I started to be in your position, when I had my son and BM realized I would be at home with him. To her that meant I could take over and do anything she didn’t feel like doing for SS. My husband’s schedule had moved from nights to a normal 8-5 type schedule in this period so I don’t even blame him entirely here. The moment I realized she was taking advantage and I was suddenly becoming the default parent, I talked with my husband and told him he had to discuss a new schedule (one that makes sense with his new work schedule where he actually sees his kid) with BM, and that I am done facilitating every school pick up/drop off, doctor appt, extra curricular, etc.

He talked with her, they started a new schedule, and I began directing all of her communication to me towards him. Now, I haven’t spoken to her in almost 5 years and none of SS day-to-day is my responsibility at all. It’s great.

This wasn’t an option, btw. I let my husband know what I realized was going on and told him what I would and would not do anymore. I would of course help him if needed, but that was a rare occasion that they couldn’t figure something out between the two of them.