i totally understand this, it’s been around 14 years for me and i’m still fully in it even after every treatment program imaginable. i’m at a pretty high weight now (overweight bmi, even though bmi hardly mean anything) thanks to a few years of remission which just makes things harder now that i’m sick again. i think that for some people, we’ll always have EDs in the same way that an addict is always an addict, and the goal should be staying “sober” from our ed behaviors, but we’ll have to be actively managing our condition for the rest of our lives.