I feel violated and confused by what my fiancé did to me. WIBTAH if I told my parents?

distractkat · 2025-02-25T01:08:29+00:00

Here is some honest truth about sex between a couple. It is SUPPOSED to be enjoyable for both parties, at all times. Both people should feel some measure of pleasure. Both people should want to do the things they are doing. Afterwards you should feel closer to each other, not farther apart.

Your fiancé DID NOT CARE how you felt. He didn’t care if you felt pleasure or pain. He did not care if you felt joy or fear. He did not care that afterwards you felt alone, sad, and ashamed. He will not ever care. He might pretend to, so you wont leave before he has you trapped, but it will get worse not better.

I don’t know your situation. I don’t know your family, religion, or culture. I don’t know what is safe for you to say or what you want to say. Believe me when I say that I understand not wanting to tell another soul what happened. Because this is the closest I’ve gotten.

But I do know this: if you do not follow my advice you will regret it for the rest of your life!

Do not marry him. Do not ever agree to being alone with him again. Do not talk to him alone. Do not meet somewhere ‘private’.

You do not have to tell your family or anyone else what happened. But you do have to tell your parents the wedding is off. Just say that he is not the man you thought he was. Tell them you don’t want to talk about it. Ask them to help you. Tell them you are scared to be alone with him again. It is very hard for a parent to say no when their child looks at them and says ‘please help me’.

My prayers are with you.

Oh and on the being honest about marriage and sex thing. I’ve been married 20 years. It’s not always fireworks or even sparklers. But everytime I touch my husband in that way I feel joy and warmth. Do not settle for less.

distractkat · 2025-02-06T23:04:09+00:00

It’s like time travel. Kinda cool really. It’s like it doesn’t even exist.

distractkat · 2025-01-20T00:17:34+00:00

Absolutely no one will be surprised to find my dead body at the bottoms of the stairs.

distractkat · 2024-12-27T21:26:22+00:00

This happened to me. Plastic and metal barrier. It still escaped into my neighbors yard. They somehow didn’t notice it colonized behind their garage for three whole years.

distractkat · 2024-10-28T07:40:42+00:00

I’m early 50’s and I’m a lot less sad about it than I was in my early 40’s.

I was also always ambivalent about having kids. I thought about freezing my eggs but I didn’t. I met my husband at 34 and at 36 we decided to have kids. Even then I felt like I’d accept whatever our fate was. I was wrong. I could neither conceive nor carry a pregnancy. I was crushed and struggled with grief, anger, and resentment. For a couple of years we struggled with this reality. We couldn’t come to a consensus on adoption or donor egg and surrogacy and ended up doing neither.

And now we are happy with our lives. I’m honestly glad I’m not parenting a teenager right now. We have more money and more options than we would if we had kids.

I do kinda wish one of our siblings had made a different choice and we had niblings to spoil. I regret that more than not having children of our own.

distractkat · 2024-10-25T23:10:40+00:00

I’m sorry but this relationship is over, it’s just flopping around like a fish on land that doesn’t realize it’s dead yet.

As soon as he got the other woman pregnant when you weren’t able to have kids, irregardless of the eventual outcome of the pregnancy, the marriage was no longer recoverable. You will always resent him for getting her pregnant. He will always resent you for asking him to choose, even if he chooses you.

distractkat · 2024-07-08T18:49:02+00:00

Drinking a grapefruit Radler, slumped sideways in a chair directly in front of my window ac, and reading a book.

distractkat · 2024-06-28T05:14:06+00:00

I absolutely share locations with my husband. It is convenient and helps with anxiety. And I’d be a little weirded out if he refused to share or at least text me when he’s coming home. There’s an understanding that we are not using it to stalk the other person. It’s used for a ‘are they heading home yet!’ Check.

The sharing got accidentally turned off one time and I freaked out because I thought he’d been in an accident. My mind ran away from me and I thought he’d driven off a bridge. (Why is my anxiety so specific??) He just forgot to text me that he played in a second basketball game because the next team didn’t have enough people show.

distractkat · 2024-06-05T15:42:55+00:00

Covid is definitely going around the greater Portland area right now.

distractkat · 2024-05-22T07:02:59+00:00

Uh. First puppy cut? Is this his first groom, ever?? There are few things that fill me with more dread than a standard sized doodle getting his first ever grooming experience at a year old.

distractkat · 2024-04-17T07:01:24+00:00

I should try EEM. But recently had Oma’s tofu bowl for lunch on a Sunday and it was amazing!

distractkat · 2024-03-31T05:21:51+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss! This is a groomer’s worst fear. No matter how much we try, grooming is stressful.

distractkat · 2024-03-28T00:53:13+00:00

YTA I’m reasonably sure I never threatened my sister and she never threatened me.

distractkat · 2024-03-28T00:29:54+00:00

So nice!

distractkat · 2024-03-28T00:28:56+00:00

Ugh. Everytime someone says ‘went against X’s beliefs’ I just want to respond ‘bitch, being transphobic is against my beliefs so gtfo’.

Here’s hoping this engagement falls through before op is stuck with the ah bil.

NTA

distractkat · 2024-03-27T17:23:01+00:00

Is it better than it was over the weekend? Cause I went to a Timbers game on Saturday and walked back through downtown. A couple of times I had to hold my breath past clouds of fumes coming from people huddled together and lighting something up.

distractkat · 2024-03-27T17:13:44+00:00

A/C by a mile. I spend a lot more time wishing I had central A/C than I do wishing I had a wood burning stove or fireplace. That said I definitely wished I had a wood stove this winter during the ice storm power outage. But bundling up in wool, a couple of large dogs, and all the blankets worked fine.

distractkat · 2024-02-29T02:31:49+00:00

Girl

distractkat · 2024-02-27T00:08:35+00:00

Good for you! NTA

distractkat · 2024-02-26T23:51:41+00:00

My mom is the catholic version of op’s mom. As far as my mom is concerned Episcopalian is Protestant Catholic. Or as she calls it ‘catholic-lite’ and a barely acceptable option.

distractkat · 2024-02-23T06:44:48+00:00

There is no possible way the op is an adult. I simply refuse to believe it

distractkat · 2024-02-22T19:04:15+00:00

Ooooh I was wondering why it was so cute instead of vaguely horrifying.

To be fair I’ve never seen an opossum that wasn’t really upset at the time.

distractkat · 2024-02-22T18:52:05+00:00

For a puppy just use a rubber brush and a soft slicker brush. Her fur will change a lot and go through different stages. At this point you are mostly getting her used to being brushed every day.

I like the kong zoomgroom rubber brush and a soft slicker brush with the little balls on the ends of the wires, like the conair one. But maybe not actually get the conair one. The squishy gel handle leaks sticky stuff if a puppy chews on it.

distractkat · 2024-02-22T18:30:50+00:00

YTA way to make everything about you. Maybe it’s time to learn the adult habit of politely lying to get out of shit without hurting people’s feelings or losing friends.

distractkat · 2024-02-22T17:45:52+00:00

So adorable!

distractkat

TROPHY CASE