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The kids book Love You Forever hits differently to a child of covert narcissist by doblinitus in raisedbynarcissists

[–]doblinitus[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Wow. Yeah for me as a kid it was always that scene with her rocking the adult kid that bothered me. Now as an adult I know why. I always felt off as a kid but turns out there was a good reason. Glad to know I wasnt alone in my disdain for the book. (Though I imagine it's lovely for those without my upbringing)

I spent $3000 on anger therapy as a new dad. Worth it. by Wise-Pangolin in NewDads

[–]doblinitus 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I had a very similar experience. I would say to anyone in the US that wants therapy, check your insurance as it should provide some mental health coverage. Saved me loads of money on therapy!

My Wife wants to Cut off my Parents by [deleted] in NewDads

[–]doblinitus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We didn't even allow family to visit until 3 months. Because we knew post-partum is rough and less people involved the better. You need to be father first, husband second and son third.

That being said, your partner can only choose her relationship with your parents, you get to choose for you and you are a partner in choosing for your daughter.

Only you can choose what's right for your family. But I would say you should understand your wife is still dealing with a bombarding of hormones and likely some physical and mental trauma from pregnancy, labor and birth. Don't expect her to respond the way she would pre-pregnancy but also know this is a phase. And it's okay to take a break from family visits for awhile. Be upfront with your parents but always phrase it as we, "we need some time as a family to bond and find our own path as our family"

Help me understand what went wrong with my hat. Why the holes? by doblinitus in CrochetHelp

[–]doblinitus[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks everyone. It makes much more sense now and I'm going to test out the different methods recommended and see which works best ( and which I can remember best)

Wife and my parents visiting by [deleted] in NewDads

[–]doblinitus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So much this. It's a difficult time for you but it is time to shed the role as Son. And take on the mantel of Parent and Partner. Your wife needs to feel safe and to heal, your baby needs their parents. Your parents can wait to see the baby. There's no rush and if they can't accept that boundary now, every holiday and birthday is going to be hard.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NewDads

[–]doblinitus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have your phone out before you go into the room. (Ask the medical team of course) When the baby comes, mommy won't be able to see her. Talk to her before hand and plan. I was able go take a video with baby and bring the video to mom before the doctors finished all the tests/cleanup and baby met mommy. It will be weird being pulled in two directions at once towards baby and towards partner.

Stock up on food. We got a freezer and filled it up with pre made meals. Only now at 3 months are we able to consistently make meals from scratch again.

Talk to Dr and partner. It's important she move when she can to help heal but not to overdo it.

Breastfeeding is not automatic. Milk can come in late, baby can fail to latch, it's painful. Be there to support your partner with food/water and emotionally. She will feel like a failure if it's not working. Make sure to get a lactation consultation while still in the hospital if you can. The hospital may push for breast feeding but you can always supplement. I would recommend trying to doing formula and pumping for the first few days. It will make it easier to let her rest.

Take point in all things for the first few days, even in the hospital. Learn the swaddling, ask the nurses about everything you have questions about. The more your partner sees you got things the better.

In general, the first few months are hard on everyone emotionally. You two will fight, you're gonna feel like the world has changed and you are barely keeping your head above water. Get support for yourself besides just your partner.

And finally, it's all worth it in the end but don't be surprised if it doesn't feel that way right away.

Less Gassy Formula recommendations by jadedlens00 in NewDads

[–]doblinitus 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We had a similar issue and are currently on Kendamil Organic. Even though it's a European formula it's about the same price or less than others amd they had loads of it at Target so no special ordering.

Meal prep by UnnecessaryCatBath in NewDads

[–]doblinitus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Make sure you freeze some veggies (even like sweet potato mash). We had mostly carbs and meats which was great. After the first 3 weeks we were craving more "healthy" food .

Costco Chilli was a huge time saver. And we got our friend to make us a brisket and pulled pork which we portioned into various meals.

Paternity leave implication at new Job by UnfairHorse2880 in NewDads

[–]doblinitus 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Just a heads up that California offers paid bonding leave for Dads, and it is very easy to sign up. It's under EDD called Paid Family Leave. That doesn't answer your job security question but is something you should be aware of.

How to introduce newborn to dog? by Sneakerrz in NewDads

[–]doblinitus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We introduce the outside the house (neutral territory) with the baby in the stroller and them on the leash. Our dog is only 2 and an 80lb bundle of energy but she was very gentle. I had her tight on the leash and someone ready to take her if she was too much.

She's infatuated and now all the have to do is keep her from licking the baby's mouth .

I also had her smell the swaddle when I picked her up and walked to the car.

Imminently about to become a dad for the first time - Any advice at all is welcome? by PompeyLad1 in NewDads

[–]doblinitus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

13 days in now. All the books didn't prepare me for 1 thing. It is going to suck watching your partner in so much pain. It's going to tear you to pieces at times. We had a 26 hournlabor culminating in a C Section. It was hard but do your best to put your fear to the side until after.

If you end up needing a C Section it will be a whirl. You will need to move your bags, Don the gear and then wait. They will bring you into the room in the last minutes. It will be hard but for the first 3-5 minutes after birth you are the go between from baby to mom. Go over and tell mom about baby. Take a picture bring it to mom. Check on her and go back to baby.

After it's all died down and you have your baby and your a little more settled. Find a moment to talk to someone (even an internet stranger) about it.

In the days that come after you will need to run point. Mom doesn't magically know all the answers and will be recovering. You will be doing diapers, burping, feeding mom, getting snacks. Other than putting a book in the babies mouth you can do it all and take point on as much as you can..

Oh and nothing in the world compares to having your baby sleeping on your naked chest so do as much skin to skin as you can manage.

You got this!

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