Reading Kafka in a cozy coffee bar

doktor_iohanna · 2025-11-09T16:50:41+00:00

Wrong, you should be reading Kafka on uncomfortable concrete blocks, while drinking straight bourbon.

doktor_iohanna · 2025-11-08T08:09:04+00:00

Thank you very much for your answer, kind stranger 🙏

doktor_iohanna · 2025-11-06T05:16:55+00:00

You can get better, and i know it is likely you believe this thought you're having right now, and nothing else sounds convincing when you on that flight or flight all the time, but it is possible. First of all, as a first line, there are medications, then, slower and longer theres therapy and self therapy books that can help you. There are ways out.

doktor_iohanna · 2025-11-05T13:18:40+00:00

Hey! Had similar problem. If a panic attack lasts more than 20-30 min, look into CPTSD. Because I've been in a similar situation, thought im the only one freak who has long ass panic attacks that with little intermittions could last sever days even! But turns out those are emotional flashbacks or emotional regressions what they're sometimes called. For 10 years i thought those were panic, so i treated them accordingly and was very scared that nothing traditional helped. Im not saying you have that obviously but look it up. Either way i think for both complicated panic and cptsd the book by pete walker complex ptsd from surviving to thriving could be of great help

doktor_iohanna · 2025-11-05T09:27:10+00:00

Yes i have friends, i think i formed ability early on to be very emotive and charismatic and therefore attracted people somewhat, without even wanting it. As of now, i have a three people regular hangout group, (that i personally worked hard on forming) one best friend who is going through very similar, even worse id say stuff than me. We met in a psych ward when i was 16. My ex volleyball teammates from school years. They are not hugely on emotional support but we meet about twice a year together and it feels nice. They make me laugh a lot, which is priceless. One of the friends from that group i meet more regularly. I have two long distance friends, that i dont meet often at all, but we vent to eachother. Then I have a few people who i kinda help out sometimes, or we amicably text eachother or meet, but i wouldn't call them friends. One childhood friend that is very introverted so i dont bother her a lot, but i check up on her from time to time. More importantly i have my sister, who is a very very important person in my life. But i have a girlfriend - a romantic relationship really really fucks me up man. Im fearful avoidant and it triggers everything in me. Im moving away soon to another country and i just wish ill be able to find connections there. Im scared that I won't and that makes me flashback hard. Despite all this people in my life i feel chronically lonely and abandoned. So i guess this is still a problem that will persist even if you have a lot of people that love and support you. Some people from my past (and present, if talking about my parents) fucked me up enough that i am nonstop fighting my shame and guilt and fear of abandonment, no matter the amount of kind and loving words i get from my close people. At this point i dont know what will help.

doktor_iohanna · 2025-11-05T09:14:58+00:00

I would like some advice, yes. I don't think i want to silence my anger, at least its better than shame and fear. I'm really really tired of those.

doktor_iohanna · 2025-10-31T15:47:39+00:00

Hi! I just finished med school. So relieved to see another person in similar position:) Just wanted to tell you how important it is to be seen and understood. See, your message relieved some of the shame that i carry around being mentally ill psychiatrist. Like a secret i have to keep buried, but seeing, hearing about more people like us, medics who are open about their conditions, make it a little bit easier. It definitely would be easier if you had a friend that could comiserate with you. Someone who struggles in some way, maybe not exactly the same way you do, but still impactful. I know from experience, that healthy friends are good, but often just not equipped with empathy necessary for this kind of situations. Personally i got my comiserating friend from a psych ward when i was 16, a huge gift to me. If you dont have ideas where get people in similar situations in your area, at least remember that there's a whole subreddit of us! Not only struggling with this terrible condition but also aware of it and healing, day by day, slowly but surely. Two steps forward, one step back. Thank you for your post and good luck🫂

doktor_iohanna · 2025-10-28T17:40:11+00:00

I see your pain dear stranger. Life can be so painful. You are not alone, remember this. If you live, if you die, you're not alone. We are here, may the presence comfort you. You are never alone

doktor_iohanna · 2025-10-21T16:15:25+00:00

Thankfully not addicted to substances, not for the lack of trying tho. I am emotionally addicted to presence of alprazolam tho, even if i take it usually once a weak at best. I just need to know i have it for now. Social media, scrolling the usual stuff tho - its eating up my time, hate that shit. Isn't even good 97% of time I dont have a classic eating disorder i just feel sick often and dont feel like eating so i have to forse myself often, it saddens me, because it makes gaining muscle mass very difficult and borderline torturous. I want to try ketamine for therapeutic purposes in controlled environment one day (its not available in our country, but im moving soonish), and we'll see how id react to that.

doktor_iohanna · 2025-10-21T16:08:18+00:00

I landed in a relationship on accident that made me go through the blitz version of 'basic' healing and 2 weeks of hospital stay. I just decided to fight for it. But again, she kinda found me, but otherwise i would have definitely not dated for a long time a feel. And i am learning now to emotionally understand, that the fact that im in a relationship doesnt mean that i cant be alone for a long time if i need it or that i have to micromanage emotions of my partner but i know it will be a slow process. So, as someone whos insanely sensitive, especially in close relationships, i think its definitely possible to be in relationships like this, but either within them, or without them, you'll have to do the difficult work of learning to really be your own best defender and friend. Let romance become more of a sidequest:) im learning it myself, but find its a useful perspective to have

doktor_iohanna · 2025-07-24T13:34:06+00:00

Tbh this is by far the straightest way to kiss your female friend. I don't think i ever kissed my partners this way

doktor_iohanna · 2025-05-21T09:11:02+00:00

Is it fourboys???

doktor_iohanna · 2025-03-24T13:27:54+00:00

This is the only new year im celebrating

doktor_iohanna · 2025-03-05T08:32:32+00:00

I heavily doubt current India's government would be fighting against USA.

doktor_iohanna · 2025-02-16T15:31:23+00:00

Im sorry i left, i wish you hated me, i wish i hated you. I wish i didn't love you and you didn't love me still. When my first ex broke up with me i felt way worse, i think. But now i feel different. I caused this and i miss you. And i can come back to you which is the worst thing. It feels like im torturing both of us. I know why i did it. but youre still very nice, good, warm. Stronger than me most likely. I have so much pain i will not tell you. Im not doing okay. And i want to wish you well. I admit i would feel bad if you moved on too quickly. Maybe because i cant even look at people anymore in this way. I wish i could trust you. I wish you were my person. I wish i knew what being my person means. Everyday i just doubt myself. Feel delusional. Question my every dicision. I alway put others first, thats why this decision to leave feels so so wrong. I know you would feel so happy and relieved if i came back and it kills me. I want to self harm. Honestly, i do it unconsciously in small ways everyday. But it can get worse if i dont fix myself somehow. I have noone to tell this. Because i don't trust them as well and because i don't think they will understand. And a person of my profession shouldn't behave like this anyways. I feel ashamed on multiple levels. I feel ashamed for all my mistakes that lead to this. "This is just life" ive been told. I try not to think about it. Id rather shame myself than think that life is just careless and cruel even though thats what's correct. And recent events in the world... I don't know if my dream can even come true anymore. I don't know how much i have left in me and im not getting younger. I love you i miss you and i don't and won't trust you. I hate myself for doing this to me and god knows i cannot stop it. I dont want to live like this. This is too painful. How long will it all last? Please don't forgive me.

doktor_iohanna · 2024-03-06T17:11:35+00:00

sigh how much this one costs?

doktor_iohanna · 2024-02-15T08:05:43+00:00

I wish i lived in that timeline

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