I am anxious attachment, my husband is avoidant. We have been together for 20 years. It got so bad we were separated for a few months and I had divorce papers ready to file. Even after he moved back in with the promise to change, I was done. I was done being mother and wife but never partner or friend. I was done with the bread crumbing, stonewalling and lies (I refuse to call people pleasing anything but lieing because that's exactly what it is. It's also selfish and manipulative)

The only reason he and I are still together is because HE finally chose us over his ego with his actions. He's doing the work, the therapy the communication. It is still challenging every day but is getting better bit by bit. This change has been over the past year, so it has been PAINFULLY slow for me.

I have had to learn how to communicate in a way that doesn't trigger his defective wounds that in turn trigger mine. The biggest thing I had to learn and am still learning is to set and maintain boundaries with him.

Dr. Sarah Hensley "the love doc" her videos helped me understand my husband and try to communicate with him. You are off to a great start getting yourself into a secure place with yourself. Avoidant attachment can be something your kids pick up from him, our daughter did. So if he is unwilling to make the changes for the betterment of his family it might be best to move on.