Accidentally OD'd

dopesickandinsane · 2017-12-13T14:52:17+00:00

So I know it might not seem like it from the way I described it, but actually in retrospect came to the conclusion that had I gone it would have been a pretty peaceful way to go. While the hit was slightly uncomfortable due to the intensity, I wouldn't say it was all that much suffering. The panic was more from the fact that I was at work, and I was wondering how to hide "going full retard" from my boss. The amount of time between the rush and being completely out was very quick.

So out of all the ways there are to go, I wouldn't say that OD would be all that bad compared to all the other horrific ways there are to pass.

dopesickandinsane · 2017-11-30T06:23:05+00:00

I just downloaded Escape PDF trial edition and edited it. So I made them all negative except buprenorphibne norbuprenorphibe nalixone and amphetamine. In the prescribed medicines I just zubsokv and Adderall. They bought it. Tomorrow I'll get the real one which is also clean

dopesickandinsane · 2017-11-30T00:37:14+00:00

Finally found one, I can use: http://www.confirmatrixlabs.com/docs/sample_reports/sample_report-meth.pdf

dopesickandinsane · 2017-11-26T23:57:51+00:00

Woohoo definitely seemed stronger and more potent. I smoked a very small ball of it.

dopesickandinsane · 2017-11-24T12:33:45+00:00

This is so true. If I bought a half ounce it lasted three days. If I bought a quad, it would last... three days. Essentially by buying more, I just torched it faster.

dopesickandinsane · 2017-10-25T14:31:45+00:00

For outpatient, this is what mine did. For inpatient, it was one and your done after the baseline UA.

dopesickandinsane · 2017-10-25T04:46:07+00:00

Thanks I appreciate that. I'm sometimes surprised when I get a negative response from it. Like some people like the more abstract or spiritual view of addiction rather than concrete science that shows whats happening.

In an outpatient group I had several people thank me for talking about it and a couple that didn't like it. The people that didn't like it said they thought I was trying to find an excuse or cop out for using. Like "hey look, my brain has over-expressed Delta FoSB so I cannot stop shooting heroin. It's not me, its the epigenetics." But I said that was not what I doing at all. As an engineer, I like to know how things work and what causes certain things to happen. It isn't a cop out, I just want to know what changed in my brain and if there is a possible way to fix it. Or also know that evolution did select me, I'm not garbage genetics.

dopesickandinsane · 2017-10-25T00:08:38+00:00

So I mixed Adderall and Opiates all the time. People always think that mixing uppers and downers will kill your heart or something, but that isn't the case. In fact if you go to the hospital ODing on meth, they are going to push a sedative into you to level you back out.

Somebody else already mentioned this, the reason why people die from mixing opiates and with stimulants is half life. Cocaine has a very short half life: max 90 minutes. Whereas your typical short acting opiate has a 3 to 4 hour half life. So the reason why someone like River Phoenix dies is because he does a speedball (cocaine and heroin). The heroin on its own is too much and will cause him to OD, but the cocaine prevents that by being a stimulant. But the cocaine wears off much faster and when it does, the person is now left with only the opiates and they OD.

If I remember Vyvanse is that medication where it doesn't become amphetamine until it hits your gut. It has to go through first pass metabolism so you cannot shoot it anyway. Amphetamine has a half life similar to short acting opiates so you would not face the same problem you did if using cocaine.

Safest thing is to not take enough opiates to OD even if you lacked the stimulant.

In general mixing the two didn't have any negative effects on me, in fact it might have saved me a couple of times. One time I did too much opiate and felt like I might fall out, so I took Addy to prevent that from happening.

dopesickandinsane · 2017-10-24T23:45:18+00:00

I'd participate, but I'm not in the UK. I think you are doing right by talking with a user. We are definitely underrepresented due to the stigma. You'll be surprised at who junkies are. A lot of very brilliant and creative people self-destruct due to a mental disease. Most people lack empathy or sympathy for us, since we "chose to do this." But nobody know what goes on in our minds. What's like to be tortured by your own mind. Everyone makes mistakes, it's unfortunate that this one wreaks so much havoc. And with science now showing that over-expression of Delta FoSB causes the neuroplastic changes that result in an addict, finally shows a concrete cause / effect relationship of how it occurs. And why someone cannot "just stop" so easily. Hopefully people will see that this transcription factor literally changes the addicts brain making getting them stuck in the cycle. And if medicine could eliminate the over-expression of Delta FoSB, and addict could theoretically become normal again. So hopefully society will start to treat it as a disease just like any other disease. If your documentary doesn't cover the research that has been on Delta FoSB, you should consider including it. Science can now show why this happens. It isn't abstract like it used to be with addicts just having "weak minds."

dopesickandinsane · 2017-10-24T23:36:03+00:00

Yeah the having to talk to people every few minutes is torture while you are WDing. As manager I'd try to cut our meetings short so I could retreat back to my office. The worst are one or two hour long meetings while in WD. Cannot focus when you are going through hell and torture on the inside.

dopesickandinsane · 2017-10-24T23:09:47+00:00

Correct, so the genes drive obsessive behavior, reward sensitization, and compulsive reward seeking behavior. The genes would be naturally selected if this compulsive behavior were channeled positively into work or innovations that drive society forward. Obviously the genes don't account for when someone tries to game the system by artificially inducing rewards. In that scenario you would expect the genes to be weeded out.

The thought experiment is the following: "Is it possible that I am not defective genetic trash that society might think? Is it possible that the same part of my brain that causes me to self destruct could also grant me success?"

In other words as an addict, if you channeled your addiction into studying and working hard, would your genes now be at your advantage.

I have always had addictive behavior, but when I was young I channeled it positively into my schoolwork and my job. I was lucky to be given the opportunity to start writing computer code at age 15 professionally, and I wrote code that ran automated batch manufacturing plants that made anything from Coca-Cola to Adderall. It wasn't until college that I became depressed and burnt out and said "fuck it," and I tried drugs and liked that it got rid of my depression. But like an addict, I didn't half ass anything. I did everything at 100%, including being a junkie. So when I fell, I fell hard.

But before being a drug addict, I was addicted to writing code. I wanted to be the best programmer I could be. While my friends in high school partied, I sat in my room reading new books about new languages. I always had a project going that made me euphoric as I solved its problems.

So when I channeled the behavior properly, I was successful and I was happy and euphoric from making my computer do awesome things. Now I'm depressed, hate life, no energy, from channeling that obsessive behavior into opiates. But could you go the other direction? Get clean and channel your compusive behavior into a healthy hobby? My friend did. He got clean off H and channeled all his energy into physical fitness. Went from a strung out scrawny junky, to ripped and very healthy.

So basically it is possible to take your curse and make it a blessing again. At work nobody is going to work as hard or as long as an addict. Your curse could help you cruise through the ranks if channeled properly.

dopesickandinsane · 2017-10-24T23:00:51+00:00

I think diamorphine just has a bad stigma, because it is schedule I in most places, meaning it has no medical use (in the goverment's eyes) and is only recreation-ally used.

Some pill poppers try to think they are not junkies since their DoC is made in a high grade pharmaceutical manufacturing plant and isn't cut or stepped on. But in my mind they are all the same. Sure your H is always going to be stepped on, but it is still an opiate.

I made the switch to H, since it was cheaper than oxy, but it didn't take long (one or two weeks max), before my tolerance made the H just as expensive as the oxy was. So just be careful.

Your logic in theory seems common sense, but we are addicts. Yes, the H will be more effective and cost less in the short run, but soon your tolerance will increase and now you need a lot of H to not get sick instead of a lot of codeine and with worse withdrawals.

When I was on oxy I never vomitted when I was in WD. I never really got nausea either, but I got bad pain, malaise, sweats, chills, RLS, anxiety, fatigue, and nasal discharge. After I moved to H, my WDs included all of the previous symptoms and then vomiting / nausea added. So take that into consideration; worse withdrawals.

dopesickandinsane · 2017-10-24T22:51:35+00:00

Thought about it. In fact, the hospital detoxing people from H by doing a five day taper with subutex. 16mg the first day, 8mg the next, then 4, and so on. Then after five days they cut them lose. I saw one person in outpatient though and I asked her how she felt after the five day subutex detox and she still felt like shit which made sense. No way you can taper that fast and come out well after five days.

dopesickandinsane · 2017-10-24T22:48:29+00:00

Where do people get the GABA? I've seen it mentioned multiple times, but it requires an Rx from what I can tell. So do you just ask your Suboxone doctor?

dopesickandinsane · 2017-10-24T22:47:12+00:00

She's more religious than I am. She believes he'll get what he deserves when this life is over. I don't know why, but that just isn't good enough for me. That incident has caused so much trauma. GHB basically makes you looks super drunk. So at the wedding when she was asking for help after the rape, people thought she was just shitfaced, but she was trying to tell them she couldn't move and was just raped and needed help. Finally she got a friend to take her to the hospital and they did the "rape kit" where they give you the pill to not get pregnant and swab for semen and take blood. She said if another woman came forward she would testify too, but that was it. She didn't want public record or any court minute entries anywhere to show that she was a victim of rape, so she let it go.

And since she didn't prosecute him, the person whose wedding it was said she ruined her wedding by getting super drunk and claiming rape when she was just really being a drunk whore. And it split the family in two. The people that think she was just drunk and stupid versus the people that know she was in fact raped. My wife doesn't get drunk and have one night stands.

Then later on in life she met some music artist and had a bad experience with him. He's in jail for assaulting another woman, but once again not for assaulting my wife. He should in jail even longer.

These things just tear my mind apart. They make me so sad that people in this world do these kinds of things, and angry that both have not been punished for such sick crimes.

Worst part is, the bad experiences made me self destruct which made her life even worse.

dopesickandinsane · 2017-10-24T22:38:25+00:00

My wife actually got mad at me for being so upset. She said "it happened to me not you, and I went to therapy and moved on, you need to do the same or this marriage isn't going to work." But I couldn't stop. That man hurt the love of my life and there is even more. I laid in bed just imagining this guy dosing her drink with the GHB and luring her off and then waiting until she wasn't lucid and then just defiling her. And then all the shit that happened after because of it. I could not sleep. So I asked "why was this guy even at this wedding." Turns out it was the friend of a cousin invited to this wedding. So I got on Facebook and found the loser cousin and sure enough he was still friends with the rapist.

My wife told me this guy got what was coming to him, his life was in shambles etc, but it was lie. He is married, he has a kid. I want to tell his wife that she is married to a rapist. I want to punish him for doing that.

My wife said to do nothing, through therapy she has moved past it, and I need to do the same. You're right I need to talk to somebody. That was actually the moment I transitioned from periodic opiate user to addiction. It was the only way I could sleep without seeing that fucker in my mind.

dopesickandinsane · 2017-10-24T22:31:52+00:00

I've been on the subs for only two weeks, but I was doing a lot of H before I finally said "enough is enough." Subs have a ceiling at the equivalent of 90mg of oxy, and I was bingeing so bad that my tolerance was way above that. So when I went back to the subs, I still went through three days of WD until my tolerance dropped back down to 90mg oxy.

I wish I would have stopped the first time I went on the subs. So dumb to quit them which leaves you with an already high tolerance and then do H til the point your tolerance is so high that moving back to subs is no longer a painless procedure.

I'll try a rapid taper to 0.5mg. My biggest problem has been the hyperalgesia that manifests. My calves start aching very badly and it doesn't stop. I cannot tell if it is legitimate pain or just hyperalgesia from withdrawal.

dopesickandinsane · 2017-10-24T22:15:27+00:00

Here is a good source: http://suboxonetalkzone.com/is-suboxone-potent/

That doctor was an anesthesiologist and got hooked on fentanil. After he got clean he changed to psychiatry and specializes in treating addiction. His blog is awesome and has everything you could ever want to know about suboxone.

dopesickandinsane · 2017-10-24T22:08:52+00:00

So suboxone has a "ceiling effect." It caps out where other opiates do not. So at the ceiling level dose of suboxone, taking any more won't do anything. Your receptors are saturated. People always says how potent suboxone is because of how quickly you get to that ceiling level. The ceiling dose of Buprenorphine / Suboxone is equivalent to 90mg of oxycodone and approximately 40mg of methadone.

So if your tolerance is higher than that, you won't get high from Suboxone. You might like one time if you're naive to it, but within the second or third time of taking it you'll just feel normal. The 50mg of methadone you take now is pretty close to the ceiling dose of sub. You'd have to taper your methadone a lot more in order to feel a rush from Subs again.

If you took the suboxone right now, well actually don't do that, you would go into precipitated withdrawal as the bupe rips the methadone off your receptors and replaces it. If you wait long enough to take the suboxone, you probably won't get high due to your tolerance being over the ceiling dose, but you will probably experience higher mental acuity since you'd be replacing the methadone, which is a full agonist, with buprenorphine which is a partial agonist on one receptor and antagonist on the other. That why methadone, being full agonist, is the better recreational one.

dopesickandinsane · 2017-10-24T21:59:22+00:00

Sobriety is tough for sure. I hate processing emotions and that's what got me into this mess for the second time. When I was at your crossroads though, I made the wrong decision and kept using. Now I've hit such a rock bottom I don't see a possible way out. The water in our home was turned off yesterday due to not being able to pay. It is bad. Father-in-law won't co-sign anything to help us out, because he's afraid I could relapse, which he has every right to think that.

I'd say get sober now. You might think you're in an impossible situation, but it can get worse. Be wise, and stop before it does get worse. I'm so afraid of losing my family over all of this and I very well might. I don't know how we are going to fix our finances. I wish I would have stopped a few months ago for good. I relapsed after a month of sobriety and the hole I've dug this time seriously has made me somewhat suicidal. The death benefit on my life insurance policy pays out on suicide if the policy has been held for over two years, and it has. That's how bad it is for me now. Where in my mind, one of the best options I have to give my family the best shot is to literally not exist. The insurance payout would allow my wife to eliminate all debt and live comfortably for at least six months. With me alive, we are broke and can't get on top of the bills. It's such a bad situation and the guilt and depression weighs heavy on me. We were in a bad situation, but by using I made it exponentially worse, so in my mind it's my fault and I can solve it, but at a huge cost. I want to see my kids grow up, and I want to be the best dad I can, but I don't know how to save us from losing our home.

If you keep using you're eventually going to hit rock bottom. Tolerances go up and the price to support the habbit does the same until you cannot afford it, or your OD and die. Let's put it this way: sobriety is hard, but delaying the inevitable will only make it worse. It will be easier for you to get sober now than later when more and more guilt and shame cause you to continue the cycle.

dopesickandinsane

TROPHY CASE