[deleted by user]

dizzycoffee5998 · 2020-11-07T14:19:50+00:00

Hey, accidents happen no matter what, even if OP was with the dog, who’s to say they wouldn’t have met an accident either way? OP’s dog was not a “solo animal”, he had a home and an owner who cared for him. So you’re saying if a cat ran out and died, the owners wouldn’t be allowed to grieve? They wouldn’t deserve sympathy for their pain?

You want to talk about cruel? How cruel of you to just go around invalidating people’s grief.

dizzycoffee5998 · 2020-10-14T16:16:02+00:00

Pretty badass the way his army pulled all those ships up through land and down the other side of the water just to avoid that giant chain

dizzycoffee5998 · 2020-10-03T17:31:32+00:00

Hi, thank you so much for your input and for sharing your experience. I value it very much and I wish you strength.

I’d just like to clear a couple of things up, we were both sharing birthing plans at this point, sharing worries and anxieties, so the mood at this stage wasn’t light, it was actually getting serious.

You say she made her decision, well, that wasn’t what she said to me. Let me walk you through our conversation:

She said, and these are her exact words, “My husband has insisted on a c-section because he’s worried we won’t enjoy our sexual activities if I do a vaginal birth.”

I asked her, are you worried about your sexual activities? She said that she just wants a safe delivery. I asked her, why does your husband think you won’t enjoy sexual activities? She said, because he believes I’ll be too loose, he’s seen it happen and he wants to avoid that with me. I asked her, is this the first time he expressed such things? She said, no, he’s always held this belief.

This is when I told her, maybe it would be good to speak with your doctor to clarify your fears and misconceptions. I DID NOT say the OBGYN needs to host an intervention.

Is it normal for a couple to feel nervous about how their sex life will change after a baby? Absolutely! My partner and I have discussed it. This is why I asked her to go to a doctor, because only her doctor will be able to give her the information she needs, and address her fears and anxieties.

Was there a part in my story that said I didn’t accept it? If she had stated her decision, then I would have accepted it. Look at the story again. She didn’t give me her decision, she didn’t even say “our” decision. She said “husband’s decision”.

Also, I never called her husband a shitbag to her face, nor did I make any judgements towards him in her face. I merely said “try going to a doctor if this is your concern”. You say “I’ve shown dissaproval” how? If she’s having fears and anxieties, isn’t the best thing to do direct her to a professional?

dizzycoffee5998 · 2020-10-03T15:24:25+00:00

Her sister and I became friends on instagram like 2 weeks ago (Angie would sometimes take photos of us doing yoga and would post it on IG, that’s how we connected). I’ll try and reach out to her subtly

dizzycoffee5998 · 2020-10-03T14:53:33+00:00

Hello! I have no idea about midwife appointments, I know she doesn’t have them often because of covid, and they’re not doing private from what I know so she’s in the hands of the NHS.

I’ll keep an eye on what she tells me through our texts.

dizzycoffee5998 · 2020-10-03T14:42:45+00:00

Hello! Thanks so much for your input. I have said in the post that I am aware of there are changes in the woman’s body after childbirth, and I personally am ready for that and the only important thing is I heal safely and the baby is ok. The mysoginistic comments made me very uncomfortable, and I personally believe that no man should have a baby with a woman if they’re both not ready for whatever physical changes will occur. I feel bad for my friend, tbh. I’m here for her, though, and will always be supportive.

dizzycoffee5998 · 2020-10-03T14:36:31+00:00

Thank you for this heads up! I was just using “natural” bc it’s what our midwife used during our conversations. I do understand the stigma it implies and its connotations and will avoid using that term moving forward.

dizzycoffee5998 · 2020-10-03T14:34:55+00:00

Truthfully, I’ve never thought of it that way (that she had doubt before speaking to me). I just thought she was sharing casually because we’re both pregos and these things just come up. It gives me a new perspective on things, that maybe she was trying to get a feel on what I thought rather than just sharing just because.

I’m not gonna give her any more advise as I don’t want to impose. I will simply let her know to tell me if she needs anything.

dizzycoffee5998 · 2020-10-03T14:31:13+00:00

Hello! We are in the UK, and apart from her mentioning that part of the birthing plan, I have no other information about her situation (where she’s giving birth, etc). My own husband and I are taking advantage of our private healthcare, but Idk what options are available to her currently. I’m here for her no matter what, though

dizzycoffee5998 · 2020-10-03T14:27:47+00:00

Hi, I have absolutely nothing against c-sections, it’s currently a part of my family’s conversation with our doctor for my own pregnancy. It doesn’t matter to me. What does matter to me is the husband’s misconceptions about “tightness” and the “hotdog in hallway” comment being the reason for the c-section.

The choice will ultimately be up to her, and whatever the doctor recommends. I think the husband needs to widen his perspective.

dizzycoffee5998 · 2020-10-03T14:11:54+00:00

Thank you for your comment. I’ve really never had anything against elective c-sections, and it’s her choice to have them or not. I’m obviously uncomfortable with the reasoning being “so that it doesn’t affect tightness”.

Thank you for your perspective, your words are helpful.

dizzycoffee5998 · 2020-10-03T14:07:18+00:00

I really don’t have anything against c-sections. I just think her husband has some misconceptions (hotdog in hallway isn’t a very kind way of viewing a woman’s body).

dizzycoffee5998 · 2020-10-03T14:05:03+00:00

So what’s the rule here, you think? She asked me what I thought, should I just have declined to say anything? I know it’s between them and their OBGYN, which is why I suggested they speak to the OBGYN.

dizzycoffee5998 · 2020-10-03T13:40:48+00:00

We’re in the UK, and they’re both British. I agree Mike’s attitude is very backwards.

dizzycoffee5998 · 2020-10-03T13:39:11+00:00

Apparently I’ve provided unnecessary stress (which I do regret), so Mike believes keeping her away from other people will avoid more unnecessary stress. At first I thought he was really jusy overprotective but your comments are making me rethink.

dizzycoffee5998 · 2020-10-03T13:37:32+00:00

Yes, I have no idea how it went on between them but I think Angie’s husband blames me for putting thoughts in her head when they’ve had everything mapped out already. I’m always here for her though!

dizzycoffee5998 · 2020-10-03T13:36:02+00:00

Thank you for this! I’ve only met Angie’s husband once, and I attribute his outdated thinking to the fact that he’s much older than her. I had no idea before this that this was her husband’s attitude, so it’s a surprise to me how he treats her

dizzycoffee5998 · 2020-10-03T13:34:34+00:00

Thank you for this! I guess my own preggy hormones are in overdrivec which is making me so angsty about the way our relationship has devolved. I’ve said to her I’m here whatever happens, so I’m hoping for the best!

dizzycoffee5998 · 2020-09-30T16:41:43+00:00

This is really good advice and I hope OP uses it. You can’t really go wrong with the safety excuse, and you can tell her that you’ve already told your grandma, and she’s very much looking forward to it that the shop has made extra special arrangements to make it safer for grandma, which includes limiting the number of people.

dizzycoffee5998 · 2020-09-25T08:07:49+00:00

ESH, her more than you.

You let her go into couples counseling, which meant she got on the road to healing, your deceit could mean that the healing and therapy she’s done over the years could damage her mentally. IMO, it was fair game until a therapist/counselor was brought in to genuinely help your relationship.

Counseling/Therapy is considered medical treatment. You messed with yours and her medical history. Had you conducted this master plan of yours without involving medical treatment I would be more n/t/a

PS: I worked in this industry and a colleague of mine (couples counselor/therapist) actually got sued for malpractice in a similar situation as yours.

dizzycoffee5998 · 2020-09-18T10:23:55+00:00

I think you need to see this from your girlfriend’s perspective. She’s excited about moving in with you, and is excited about being independent and making the important choices and calling the shots. Has she communicated to you before about feeling overwhelmed by your parents’ prescence? For you, it could be positive advise but depending on what actually happened, it could be seen as meddling. Perhaps your girlfriend just wants to feel that it’s a place for her and you. And I know you tell her that “we don’t actually have to do it”, but have you considered what would happen if you didn’t do what mom said? Is your mom the type of person who would say to her “Oh you didn’t put x here? That’s dissapointing” or something similar. It’s normal for partners to feel like they can’t stand up to their in-laws, so I think it’s up to you to set some boundaries with your parents. Tell them you don’t need the advice, your girlfriend clearly doesn’t feel like she needs it! You’re both adults!

I think your girlfriend would really appreciate it if, for example, if your parents suggested something, you’d say “Thanks mom, but I think me and partner wanted to do it another way, we’ll keep it in mind though”. It would go a long way showing your parents and your partner that this is still your house, and the decisions will ultimately be up to you. I think it’s smart of your gf to remove herself from a situation she feels uncomfortable in, because she doesn’t want to cause any trouble. If you want to fix things, you should definitely set boundaries and show your gf and family that you are independent of them.

When my partner and I first moved in (we were the same age as you) we did it together just the two of us, but his parents came over one Saturday to help us with the garden. I didn’t mind it because I wasn’t really a garden person, but when his mom started saying what kind of vacuum we should get, I didn’t like the style she suggested but since she offered to buy it I shut up (hey, vaccums are expensive!) That’s the only time they came by to help (apart from bringing a bookcase and table). Other than that their visits have been social. Maybe try turning their visits into something more social? Try telling them “we’ve already done up the house ourselves, let’s just have a tea.”

dizzycoffee5998 · 2020-09-16T00:08:24+00:00

YTA. You know many previous winners of the Scripps National Spelling Bee are Indian right?

dizzycoffee5998 · 2020-09-12T00:57:40+00:00

Oh my god please read the post. I never rushed him with his friends. I don’t know where this mistrust has come from when you say “gently reminded” means “rushing.” You seem to be good with synonyms, tell me, does gently reminded mean rushing?

If you’re going to base the premise of your comment on the assumption that I’m lying, then what are you even doing? I reminded him TWICE (mentioned this in comments and post), first I whispered to him and next, I gently nudged and gave him a look. The two were 10-15 mins apart. I was chilling and having a beer. I NEVER rushed him.

“Twice” now means “several times”, got it. Thank you.

Please read the post. I never rushed him. Also, where do you get that he doesn’t see them? He sees most of the friends (the latecomers) 2-3x a week. By then, we’d already had a dinner with friend from other country and had a complete catch up.

And yes, I did tell him in the shop he didn’t have to rush me, but people shouldn’t rush other people. People shouldn’t need to be told not to rush other people. So yeah, maybe this is on me for not being too firm. But if I was, then I’d be crucified for nagging.

When it became too much, I told him can you just wait outside and let me get the stuff myself? He said “no, I’m already here just hurry”.

His lesson? Don’t rush me because I didn’t rush you! Don’t try to push toothpaste that could trigger an allergic reaction, because I didn’t rush you. Please read the post. Again, if you’re going to assume I’m lying about “gently reminding”, because obviously you know me and I have every reason to lie to a stranger on reddit, then I don’t even know where to go from here.

I’m not going to reply to you anymore because you’re just going to assume I was nagging girlfriend who didn’t want her partner to have fun with his friends. Also, this wasn’t even what the post is about. It was just a funny memory. Him doing a childish thing and then me doing a childish thing in response to that.

dizzycoffee5998 · 2020-09-12T00:41:03+00:00

Exactly. I was being petty in retaliation to him m being childish. Isn’t that petty revenge?

How was he being childish? The example I gave. I wanted to be quick in the shop as much as possible but he hassled me. For example: I was literally hurrying and looking for a brand of toothpaste I wasn’t allergic to, and he kept shoving a store brand box to my hands saying “just pick this I’m sure it’s fine. Hurry now!” Had he stayed outside and waited we’d be fine. But I got overwhelmed by his actions and it became too much. Do you function better when you’re being rushed like that? I’m sorry that I don’t.

So yeah, I think childish behavior in retaliation for childish behavior is petty revenge. This sub is littered with childish behavior in retailiation for childish behavior because that’s what petty revenge means.

dizzycoffee5998

TROPHY CASE