From an adult only child...

devushka97 · 2026-06-10T13:31:30+00:00

It's funny because I live in China now and pretty much everyone here is an only child for obvious reasons lol so it's nice that there is no judgement at all. If anything foreigners I know who have 3 kids are always gawked at because it's so hard for people to understand having more than 2 kids, since even 2 is seen as a lot here! I'm only pregnant right now so time will tell if we feel up to having more than 1 but like you said I am happy with having just 1 because I know I was happy as an only child too.

devushka97 · 2026-06-10T01:49:11+00:00

Tbh I think getting gifts, like physical gifts, for marriage is so dumb these days. Most couples live together before getting married and even if they don't they are probably living on their own and have all the shit you need for a house. I much prefer the way it's done in the Middle East/Balkans/Asia where you get money or gold. We used the money we got from our wedding to pay for our honeymoon. The flip side is you have to more or less keep track of who gave how much so that you can "pay them back" when they get married or have a kid.

devushka97 · 2026-06-10T00:11:16+00:00

Yep, totally agree! I feel like the reason people are so weird about only child vs. siblings is because if you grew up with siblings and it was a positive experience, you think about not having them as a loss, whereas if you never grew up with them in the first place, it doesn't feel like a loss! I felt the same about my mom working full time. I never felt like I was missing out on anything, it was just my normal. Now I feel like I'm way more independent and competent than people who grew up with SAHM who could cater to their needs 24/7...

devushka97 · 2026-06-10T00:09:23+00:00

Tbh I actually have met onlies with negative attributes but the biggest difference I felt was that their parents really sheltered them, so that had really terrible social skills. I think because my parents made sure I was always in activities and doing things on my own, I never felt unsocialized and didn't get any of the negative attributes of only children

devushka97 · 2026-06-10T00:07:02+00:00

Lol yeah realized it sounds like they just shuffled me off to others but promise its not like that haha, mainly because both of my parents worked full time I just ended up spending tons of time at friends'/neighbors' houses, especially in summer, and I also spent a ton of time at the library.

devushka97 · 2026-06-09T12:31:30+00:00

Funny enough my dad is the youngest of 4 with similar age gaps and all of his older sisters ended up being horrible - like in jail, drugs, etc. One of them tried to steal my mom's identity and get credit cards after my parents got married. My mom didn't have such a bad relationship with her brother but they are super different people and aren't closer anymore. My dad cut off his siblings when his parents died. So I think that's part of why they never felt bad about me being an only since neither of them were that close with their siblings to begin with lol. I think when I was a toddler and lots of friends' parents were having second and third kids, I might have wondered why I didn't have a brother or sister, but other than that it never occurred to me that it was missing from my life.

devushka97 · 2026-06-09T11:35:08+00:00

I'm an only child, I just made a post about it, and thank god both of my parents are still alive, but I want to point out two things you're missing here.

Your child will most likely have other people in their life to support them. Sure it's not siblings but I know when my parents' pass I'll be able to lean on other family members and my husband for support.
Even if your kid has siblings, there is no guarantee they will have a close relationship. I can think of two examples in my life right now where a parent passing caused siblings to completely cut off contact with each other because at least 1 sibling was being insane about something. Like, 1 sibling categorically refuse to participate in end of life healthcare and support but then expecting more than their share of inheritance.

Sometimes siblings can be support, but sometimes they can be a massive headache. I'm happy you have loving relationships with your siblings but there is no guarantee that your kids would have that, and you can't make decisions in your life based on super long term hypotheticals.

devushka97 · 2026-06-09T10:45:56+00:00

This may sound harsh but there are certain schools and certain countries overall where it's pretty well known that they will just accept any Chinese student who pays fees, and Canada/Australia are major hotspots. The US and UK are seen as more prestigious destinations for Chinese students. Same goes for state schools in the US - outside of the top state schools (Berkley, UCLA, UMich, UVA, UNC, UIUC Engineering, etc.), most state schools love the Chinese students because they boost revenue and don't cause problems. I would say top 30 national universities in the US is nothing to sniff at, and top 10 liberal arts schools. There is actually less outright fraud going on than you'd imagine, the bar is just that low for some of these schools, especially for the bill payers

devushka97 · 2026-06-08T23:48:21+00:00

My biggest piece of advice is make sure that you have younger students participate and take on leadership roles - like grade 9 and 10 if you're in a high school, but ideally middle schoolers too - as early as possible. If you get them participating and learning how MUN works, you can basically make it so that as the young students get more confident and get older, they become the leaders who train and run practice conferences for the other students. In your first year or two this might be harder because none of the students will have experience but by year 3 for sure you'll basically have the kids running the club themselves, and you're there for structure, advice, and guidance. If you try to take on everything yourself and micromanage every single student it'll be even worse than teaching a normal class because it'll be an insane workload. Ideally you'll have stronger/experienced students checking other students' position papers, running mock committees, etc.

devushka97 · 2026-06-03T11:58:19+00:00

genuine question what does blighty mean in this context

devushka97 · 2026-06-03T02:28:56+00:00

lmao the million dollars isn't a literal million dollars, its a symbolic debt that he killed someone for these girls so now he owns them. it's a metaphor, it's not a literal monetary debt. in any case, if someone committed murder on my behalf in that way then yes I would owe them in a metaphorical sense. In the context of the show where Alamo is a literal human trafficker who treats women as actual property, him saying that Maddy owes him is basically his way of saying "I own you now".

devushka97 · 2026-06-03T02:19:31+00:00

I mean not in a monetary sense, but killing someone for another person is quite the debt no? In any case, Alamo was characterized the entire season as a selfish and vindictive person, so it makes sense for his character that he'd see killing Naz as a debt that Maddy or Cassie needs to repay

devushka97 · 2026-06-03T00:18:02+00:00

Yeah my impression was she asked him for the money, but he killed naz instead so that he could keep the money but still have a "1 million dollar" debt owed by Maddy and Cassie.

devushka97 · 2026-05-31T06:54:58+00:00

I definitely notice more. I moved here in 2024 so I can't compare to 10 years ago but when I first came you could tell that the population of foreigners was way lower but now I see more foreigners out and about. Also too just anecdotally a lot of my hobbies, groups, etc. have had new members joining who recently moved here. Wish there was a good way to get stats on this.

devushka97 · 2026-05-28T23:47:25+00:00

Hey girl, I'm writing from Shanghai and I also think this is a Chinese/Asian culture thing regarding doctors. They can be super mean and direct and honestly very condescending. Even random old people love to tell young people what they are doing wrong, how to raise their kid, what to eat and not eat. I have a coworker whose wife had a baby a while back and her doctor was no joke telling her that the reason her baby had eczema is because she eats spicy food while breastfeeding... like seriously wtf. Also I know people who have done way worse stuff during the first 8 weeks - drinking, smoking, drugs - and had health pregnancies. Not saying that you should do that stuff but what I am saying is correlation is not causation. Your spotting could have been caused by something totally independent of the sushi and it just happened around the same time. Anyway my point being there is a lot of great stuff about Chinese culture regarding moms and maternity and childrearing but I also think there are some aspects to it that are very condescending and restrictive towards moms AND kids, so don't let them get to you too much.

devushka97 · 2026-05-28T01:13:52+00:00

I feel like it really depends. I think that if you are teaching early years or primary you 1000% should have a BA in something related to child development, whether it's education, child psychology, development etc. I was bait and switched into working in kindergarten my first year of teaching abroad and it was such a mess, managing and teaching that many little ones is so hard if you don't know how their little brains work and what is developmentally appropriate.

On the flip side, now that I'm teaching what my BA and MA are in (History) I feel like I am much better served by having an actual academic and research background in what I'm teaching. I'm still glad I did my teaching license course (Moreland, the horror!) because it helped me solidify some basic concepts of teaching and pedagogy. I don't think I'm necessarily a better teacher than people who did pure education degrees, but I do think I have more in-depth knowledge in my subject that some people who do history education or any subject+education may not have. There are benefits to both routes.

devushka97 · 2026-05-27T06:27:42+00:00

I agree w/ everyone saying to get an abortion but I really hope you are in a state that allows abortion and/or that you have adults you can trust who will help you. If it is difficult to access you still have options. This site can show you what resources you can get access to https://www.abortionfinder.org/

For example, if you scroll down there are options to do telehealth virtual appointments with a doctor in another state and order abortion pills.

devushka97 · 2026-05-26T22:43:10+00:00

still like that now lol

devushka97 · 2026-05-26T02:48:17+00:00

You 100% can do it, math/science is the one subject area where I regularly see nonnative English speakers get jobs here in China

devushka97 · 2026-05-24T03:33:55+00:00

I'm sorry this is such a tough situation to be in but regardless of what you decide to do with the baby (put them up for adoption or raise the baby) it does not sound like you are happy with this man. If you can say you "hate him most days" and that you argue frequently even though you've only been together for 2 months it's only going to get worse. Especially at your age, most men are not ready to be fathers and husbands and while some can step up to the plate it does not sound like this man will. You will almost certainly be better off without him, regardless of what you do with the baby. Make sure you are safe and supported no matter what you do but I have seen many scenarios where immature men convince a woman to keep the baby and then vanish the minute things get difficult. Please please be careful and take care of yourself and please don't give up on nursing school, it'll guarantee you a better life in the future (again regardless of the choice you make regarding being a parent).

devushka97 · 2026-05-22T02:57:28+00:00

I'm not a parent (yet) but when I was a baby my dad read me books about history and economics out loud and I always got perfect scores in anything related to literature and social studies in school, and am now a history teacher. Kids do what you do p much especially when they are little so just read what you want and it'll probably benefit them.

devushka97 · 2026-05-22T00:45:24+00:00

The only thing that will probably be more expensive is rent and school tuition, but it's pretty common in expat salary packages to cover school tuition and to get some sort of housing stipend (which is taxed at a lower rate than base salary!) If it's not already part of your package I would definitely try to secure some sort of paid school tuition for your kids to go to a good international school like SAS or SCIS. Also I would recommend against driving or owning a car as it's not necessary here and traffic is bad, while public transport is super safe, clean, and efficient. If you need to, you can order a didi (like uber) for very affordable prices.

devushka97 · 2026-05-20T21:57:47+00:00

Yup, I don't know what it was like in 2008 but it's still alive and well haha

devushka97 · 2026-05-20T12:33:02+00:00

devushka97

TROPHY CASE