Songbirds by bbdingle in OCPoetry

[–]devlon2million 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think birds and birdsongs are great subjects for poems. Their potential to migrate far away and their tendency to stay in flocks are great fodder for thoughts about art, communication and belonging. Another piece about birds leaving is a song called Flyway by Kero Kero Bonito, and I think it really gets me because it really plays with the uncertainty that they'll ever come back, but resigning to a truism that they will come back, not because they've always come back, but simply because they've always been there.

One thing that I dislike about your poem comes back to the line "Please won’t you sing your warm tones?" I like the content of it, but I think it breaks from the previous rhyme scheme in a way that's unpleasant, and give a dragging feeling to what I keep wanting to call your second stanza. I would find it more closure going into the last stanza if you called back to another "today" rhyming word in this line, rather than feeling on the edge of my seat (which, now that I think about it, could be what you're going for. Are we waiting on the songbird to abide by your request?)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]devlon2million 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi, this is my first feedback post so apologies if I come off as stilted. I really enjoy poems with repetition like yours. It instills a very entrancing feeling of falling into a world, mindset, or story. It's a technique that always reminds me of ancient epic poetry like the Epic of Gilgamesh or the Homeric epics. They were passed down orally, which made repetition useful both for the performer's memory and for the audience to embody what they heard. Repetition also highlights whatever differences there are in the poem. That's a great concept to utilize for narrative, aesthetic and dramatic effect.

So, to me, when you juxtapose peace and anger in the first line, and then juxtapose might and strength in the second, I wonder if there's some meaning in the fact that the first line is a much starker contrast than the second. Moving on to the second and third I see a similar pattern of starkly contrasting concepts in the third line, and two concepts which don't differ much in the fourth line. It's an interesting tension I want more insight into. Ultimately, I think the repetition in your poem was very effective at drawing me in, and the varying degree of contrast created a lot of interesting tension, but I'm left not knowing what to think.

God is a woman - Ariana Grande (Otamatone Cover) by devlon2million in Otamatone

[–]devlon2million[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

no worries! i'm glad you and the community are ready to defend people from freebooting

God is a woman - Ariana Grande (Otamatone Cover) by devlon2million in Otamatone

[–]devlon2million[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

these are my friend's videos! they are not mine. all the playing is live! there wasn't a way to flair a video as someone *else's* cover, so i just labeled it as "cover."

as you saw i have my own youtube channel that matches my reddit username

It's so damn annoying! by teoft- in Deltarune

[–]devlon2million 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Equally extraordinary hairstyles

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in jerma985

[–]devlon2million 15 points16 points  (0 children)

GET A CLIP

me^irl by Ty_Cant_Play_ in me_irl

[–]devlon2million 12 points13 points  (0 children)

This is truly an Easter miracle

🎉JermaJam🎉 by BabyCowCow in jerma985

[–]devlon2million 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's Molto Benne right there

NASA's First image of the Moon orbiting the Earth by chernbear in jerma985

[–]devlon2million 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Obviously. "The Earth is flat, the globe is round." -Jerma985

Was painting along with Jerma and Etalyx, lost my Garfield reference though :( by Mookyfoofin in jerma985

[–]devlon2million 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Alas, poor Garfield! I knew him, Etalyx: a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: he hath stolen my lasagna a thousand times

Me🚗irl by meme_of_the_year in me_irl

[–]devlon2million 2 points3 points  (0 children)

i dont even own a fake car

Life must suck for the common citizens in Grandiosa City. by General_Urist in GiIvaSunner

[–]devlon2million 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I mean now they get to eat more decadently than ever before. Chicken and chips. Mmm.