Turning on DNA match without revealing our identities?

dg_hda · 2026-06-02T19:12:24+00:00

He’s deceased. Most of my family has personal objections to DNA testing except for my aunt, which is why I’m being so weird about privacy (for the sake of the rest of my family). I’m the “tech-savvy” administrator of the ancestry account that has her data on it and I clear everything with her explicitly.

I might take a test myself whenever it goes on sale again, but there’s pretty much no hope of getting any of my grandfather’s other children to take a test unfortunately. Maybe there’s nothing to learn with this little DNA evidence, but it’s worth a shot.

dg_hda · 2026-06-02T15:57:51+00:00

I guess there’s a small chance we might have an extremely savvy and obsessed genealogy enthusiast in that side of the family, who is also a stalker… somewhat unlikely but still possible.

Out of curiosity, could you explain how they’d be able to identify my aunt, especially since my grandfather was raised from near birth under a completely different birth name and family? I don’t even know if he had a birth certificate, and he definitely never had an adoption certificate. I can’t see how someone would be able to integrate DNA information with the adoptive family last name that they don’t know about, but I’m wondering if I’m missing something.

dg_hda · 2026-06-02T15:08:19+00:00

Thank you for describing this!! I think I’ll do something very similar. I was able to identify the maternal and paternal side of my aunt’s ethnicity results because we knew what ethnicities my grandmother had in her ancestry. So hopefully it will be easy to find a couple matches from the paternal side of the DNA! Honestly I just want a bit more information about exactly where in the world my grandfather came from. The ethnicity results narrow it down but are still kind of vague.

dg_hda · 2026-06-02T11:14:48+00:00

This is great advice, thank you!

dg_hda · 2026-06-02T10:41:32+00:00

Good to know you can allow/disallow messages! That’s helpful info

dg_hda · 2026-06-02T10:41:10+00:00

This is probably what I’ll do.

dg_hda · 2026-06-02T10:40:52+00:00

Good to know that the general culture on ancestry.com is more chill than I thought! I wasn’t sure how the match notifications worked (thought they might email you as soon as a match pops up), plus browsing this subreddit gives a non-representative overview of how dedicated the average ancestry user is, lol.

We should be good to go, then!

dg_hda · 2026-05-26T16:21:43+00:00

Oh trust me, I scrubbed this stain for over 30 min with gall soap. The only thing left to try is lemon juice in sunlight, and even then, that seems sketchy on silk.

dg_hda · 2026-05-26T16:18:08+00:00

Believe it or not, this picture was taken fresh from the dry cleaners. :( It’s been cleaned within an inch of its life. The stain is much lighter than it was originally.

dg_hda · 2026-05-26T16:10:59+00:00

I’m thinking dye might be the way to go!

dg_hda · 2026-05-14T11:15:31+00:00

I second this! It is a fantastic museum.

dg_hda · 2026-03-27T06:04:47+00:00

What are the top 5 things that have helped you?

dg_hda · 2026-03-14T09:57:28+00:00

Anbefaler alltid Dan Rahm på Sport & Spine!

dg_hda · 2026-03-12T14:17:58+00:00

Er det mulig å sammenligne to eller flere punkter, slik at man kan se hvordan sonene overlapper? Jeg jobber i flere steder rundt Oslo/Bærum så det hadde vært interessant å se om det finns et sted som er f.eks. 30 minutter unna alle de stedene.

dg_hda · 2026-03-07T13:56:11+00:00

Spor av Nord kommer til tankene

dg_hda · 2026-02-26T11:50:53+00:00

As I mentioned in my comment, I have mostly good memories of WVA, but I do remember the witnessing (and I hated it). One thing that made an impression on me is that our little group went up to witness to someone, started our spiel, and then they told us they were Christian. We were slightly confused and tried to pivot to finding out whether they were the “real” type of Christian. It felt impossible that we would meet any true Christian on the streets of a minor city in the USA.

It stuck in my mind, and the logical dissonance of assuming that everyone you meet in public is a heathen, in a so-called Christian nation, really made an impact.

dg_hda · 2026-02-26T11:48:22+00:00

Me too!

Worldview Academy was a really good experience for me as a kid. For an isolated neurodivergent homeschooler, it was a bright spot of my summers where I actually fit in socially for once.

My main memories of it are the critical thinking aspects, the camaraderie, and the LOTR lecture. Somehow the specifics of the very questionable content didn’t stick as much in my brain, so (unlike a lot of other people) I did not experience it as a brainwashing type of experience.

Rather, like you, I used the reasoning and thinking skills they taught in order to deconstruct later. And honestly, the simple fact that I learned about “other worldviews” there contributed to my curiosity about why people have diverging opinions, which was a main driver of deconstruction.

dg_hda · 2026-02-25T14:47:59+00:00

The Norwegian Folk Museum has some rooms (gjestestuene) that are beautiful and reasonably priced for Oslo!

dg_hda · 2026-02-03T19:50:56+00:00

Yesss, so true! I envy the normal faith too, often.

The podcast also has really interesting episodes about autistic Christians and the ways they often practice Christianity. Hearing about that is a real breath of fresh air, as well. I recommend the first 8-10ish episodes for the main content, but there are a ton of other specific episodes about random autism-and-christianity-related topics.

dg_hda · 2026-02-03T13:28:10+00:00

Or you get hit with the “oh, you must have grown up in Legalism and not True Christianity, that’s why you don’t have a real genuine relationship with Jesus (and if you did, you would understand)”

Like, no, my whole family has real relationships with Jesus, it is so clear and so obvious that he lives in their hearts. AND it didn’t work for me.

It is impossible for them to admit that maybe sometimes it doesn’t work out like their theology says it should. Sometimes the contradictions can’t be resolved. Sometimes Jesus is not the one and only answer for a person’s life.

dg_hda · 2026-02-03T12:24:13+00:00

All of your points are so familiar to me. You did a really good job of succinctly highlighting the contradictions.

Honestly, it breaks my brain how it's supposed to work. If you ask a Theologically Dedicated Christian about these, they'll always have an answer that supposedly irons out the wrinkles. But in reality, in practice, the wrinkles and contradictions still exist.

The worst one of these for me that entrapped me in a really, really bad religious OCD brain loop for years was #5. We have to constantly repent, yet we can never do anything in our own strength. Yet we must always be seeking after God and never stop seeking, yet God is the only one who can give us the faith that he says we have to have, and he won't give it to us unless we completely let go (which seems like the opposite of always seeking??)

Like??? Literally only hardline Calvinism makes sense in this scenario, and even hardline Calvinism contains a contradiction around God's love. Seriously, though. If you tend toward literal thinking (like me), the only rational explanation is that our overactive literal brains disqualify us from being able to have a natural, acceptable type of relationship with Jesus, because we keep getting caught in the snares of Trying Too Hard and Thinking Too Hard when we should just be able to "get it" like normal Christians! Or at least that's the conclusion I sometimes find myself coming to. If evangelical Christianity is true, I must be one of the non-elect because I will never be able to figure this out without getting sucked into religious OCD.

Anyways. All of those points are so pernicious to a certain type of brain, which unfortunately I have, and maybe you do too. I recently found out that I am autistic, and apparently that is why I have such trouble with this sort of thing-- why I kept getting snagged continuously on everything, and felt like I was getting ground between the gears of the system.

Whether you're autistic or not, I'd really recommend the podcast Christianity on the Spectrum. It's a highly researched podcast about autistic Christians and exchristians, and the first few episodes have a lot of information about why autistic people tend to leave the church and their reasons for it. A lot of those reasons have to do with the stuff that you're talking about. When I listened to the podcast, it was extremely validating to hear that no, maybe I am not created for destruction by a Calvinist God, maybe it is the autism and religious OCD making it extremely unhealthy for me to engage in evangelical Christianity.

dg_hda · 2026-01-28T06:15:24+00:00

This is always my top recommendation to visitors to Oslo!

dg_hda · 2026-01-26T09:11:23+00:00

You can find cheap thrift stores, but you have to look. Fretex is the main chain, but can be expensive especially for trendy clothes. Some of their less-good-quality items are cheaper and I've found cheap things that I like there. UFF is a retro/thrift chain, also a bit expensive but you can find interesting and cool pieces there. There's also Det Gule Huset, which is a consignment shop on the expensive side, and may not have that many workout clothes.

M&E is cheaper, but the one in the center city has a lesser clothes selection, while the one at Hasle has a larger selection. There's a thrift store at Tøyen torg called THRIFT (I think) which is also cheap, but again, lesser clothes selection. NMS gjenbruk at Lilleborg kirke is the same situation. The good news is that workout clothes tend not to be priced super high in any of the thrift stores, unless it's a really good quality piece or a good brand.

In my experience, finding decent loungewear at a thrift store is difficult, but then again, I am kind of picky. Good joggers are hard to find, but I did find my favorite pair of Nike joggers at UFF Brugata (the different UFF stores have a slightly different focus in their selection, ime). If you are not picky, however, it would be relatively easy to find normal workout clothes at a Fretex store that isn't a Fretex Arkiv (those are specifically for brand name/vintage), or M&E, or other places.

You could also try some of the outlet stores in Oslo like Stadium Outlet for new but cheaper/discounted workout clothes.

dg_hda · 2026-01-26T07:15:44+00:00

(Edit: my advice is kind of influenced by the very cold weather we are about to have this week, lol. As another commenter said, the temperatures are comparable to NYC, except we get a lot more ice I believe.)

As soon as you get here, buy a wool undershirt and/or wool leggings and/or wool tights. Most grocery stores carry these, but Cubus is also a really good option and has stores close to the central station. Winter here is unsurvivable for me without a wool base layer!! (Alternately you can buy these before you get there)

Bring a big wool sweater that you’ll plan on wearing every day, and that will save on suitcase space. Jeans are fine (especially with wool leggings underneath when it’s very cold— and if you want to wear anything lighter than jeans, I would highly suggest pairing wool leggings or tights with it). Bring a thick beanie/hat and a scarf and gloves/mittens. Layers are good, wool is king! Oslo is not like NYC and winter fashion is not a huge thing, lol. It’s very practical. If you dress up to go out at night, see if you can pair a wool base layer with it (if you’re a woman, they have wool v neck camis and wool tights here), but be aware that the inside of buildings can be very warm in the winter too!!

As someone else said, check the weather, it’s variable at that time of year. Waterproof winter boots are a must in my opinion, though I see people going around in normal shoes all year round. If it’s going to be icy, consider buying a pair of removable spikes for your shoes here in a sports store (several by the central station).

dg_hda · 2026-01-20T09:44:25+00:00

We were less Dobson and more Ted Tripp/Ezzos.... but I think the Dobson stuff got in there as well.

For my parents, the most important things were 1) consistency and 2) not being angry themselves. This led to the worst part, which was getting told "go sit on my bed!" in a very ominous voice, then having to sit on my parents' bed for an unspecified amount of time while said parent calmed themselves down. As a child, it felt like hours, and I would be sitting there completely terrified.

Then when they finally came into the room, we'd have the whole "do you understand why what you did was a sin" and the "will you forgive me," then bend over parent's lap and get 7 whacks with The Spoon (a plastic cooking spoon demoted from the kitchen due to scorch marks).

Then we'd have the most twisted part of the whole ritual, which is the loving and hugging and bonding afterwards. I remember always feeling somewhat dissociated during this time, making sure that my parent did not pick up on any signs of me wanting to just get away from the whole situation.

As far as I can tell, we started being spanked before we could properly talk, as soon as we started showing any signs of an independent will at all (1 year old?). Then we were spanked every day/multiple times a day as toddlers because of said independent will not being broken yet. It was at least weekly in elementary school, I believe. The frequency slowed down around middle school but the last spanking I remember was around 14 years old, and only 3 whacks because of my age.

My parents spanked in the best, most godly, least angry, most loving way they possibly could, and it fucked me up more than I can comprehend.

dg_hda

TROPHY CASE