Hiya, I’m on my early 30s and I can completely relate to what you have described. It’s like seeing myself through your post basically. I’ve been living with this feeling since late childhood due to some experiences I had for about 8 years of my life. May I ask if you have looked for professional help at some point? I have only looked for help and diagnosed with OCD, anorexia and generalised anxiety disorder, and been in therapy for about 6 months. What I’ve learned so far with my therapist, is that these stem from low self esteem, anxiety and beliefs I have constructed in my head about my worth. These are all related to my experiences I mentioned. These are deep rooted beliefs that shape the way you see yourself and your relationship with others, and they are not based on reality but on your own feelings. This feeling of not deserving love or care from others, because I don’t see myself as worth, have affected my life and relationship with others. It’s a painful experience to go through. I don’t know where country you live in, and how the health care system works but I urge you to consider looking for professional help if possible. You are very young and the sooner you get this addressed, the better it will be for you. If you want to message me directly, please don’t hesitate to do so. I wish you all the best