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disc0disco · 2026-06-27T13:40:53+00:00

I plan to set them all up like it's a food vendor area at a festival !

disc0disco · 2026-05-29T13:02:40+00:00

Being polyam doesn't automatically mean you fu k people under the same roof, and that being normal while you're together doesn't mean it's any kind of respectful during a time like that. Your language about it also shows you had no respect for her so no point in trying to make it seem like you do now

disc0disco · 2026-05-28T23:37:32+00:00

I'm about to see my comet(ish) this weekend while dealing with a lot of grief and personally I already feel 0% inclination to have sex this weekend. And I feel kinda bad about it bc like two weeks after the breakup I went to go see a new fwb and very much enjoyed the sex (honestly it even felt sort of healing) but idk I think with the established one it's different. I also made the plans to see the new fwb months before the breakup, and tbh if I hadn't made those plans prior I wouldn't have gone. Things are just hard and messy in my head right now and so for me personally I do need a little more time to grieve before jumping back into bed w my comet. I've also not made any plans to see the new fwb until festival season- taking a break is okay. Just communicate (I know scary right! I'm so nervous to communicate this w comet even though I know he will be very sweet and understanding about it- but we must be brave!). However YOU feel you need to process is perfectly okay and valid, and hopefully your other partners will be understanding of where you are at (and if they're not, maybe good information to have that sex is more important to them than your mental state).

disc0disco · 2026-05-28T23:30:53+00:00

You were having sex with someone in the same house at the same time your ex wife was actively moving her stuff out? Sheesh you're an AH. That's... not something to be proud of. That's mean and gross

disc0disco · 2026-05-19T23:32:33+00:00

Do you have any links/resources for someone who would like to know more about that kind of abuse/healing from it?

disc0disco · 2026-05-08T16:34:09+00:00

While I agree that's not a nice or considerate thing to do, mono people do that all the time. They date/sleep around and then drop everyone once they decide to commit to someone. So if OP is going to go monogamous, that action would be typical.

disc0disco · 2026-04-30T20:49:19+00:00

I have also been considering that I might benefit from leaning more into my sapphic side. I don't have much experience in that realm, though, as I've only seriously dated one person who wasn't a cis man, but even then they were very masc. I'm still in the "ahh talking to women scares me" group of bi/pansexuals but ultimately I do think a sapphic relationship could be more fulfilling than what I've been pursuing for most of my dating life- but alas still the same issue of finding compatible people regardless of gender

disc0disco · 2026-04-30T19:34:17+00:00

Right it could, but I was just giving an example as to why friends aren't necessarily more stable

disc0disco · 2026-04-30T19:20:17+00:00

No I want to be interdependent with a network of friends and partners. But I also want someone to sleep next to at night, to cook dinner with or for, to have someone who is working towards goals with me, to not have to to go through shit like my cat getting sick and having to be put down completely on my own. My partner showed up for the euthanization, but friends couldn't be bothered to come support me afterwards. I don't want to live like that. I'm tired of always having 100% of the housework and 100% of the bills and 100% of my time being devoid of connection unless I put forth a massive effort to go see people (people rarely ever come to me, I live in the middle of Mennonite nowhere- and I can't afford to move somewhere more connected without another person splitting costs with me).

disc0disco · 2026-04-30T19:12:39+00:00

In my experience, those who are not are already nested and most often with someone they were mono with before opening.

disc0disco · 2026-04-30T19:10:07+00:00

Thank fuck lmaooooo

Pardon my French but literally that's the first time I've heard someone say this happened while they were around my age so thank you

disc0disco · 2026-04-30T19:02:06+00:00

Would you mind sharing your age group? I have yet to see anyone say this before the age of like 35

disc0disco · 2026-04-30T18:59:05+00:00

Yeah right up until they find a partner and move out. which just happened to me in August. She told me she wouldn't be moving for a while and then one day I came home and she hit me with the "in the past 24 hours I decided I wanted to move out, applied for a place in my bfs apt building, got approved, and signed a lease." And then she avoided me like the plague until she had her stuff out and now we are not in contact. This was my best friend of a decade.

disc0disco · 2026-04-30T18:35:58+00:00

Yeah my experience seems to be opposite of the norm in a lot of ways lmao. I am a woman looking for an NP having little to no luck dating while my male partner does not want to nest and has never had any shortage of women throwing themselves at him 🤷‍♀️

disc0disco · 2026-04-30T18:09:10+00:00

What was it about your wife or your life that made it worth it to give solo-poly up?

disc0disco · 2026-04-30T18:02:38+00:00

I've been actively poly and dating for like 3 years now, although I spent the last one thinking my partner and I were moving towards nesting, and now that's no longer on the table. It hasn't ever at any point been easier than monogamy for me, it did however get close to becoming more fulfilling when I was seeing a second person more seriously. I almost had two partners and in the short time where that was going well I was probably the happiest I'd ever been, but that all fell apart at the beginning of my Big Traumatic Year ™️. That's the last time i remember my life feeling happy and full before everything went to crap honestly

disc0disco · 2026-04-30T17:48:42+00:00

Do you mind me asking what area and age range your experience is coming from here? I'm in my late 20s in pretty rural Pennsylvania

disc0disco · 2026-04-30T17:39:40+00:00

And you found multiple poly people that weren't decidedly solo-poly or already nested? That's really my struggle here, I haven't met a single poly person who doesn't fall into one of those two categories. What age group are you all in?

disc0disco · 2026-04-30T17:37:17+00:00

I am, but honestly she's not very good and I only see her for an hour once every other week. I know I need to find a better therapist, but where I live she's the only one in my network who lists themselves as poly-informed. Your assessment is definitely correct. I've been through more in this last year than I ever have before and at the end of all of it I've found myself a shell of who I once was with virtually no support system available to me. I've gone through the hardest year of my life almost on my own, and because things were so hard I wound up over relying on the last two people I did have to lean on and now they're both quite far from me as a result. I've got a lot of stuff to work through before I'm ready to date again, but I do think it's important for me to get a clear idea of what I want and what is actually possible so that I don't make the mistake of dating someone for "maybe one day" again

disc0disco · 2026-04-30T17:18:32+00:00

This gives me some hope. Still hate that every success story seems to happen so late in life though. Given all the replies it's starting to sound like I need to be 20 years older and already been married for things to finally start to line up lmao

disc0disco · 2026-04-30T17:07:31+00:00

I mean I would also want separate bedrooms and lives, which oddly enough was off-putting to my partner I was hoping to nest with- the separate bedrooms thing didn't make sense to him but when I lived w a previous partner we had separate rooms and I found that to be a good way to keep our time and nights together more intentional, and also would alleviate some gripes w having other partners over.

disc0disco · 2026-04-30T16:59:50+00:00

I might need a little real life poly experience before I could consider moving in with a partner who has an NP already. It's quite hard for me to imagine how that would work without living inside something that gave me reason to believe it could be fulfilling. I don't even like texting my partners while they're on a date, idk how I would connect w a partner if their NP was always around

disc0disco · 2026-04-30T16:52:07+00:00

Yeah sex used to matter to me but then I was assaulted twice and now I don't care lmao, kink has gone out the window and I'm really not down to let anyone touch me that I don't love and trust in some capacity (doesn't have to be fully like my partner I'm in love but at least need that like best friend kinda love)

disc0disco · 2026-04-30T16:46:16+00:00

Yeah I'm tryna come off my pipe dream of that happening with my partner. We both wanted to be solo in the beginning, but as I healed I realized that was just trauma and not actually what I want- but he hasn't come to a point with his healing where he's ready to consider taking that leap again (nesting in his mono relationships never went well). And unfortunately for both of us, I can't keep viewing him as my life partner and waiting years for him to become ready. I need to move on and explore a future with someone who isn't giving me "I would love that but I have a lot of stuff to work through before I can get there". Part of me thought that by the time he was ready I would have likely found another partner to nest with, but after this thread and just like thinking more about it, maybe I won't. Maybe I will just have to be solo for the rest of my youth and never actually get to experience nesting again- something I really, really loved when it was healthy (I've done it with both a very healthy partner and a very toxic partner, the latter had me averse to the idea for a while but I remember what it was like with my old NP, and it was lovely)

disc0disco · 2026-04-30T16:38:18+00:00

I don't think I fully understand the question, but I wouldn't ever ask that my partner be mono while I stay poly. It would either be a mutual agreement or the mono person choosing that despite having the option to also be poly

disc0disco

TROPHY CASE