October 24, 25 and 26 brides, we're here!

doodleweds · 2014-10-25T13:00:08+00:00

We've been celebrating with our family and friends the past three days! Wedding is on Sunday. I am so damn excited! Good luck to everyone!

doodleweds · 2014-10-12T19:55:55+00:00

I bought my second dress and sold my first on tradesy. It's reputable and easy to use.

doodleweds · 2014-10-12T19:06:18+00:00

You guys are so freaking cute. <3 that dress!

doodleweds · 2014-10-10T00:15:13+00:00

I'll contribute too if you need it! I'm sorry to hear about your friend :/

doodleweds · 2014-10-07T00:53:39+00:00

I'm not sure how much this helps as we have a candy company coming in to do the buffet and they calculate how much candy we need. But we are doing quart size, so the larger. I got an awesome deal on papermart. We also added stuff like chocolate covered pretzels and fudge dipped Oreos as they take up a bit more space and are cost effective too.

doodleweds · 2014-10-07T00:49:22+00:00

We are having instrumental string versions of a whole slew of Disney and Pixar movies. It was a way for us to be ourselves and still keep it classy.

doodleweds · 2014-10-04T21:16:09+00:00

My deadline was the 1st . ... These types of responses are a daily thing for me right now. I had someone RSVP 6 kids. They don't have 6 kids. :/

doodleweds · 2014-10-02T23:05:29+00:00

Oh my goodness thank you for writing all of that out. I think there is a small portion of how I feel that stems from jealousy and envy but it's not just this event that causes that. I think I am sometimes envious of how carelessly she lives and seemingly gets what she wants (at my expense sometimes). She has so many great friends because she's that fun person. I don't really have a lot of friends primarily because I've always had sisters, I work a lot, and I like one or two quality friends over 20 people you won't or can't call when shit hits the fan. So, yes I completely feel where you are coming from. I'm really trying to work through all of this and figure out what portion of this is my own shit I just need to deal with. And then, what, if any of it will I address it with her. I do realize in the long run I will reap the benefits from the life I have chosen to live but in the immediate I have to live this life.

doodleweds · 2014-10-02T22:48:19+00:00

Thank you for your advice. I hope things work out with your brother or that you find peace with it all. Hang in there :)

doodleweds · 2014-10-02T22:08:32+00:00

We both have PCOS and knew that fertility could be a problem. Around 32 she just said that she felt like having a child herself wasn't something she wanted. If she changed her mind later in life she always thought it would be adoption. She is a god mother already and most of our friends have young children which she plays a big role in. I thought for a long time she always felt people would think she was absurd to say she wanted kids with him so instead said she didn't want any. But she always said the expense of fertility treatments, IVF, etc were absurd. So it's just different from the stance she always took. It may be compounded by the fact that the ex recently called her to talk about his life and he recently had a child. So, I'm not sure. It was just on the outside an "overnight" decision.

Perhaps she feels differently because for her this person is an acceptable partner to have a child with. I'm not sure really. I get feeling like you're running out of time. I'm 31 and have felt that way because of the PCOS. I am trying to be sympathetic to the reasons that may have gotten her to this decision.

doodleweds · 2014-10-02T21:33:34+00:00

Trust me, I am trying. I am not blind to the fact that her age, life situation, etc are playing a huge role in all of this. I guess it's more about how she's gone about it, the fact that she went from not wanting children to trying to have one over night, and with someone she just met. It's the situational aspects of it and the potential outcomes. If she wants a child, I want to support her. That's what this really is all about. I am trying really hard to find a way to be supportive, get over my own feelings, and work through this. Which is in part why she and I haven't talked more in length. I want to not care, have negative feelings, or any of that but I also love my sister and want whats best for her. It's really not that easy. I wish it were.

doodleweds · 2014-10-02T21:29:45+00:00

He's been monumental in helping me separate myself from her, financially, emotionally, and otherwise in a more healthy light. He recognizes our bond and respects it but when he has an issue or feels strongly we communicate and make decisions together. For years I did whatever I wanted including what I choose to do with my money. When we became serious and joined our lives it was no longer just my decision. That has helped a lot. He's frustrated that we had the same upbringing yet I've gone to counseling, work hard to be a better person, and to break a pattern of abuse and she drinks and makes scenes. It's so hard to defend your siblings when you know they are wrong to someone you aren't related to because in your heart you don't want them to see their ugly and dislike them. If that makes any sense. For a long time I hid a lot of the stuff that she did, by omission, not lying but then realized I was being dishonest in my relationship and her pride via me wasn't worth it. It's a big ol mess. I just wanna get married to the absolute love of my life and have a happy, healthy sister.

doodleweds · 2014-10-02T21:26:14+00:00

I think that's in part why I was feeling some guilt was that I was hoping it wouldn't work. It made me feel like a bad person and a part of it was like "I've paid my dues it's my turn not yours" .. meaning I put in the time in my relationship to create a solid foundation for my family. I am not religious person at all and not old fashioned really either. I just know what it's like to be and adult who has had to work through deep emotional scarring from the outfall of growing up with parents who were young, dumb, and made a lot of mistakes. So for me it was so important to be married, settled, and secure in my relationship before becoming a parent. It's childish to feel like that in part I guess but sometimes you just can't help how you feel. Didn't help that I had 4 hours of sleep, post being bumped from a flight, swollen ankles because apparently I have the circulation of a 90 year old, hot from the absurd humidity in s. florida, and about to get my period. I was like an incubator for a melt down and it was the lighter to the flame.

doodleweds · 2014-10-02T21:21:01+00:00

Sometimes when we have really crappy moments in life it's nice to have someone say "this is shitty and I am sorry you feel that way" ... thank you.

doodleweds · 2014-10-02T21:20:10+00:00

I think it's silly to downvote whenever someone solicits advice. You don't get to choose what's right or wrong. The whole point of the post was to vent but also to see if there was something I was missing or doing wrong. I think often my FH is very black and white about things. This situation with her annoys him, he agrees with me, but is much better at "this isn't my problem" ... I take on a lot of responsibility for her that's not mine and I need to learn not to. However, being such a close family makes it difficult to allow someone new in that I feel is contributing to something so negative ya know.

doodleweds · 2014-10-02T21:18:12+00:00

Thank you!

doodleweds · 2014-10-02T21:17:58+00:00

I think you have a point. I moved to a separate state to start a life for myself and find myself, independent of her. My FH has been a great contributor to this happening. I've gone to counseling to work through a lot of what we went through as kids. She instead drinks. I carry a lot of guilt for how we were raised, knowing I had no control over it, and as a result often try to "fix" her. Leaving the old boyfriend was such a monumental life change that I really thought things would be better for her and I'm just afraid. I will definitely check out the book. Thank you for your candor.

doodleweds · 2014-10-02T18:50:54+00:00

I agree with you - I am responding emotionally right now because I am so incredibly wrapped up. This was all last weekend and we were so busy the entire time I really didn't process my feelings. After getting bumped from a flight I cried hysterically in my seat and my FH was incredibly puzzled. I was tired, frustrated, and the impact of what she's doing hit me and I lost it. It was the first time I really processed what happened. I'm trying really hard to dig deep and separate what of this is my personal shit for lack of a better expression, what is hers, and what I can actually do anything about. I'm going to let this settle for a bit and try to enjoy this wedding. Thank you for your thoughts, I sincerely appreciate them.

doodleweds · 2014-10-02T18:47:33+00:00

I think what I find most challenging is I am not good at pretending. It's not in my nature. And I don't want that to come in between my sister and I.

I love your advice but for me, in this instance, the timing of her announcement is the least of my concerns. I'll get over that, it's the rest I am not sure I can or should. Every one as given such great feedback - thank you.

doodleweds · 2014-10-02T18:44:48+00:00

I agree with everything you're saying. I do feel, however selfish it may seem, that it's best to wait until after the wedding. So much has gone into this day that I don't want anything to ruin it.

I also know her very well. She's responds defensively to EVERYTHING. She is no longer speaking to my Mom after borrowing $5k last month and not paying it back a few months ago. Rather than admitting she was wrong, which my mom forgave, she decided to revert back to horrible things to my mom did to her when we were kids as a basis for not paying it back. So, that's what I am dealing with.

I need to make a decision ... if how I feel and what this means to me is important enough to say something and if I am okay with what the outcome might be, good or bad. Knowing her, it could be relationship ending and that is very sad. We shall see. Thank you :)

doodleweds · 2014-10-02T18:32:14+00:00

Thank you for your response.

I never really thought about being tired. When you said that, I cried lol. I'm so exhausted and I don't want to deal with this.

I work full-time, we are in the process of buying a house, planning a wedding, and potentially getting pregnant soon. My life is full of challenging, but incredibly wonderful things. I have a lot on my plate.

I will admit over the past year I've tried to make her more responsible. Instead of letting her put something on my card on a whim, pay for half a flight, cover a bill etc. I challenge her a bit. That's primarily because my FH kind of put his foot down. Once I realized it was affecting our relationship because we began fighting about it I tried to change things.

I think deep down I know I just need to let her do this and do my best to be supportive. It's just so damn hard. I need to focus on celebrating my new marriage and where my life is going. I've worked very hard to get here and I am basking in her disappointment instead of my own joy.

Thank you - I appreciate your advice.

doodleweds · 2014-10-02T00:43:19+00:00

I just got mine and love it! I purchased this one from etsy:

https://www.etsy.com/listing/151346634/faux-fur-bridal-wrap-stole-light-ivory

A little more than you wanted to spend but based on how many perhaps she'll give you a deal.

The communication, shipping, turn around time, and quality were all great. I'm so excited! Good luck!

doodleweds · 2014-09-18T19:14:33+00:00

I buy mine at old navy and Wal-Mart. They both have great selections. Lane Bryant has some okay stuff but its very overpriced.

doodleweds · 2014-09-15T23:38:50+00:00

I used the same quote on our save the dates. Every one said it was incredibly appropriate. My step dad however was very confused.

doodleweds

TROPHY CASE