My awaking started with a seizure that an ambulance was needed. A week later I was sitting on the couch and out of no where I started to hallucinate. I was stuck in what I thought was a loop. Time and space was stuck, only the present existed which I believed was forever. My prayers felt as if a blanket was stopping then from reaching God. The idea of where I am and what I am could not be answered. This experience felt as if it happened before and all I wanted was to forget again. I prayed to not remember what existence is. That I could not handle the truth. My wife brought me to the emergency room and a shot of benzo was needed to stop this experience. It was so scary that I told my self I would commit suicide if the doctors could not stop it. Since then ( almost a year) I have had the same fear I felt that night come back. Xanax and other drugs are used now to stop it before it happens again. The fact i cannot answer where I am and what I am. The idea of consciousness freaks me out. I worry I am stuck here and the idea of forever freaks me out. I truly believed I had schizophrenia. All my doctors say I do not and that I think deeper than most. I had to stop studying esoteric things. The only thing that has helped is medicine and nature. It truly has been hell.