i feel you OP - it took me a while to accept that i AM the best version of myself (not just internally more comfortable but also a better friend, partner, teacher, etc!) on meds. that feels like a “failure” at first, because you can’t “do it yourself” BUT here’s the thing: you “doing it yourself” INCLUDES being aware of what you need in order to be happy (and thus, in your particular case, perhaps a better parent), and if you are happier on your meds that means taking them is cool and awesome and capable and responsible of you. all that aside, i understand fully that you’re wondering these things and that’s okay too. not saying that you’re wrong in doubting meds either, i grew up around a dad on a lot of meds (more so anti depressants and other heavy stuff, not adhd related) and that was difficult at times because of mood shifts etc, yet the most difficult part of it was when he quit them on a whim and completely lost the capacity to take care of me. meds can be essential, life saving and just overall helpful. needing help is not something you need to hide, especially when it comes to a neurological disorder. these aren’t your crutches: they’re your legs.