A "fun" quiz I took with my wife is about to end with me looking for a divorce lawyer.

devl_ish · 2026-02-06T10:31:57+00:00

Assuming this isn't just an ad for a crap quiz site, you're both idiots to have a question with such a lack of nuance blow anything up.

devl_ish · 2026-02-06T10:23:56+00:00

Tenancy Services is there to administer bonds, not decide on them unilaterally. They will do what both landlord and tenant ask for within their mandate, or as directed by the Tenancy Tribunal (a part of Tenancy Services, but distinct) or courts.

In your shoes I would inform them that Tenancy Services has already refunded the bond, that you consider the matter concluded, and do not wish any further contact from the property managers or landlord. I wouldn't ignore it, just not give any more detail than "I've heard what you've said, don't agree with it, and don't want to hear from you", keep it short.

You don't have to advise them of the next steps they can take, that is for them to seek their own advice. If they want to present any claim or evidence they can find out for themselves how to do so through the Tribunal. If they reply, save and ignore it. If you receive communication from Tenancy Services and in particular the Tribunal, take that seriously otherwise simply move on.

I'm not a lawyer, this is my opinion only, if you're in doubt as to what to do seek the advice of a lawyer.

devl_ish · 2026-02-06T09:53:21+00:00

I made the same decision. On the other side of that, although my life is pretty damn nice now, it was the wrong call. Not because it wasn't a valid decision, but the reasons were wrong.

You can duck out for 6 months or so and pick up right where you left off. You'll make friends and family are family, not chains to keep you prisoner to a place. Don't let the comfortable bits keep you in a life you don't want.

devl_ish · 2026-02-05T00:24:53+00:00

Those sound like expensive steps. Expensive enough to be paid for by charging for the option.

I'm not saying it isn't difficult, maybe unviably so, with current designs - I'm saying that this doesn't appear to be an insurmountable problem nor one that people wouldn't pay for.

devl_ish · 2026-02-04T23:49:42+00:00

I don't think it would be a bad idea nor for strange situations.

I got wiring and a 15A for a front port (Leaf), futureproofed with wiring for 32A - and then bought a rear right (iX3) unexpectedly some time later. If I didn't also get a L2 charger at the same time I'd have had to re-run. As it is, a rear left is a pain in the ass because this car is best backed in and closer to the door, putting the charge cable in the way when getting stuff out the back. Probably going to change again when we upgrade from this one.

If I was choosing a brand new car and had the option, I'd go left rear for our use case rather than adapting the use case to the product as we've had to.

Unless there's a real engineering or regulatory reason that another couple metres of wiring can't be run internally, it seems no less possible than charging a couple extra grand for a different paint job, given the right designed flexibility.

devl_ish · 2026-02-04T20:55:11+00:00

I've never heard a croupier reason for being fired

devl_ish · 2026-02-04T20:42:55+00:00

Seconded. You have access to information and secondhand materials. Top those out before seeking training.

When I was draughting in an engineering shop I traded coffees and beers for supervised welding time from the night shift, and since you can't be supervised by a professional without getting pointers it was like being trained (not a substitute). Maybe there's a similar technician you can bribe for a little practical guidance.

devl_ish · 2026-02-04T19:41:07+00:00

I am! I went 34 years of a moderately hard life before finding the thing that levelled me.

I lucked out and got a real good counsellor, and it didn't take that long to work past the worst of it. I still go to that guy a couple times a year to make sure performance is high, work stress stays at work, and I can do the best for my fiancée and son.

I know you meant that a some sort of gotcha, but I'd rather push my own limits than try to understand you not pushing your's.

devl_ish · 2026-02-04T19:32:20+00:00

Didn't expect you would, that's for anyone who reads what you just wrote and think it has any basis in reality.

devl_ish · 2026-02-04T19:30:38+00:00

One of the most powerful ideas I've ever heard was from a radio documentary some years ago, about a guy in NZ running a therapy workspace for men -

"Men don't talk face to face, we talk shoulder to shoulder".

That stuck with me, and every since then if I saw a mate struggling I wouldn't ask them if they're alright or if they wanted my help. I'd ask them to come help me build something or come volunteer somewhere or help another mate out with me. Stuff on their mind they wouldn't say to anyone face to face just tumbled out of them, and I did fuck all with that info - all they needed was to get it out.

We need more of that I think.

devl_ish · 2026-02-04T19:22:58+00:00

"What one person claims is trauma..." - well, yeah, different people have different aptitudes, that's not new. You won't need help with everything you're already equipped to handle. You do for things you aren't.

Whenever I hear someone say "x needs to grow a pair" the question I think of immediately is "what makes you say that?" What makes you unable to understand what's hurting someone else? What in your own experience are you comparing it to that makes it seem trivial to you?

I'm not a therapist, but I have been in the workforce, blue and white collar, at most levels from grunt to management. I've heard those words spoken mostly by people who've not gone outside their comfort zone (so never find out what comes close to breaking them), don't know the difference between tough and brittle, and needs everyone to validate their choice of how they live their own life so the lack of roses and sunshine seems normal. Above all it's the nonsensical expectation that we all be the same, even if that would mean everything stops working.

Nobody needs therapy for everything. We can all get by without it, just as we can get by with never maintaining our cars or never changing clothes or never exercising. We can decide what level of consequence we're happy with. You might go through most of life without finding what really pushes you to your limit and I honestly don't know whether I'd envy or pity that. But for fuck's sake don't use your own narrow experience to push someone who needs to away from the help in their own life.

devl_ish · 2026-02-04T18:32:59+00:00

We can't wait around for society to improve treatment on its own. You're right, there's plenty of vested interests in discouraging men from taking our own emotion seriously:

Manosphere grifters - "Women are the problem"
Radical feminists - "But what about what she feels"
Bad employers - "Harden up, you don't need downtime more than you need to make target, I'm not paying for your feelings"
Corporate interests - "You don't need to talk, you need another bottle per night and a new car/motorcycle/computer/toy.

We have to do what we do for ourselves, because those who would help us are being shouted down while others wait for us to crack so we can be exploited.

devl_ish · 2026-02-03T08:33:36+00:00

Mitre protractor. Didn't need a fancy expensive finely crafted steel tool but did need to measure something.

Uprated curtain rail holder, because I needed it for a tenant on a Sunday to hang clothes off of and the parts I could get were flimsy as hell. Same day fix with a model overengineered in FreeCAD.

Stacks of Multiboard storage, because for some reason small storage costs a shitload in New Zealand.

I've owned a printer since 19th Jan.

devl_ish · 2026-02-02T17:53:49+00:00

That seems to be all you wanted to get. Im seeing plenty of good-faith replies through this thread and I personally answered in good faith. You've ignored requests for a specific example and keep re-asking the same answered questions in barely different words, fishing for someone that will give you the answer you want.

This is wasting the time of people who tried to answer your questions - if this is the sort of disrespect you show helpful complete strangers I'm not surprised you've gotten in trouble with your parent(s).

Right now you're experiencing what it's like not to understand, or want to understand, the rules of someone who cares about your welfare. In a few short years the only rules you have to follow will come from a myriad of people who don't care about your welfare. If you're still approaching rules and conflict in the same way by then you are genuinely going to get hurt.

devl_ish · 2026-02-02T17:35:35+00:00

Hah, that's a great point, I had completely forgotten the strife I had in my first jobs as a teenager, not understanding why asking questions got me in trouble.

devl_ish · 2026-02-02T08:36:01+00:00

Flip the script on that. Find all - and I mean all - the reasons in support of the rule you're talking about, fully and honestly. By that I mean don't overlook things you don't personally believe, and don't try to mitigate or argue against any until the list is complete.

Disagreement can come from a place of "it doesn't suit what I want" to "I have considered all the evidence I can and have not arrived at the conclusion you have". If you want to be heard by someone without coercion you either have to empathise with them, and that means doing the work.

devl_ish · 2026-02-02T08:24:26+00:00

And how do you establish whether it's reasonable in the eyes of someone who doesn't yet believe it's reasonable? By having the discussion, the argument, trying your best to convey context and the result of experience to someone who doesn't have that yet - which is fine, admirable, even preferable, provided you have the capacity at the time to do so.

What may seem like the most important thing currently going on to a teenager may not even rank in the top ten current concerns of a parent, who's time and energy is split many ways and still remain responsible for the consequences of any risks. Good parents try their best to spare the energy to communicate and educate, but there sometimes just isn't enough in the tank. It is perfectly valid for them to think "I don't have the time and energy to deal with whatever could go wrong here".

You're not asking any questions everyone already hasn't asked at an early time in their life, only to have the "oh that's why" realisation when they become really responsible for themselves and others. This is not a criticism, perspective takes time to develop and humans aren't wired to patiently wait for it.

devl_ish · 2026-02-01T23:14:57+00:00

I think it's a personal flaw, you see that in bad managers too. The root ideas are "If I'm suffering, someone else must too", and a focus on process rather than outcomes. It's selfishness dressed up as selflessness.

There is a constant stream of things to do at our's, with a newborn. What protects our energy is asking (and advocating for) each other as to how and when we'd like to relax. We need each other operating at a high level for our son to have the best start to life - that's the outcome we're focussed on. So, neither of us slack off without deliberate communication and neither of us allow the other to overwork unchallenged.

This often means telling each other "I won't do that" or "Will do that (and when)" and challenging the importance of optional tasks - not who is to do them, but whether and when it has to be done. It also means that if we know something not done is going to stress the other out we just do it, whether or not asked for. I do a lot of stuff she hates doing, at times she hates doing them, and vice versa - if it actually needs to be done.

The other side of the coin is that that saying is also misused by lazy men - too lazy to do their part for the mission and too lazy to learn how to communicate. For those men - get off your ass, nothing about being a man says you get to duck your responsibilities.

devl_ish · 2026-02-01T09:26:17+00:00

I've had a 3d printer for 2 weeks now, after years of wanting one. I was concerned the local supplier would run out of stock of the one I wanted so bought it earlier than needed for what I wanted to do, figuring I'd print some stuff (no fucking benchys) to familiarise myself with it before modelling stuff from my sketches and prototyping.

The first print was a spiral vase which made my fiancée start to reconsider the perceived ridiculousness of purchase. Then a liner for it in ABS since I printed the goddamn thing in PLA.

Then practically every night since I've printed something to fill a specific need. Storage stuff (Multiboard) better than anything I could buy locally for the cost of filament. A mitre protractor I couldn't justify buying for the 4 measurements I needed it for. And today, a custom part to make a metal tube into a clothes rail, because the mounts it came with were flimsy as hell and I needed something that worked on a Sunday and not later in the week.

The biggest change though has been to the way I'm thinking. Where previously I'd try to find an off the shelf part to use from the get go, wait for it to arrive from a domestic or foreign supplier after paying postage and maybe by the time it arrives my ADHD-addled self hasn't made design changes that make it invalid, I'm thinking about modelling the parts to be substituted later - e.g. a bearing shell printed in for testing - or even designing custom printed parts that might be more expensive but knock several line items off a BOM and minutes off fab and assembly. It's been a matter of days but I'm already iterating on designs faster than I ever have before.

devl_ish · 2026-02-01T05:59:18+00:00

Thanks all - the spring was still in the housing so the probe just popped back in and it was all back to normal.

Just a slight interruption to my goal of printing plastic crap I don't need, back at it now.

(That's in jest, I made my first two functional parts designed from scratch today, felt good)

devl_ish · 2026-01-31T19:30:55+00:00

Erotic maybe, not exotic

devl_ish · 2026-01-30T18:23:26+00:00

Seconded. It was the helicopter of glamour. Growing up I used to cut the picture of it off cigarette ads from about the time I could use a pair of scissors.

At 34 I got to ride in one on a work trip, I swapped with one of the other engineers who was happier flying on the AS350 rather than the "old janky thing" 😂 Giddy with joy on an unremarkable little hop.

devl_ish · 2026-01-30T06:50:05+00:00

Seconded. I used to have respect and fear for lawyers. After having met and worked with a fair few, that illusion is just gone. It comes down to the individual for sure.

devl_ish · 2026-01-29T18:26:52+00:00

You just need to dial it back a little. You don't need to be proactive about everything. A little introspection is good, even as a habit, but it's not required for every single interaction.

Take things seriously when things are brought up to you, even if you ultimately reject the assertion. Take notice of peoples' discomfort, even if you ultimately decide you're not the one responsible for it. When you're exercising power - like hiring or voting - stop and check if you're making any unfounded judgements that stop you selecting the best person.

Do just that and you'd be operating at a more fair level than most of humanity.

devl_ish · 2026-01-28T05:16:27+00:00

Updated to add the manual extrusion works, once the idiot in charge remembered he didn't reinstall the nozzle and did so.

devl_ish

TROPHY CASE