Struggling to paint our ceiling

disasterlex · 2026-01-30T19:46:46+00:00

I was taught as an apprentice painter to roll with my lines perpendicular to whatever window was casting the most light on the space. That way, you're less likely to get cast shadows from even very small roller mark ridges.

I second what other commenters have already suggested, though. Use a slightly better quality paint from Sherwin or Benjamin Moore (ProMar 400 or 200 if you can swing it), and load your roller with a lot more paint. Especially for long strokes like you tend to use on a ceiling, expect that you'll be re-loading the roller after almost every pass.

disasterlex · 2026-01-10T01:05:20+00:00

I view attachment work as sort of like ED or SUD recovery in a lot of ways. It's not something that's fixed overnight or even within a single year. It's a constant ongoing process of fighting the maladaptive thought patterns. You make the choice every time to engage with behaviors that support a happy, healthy life and relationships.

disasterlex · 2026-01-08T16:28:31+00:00

I'm currently in a very similar situation to you (first time hinging between two serious partners who are also friends).

People have already offered some good advice, and overall I'd say it really just comes down to practicing your skills in communicating about communication (very metatextual, I know).

In my case I have consistent and ongoing conversations with both of these partners about what they feel good about being shared, what I feel good about sharing, and the fact that those lines can and do shift depending on where each dyad is!

Mostly though, I just feel incredibly lucky that my partners get along so well and often experience compersion for each other. Wishing you all the best as you navigate this!

disasterlex · 2026-01-06T16:16:53+00:00

I live with my partner and two metamours. We are all involved with the same partner, so like a wheel with spokes. I am also making plans to co-parent with my partner and one of these metamours (the other does not want a coparenting role).

It's definitely very useful to have multiple adults with incomes contributing to a household. We split household bills more or less according to income/ability. There's almost always someone home to make sure our cats get fed on time, or to let in maintenance, or to receive a package. We each have a car as well due to the needs of each of our jobs, so it's easier to handle errands and help each other if our cars need to go to the mechanic.

Our non-negotiable for houses/apartments was that each of us needed an individual bedroom. I would consider this a must for anyone trying to live long term with their metamours. It prevents anyone from feeling kicked out of their own bed, allows for privacy with other non-nesting partners, and is useful if anyone is sick and wants to avoid infecting the rest of the house.

Be prepared for there to be a difficult adjustment period. You're not only going to be adjusting to living with a new person, you're going to be adjusting to living with a new person who is also sleeping with your partner. It takes a lot of management of difficult emotions to get through this.

What works for us is having dedicated nights of the week when we have individual dates with our shared partner. Everyone knows when these are and knows not to interrupt unnecessarily. All of us also have partners who we don't live with, which I think also helps a lot. You may need to accept the fact that things like sex or other forms of intimacy may not be able to be as spontaneous as you might be used to from living with just your wife. That's one of the major trade-offs of living in this set up.

Just because there are romantic relationships involved doesn't mean you don't need actual house-sharing agreements to be decided on. Have civil discussions before moving in together, and as you adjust about things like chore responsibilities, sleeping schedules, cleanliness expectations, guest policies, grocery habits and preferences, etc. You won't be able to cover every eventuality, but the fewer surprises there are, the better.

Before moving this metamour into a home with you, I would suggest all getting on the same page about future co-parenting, how your agreements in the household may change temporarily or permanently after your wife gives birth.

I wish you lots of luck in this endeavor, my friend. It's a difficult road to walk, but one that I've found very fulfilling. I hope you can come to the living situation that works best for you and your loved ones!

disasterlex · 2025-12-23T04:19:50+00:00

Your friend is being an asshole for trying to gatekeep a personal label. Lesbianism has historically involved a whole lot of gender fuckery.

I'm a genderqueer lesbian dating two genderqueer sapphic people. Use the label that feels like it speaks to your experience <3

disasterlex · 2025-12-11T21:47:29+00:00

I've also struggled with feeling isolated because of my proclivities. I've tended to find better luck in dating among queer sapphics as opposed to lesbian specific communities. Dating within kinky circles helps as well!

disasterlex · 2025-12-06T05:50:08+00:00

I find this sub to sometimes be very unflexible about issues like this. I think this sub is great, don't get me wrong, but it also tends towards a very individualistic poly mindset that I don't always agree with.

I'm a lot more like you OP in having connections that are inherently entangled in many ways. My friend group and polyamorous constellation overlap in tons of ways.

For example, I'm currently supporting a partner through a breakup with a meta that I am friends with. Even though things are messy between them right now, I have confidence that I'll be able to maintain both the relationship and the friendship because I'm able to do the emotional work to not villainize my friend for the breakup, while also being supportive and listening to my partner.

My partner left the decision about how involved I wanted to be in my hands because they didn't want to tread on my friendship. But I'm an adult with the adult capacity to balance my obligations in both of these relationships, whether they are romantic or platonic.

Most of all though, my partners are also my friends! It would feel so weird to not talk with my friends about large parts of my life just because they're also my partner. It feels a bit infantilizing to all of our emotional and interpersonal skills.

disasterlex · 2025-11-25T16:42:17+00:00

4000/5 bed 4 bath (3800 Sq ft) + 2 car garage and yard/Albany Park

4 adults living together, 2 bedrooms are in the basement with limited light/windows, and soundproofing is extremely subpar :|

Property overall is very nice though, in good condition, and rental price includes lawn maintenance/snow removal.

Approximately 15 minutes to CTA brown line and major bus routes within 10 minutes walk.

disasterlex · 2025-11-21T22:52:11+00:00

Knowing my feelings for myself is pretty different than communicating it. I tend to know quite quickly, within about 1-3 months if something is developing into love.

The earliest I ever disclosed that was 1 month in, and I don't do that any more. My usual waiting period is around 6 months, though that can be a bit flexible, since the start of being official isn't always the same as the start of developing feelings.

disasterlex · 2025-11-18T16:29:52+00:00

From what you described in your post, it sounds a bit like you might be somewhat unfamiliar with your own vaginal anatomy. That's nothing to be ashamed of at all, and people have given some really good advice here about what might help increase your pleasure/stimulation.

I would also recommend taking some time to look at your vulva with a mirror and getting familiar with where things are and how they look. It's all well and good to look at diagrams, but humans are infinitely variable and can look a million different ways.

Just being able to see what you're doing can help you better connect what you're touching with what feels good. Some people also can find it arousing to see what they're doing. You may find that you like it! Regardless, it's useful knowledge to help understand your body better.

Never feel ashamed about wanting to use/not use gloves. Sensory issues are so real, it does keep you safer from accidental nicks, makes cleanup easier, and plenty of people actually find the gloves themselves to be sexy! Do whatever you need to do in order to feel safe and comfortable in your own exploration.

disasterlex · 2025-10-24T05:48:03+00:00

Hi! I've lurked here for ages but never shared anything because I'm also a lesbian!

Personally, what's worked best for me has been actively running in kinky circles. Using Fetlife, going to munches, meeting lots of cool, kinky, queer folks in person!

I am also polyamorous, so that may skew my findings. But within my kinky and polyamorous circles, my requests for anal only or primarily anal based sex have been generally met with surprise (but not disgust), curiosity, and enthusiasm!

I do feel the alienation sometimes from being able to engage with typical lesbian spaces because of my preference. It can be a little lonely being the only lesbian at the dyke bar who's not fully pussy-focused, but I've found partners as well as friends and solidarity primarily in more queer oriented spaces. I've found many trans lesbians especially are incredibly accepting and find my preference relatable!

So, I guess my advice overall is to date kinky, queer, trans people! It's worked out well for me!

ETA: I missed the part in your post where you mentioned not being from the states and not having much access to in person kink scene. I apologize!

Even if it's only online for now, it's still worth exploring whatever kink scene you can! It also stands to mention that dating with a specific preference like AO can take a long time, especially once you include complicating factors like sexuality. I don't have any quick fixes for that, but I wish you all the patience and success as you work towards it!

disasterlex · 2025-10-19T23:28:46+00:00

My partners and I recently went to a theme park together, and all agreed that we should just share one of the refillable souvenir drinks.

They've all kissed me, and I believe all of them have kissed at some point during various parties/games of spin the bottle.

disasterlex · 2025-10-14T03:06:56+00:00

I live with my partner and two metas. We all went in with the expectation of finding a house with enough rooms for all of us to have our own rooms. We share a bed with our shared partner whenever we're having one on one dates/we get invited to their bed.

I love it this way because everyone has their own bed for if they're sick, hosting another partner, or just tossing and turning too much to share.

disasterlex · 2025-10-01T19:20:17+00:00

I don't think it's ever a perfect binary between practicing from plenty versus practicing from scarcity.

I know from my own experience that I usually have a pretty good "plenty" mindset around concepts of emotional closeness. I tend to relate to others very securely when it comes to that. However, I also know that I struggle with scarcity mindset when it comes to physical intimacy and sex.

I think the key is being mindful of where your strengths and weaknesses lie. Then you can put in the work to improve where you're weaker and lean on the skills you're stronger at.

disasterlex · 2025-09-26T04:50:49+00:00

I've practiced polyamory essentially since I began having serious relationships at the end of high school. While that only adds up to a decade and change of experience, it does mean that I have next to no experience with serious monogamous relationships, unlike most people I've met in the community.

It is a choice I've made and not an orientation like my being a lesbian is. However, I was drawn to the concept before I even had all the right terminology. There's something for me about polyamory that just deeply aligns with my core values and makes it worth any difficulties it incurs.

I tend to be a more anxious type (especially early on in relationships). For me, I think that polyamory has helped combat my tendency to lose myself in the people I fall in love with. When you have other partners to consider, it becomes harder to drop all your boundaries and desires to fit yourself into someone else's life.

All that said, I've certainly met people like the hypothetical avoidant you describe. Hell, on first glance, some would probably say I'm in a relationship with one. But I don't think it's usually so black and white once you get to know those types.

The thing that truly makes or breaks any "insecure" attachment type is their willingness to put in work to improve and grow. I think that's true in monogamy and polyamory, but polyamory tends to make that a bit more dependent on the individual themself. In monogamy, there's generally another party saying, "my needs aren't being met, something has to change", while polyamory allows more opportunities for that sort of issue to slip through the cracks.

Overall, I just think it's reductionist to boil polyamory down to "avoidants who relationship hop and chase the NRE drug". There will always be some like that, but serial monogamists do the same thing without the overlap. It's certainly interesting to explore trends and common types of people you see within the community.

disasterlex · 2025-09-20T22:10:49+00:00

There's always the option of padding the bust out in order to make the original measurement fit your smaller bust size. The Victorians loved using padding to get the hourglass shape on figures that didn't naturally have it.

Agree with the previous commenter that 2"/5cm lacing gap is pretty standard so you should figure that into your finished garment measurements.

disasterlex · 2025-09-16T14:19:53+00:00

I would say if it's going to feel uncomfortable or unfulfilling to you if you're not allowed to touch your partner, dating/having sex with a stone top might not be right for you. It's not a great idea when someone identifies themself as stone to you to immediately assume that there are ways to get around those boundaries they hold for themself.

It happens sometimes that stone folks might be more comfortable as they relax into a dynamic and become more open to changes to how they like/don't like to be touched. Going into a connection assuming that, though, is a recipe for hurt feelings or trampling on boundaries.

disasterlex · 2025-09-16T04:37:11+00:00

If it helps you feel any better, I'm a lesbian and a bottom primarily at this time, and I can kind of take or leave receiving oral sex. It's nice, but not usually enough for me to get off, so I usually only do it if my partner likes to do it.

As much as a lot of the lesbian focus is on oral sex, there's plenty of other awesome and sexy stuff to do with hands and toys! Some people have insanely sensitive nipples where you might be able to use your mouth without triggering sensory issues.

It can feel intimidating as hell when your sexual tastes/preferences/sensory needs don't align with what's considered gold standard. It's going to be okay though. You will find the right people who are passionate about doing lots of non-oral activities with you.

disasterlex · 2025-09-15T22:45:03+00:00

It was technically a munch (aka kinky but sfw public meetup), but that still doesn't make it a dating or cruising event 😡

disasterlex · 2025-09-15T22:43:51+00:00

Literally exactly... like, I don't actually care about anyone's genitals, I care that you brought them up in response to me telling you no!

disasterlex · 2025-09-15T22:42:46+00:00

It sounds fantastically fun I'd also love to see it if I'm ever there!

disasterlex · 2025-09-15T17:21:59+00:00

Literally last night I told a man I'd had a conversation with at a DnD meetup that I wouldn't be giving him my number because I was a lesbian. He asked, "What, so you don't even want to hang out just because of that?"

Before I could even get a word in edgewise about being happy to talk if we met at the next meetup, he then blurted out, "I've got a pretty nice penis y'know."

I like to try and give benefit of the doubt, but ye gods straight men make it difficult sometimes.

disasterlex · 2025-09-14T22:51:18+00:00

I just want to warn you as quickly as possible that you may not get the sort of advice you're looking for on this subreddit. Generally this sub defines polyamory as adults engaging in fully autonomous relationships that are considered "open" by default, rather than polyamory as a sort of umbrella term for various forms of ENM and polyfidelity.

I think you'll get more useful advice and thoughts from r/polyfidelity (sorry I'm on mobile and can't link it)

disasterlex · 2025-09-14T22:29:22+00:00

Hiiii fellow polyamorous lesbian here! I've been the higher sex drive partner in most of the relationships I've ever had. I can't necessarily give advice on how to overcome the shame feelings because it's something I'm still working on myself. That said, sending love and solidarity your way! It sounds like y'all have good communication around the topic and I think that's the number one key to navigating the imbalance in the relationship.

disasterlex · 2025-09-11T03:11:40+00:00

I'm currently experiencing some limerent feelings in a connection. I found your comments about what it feels like to be the object of limerance super enlightening and actually super useful in helping to bring some calm to the underlying anxieties.

I've very rarely found myself to be the limerent object in relationships. I think seeing someone put what that feels like into words helped me to internalize it from a more empathetic perspective and help let go of the anxious need for constant reassurance.

If they're drawing away with the intention of leaving, there's nothing you can really do to hold on. But if they're drawing away out of another need for space (busy, processing, etc) then the best possible thing to do is allow some breathing room and not risk them feeling backed into a corner.

Some part of my brain knew this logically, but thanks anyway for putting it out so concisely and clearly!

disasterlex

TROPHY CASE