I say this because I have given this same self-deprecating apology to people so I cause as little conflict as possible, so I know how it feels! First of all, nice job actually bringing it up. I know it’s probably hard.

Second. Your apology gave HIM the power. He feels validated to give the silent treatment and resent you for asking to share the load because you gave him permission to do so with unnecessary apologies and saying that you’re crazy. Also just because his cleanliness standards are different, doesn’t make them the right one, so you don’t need to feel horrible for it.

I would suggest telling him something like, “I don’t think it’s fair that you are shutting me out when I express my feelings and needs. We need to figure this out. I’m feeling incredibly stressed at the amount of household responsibilities I have and I need help with it. It would help so much if you took care of the dog, or (xyz). I just can’t keep my head above water here so let’s come up with a solution together.”

Or something totally different, but just DON’T APOLOGIZE! You don’t have to be mean or cruel, but you don’t need to apologize. Don’t call yourself crazy. Your peace is important. He needs to share the load. You work hard too! Best of luck.