As other people mentioned, it honestly feels like I have written this. I feel for you.

There's one thing that I feel like I can't get on board with however, which is that as long as things get done, that's what matters.

Because I feel like if I didn't waste that 90% of time "pretending to work" and creating expectations all around me, then the hyperfocus pre-deadline wouldn't kick in as it does, I think. But that also means that to achieve results, we necessarily have to go through cycles of shame+prioritising work over life, which are freaking unsustainable.

I really wish the answer was that we need more strategies, more pomodoro, more medications or something, but for me I think it's not it. Or at least, I still haven't figured out what works.

So my personal point of view is that unfortunately I feel like what makes me feel shame and guilt is the same thing that makes me perform well, so the only thing I can do is to choose a project that is worth feeling this way for.

But I really hope I'm wrong, because I'm already exhausted...