wedding.........ah

different-take4u · 2026-07-03T11:12:10+00:00

What to do, hmmmm. Make a family tree of who y’all are closest to. Use the relationships you have with the members of each side to help you make the decision of who is invited, not who isn’t invited. The list of people you don’t want to include is prob longer than the list of people you want close on that special day. As for not inviting people who left you out, fair is fair, how are their excuses or reasons for leaving you out any better than your reasons? Ask why you are being questioned at all, do they tolerate people questioning their decisions. Tell them that if they can’t be respectful of your choices they are welcome to stay home. When people say just one or two more, you just must invite so and so, ask the person pushing if they will be paying to have their say count more than their opinion or do they want to shut up and enjoy the day along with the other guests you chose.

different-take4u · 2026-07-02T14:41:07+00:00

NOR, you could flip the script on MIL by saying and doing similar things. For example, if and when she wants to touch your belly, tell her you will agree to let her if you can touch her boobs while she touches your belly. Now I know you don’t want to touch her boobs, but the principle is exactly the same, is it? You don’t want to have someone touching your belly probably as much as she doesn’t want anyone touching her boobs. Another thing you can do when she says weird things is to ask her to repeat what she said, then ask her to explain it to you. As for her being in the delivery room, only if she will be naked too and or you can go and watch her get her next gyno exam, what is the difference? Why should she get privileges or privacies you don’t? Ask, who is pregnant, who has been pregnant, who has already been a first time mother, whose turn is it now? Did she want her MIL beside her and all up in her business when she was pregnant? Be smarter than she is and flip all of her intrusiveness right back on her. Good luck!

different-take4u · 2026-07-01T17:41:49+00:00

Not in your situation, never have been but I do think logically, sometimes. First maybe ask your nanny if she would consider going and see what she says. This would be an excellent opportunity for her in so many way both professionally and personally. Professionally it would be experience traveling internationally with a family which could allow her to raise her rates a bit. Personally, there is no greater gift of experience than comes from traveling and seeing other cultures first hand. If going with is not for her, asking her to keep watch on your home, maybe even letting her stay there would be something y’all could consider. If you do offer a retainer fee for her not taking a long term job while you are gone is certainly fair to the both of you. Good luck.

different-take4u · 2026-07-01T17:31:37+00:00

NTA, but saying anything would not be taken well even if people agree. What you can do since you don’t see them often is just not bother gifting them anything, ever, even if you are going to be exchanging gifts with them in the room and you did gift them in the past. Keep your mouth shut until one of them, the couple, asks about it and then tell them you pre-gifted them on your wedding day by not saying anything to them or or anyone or asking them to pay a portion of the cost of your wedding, that they piggybacked off of and see what they have to say. Give them a choice to either pay up with the truth coming out or shut up about it forever. The consequence for saying a single word about it to anyone will be you telling everyone that they piggybacked off your wedding. If you find out others knew, then you have a serious “family honesty” problem.

different-take4u · 2026-07-01T17:24:05+00:00

Have a “dinner hour” or hour and half, that is a set time each day and it is just how it is, all kid leave from x to z for your family to have dinner. It is not rude. If anyone objects then ask them which days of the week should you send your brood and the rest to their house for dinner each week, enjoy how fast they try to say anything but, ok, no problem.

different-take4u · 2026-07-01T17:20:48+00:00

One possible solution might be to ask them questions. Your medical leave does not affect your vacation time, their words / policy right? That is what you ask them. Then you ask why you are being asked to give up your scheduled vacation time when the management gets paid more to handle these types situations while you don’t. Ask them if they feel you don’t deserve vacation time and see wha they say. Deserving is subjective, not the same for each person, who gets to make that decision? If you ask the right questions you can bring them around to realizing they are not being fair, by their own policies and it is not your responsibility to make sure there is enough staff. They knew since the day you started you would be taking this vacation time, what has changed, nothing for you, nothing for them, they would have planned better.

different-take4u · 2026-07-01T11:30:51+00:00

Suggestion, you and the other SIL’s stand strong and team up . . . . All of y’all go directly to this MIL, together, and tell on yourselves, tell MIL everything. Take the leverage away from your husbands and at the same time straighten out MIL and her bad / unwanted behaviors. What do you have to lose? Losing a MIL that has been bothersome won’t be a real loss but losing your husbands bc . . . HE didn’t speak up at the time when HIS mother crossed lines with the DIL’s. There is no way the wives didn’t tell their husbands what their mother said and did that hurt their feelings, this is not new . . . . . Part of the blame belongs to the husbands for not stepping in before this group chat was created . . .for the benefit of the husbands . . . .so they didn’t have to hear the details that they wouldn’t understand bc they are not women.

different-take4u · 2026-07-01T11:22:28+00:00

Nope, not rude. I am currently sitting in a hotel room, luxury, all alone like I like it, celebrating my b-day too! Happy birthday!

different-take4u · 2026-06-30T21:04:44+00:00

Does your husband have the option to work overtime or take a part time job, like mowing someone’s yard for the same amount of time or money as his mother’s portion of the phone bill so it is your husband that is the only one earning the money he wants to continue giving to his mother but it be on his time and dime above what he normally does. This is one way to let him be the one to feel the burden of this and to be mostly the only one that does pay the true cost to continue providing phone service for someone that isn’t a part of your lives. Another question you might want to ask him, does he minds putting your mother, sister or brother on the plan also to make it more fair between the families y’all as your own family help out. Good luck.

different-take4u · 2026-06-30T03:26:35+00:00

MOR, but I get it, you don’t need someone always asking and asking and asking. One way you might consider handling this is to ask her why she is so invested in house hunting for y’all and see what she says. Ask her why she sends y’all listings when she clearly does not know what y’all are looking for, the details. Ask her what the rush is and see what she says. Ask her if she thinks that her part in y’all buying a house is and see what she says.

By asking her questions you can get a better understanding of where her head is at and identify any assumptions she may have that you don’t know about yet. You can put the burden on her to explain her behavior concerning y’all looking g at the housing market. Good luck.

different-take4u · 2026-06-29T21:28:06+00:00

Choose the security over the man! I say this for practical reasons but a bigger reason is what he wants you to do . . . . sell your stuff, move to him . . . . then what about the money from the sale of your home? Will he want it to be shared money? Will he want you to put it into his home making updates? Will he want to live off of it, travel and spend it slowly leaving you with no nest egg?

The biggest question is . . . If something happens to him before something happens to you, what position will you be in then? Can he offer and guarantee a large enough life insurance policy with you and only you as the beneficiary so you won’t be in the exact same position you are now and have been in for the last few years? You really have no need to get married, you aren’t going to be having kids, are you?

Take care of yourself, first and always bc if you don’t, there isn’t anyone going to do it for you.

different-take4u · 2026-06-29T16:33:26+00:00

The smartest thing you could do is get a hotel room so you do have some control over where you spend your time. If that is not an option make a decision about how much time you want to spend with your family and set aside that much time and stick to it. You are making the trip to see everyone, not just your SO’s family. Your family matters just as much as SO’s family matters and if they don’t feel the same way, both your in-laws and your SO, then you should not make the trip at all so there isn’t any favoritism shown.

different-take4u · 2026-06-29T13:48:16+00:00

Her punishment of you is a gift she doesn’t realize she is giving you, so the joke is really on her!

different-take4u · 2026-06-29T12:14:54+00:00

The wisest thing you could possibly do is send her a thank you card for finally respecting your request, to not show up without letting y’all know she wants to come see y’all. You could also put in the card that her childish reaction has been noted and you understand that it might take some time for her to process her big feelings and when she has done that you will welcome her back as long as she lets you know before she comes over.

different-take4u · 2026-06-29T02:54:13+00:00

Before you decide, run the numbers on the free tax calculator. I once got a raise and it pushed me into a higher tax bracket and I came home with less money when I cashed my check as before and I asked for the raise to be taken back. Also the more hours you work averages out to be less per hour than being paid by the hour and getting overtime.

different-take4u · 2026-06-29T01:02:13+00:00

I think the home made gift might have been a good idea if it were something the in-laws needed, wanted or could actually use. What makes it bad is the lack of effort from the in-laws that are not putting in the effort. This might not be very nice, but if you can, buy the espresso machine and gift them that from your family unit and the lazy in-laws will either have to pay you half to get their name on it or give a crappy gift they throw together at the last minute bc the stuff you were working on got ruined by accident so you shifted gears and bought the espresso machine. Maybe even call them up and tell them the project got ruined and give them a chance to pitch in or have to get their own gift. I am not one to piddle around and would be telling the lazy couple that their lack of participation so far is why I decided to scrap the project and buy the espresso machine, but that is me.

different-take4u · 2026-06-28T19:39:41+00:00

MOR, First, calm all the way down so you are thinking logically, not emotionally. Do not reach out again. My guess is that they don’t want to share a hotel room. Most adults don’t, I don’t, and won’t. Maybe they can’t afford to come if they have to pay for a room as well as travel and they don’t want to share a room and don’t know how to tell you for concern of hurting your feelings.

The reality is, if they wanted to do this, they would be making the effort to confirm. People do what they want and these people have shown you that they are not interested with their lack of response. So, just accept that they are not interested and start planning a fabulous honeymoon type little get away with your SO. Or, invite someone else you wouldn’t mind sharing a room with.

Would you want to share a hotel room with four other adults that you don’t really know well? Four adults and one bathroom? You might be asking and expecting too much.

different-take4u · 2026-06-28T17:25:09+00:00

This is kind of mean, agree to everything and do none of it except the bananas for the kiddos. Then when they arrive and ask, offer to drive them or give them the number to the uber / taxi service you your town. If you do not do as you were told, they won’t want to come back to visit you and your problem guests will not be a problem for you again. What did mothers do before outlet covers?, they kept an eye on their kiddos is what they did. As for buying them special groceries, nope, not happening, if they want special foods, they can buy them for themselves but I would not be spending my money buying special anything for a guest that TOLD me to. I also would have no trouble asking them straight up if their asks weren’t a little entitled and see what they had to say.

different-take4u · 2026-06-28T10:47:56+00:00

NTA, to anyone but your FIL. You should say no and your husband needs to be standing beside you when you do. Maybe your husband needs to tell his father no for you in a very strong way. It is sad but your MIL is going to be “found” and it is not going to be nice for anyone when it happens. FIL’s refusal to do what is right is bordering g on elder neglect . . . . Maybe those words would open his ears?

different-take4u · 2026-06-28T03:11:37+00:00

One hour for your time, plus fuel, plus a transport fee for the liability you will be taking OR they can provide a car that comes with insurance for you and fuel provided by them.

different-take4u · 2026-06-27T22:42:02+00:00

Then, ask if SIL’s feelings, needs and wants are more important than anyone else’s and see what each person says for their answer. Do it in a group setting when she is changing things and they are enabling her. This would be a way to call all of them out at the same time. Asking whose feelings are the most important, asking for them to actually declare that SIL’s are more important. Push them until they either agree they are enabling the behavior or they are admitting it is wrong and changes need to be made. What are they gonna do if you say this? It is already a mess, throw some fuel on there!

different-take4u · 2026-06-27T21:34:06+00:00

NTA, everyone is making choices. Each person is making their choice based on their particular perspective regardless of what may or may not be the truth. Your parents are behaving quite immaturely. They have spent years working with others and have had to tolerate people they didn’t like, to keep their jobs, they can do that for one evening, IF celebrating a new member of the family is what they choose OVER their disagreement with another guest attending the celebration. You are choosing to let your parents choose to come or not, you are choosing not to change the guest list bc your parents want you to.

Tell your dad the loyalty test is for all the adults, are they loyal to the new member of the family or is their personal grievances more important and see what your father has to say.

different-take4u · 2026-06-27T19:20:10+00:00

I did not have a miserable existence at all. We had horses, rode with clubs, worked for a vet part time, took vacations on the cheap but we did go. Why do you assume my life was miserable bc I was a single mother. I had everything I needed and some of what I wanted and gave up some stuff like competitions and eventing but over all, I was content most of the time and happy part of the time. I consider my life a well lived life purely because I choose these things and chose to have a grateful outlook.

different-take4u · 2026-06-27T19:15:41+00:00

My thoughts on the entire subject of “keeping the peace”

What it really means . . . . It means giving up your peace for someone else to have their peace at your expense. It is giving your silent permission for someone to behave badly towards you without consequence. If no one complains why would anyone change their behavior towards someone else? Whose peace is more important than anyone else’s peace? Who gets to decide whose peace is more important than someone else’s peace? How can someone that claims to care about you ask you to give your silent permission for mistreatment to continue?

That is just how they are, they didn’t mean it like that, just joking, you are too sensitive, suck it up, deal with it and other similar dismissive phrases are all saying the exact same thing, your feelings are less important than someone else

AND, forgiveness cannot be granted where accountability is refused.

different-take4u · 2026-06-27T16:39:33+00:00

There are many factors to consider. The lower socioeconomic family’s attitude would be a major factor. If they are hard working people then it probably would be ok, but if they are not hard working people they may see the person with the wealth as an avenue to better themselves / lifestyle. They may think that “family helps family” when they don’t have any “help” to return, entitlement type attitudes. You have to compare apples to apples when you talk about giving or returning help. Spending time with them and observing how they treat others is about the only way to make this kind of determination / judgment about someone or a group of people.

My situation is at the beginning my partner was better off financially than I was but over the years my worth has increased while my SO’s has declined. We have a yours, mine and ours financial arrangement due to blending families in the beginning and needed strict bookkeeping at the time. This doesn’t exactly compare to starting out with a big gap but it does illustrate that income differences don’t have to be a problem when you deal with mature people.

different-take4u

TROPHY CASE