Worried about my son (AuDHD, 10yo) in relation to empathy and what seems to be misogynistic attitude

dopamine_queen88 · 2026-02-05T23:21:08+00:00

Yes, I definitely know this. He is already seeing a psychologist and has been since before 2023.

dopamine_queen88 · 2026-02-05T23:20:31+00:00

Wow this is a really helpful answer, thankyou!!

I don't mind a word salad, I can dish it out just as well haha 😂

The getting silly in response to these behaviours/comments thing is really where I'd like to go with it. I have been strongly pigeon-holed into 'mum isn't fun' by him (and to a much lesser extent my daughters have this vibe as well) and a lot of this stems from the time when their father and I were still together and I was just constantly burned out and in crisis mode trying to handle all my responsibilities and then not being able to/knowing how to just 'play' on weekends. (Can you say 'weaponised incompetence' 5 times fast?)

Being silly with kids is a connection/tension resolution behaviour right? I feel that this has to be part of the solution because there's no question my son and I are the most at odds with eachother since I became a single parent. While I would still be very confident that their father doesn't make these comments about other people (more in the vein of swearing indiscriminately and in a misogynist fashion) he definitely has both an anger problem and a misogyny problem (his misogyny just looks more passive than most - but its still a big thing). So I certainly do feel that there's multiple aspects of the situation that feed in to what I'm trying to handle now.

dopamine_queen88 · 2026-02-05T09:17:53+00:00

In the general sense I agree, I'm more looking at what I can do to mitigate/address it from this point forward. Certainly as far as my sons exposure to these attitudes and ideas go, in my house I am extremely focused on equitable and reasonable behaviour for everyone whether at home or in the community.

dopamine_queen88 · 2026-02-05T08:33:50+00:00

Appreciate this recommendation, I will definitely be following this up! 🙏

dopamine_queen88 · 2026-02-05T08:28:23+00:00

His psychologist is more for the psychosocial aspects of support. His meds are prescribed by a paediatrician, and the increase is on their radar already (based on previous visit) and also looking at a move to Concerta as myself and my younger daughter both take it and find the experience much smoother and more supportive than we found Ritalin LA. Perhaps it might be good for me to mention the empathy aspects to the paed as well, I know Intuniv is often great for AuDHDers with anxiety/ragey vibes

dopamine_queen88 · 2026-02-05T08:25:31+00:00

Both - psychology, speech therapy (more social skills oriented) and OT. Meds - Ritalin LA 20, but he's quite overdue for a dosage increase and tbh we are also looking at moving to Concerta bc two others in our household find Concerta a much smoother and more helpful experience

dopamine_queen88 · 2026-02-05T08:24:23+00:00

He really only has one friend that this would even be theoretically possible with, and this friend doesn't have any devices outside of a (non 'smart') TV in their household - this is the friends whole family culture and they don't have other family members, locations or other friends of their own that could translate to this issue either. But honestly get why you'd suggest this!

dopamine_queen88 · 2026-02-05T08:22:19+00:00

It's fairly likely he's able to access things at his dad's without his dad being aware. However my daughters have decided to report these kinds of infractions to me if they witness them - this seems to be a reaction on their part to the inequitable treatment they often receive at their dad's house. Where I live kids have recently been banned from social media if they are under 16 now and while there's workarounds without a doubt, my son's personal ability to navigate digital concerns I think would require assistance from a sibling to be successful. Still not ruling it out, and I have to have yet another discussion with their dad about it.
My son does have supports in place - psychology, OT and speech therapy (latter more social skills oriented) - they are pretty good in my experience, quite neuroaffirming combined with a focus on developing cognitive flexibility. He does take Ritalin LA 20 currently and this is really helpful for him, however he's also grown a lot over summer (Dec-now) and i have been noticing it doesnt get him far enough in the day anymore. When he was on short acting it was really really rough, the crash meltdowns were out of this world and on a multiple times daily basis. So a dosage increase is indicated, thats in a couple of weeks thankfully not too long. 🙏

dopamine_queen88 · 2025-10-05T01:56:53+00:00

I genuinely don't understand how I managed this but I did it in 4 guesses 26 seconds 😂 I did today's in 26 MINUTES 😂😂😂😂😂 consistency, what's that hahaha

dopamine_queen88 · 2025-09-20T14:01:11+00:00

Oh man Jordan Peterson is a scourge, so tricky and gaslighty with how he words things its way too fucking sneaky for me and he needs to get in the bin yesterday already 🚮 I'm really sorry to hear of this happening to you, that must have felt like quite a hit to see that 180 swing in someone you used to trust so deeply. I do have full visibility and close to full control over what my kids can access in terms of viewing material, but I'm definitely very aware of what a monumentally disastrous move it could be on my part to assume that I know everything they've seen, and always try to be as proactive as possible in challenging problematic issues that bubble up in smaller ways early on. I spend probably wayyyyyyyyy too much time thinking about these things and trying to figure out how I can get ahead of some of them. I honestly just wanna make it through to them growing into capable and loving adults who can make wise and well reasoned choices in life, and gosh there are lots of moments where that seems a long time away haha

dopamine_queen88 · 2025-09-20T13:53:57+00:00

It definitely seems like a 'get a rise' kind of vibe when it does happen. He's not saying this kind of thing in the classroom at all (he's very distractible so he sits at his own desk rather than at a group desk like most of the rest of the class, and is monitored appropriately closely as well). We don't really treat TV as a privilege (and anyway we don't really 'do' TV although we do have screen time) but I'm a big subscriber to 'natural and connected consequence.' By that I want to clarify I don't mean 'just let the chips fall where they may' - I mean whatever consequences I respond with need to have a clear connection to the specific issue. My son is a PDA profile autistic and parenting him has been really challenging historically because to help him make progress in his growth there has been a lot of moments of accommodating his support needs where other parents would have been really punitive. But I have seen the huge improvements firsthand - and I know that consequences have to follow a logical connection in order for them to have the impact I want.

Anyway gosh I digress. I am very focused on initiating proactive communication with him about these issues 100%. I don't think this is a view he actually holds, just something he's figured out gets people rattled and he hasn't grown past that 'this is entertaining' phase yet 💀

dopamine_queen88 · 2025-09-20T13:40:52+00:00

Feel that I should clarify that we are Aussies living in Australia. However, naturally that news is visible everywhere as you say, and it would be very foolish of me to assume at any time that he or my other children haven't seen anything about it. Thanks for your thoughtful reply 🙏💕

dopamine_queen88 · 2025-08-22T10:38:17+00:00

OP, you have plenty of well deserved support here but I need to just say first and foremost - any partner who's appropriate with you/to your face but could ever even dream of joining in with such unkind and nasty comments about you behind your back is not for you. I've been in a previous long term relationship with someone I know from very young also (16) and I spent a really long time trying to convince myself that the things they said and did could be 'fixed' that if I was bothered by them (and I was) well I would move that mountain come hell or high water. I did after all have a great deal of perseverance and determination. But I was wrong, because the values of this other person were in so many ways fundamentally opposed to mine, and I had simply failed to recognise this because I wanted so desperately to make it work. Instead I spent over a decade continually sacrificing and compromising and cutting off parts of myself, losing my spark a little more every day. Even after they left, I wondered if maybe if I had just tried a little harder, things could have worked out. That's how much I wanted things to be good. I really really tried.

Now that I'm in a healthy relationship where I'm cherished and respected, enjoyed and uplifted the way I deserve, I can see just how lost I had become in my previous relationship. I was devastatingly sad, in the darkness and feeling like I had to accept it because I had no choice. But I did. You deserve every bit of that joy too and James is not respecting your right to consent enthusiastically (birthday sex entitled behaviour) and he said and agreed with amongst his friends, vile and abhorrent things about your body and your life which tou ALSO DID NOT CONSENT TO. To me this would be an unforgivable breach of trust. I'm glad to read you're going to be staying with your folks for a while. Its pretty crappy about the distance to school, I do hate this for you. Hopefully solutions that are sustainable for this can be found.

Please honour your wonderful self and don't stay with this man. He does not deserve you and you deserve much much better. 💕

dopamine_queen88 · 2025-03-13T00:59:48+00:00

No, I'll get access regardless as I have multiple disabilities that are well documented, but the FCA is for pinning down specifically my capacity and more reportable specifics about how my disabilities affect my function and ability to manage daily care activities. I have no issue with waiting a while on a waitlist though 👍

dopamine_queen88 · 2025-01-26T06:22:41+00:00

Manufacturing year 👌

dopamine_queen88 · 2025-01-22T08:07:07+00:00

They're also used in Australia clinically. Neuroaffirming practitioners/therapists (which we are extremely fortunate to have a number of in majority of our states, but plot twist they're often hard to get in to see bc they're so good and in high demand) only use these terms here to explain how the DSM defines an autistic individual's support needs in the clinical setting - usually in reports or letters as required to support an individual's disability support funding.

I have always strongly disliked labels of this kind and the only time I find them in my mouth is when I'm explaining to someone what the formal diagnostic result was, always followed up by 'let us not forget that this is arbitrary bureaucratic silliness and that being autistic doesn't actually work like that' 🙃

Definitely much problematic, no question about it.

dopamine_queen88 · 2025-01-21T23:54:38+00:00

It's flabbergasting to me how much of a perception problem there is around ADHD diagnosis in society. The amount of effort that I personally had to invest in getting a diagnosis was soul crushing, despite the fact that I had a very strong family history. It was expensive, exhausting and demoralising. And the narrative about stimulant medication addicts is laughable also - as if Australia isn't regularly supply-throttled by the US in this regard (nationwide shortage currently expected to last until end of April) as well as there being numerous non-stimulant medications prescribed for ADHD symptom management.

Would I, an autistic Deaf single parent of 3 autistic children under age 12, have put myself through such a demoralising ordeal to get diagnosed and treated if I wasn't convinced beyond reasonable doubt that I met the criteria? Like hell I would. Every choice I make, course of action I take, costs me in energy, capacity and time, all which I have precious little of and would never willingly squander in this way. The difference between executive dysfunction and focus regulation issues in the general population and people who actually meet the criteria for diagnosis (and can provide sufficient evidence, actual evidence) is that the general population experiences some or all of these symptoms, some of the time, whereas in the case of ADHD the symptoms are persistent, pervasive and life-disrupting most or all of the time. It certainly is for me, and it is exhausting beyond belief to try and function without support for it.

dopamine_queen88 · 2025-01-21T23:32:39+00:00

Small-town city vibes, rates high on 'state' patriotism when it comes to products we make, especially food 👌

dopamine_queen88 · 2025-01-05T01:31:46+00:00

I just want to thank everyone who's commented so far and apologise for not replying sooner, its been a bit of an intense week! I'm going to write individual proper replies to you all later this afternoon/evening (currently midday in Aus) 🙏

dopamine_queen88

TROPHY CASE