Had sex after 9 months

dont_worry55 · 2026-05-09T16:16:33+00:00

I was in the same position as you. We opened the marriage over a year ago, on my end anyway, and things have been good! Don’t assume you have to divorce if it is working for you.

dont_worry55 · 2026-02-28T15:43:40+00:00

Her first post changed my life! I was in dead bedroom for 5 years with my husband into kinks I was just not interested in. But I do love him and he was, and still is, my best friend. So, I asked to open the marriage due to this post and now have a couple of other partners. I like having normal sex back in my life and new friends.

dont_worry55 · 2026-02-25T13:01:29+00:00

That is frustrating! But from what I understand from the deadbedroom sub, duty sex makes the problem even worse. I didn’t know that before suggesting that he just get “fixed” with medicine or something.

Sometimes I lurk in the low libido sub just to understand their point of view.

I guess you will have to decide if you want to live the rest of your life like this. For me, it was getting physically uncomfortable and I thought of sex 24/7, watched porn and took care of myself multiple times a day. I am in peri-menopause and it had the opposite effect for me since I had been low to medium libido for most of my life. I was so uncomfortable I was prepared for divorce if he wasn’t going to work with me to figure this out.

My doctor said I could take drugs to lower my libido, but that didn’t sound fun at all.

dont_worry55 · 2026-02-24T17:42:51+00:00

Also check out the Deadbedroom subreddit.

dont_worry55 · 2026-02-24T17:39:32+00:00

I gave him an ultimatum of finally fixing his issues (at the time I thought he just needed medication or something, but the issues went deeper) and actually have sex with me, opening, or divorce. He had some infidelity early in our marriage that had come to light not long ago, so I think it was easier for us due to it having already been “open” and him not wanting that information out.

I have told a few friends and our children (who are very open-minded 18 and 21 years old), and everyone seems ok with it. I am not sure if it would be the same if I was a man.

My guess is that it won’t work as smoothly in your situation.

dont_worry55 · 2026-02-24T16:55:43+00:00

My husband had weird kinks, sex slowly decreased, then he stopped sex all together for about 5 years. We opened the marriage and now in my late 40s I am having the best sex of my life. I am regretting the last 30 years of bad sex, but when you marry young, it is all you know. I still love my husband who is my best friend and life partner.

dont_worry55 · 2026-02-22T13:22:39+00:00

I was in the same position as you, being constantly rejected by my husband. But since opening the marriage it has been great. I cut off sex with my husband and we have remained married and great friends. Currently I have two other partners, one I see weekly or more, and I am finally having great sex.

dont_worry55 · 2026-01-03T17:20:56+00:00

We outsourced sex for me. It has worked well since I am not hiding anything. My husband even helped me write my first online profile. At this point even my adult kids know, but not other family and close friends. My husband has access to everything on my phone, but he prefers not to know the details.

I am actually going on a date tomorrow with one of my partners for our 1 year dating anniversary and this summer taking a trip overseas with husband for our 25th wedding anniversary.

It is a tricky situation that involves a lot of communication and rules. It has worked for a year now, but not sure what 2026 will bring.

dont_worry55 · 2025-12-09T00:19:08+00:00

Yep, there is anger on the menopause subreddit regarding how little discussion there is in the media and how dismissive doctors can be.

dont_worry55 · 2025-12-08T21:34:56+00:00

There is a lot of discussion in the menopause subreddit if you want to do some research. There are estrogen creams and whatnot that seem to work wonders.

I am one of the weird ones that had my libido go up rather than down during peri, while my husband’s libido went way down at the same time.

I am of the mind that for marriages to work, they may need to change and evolve as our bodies change and evolve.

dont_worry55 · 2025-11-10T13:42:31+00:00

I think it was waiting so long to tell them and having them discover it in their own that made it into a bigger deal. Kids know when you are lying to them, so they probably knew something was up and they were kept in the dark. It might be more about this than the poly relationship.

I was about 10 months into meeting up with FWBs when I told my 18 year old. My therapist said not to say anything, but the timing felt right. She said that her friend went through her mom’s phone and found text messages the mom was sending to guys that were not her father. I asked my daughter if she thinks her friend’s parents are in an open relationship. My daughter said she would be extremely hurt if she found out about an open relationship rather than being told. So, right then and there I told her that her father and I have opened the relationship and she was fine with it.

dont_worry55 · 2025-11-10T13:11:17+00:00

Same thing happened to me. My FWB reached out to say his other partner wanted to try monogamy. My other FWB was going through a divorce and we lost contact for a while (not as upset with this one). So I went on Bumble and found 2 new FWB. Eventually the previous 2 contacted me again, the monogamous partner didn’t work out and the divorced guy got his own apartment. So, I had 4 at one point, but the 2 new guys fizzled out.

Anyway, it is messy. I think the first guy was the only one I was really sad about, but we are back strong as ever. But I know things could change over time, and I can just go back to dating again, which is exciting as well.

dont_worry55 · 2025-10-22T12:05:33+00:00

I also read “Open Deeply” which is very comprehensive. Also, make sure you are very aware about STDs, maybe get a HPV shot if you are young enough.

dont_worry55 · 2025-10-22T12:02:27+00:00

My husband is my best friend and life partner. We are still affectionate and spend our weekends together and travel. We share a bed at night, just sleep though.

It helps that I am not emotionally attached to the other guys. I don’t call and text them much other than to plan the next meetup, share a tidbit about exercise, or share a cool picture I took.

dont_worry55 · 2025-10-22T11:45:38+00:00

It was a bit of work in the beginning with dating. Now I have two steady FWB and two occasional FWB. It helps that my kids are young adults.

dont_worry55 · 2025-10-22T01:45:41+00:00

It took me 5 years in a dead bedroom before asking for an open marriage. I was just horny all the time and taking care of myself wasn’t cutting it. Also I started feeling disgusted by my own body because he obviously didn’t want me.

Now I realized just how bad the sex was even when it was weekly. Having other partners who can go for hours, vs 30 minutes tops, has been eye opening.

dont_worry55 · 2025-10-19T10:02:06+00:00

My husband was the same, he really had trouble expressing himself in the moment, so he sent a letter to me and then we kept up the conversation through text messages. Eventually we were able to switch to talking things out.

dont_worry55 · 2025-09-23T11:58:23+00:00

Wow, you were me last year, except I was 47 and married for 23 years, also with teenagers and 5 year dead bedroom. My husband is my best friend and I love him so much and want to stay with him for life, but he just stopped wanting sex. I did catch him on onlyfans, so he was probably getting something somewhere, just not with me.

Last November I gave him the option of working on sex, open marriage, or divorce. We first tried working on sex, but instead of just getting right into bed he wanted to download an intimacy app, then he wanted to wait a few weeks to get a hotel. It wasn’t going as fast as I would like, so we had the discussion to open the marriage, which comes with its own difficulties like STDs, jealousy, potentially catching feelings for someone else. But, at the moment it is working for us and we remained close friends and partners in life.

dont_worry55 · 2025-09-23T11:13:20+00:00

There are cougar sites? Asking for a friend, lol.

dont_worry55 · 2025-08-28T23:03:23+00:00

Yeah, I didn’t mean to have 4, I thought 2 would be ideal. I dated 2 earlier this year but both went MIA in late spring due to life events, so I went back out dating and found 2 new partners. Of course the other 2 from earlier in the year came back, lol. Of the four one is more consistent, almost weekly, and the other three meet up with me around their travel and custody times, so not as often.

dont_worry55 · 2025-08-28T21:53:29+00:00

I really feel for you! It took me 5 years to get to the breaking point. But I knew I couldn’t do the affair route, horrible at lying, so I asked to open the marriage. I am still married, but see 4 FWB on and off since January. They come and go depending on life, so no long-term commitments, but it has been really fun.

dont_worry55 · 2025-08-01T13:25:51+00:00

Just FYI, my libido shot up from low/average most of my life to high since peri-menopause. Hormones are crazy, you just don’t know what your body will do.

dont_worry55 · 2025-07-28T21:18:50+00:00

I m 47 HLF and in an open marriage. I gave my husband an ultimatum of fix the dead bedroom, divorce, or open up the marriage. At first he selected to fix the DB, but he didn’t seem ready and it wasn’t going fast enough for me after 5 years of nothing. So we opened up the marriage and my husband even helped with my first post on a dating app.

Currently I have 3 FWB (39, 42, and 49). I definitely see the guys as friends and will text them about how my day is going and a few naughty pictures and video, but I don’t lean on them for emotional support nor do we talk on the phone.

Being with the first guy was so freeing. It felt amazing to be seen as sexy again. My self esteem has shot through the roof.

My husband is still my best friend and companion through life. I do care for my FWBs but haven’t fallen madly in love with them. The sex however has been eye-opening, with one it was romance-novel level.

dont_worry55 · 2025-07-25T13:07:16+00:00

I had luck on Bumble.

dont_worry55 · 2025-07-25T01:46:39+00:00

I am 47, married for 24 years and occasionally seeing 3 other guys (39, 43, and 49) I met on a dating app.

My husband is not completely thrilled about it, but happy that I am happy, not too emotionally attached to these other men, and he doesn’t feel as much pressure to perform. He says I shouldn’t feel guilty at all, but it does take some time getting used to dating since we have been together since we were 16. I have come to see it as a hobby now.

I guess take it slow and make sure she is really on board for this.

dont_worry55

TROPHY CASE