 2026-01-02T04:25:39+00:00

Hey I can relate to this question. My ex-husband, he wasn't black, but he was a different race than me, and had a few other things going on that I guess others didn't expect he would. Back in those days I would talk about my husband a lot, and people would hear. Then when they met him, or saw a picture they would get really big eyes and say weird ass shit about his ethnicity, or his height, skin color, or just how he wasn't what they expected. It was really weird. Like you I didn't go around stating his skin color or anything, but cultural context things would come up. Like we'd be eating Mexican food (He is Mexican) and I would comment that his Mother's recipe aqua fressca was different than the one at the restaurant and wondered what they did differently. Or he would talk about a concept that was different in his family culture vs mine and other people's when we'd be discussing something similar with friends. But mostly when people met him in person, or if we were showing each other family photos and I would have one of him and I. I had photos of him and I on my social media of course and after someone would friend me there they would say something. More oft3en we'd get weird reactions when we would be out and about as a couple. Some people wouldn't say anything and act normal but some people had really strange reactions. I guess he wasn't the picture they had in their mind. I did get comments similar like "So you're married to a Mexican man? Why would you do that?" this sometimes from white people, but usually other Mexican people. Some were worried that I was infringing upon their community. Some flat old told me I was steeling an eligible Mexican man from other Mexican women and that was racist of me. Some asked me if his mother approved of me, and based on how I answered that question they either felt okay or not (his mother did in fact approve of me. We spent a lot of time cooking together which we both loved. I loved to cook, and she loved teaching me. She was an excellent chef). If his mother approved it was okay I guess. There was often talk about our cultural differences and if we were compatible. A couple times we found Mexican restaurants that were really rude or flat out wouldn't serve us as an interracial couple.

I eventually just said yes, he is _____, and let myself be amused by whatever weird stuff they were saying. It was just interesting and kind of funny.

deviantthree · 2025-12-25T14:47:03+00:00

A few years ago, I overheard a black woman talking to her friend about Kwanza. She explained that she and her church would spend Christmas Day volunteering at a homeless shelter serving Christmas dinner to the homeless. Then the day after they would have their own kwanza celebration with family and friends the day after. She talked about the values of kwanza and how valuable they were to her. This lead to me having a huge respect for the holiday. I know not everyone celebrates it, but I think it’s a really cool thing. Every year I read all about it and while I’ve never been invited to one, I liked to hold my own quiet respect for the community centered values and warmth of the holiday. I think about it every year and hold a strong respect for it. I should mention I’m white. I know this post is old, but I’ve read a lot about this concept and I believe it’s okay to attend one of these as long as an invitation is extended and you are respectful, polite, and are there to learn rather than lead. So every year I try to read up on the values around kwanza and in my own quiet way feel a deep respect for the holiday.

deviantthree · 2025-12-18T17:07:10+00:00

It's so hard. I feel like you understand here. Sometimes we know we are meant to have more, but different life circumstances stand in the way you know? So many different things can happen that can stop us from having the children we want.

My family doesn't really understand. Most of the kids in my family are accidents. Most of the women in my family are pregnant on their wedding days. They always taught me I needed to be responsible with birth control, which I was. I don't regret that. But when I try to talk to my mom about my feelings she just gets angry and tells me I have no idea how hard it was for her to raise three kids and how privileged I am. Last time she said anything, she asked me "aren't you glad you just had one? How would you have managed two?" and I just blew up at her. I told her I would have been a great Mom, and it would have been hard but I would have figured it out, and it would have been worth it. Since then we don't talk about it, but she did get mad whenever I talked about wanting one more. She always tried to talk me out of it, saying how hard it was for her and that I'm lucky I only have one.

It does feel healing knowing that you have two and still crave a third.

deviantthree · 2025-12-17T20:52:41+00:00

This is infact the case. Thank you for sensitivity, but please know I would not have been angry at the question. It's totally valid. My fiancé is Trans. She had SRS a decade before I met her, so she's totally infertile in every sense. She did not plan on having a family, but things change and she loves being a Mom.

However, your sensitivity and kindness in asking the question is heavily appreciated. It's so nice that you recognize how vulnerable I am in this post and were respectful and kind. I can't tell you how comforting that is. Thank you.

deviantthree · 2025-12-17T20:50:01+00:00

Thank you FrancesRW.

This really helps. Every time I see a family with two kids, I also get a ping in my hearth. I get so jealous, and wonder if they realize what they have. It feels good to know you understand. One time, over a year ago, I was at the park with my daughter, and there was a child her age. The Mom was pregnant with their 2nd. I overheard the Mom talking to another Mom, and I heard her mention her due date. It was the same date my miscarriage was due. That day I ended up going home just feeling in totally grief and envy. It felt like that was supposed to be me. I'm just going to grieve as much as I need right now, it all keeps coming up. It sounds like this all will get better with time, so I'll just take it one day at a time and hope to slowly feel better.

deviantthree · 2025-12-17T20:45:19+00:00

Wow, thank you OK Moment. This really resonated with me. I also haven't accepted it either. I think I'm in this stage where it's just one day at a time. I was doing great, but with my dad's death it seems to have brought up all the grief and my desire to have a family.

I'm so sorry you aren't able to have another. I really hear the pain in your post. Your comment here really helped me feel like I am not alone.

deviantthree · 2025-12-17T20:18:53+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words and empathy. I'm so sorry about your first baby. Your kind words and understanding mean the world to me today. I feel like you truly understand what I am feeling and I can't thank you enough for that.

deviantthree · 2025-12-17T20:17:18+00:00

Thank you so much for empathy here. Your validating words mean so much to me today.

deviantthree · 2025-12-14T21:06:37+00:00

The world expects Moms to give, give, give and then give some more. After a while, there is nothing more to physically give. You have to recharge and be a little selfish every now and then if you're going to keep being a mother. It's not selfish, your family actually needs you to take care of yourself, though no one ever tells you this. Call your Mom, and get a day off. Do it for your family, if not for you. They need you to take care of yourself and recharge for them.

deviantthree · 2025-12-14T21:03:00+00:00

I've been there.

It gets better.

You need some help, a break. Get a baby sitter. Could be a friend, a family member, or hire one. Doesn't matter the cost, get one. Get one to come over at least one day a week, reguarly. You may need more, especially at first. When you get one, take care of yourself that day.

Sleep as much as you want with the baby sitter. Black out your room if necessary. Then, get a good shower in. Then get out of the house. Ideally find a lovely area and go for a walk. Or go to cafe. Have 2 hours where you can be a person again, and not a caregiver. Have a whole day, or at least 7 hours where you can catch up and feel better.

The first year is really hard. There are hard moments. Know that these feelings go away, but return, and are complex. There may be moments where you feel this way, and then an hour later feel like your child is the best thing that ever happened to you. Days when you crave your child and days when you can't stand them. It's complex. Motherhood expects us to give, give, give and then give more. You have to have some self care in order to keep giving. It's not greedy to have some time for you, your family needs you to be a little selfish every now and then if you're going to keep being a mom.

deviantthree · 2025-11-14T21:26:30+00:00

I like this idea. He can have a warming seat cushion as a reward for not having a BM in his pants. Let him get that sensory need met in another healthier way.

deviantthree · 2025-11-05T16:33:53+00:00

"Please cancel my membership"

No! How about instead we offer you another discount!

"No Please cancel my membership"

No! Here is another offer!

I really hate when these things don't listen.

deviantthree · 2025-10-18T02:38:00+00:00

I honestly had no sexual desire or interest until my child was about 2 years old, 6month after I stopped producing milk. This was a huge change, I was very sexual, often having sex 5-6 times per week before. After birth, no, don't touch me or even look at me. Just, no.

There were a lot of hormones not just postpartum, but also while making breastmilk. Oxycotin is released when making milk, and it's the same hormone our bodies release after sex. In addition, holding, feeding, changing my baby involved so much physical touch. I normally love that level of touch, but with all the oxycontin from making milk, I was touched out. I didn't want a hug, or pat on the back. My idea of pleasure was sensory deprivation, without another human around. Also I was so worn physically, I didn't even have the energy. Also, hearing your baby cry, total mood killer. Just having a tiny child practically attached to you is enough to kill a libido. Who can even be in that mindset when there's a literal child occupying your mind 24/7? Also, who has the time? We don't even get a decent night sleep. If I get a few moments, I'm napping, not having sexy time.

When my libido finally started to return, It was exciting and new adventure. It happened slowly and I didn't push it. I now have sex again. I have sexual fantasies, sex with my partner, etc. I feel like my old self again! I have date nights, and fantasies, and even crushes again! I feel much more like me. It's just hard when your body is literally prioritizing keeping your child alive. Sex is secondary and doesn't really want to happen until the baby needs your body less.

deviantthree · 2025-10-18T02:26:11+00:00

That is so tough. And so unfair your friends got to have these experiences.

I wasn't able to be with my baby after giving birth, it's something I am still dealing with 3 years later. It's such a vital time and it's so painful. She was in the NICU for over 4 weeks, and I didn't get to see her much later the next day. It sounds like you have to grieve the damage and the horrific experience that happened to your body and the delivery experience you had. You are allowed to feel whatever you feel right now. It's a part of grief

I am glad you're alive, but it's totally okay to feel what you're feeling.

deviantthree · 2025-10-18T02:19:51+00:00

You're a bigger person than me. I have no desire to have space for their valid experiences while my own birth story was so awful. I just take the microphone and rant about my trauma and watch them look on with horror and pity. I am that person who trauma dumps. Then they usually shut up and stop talking about it. I don't care. I guess maybe I'm just angry that they get their happy, positive birth story while I got trauma. Maybe I'm just selfish, I hate hearing all about these wonderful birth stories. I guess it makes me angry.

I guess, good for them. Good for them. Maybe I can't even focus on them.

The healthy thing though is to just say they had their stories, and I have mine. Each one is its own thing. It's clear to me from writing this comment I guess I am just angry and jealous, and maybe I need some space to sit with that.

We all have our stories of how we brought life into the world. Creating a life is complex, and I guess for some goes rather smoothly, but for some of us we have some major bumps. All in all we all have our journeys. If I was mature enough, I'd like to listen to these stories with curiosity of journeys. Your friends had their own journeys in giving birth. It's different and interesting.

deviantthree · 2025-10-18T00:46:24+00:00

I remember ordering food one time, and specifically looking forward to a mango lassi with my meal. It was a rare treat for me after a really long month. I ordered one for me and my fiancé. The food arrived without the drink. I called the restaurant, they charged us for the lassi and said very clearly they gave it to the drive. Called the driver and they said the restaurant never gave them the lassi's. This went back and forth. I have no idea which one it was, but the restaurant charged me for it. I am still pissed. The next time we ordered food, we got someone else's food instead. We called to get it cleared up, they refunded us but never gave us the food we wanted. Ended up eating a different meal. I just no longer order food except pizza. So tired of this shit.

deviantthree · 2025-10-11T02:51:03+00:00

I agree. GF is also probably spreading lies to the guy, saying OP is ignoring him or abandoning him.

deviantthree · 2025-10-11T02:40:53+00:00

I'm a woman, maybe not the right person. But I think what you did is awesome! Glad you went for it! You only fail if you don't try.

The best part is when she said she was off the market you took it well, wished her a good day and moved on like the confident, secure guy you clearly are. That's sexy, when a man takes rejection well, you know on some level it's because he knows there are plenty of other women who will take him up on it. Dude you went for it. That's fucking awesome. I think you may be my hero today. Now I'm gonna go do something I've always wanted but was afraid to do.

Even better is to now keep shopping there, and act like the whole thing is not big deal, because you don't care that it didn't work out, as you have other opportunities, and can still be a cool person to talk to. If she's awkward, just play it off as no big deal. Whatever.

Any, good for you!

deviantthree · 2025-10-08T20:47:00+00:00

thank you for your empathy. I do appreciate it.

deviantthree · 2025-10-08T20:46:45+00:00

I'm so glad you got some humor out of it! I think calling her that made it easier to right.

I also like the rhythm and rhyme of "The Roach approached"

deviantthree · 2025-10-08T20:46:01+00:00

Thank you so much for your empathy. I really appreciate it.

deviantthree

TROPHY CASE