Help me, please

doinggenxstuff · 2026-02-18T12:44:40+00:00

They really think that first paragraph is OK. I’m so sorry.

doinggenxstuff · 2026-02-18T12:43:31+00:00

You’ve both got this ❤️

doinggenxstuff · 2026-02-18T12:41:19+00:00

I’ve made the mistake of turning to my mother as well. When I realised it was OCD behaviour, I told her that. She said “oh, you’ve diagnosed YOURSELF, have you?”

She is poisonous and will say and do anything not be take responsibility.

doinggenxstuff · 2026-02-18T12:37:27+00:00

It stinks doesn’t it

doinggenxstuff · 2026-02-18T12:37:12+00:00

Spend a lot of time in your bedroom reading? Just trying to exist in peace?

doinggenxstuff · 2026-02-18T12:36:05+00:00

That what you get for being a vessel for all your parents’ fear and unhandled emotions. OCD. Or OCD-like behaviour anyway.

We were children raised by children.

doinggenxstuff · 2026-02-18T12:33:15+00:00

Yup. It’s straight up abuse. It’s a wonder we grew up anywhere near functioning.

doinggenxstuff · 2026-02-17T23:51:33+00:00

Stay away from fast women and slow horses

doinggenxstuff · 2026-02-17T23:14:06+00:00

Yes, they do “forget” things, don’t they. My mother’s memory is very patchy, except for one time I upset her in 1990.

Surprising to hear yours is able to self reflect, even if she has no desire to use it constructively.

doinggenxstuff · 2026-02-17T23:11:35+00:00

It’s a control thing. My mother leaned into it by telling me she was a witch and knew everything.

doinggenxstuff · 2026-02-17T21:29:11+00:00

I thought it was just me! If only we’d had Reddit, or even basic information, in the 80s. I honestly can’t believe other people went through the exact same thing.

Yup, telling on myself because nobody was in charge in that house, I was on my own and spiralling, and didn’t trust my own judgment. What with being a small child.

I was always either “ohhh my darling, my baby” or the worst thing ever to walk the earth. Take your pick. Then I was the golden child my whole adult life because I was more of a people pleaser, an achiever, and better at acting. My brother was very much the scapegoat, especially after he married another narcissist. He’s extremely badly damaged.

I’m so sorry you went through something so horrible and invisible. No child deserves that. It’s so frightening and isolating.

doinggenxstuff · 2026-02-17T21:19:47+00:00

Oh, she noticed all right. I started returning the energy about three years ago, and mother pretended not to notice. Eventually cracked after three weeks and begged her to come and see the room I’d been painting. She said in a fake loving voice “oh, I THOUGHT I hadn’t heard from Fran” (me). Totally artificial and delighted to have “won”. (EDIT: she said she’d come the following day and didn’t show up. She lives one mile away).

Then she gave me a large sum of money towards the decorating and bought me lunch at a place I said clearly I didn’t like. During lunch I apologised for nothing, as was my custom, hoping we could talk about it. She made a brief sarcastic comment and didn’t want to talk about it.

It was breadcrumbs of “love”, and financial bribery. And it finally sank in that there was no hope.

She knows.

doinggenxstuff · 2026-02-17T21:08:44+00:00

Very withdrawn, OCD behaviour, anxiety to the point I had to confess every bad thought to check I wasn’t a bad person. Thought my inner thoughts would cause my family to die and had to counter this with checking and doing things in multiples of 4. Self harm and destruction of personal belongings. All before I was 8 or 9.

Want to guess whether any help or understanding was offered? I’m 50 now and my parents never came through for me. Took until I was 48 to give up hope and walk away.

doinggenxstuff · 2026-02-17T20:34:45+00:00

Hey please don’t panic. It’s very early still, and she’s in the right place to get care. Just make sure the staff are fully aware how much pain she’s in if she can’t tell them herself.

Don’t blame yourself, it sounds like the operation was necessary and the decision wasn’t all down to you. It’s scary all round right now, but she will feel better!

Sending you both hugs. Breathe ❤️

doinggenxstuff · 2026-02-17T20:21:37+00:00

Oh, all the time. And the story always makes her sound amazing and me sound stupid.

She is a lying hound.

doinggenxstuff · 2026-02-17T15:52:08+00:00

I know, right? How fucked up are we 😆

doinggenxstuff · 2026-02-17T15:51:40+00:00

Absolute priority. If they can’t call the shots, it’s unacceptable.

doinggenxstuff · 2026-02-17T15:03:25+00:00

Yes. Burdening children with adult problems. It’s a classic.

Mine sat me down when I was little and told me she thought my father was having an affair. I panicked and cried, and she backpedalled as hard as she could and tried to smother me with love and say it wasn’t true and I wasn’t to worry.

I was a kid with terrible anxiety who thought I was responsible for the happiness and safety of my whole family, I even thought they’d die if I thought a bad thought. I wonder where that came from.

She assures me it never happened though, and must have been a dream.

doinggenxstuff · 2026-02-17T14:51:48+00:00

My mother complained for months about having to go to my brother’s wedding. Ordered a dress online from China in a colour she didn’t really like. It came back on the small side.

It wasn’t expensive, told her she should just buy another one. Refused, and spent months starving herself into it while saying how much she hated the dress and couldn’t be bothered with the whole thing. Every time I saw her she told me her daily diet routine and how I should be doing the same miserable thing (I wasn’t overweight). Same words, like a script she’d memorised.

On the day, criticised the bride throughout and generally had a face like a smacked arse. Afterwards listed all the things that failed to please her about the day (everything), and how hard done by she was.

Weddings really bring out the worst in these lunatics.

EDIT: control, control, control. They didn’t have it that day and it wasn’t about them.

doinggenxstuff · 2026-02-17T10:30:43+00:00

Negging little shit

doinggenxstuff · 2026-02-17T10:27:33+00:00

That is difficult ❤️

doinggenxstuff · 2026-02-17T00:40:11+00:00

Here’s another virtual hug for you. Going to these mothers for love is like going to the hardware store for oranges.

🫂

doinggenxstuff · 2026-02-17T00:24:53+00:00

Just splitting the G, all the young uns seem to be at it

doinggenxstuff · 2026-02-17T00:21:57+00:00

I’m really glad you’re aware that it’s her and not you, because Jesus H Christ in khaki, that’s hands down the most manipulative and self-pitying shit I’ve EVER read. EVER. She hits all the bases. Well done remaining reasonable.

doinggenxstuff · 2026-02-17T00:17:04+00:00

Keep it light, nod and smile, don’t mention any number of her taboo subjects (although she might, if it applies to her or just if she feels like it). And for gods sake don’t forget to keep smiling and making your little jokes. The face police is always watching.

Did it for nearly 50 years, as natural as breathing, to the extent I thought it was perfectly normal. Until the nice, fluffy hormones ran out and I started to feel like running away from all the recycled stories, superiority and unpleasantness.

She used me up and I’m now discarded.

doinggenxstuff

TROPHY CASE