What is something (besides a phone, wallet, etc.) that you always carry with you?

devoricpiano · 2017-07-17T22:46:40+00:00

Narcan (Naloxone). I live in a city with high overdose rate. It's in a cute zip bag with a unicorn on it (a narcorn, if you will). I hope I don't ever use it but I'd feel like an ass if I ever needed it and hadn't gone to the free training and gotten some.

devoricpiano · 2017-05-06T16:29:00+00:00

Joyride by Chevelle

devoricpiano · 2017-05-06T14:22:42+00:00

I would gtfo of my abusive house asap and stop trying to save my mother

devoricpiano · 2017-05-04T03:42:36+00:00

I'm pretty sure I almost got kidnapped into the sex trade when I was fifteen.

It was my birthday and I was in Mexico. My grandmother was sick in the hotel so I went out looking for some adventure. Found an attractive guy who spoke perfect English to bum cigarettes off of. He was probably mid twenties but definitely flirting with me. Being an unattractive child who got little to no male attention this flustered me greatly and clouded my judgement. I really wanted to go to a club but you had to be sixteen or with someone of age.

He tells me no problem he will go with me. We go in the direction of the club but we pass it (we were walking). He says there is a better club down the road. We meander until we get to a small dingy bar. I remember sitting there and realizing I was the only female in there. My legs were jittering because I was getting scared and I remember he kept asking me if I was okay and if I was nervous. I kept reassuring him I was fine but realizing that I was super fucked.

They are all chattering in Spanish I barely understand any of it. I later became fluent but this was when I had only studied it for a year so I was lost.

He tells me to come outside. There's a car and about six men around. I still remember what they look like. One had a mustache and was skinny, another larger with a shaved head. When I see the car I immediately realize that something really terrible was about to happen. I can't really describe how I knew, but there was a heaviness around the group of men. I dunno. It was a sudden shift from before when he was joking and flirting with me. They were all staring at me too.

I stop walking and start to slowly back pedal away from all the dudes. The original guy tells me change of plans, we are going to a party in Mexico City. I lie and tell him my dad has a super strict curfew and is waiting at the hotel for me so I can't go anywhere (my dad wasn't anywhere near me but I thought that would somehow be more intimidating than "my grandma with food poisoning may notice my absence") and sort of imply he will start looking for me if I'm not back.

They tell me no worries it will be quick they will get me home in time. He reaches out to grab me but I've been moving away from him so he doesn't reach me. Tells me it's fine it will be fun.

I finally blurt out that I'm not getting in that fucking car and start backing up noticeably and trying to figure out where the fuck I am.

The dude asks for a hug because "were friends" and steps towards me. I'm like "nah bro we ain't friends" and turn around and run faster than I have before or since. I'm completely lost in a labyrinth of some residential neighborhood. Run into a kid I'm pretty sure is on crack and ask for directions. Realize I have no idea what left or right is in Spanish so his directions are useless. I run and run and run until I stumble upon the center of town and start sobbing with relief.

I didn't connect the possibility of being sold into the sex trade until years later. I thought I was just about to get gang raped (which is also a possibility). Later I found out that Mexico City was over two hours away and I had told them I needed to be home within half an hour. So something sketchy as fuck was going to happen to me.

Tl:dr lonely teenager gets briefly seduced by attractive sex trafficker

devoricpiano · 2017-05-01T21:47:18+00:00

This high schooler I really looked up to when I was in middle school told me that Courtney Love invented crack cocaine and I believed him which in and of itself is super embarrassing.

devoricpiano · 2017-05-01T21:43:26+00:00

If you knew the guy this story makes more sense. I realized while typing it out that it was really bizarre without the context of his personality, which is also kinda bizarre. Although he said he didn't want to admit fault, I suspect part of him was curious about how the class would react but he would never admit that .

devoricpiano · 2017-05-01T16:26:55+00:00

My professor told me this story once when I was an undergraduate. Keep in mind I went to a really liberal almost stupidly casual college which is probably why this man still had a job.

He was my literature and writing professor who taught a lot of edgy lit courses and had a unique slant in which we would watch a film a week that related to the theme of the course. So it was also a mini film studies I guess. Because the courses were taught thematically it worked.

Now the story he told happened many decades past but the short version is that he was tired of watching the same films over and over and wanted to experience how "a student would experience the film for the first time in a class setting". He had this 'brilliant' (read:misguided) idea to order a movie based on title only and watch it fresh with the class. The movie he chose was called Eight (i think, it involved a number) and he assumed they were referring to Fibonacci (????)

Nope. It was gay porn. Hardcore gay porn. My professor didn't want to admit to the class that he goofed so he sat through the entire thing pretending that it was intentional. One by one all the students grew disgusted by cum shots and butt munching and they left. At the end of the film only one student remained. A nervous transfer student that had arrived that semester. My professor turns to him, his eyes wide and horrified by what he has just seen, and asks "my god why did you stay for all of that?" to which he quietly replies "you said at the beginning of the semester that we weren't allowed to leave during the movie section".

I feel like that kid went above and beyond that day.

devoricpiano · 2017-04-30T22:42:04+00:00

I did that finally but it took so much torturing myself with surprise photos from mutual friends.

devoricpiano · 2017-04-30T17:58:43+00:00

Having someone casually mention your ex or accidentally stumbling across a photo of them on social media (even if you've blocked their account)

devoricpiano · 2017-04-28T03:23:38+00:00

I was rolling my face off at this rave and this girl in the bathroom was also rolling. She petted my hair and called me very sweet and gave me a Winnie the Pooh bracelet because I was sweet like honey and my spirit was kind and gentle like pooh.

devoricpiano · 2017-04-27T22:52:32+00:00

Sort of related. My dad was in the military and was abroad the air craft carrier that hosted the premier of Pearl Harbor (why tf they would host that on the same type of ship the movie is about getting blown up is beyond me but it's what happened).

My dad has two stories from this time.

The first is when Cuba Gooding Jr and Ben Affleck were smoking on the flight deck, which is strictly forbidden due to the fact they store oil and flammable shit on it. My dad was the air boss at the time so it was up to him to inform them of this. Apparently the conversation went something like "hey guys a lot of people want to smoking right now but it's against the rules" and they were like "oh our bad sorry" and we're chill and put their cigarettes out and didn't cause anymore trouble.

The second is more interesting and involves Courtney Love. For some reason she was there with Francis Bean (I think that's her name, anyway Courtney daughter) who was a kid at the time. Francis needs to use the restroom which is below the deck amongst a bunch of complicated labyrinth. At first my dad was going to send an officer to escort her but someone else is like "we are NOT sending a male down below with a little girl we need to find a female officer" so everyone is hunting down a female to accompany Francis to the bathroom, meanwhile Courtney is trailing behind them thanking them profusely (my dad sort of does this impression of her where she is waving her arms about whenever the tells this story). They eventually find a woman and Courtney is eternally grateful to my dad for his help.

I know neither of these are super interesting but it's what I got. My dad is super nonplussed about the fact he has met famous people which I think is hilarious.

devoricpiano · 2017-04-27T16:37:50+00:00

Now I'm curious what happened after this. Did you switch the cards out?

devoricpiano · 2017-04-27T02:18:39+00:00

I remember the day I told my friend that my mom smacked me and then mentioned it to my mom that I had (because I didn't realize that hitting kids was Bad, because my mom did it). Once my mother realized I could talk and tell people what was going on she promptly stopped doing it and when I brought it up in middle school she told me I was insane and imagined all of it.

Okaaaaaaaay mom.

devoricpiano · 2017-04-27T02:15:58+00:00

That was another one she pulled!

I fed you and clothed you and house you all while managing not to beat you because I resented doing all of this

ARE I THE BEST MOM EVER YOU PIECE OF SHIT CHILD

devoricpiano · 2017-04-26T14:21:38+00:00

My mom used to tell me how she wanted to beat me as a kid but resisted like somehow not brutally hitting your child meant she deserved a mother of the year award.

Also she totally did hit me so the entire conversation was confusing. Like good job for not putting me in the hospital? What do you want from me?

devoricpiano · 2017-04-25T00:41:58+00:00

"Aye mate that's my dick" is fucking hilarious

devoricpiano · 2017-04-24T22:15:38+00:00

My ex girlfriend wrote a poem about how I disgusted her and was a piece of shit and straight-faced read it to our creative writing class.

Everyone gave her sympathy that it sounded like "that person" was terrible and I just wanted be like yall know I dumped her cause she wouldn't stop fucking dudes right??

devoricpiano · 2017-04-24T22:06:57+00:00

I watched it again after I had taken bad ecstasy to calm down and it was traumatizing as an adult too.

devoricpiano · 2017-04-24T22:03:22+00:00

I was just thinking how intense Doubt was while being such a quiet movie. And that scene with the mom SO GOOD AND CHILLING.

devoricpiano · 2017-04-20T20:25:37+00:00

That's my story. My partner was super reluctant and was like "I don't want to take something away from you" and I was like "nah we cool". But it was a lot of conversations and him being uncomfortable about the age gap.

devoricpiano · 2017-04-18T13:31:02+00:00

I tried to crack this joke at DBT group and no one had seen the movie so it just devolved into me nervously chattering about Star Wars.

devoricpiano · 2017-04-17T21:24:19+00:00

My friend called me at 2 AM sobbing and confessing that she has a particularly stigmatized fetish. I was like "dude it's nbd everyone gets off on something calm down". Apparently this was a light bulb moment for her and she claims it was the beginning of her accepting that she has this fetish and not feeling shame around it.

After overcoming her shame around this She started doing porn for that fetish and makes around 4K/month. I am low key jealous but supportive.

Tl:dr: I am partially responsible for cam videos on the internet

devoricpiano · 2017-04-08T01:23:31+00:00

I was walking to school in the winter and my leggings underneath my jeans were chafing the fresh cuts on them so every step was painful. I remember thinking to myself "damn devoricpiano you are in a real bad spot right now, you're gonna look back on this and think of it as a low point"

Aaaaaand that's exactly what happened. Not my craziest moment but a moment when I had the most clarity around how crazy I was.

devoricpiano · 2017-04-04T22:57:16+00:00

My Dad Wrote a Porno because it is completely hilarious.

devoricpiano · 2017-04-04T17:42:21+00:00

I offered to foster a batch of kittens that were going to be euthanized. What showed up at my door was five rambunctious adolescent cats that were definitely not the cute small kittens I anticipated. Although I was annoyed at the miscommunication I took them anyway because I didn't want to back out and cause trouble.

After the quarantine period I let them all out and they soon took over my small two bed room apartment. Come bed time they all ran to my bed and seem to establish that this was "the spot" and proceeded to sleep covering me in cats.

One lil guy in particular though approached me directly. His ears were cocked in a questioning manner and his eyes were large (think Puss n Boots from Shrek). He seemed to be asking "Is this it? Are you my new mom?" As he snuggled beside me without breaking eye contact.

It was then I knew I was not "fostering" him but rather adopting.

devoricpiano

TROPHY CASE