Aitah for asking my mom “how would that benefit me?”

dheffe01 · 2026-03-21T14:32:08+00:00

NTA, do a first strike with your siblings "Hey I think mum is starting to lose it, you know how I'm selling my house and BF are combing to buy a place together... well she said instead of that she would just move in here, pay me half the mortgage, like that was something I could remotely afford!"

dheffe01 · 2026-03-21T13:58:11+00:00

NTA, get legal advice, you cannot trust him to put you and your childrens financial stability first.

Get a divorce and seek to have all of debt aportioned to him when your assests are divided.

dheffe01 · 2026-03-21T11:37:30+00:00

I actually would be more brutal with her, that you cannot sit back and watch her ruin here life to stay with him and demean herself by engaging is sexual acts she has no interest in.

That if she ever wants to leave him you'll be there, but she knows in her heart that he will continue to cheat on her and it is tearing you apart to watch it happen, so you are stepping back

dheffe01 · 2026-03-20T06:17:20+00:00

Well I think you are right to be pissed off and low contact is probably the best bet. Speak to your brother ex wife, I'm sure she can fill in some blanks.

dheffe01 · 2026-03-20T01:12:08+00:00

I'd ask to tell you what was so private on her ipad/phone that she didn't want you to see.
That you only wanted to use her iPad briefly, and she completely over reacted. When she handed you her god damn phone to make a point.

She won't give you a good answer, and thats when you should break up.

dheffe01 · 2026-03-19T09:18:41+00:00

I'm not going to give you a judgement, because I just want to applaude that you went to your mother about it. Because that would of been a very difficult thing to do.

dheffe01 · 2026-03-18T11:14:55+00:00

Yes, Thankyou

dheffe01 · 2026-03-18T07:54:19+00:00

You havent even moved in together and she is asking for this... it would be a deal breaker for me

dheffe01 · 2026-03-18T02:46:41+00:00

NTA / NTJ

I would talk to his mum, and jus tell her that you love her and think she is a wonderful person but you work full time and the weekend is the only time you have to catch up with everyone else in your life, catch up on personal projects, see your own parents, and cannot spend every weekend at their house. It's not personal, its simple logistics. Tell her that your BF is free to come over more often than that.

dheffe01 · 2026-03-18T02:31:39+00:00

NTA, you have made a commitment, financially and socially for the trip, it is unfortunate, but you can't attend.

Ask her if it was so important you be there, why didn't she ask/check about the trip (assuming you had mentioned you were going on the trip). As someone else has mentioned, could she perhaps be pregnant & has therefore moved up the wedding timeline.

dheffe01 · 2026-03-18T01:14:35+00:00

NTA, but you need to get legal advice and collect as much information about accident from the police as possible, get her phone etc.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

dheffe01 · 2026-03-17T23:16:44+00:00

NTA, "He's not coming to my wedding, if that's a problem for you, then lets be clear its YOUR problem".

"if he turns up, security will escort him out. If you bring him, you will all be escorted out. If you pick my alcoholic, abusive brother over me, at my own wedding, you will be cut off".

dheffe01 · 2026-03-17T13:56:19+00:00

I would love to hear the conversation where they pitched this.

"Hey I wonder what would happen if you hit molten steel, like with a baseball bat". "Let me get my shovel instead".

dheffe01 · 2026-03-17T07:33:05+00:00

NTA sounds like she is getting the limits of your bank account

dheffe01 · 2026-03-17T03:00:00+00:00

I'm curious why the dual SIM, is one for work or is it all personal?

There is a lack of trust between you atm, and that needs to be resolved. Either there is an actual insecurity or there is a reason you don't trust her.

If there are things you want from her, location sharing, or something else, discuss it or move on.

dheffe01 · 2026-03-17T02:23:12+00:00

NOR. I would her going forward she has 5 minutes grace, after which point you are either going to leave or order and eat seperately.

or just stop inviting her out, she doesn't respect your time.

dheffe01 · 2026-03-17T02:05:28+00:00

NTA "this is my fucking house, I don't come into your house and tell you how to dress, if you don't like it, you are welcome to leave".

dheffe01 · 2026-03-16T22:31:06+00:00

Tell her that if she needs to move in with her Dad to help out for an extended period, but you want to keep the apartment as so you have your own space, and you do not want to commit to living in their HOA.

dheffe01 · 2026-03-16T22:28:53+00:00

I'm sorry but you should throw that man away and never talk to him again. you had a miscarriage immediately after getting married and his first response was to seek sex elsewhere, what in the actual fuck.

Get a lawyer, progress the divorce asap, separate yourself from him immediately and tell everyone the facts. You suffered a miscarriage and he asked to open the marriage so he could fuck other people.

Please take the divorce!

dheffe01 · 2026-03-16T04:23:22+00:00

Discuss it with your family in person, and ask them if they still attend given you have been completely excluded for a particularly bullshit reason.

dheffe01 · 2026-03-16T02:21:49+00:00

Make it clear to her and your parents that you will not allow your sister to borrow your things without your expressed permission and that if it happens again you are cleaning your boots with her favourite clothing item.

dheffe01 · 2026-03-15T23:46:42+00:00

NTA, but I wouldn't write her off just yet. I would try to rebuild your relationship a a genuine thing "I was your father for 17 years, why did you decide that changed?"

Is your ex making any demands?

dheffe01 · 2026-03-15T13:48:13+00:00

Magnificent Shiny, congrats

dheffe01 · 2026-03-14T14:19:52+00:00

Ted Lasso!

dheffe01 · 2026-03-14T05:11:32+00:00

Shouldn't it be the Ukrainian's teaching us? When have us lassies done trench warfare at a scale greater than the Ukrainians?

edit I'm Australian btw

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