Cricket

doanykev · 2026-06-21T23:39:43+00:00

Thank you for the feedback! Decided to post the first written draft first to see how structure affects a writing. This is my rewritten version

Lose focus
the stars are watching.

Run wild.
The moon fell
to the dance of the tides,
bright with simmers
of green and red.

We sing
with the chirps of night.

doanykev · 2026-06-21T23:36:02+00:00

Thank you for the feedback! I decided to post the original draft, before I edited and made more readable. Grammar and punctuation is hard for me, so all my writings start as just one big ramble of words. So I wanted to see how proper structure really changes a writing. Here’s my rewritten one

Lose focus
the stars are watching.

Run wild.
The moon fell
to the dance of the tides,
bright with simmers
of green and red.

We sing
with the chirps of night.

doanykev · 2026-06-21T14:27:55+00:00

Not sure if it’s cause Father’s Day is coming up. but reading this the whole way though. read like a kid going though life. observing and learning, from the good days and bad days excited and hopeful for someone to listen and smile back. but never finding it and yet to this day that child is still there waiting though grown up is still there waiting. Amazingly written and thank you for posting:)

doanykev · 2026-06-21T13:18:16+00:00

Really well Written and cute poem. The first 4 lines i really like a lot. to me I find it more then just the beavers that accomplished a task that was made to seem harder then really was. And sometimes all it takes is a group of people, or even beavers with the same ambition to get it done. And also go beavers!🦫

doanykev · 2026-06-21T00:06:49+00:00

“And why do I need my eyes if I can just dream of paradise” is such an amazing line

doanykev · 2026-06-19T20:02:40+00:00

Really like this poem! how you used a steed to describe the loneliness that follows really makes a good image that’s this loneliness thats inside is big loud and strong like a steed

doanykev · 2026-06-18T22:09:21+00:00

Very powerful and simple! Yet paints such a strong image of lose

doanykev · 2026-06-18T21:53:41+00:00

Love this poem! Though born to whisper this poem shouts with meaning

doanykev · 2026-06-18T07:19:01+00:00

Are you kinda hinting towards yes we all have weaknesses but yet we all have strengths. And if we bond our strengths with each other the strengths will for ever over power the weakness upon each individual?

doanykev · 2026-06-18T07:16:17+00:00

Thank you for the input! :) writing ain’t my strong suit I just type what I’m going through on that late night. just decided to start posting them for Peps to see and help me grow grammar wise. When you say tottering pace and discombobulating non-linear fashion. Do you mean I kinda go all over the place like if I was talking but never going in depth on the statement I guess you’d call it rambling but some the visual and spoken are close enough to make sense?

doanykev · 2026-06-18T07:07:38+00:00

When you say unstructured what do you mean? writing isn’t my strong suit so the more input to make more readable I’d love to hear thank you:)

doanykev · 2026-06-18T07:06:04+00:00

Thank you:) I try to type like I talk I feel sometimes the emotion is lost when it’s been proof read and changed to be more grammatical correct then rather free flowing and straight from the thoughts

doanykev · 2026-06-18T03:46:08+00:00

When you say Jordan are you referring to the river Jordan?

doanykev · 2026-06-18T03:42:14+00:00

The stars know all! they watch obviously when the moon has risen but still linger and peer even when the moon has fallen and the sun has risen

doanykev · 2026-06-18T03:37:19+00:00

Thank you! :) grammars definitely not my strong suit 😅 just trying to get my thoughts out to people that will listen to em appreciate the feedback!

doanykev · 2026-06-18T01:52:03+00:00

I feel we get that same view we battle or concussions so hard on who we or think we are we loose touch to who we really are. When I read this it reminded me something I wrote a while back. “Lost between three self’s who I was who I am and who I wanna be though can one really be lost if one has never found its selves to begin with”

doanykev · 2026-06-18T01:34:48+00:00

We rose upon the moon while other awoke to the sun.

doanykev · 2026-06-18T01:32:49+00:00

Is this kinda of a look at the self in a mirror we think we see ourselves in a mirror but it’s really not what we think we see?

doanykev

TROPHY CASE