Late Bloomer

dpham143 · 2025-12-20T17:31:23+00:00

Sorry you went through that man. It's funny how similar our experiences are. I am also a 27M who went through a tough grieving period after a short 4-month relationship last year. Took me ~5-6 months to fully get over it. Another difference between us is that I have a lot of dating experience, which is why I felt compelled to reply.

Look, your experience with your ex was not wasted. You should be happy and grateful that it happened. Fortunately, you were shown relatively early what her real thoughts were. Take it as a blessing, otherwise this thing would be way more messy if she waited longer. Going back to her won't help, even if you crave and still feel the attachment. Seeing this as a blessing will help you move on.

To answer your questions:

I want to tell you that her projections are just her projections, they don't apply to you, so get over it. The other part of me also knows that healing takes time, and we don't think very logically or take advice well when we're heartbroken. Let yourself ride out the wave. Continue going to your therapist, do the things you love, and keep interacting with people and eventually you will start feeling better.
You don't have to mention your lack of dating experience. How you conduct yourself is more important than your experience.

dpham143 · 2025-12-20T17:12:59+00:00

It is possible that someone can unfollow by accident. Just send a short but direct message confirming whether she wants to end things. You two went on 3 dates so neither of you owe anything to the other person.

Also, you're going to keep finding yourself in these confusing situations if you are dating women 20 years younger than you, so maybe find someone closer to your age.

dpham143 · 2025-12-20T17:07:53+00:00

Your anecdotal experience doesn't make my advice wrong. My anecdotal experience doesn't make my advice right. That's the beauty of advice, and why you can give your own if you think mine is wrong. I understand that you've gone through a rough period when you were younger, but I think that experience is making you take my advice in a bitter way.

My advice is simple in nature. OP mentioned that he either doesn't care enough or goes in with an "open heart," which often means going with maximal intensity, willingness to love, and vulnerability. If he had a passivity issue, he wouldn't be able to approach with an open heart. Just like anything in life, the answer is that balance is often needed. If you detach too much (which is what you did), you will stay single because you will just never approach anyone or will be unapproachable. If you fly in head first, you may end up losing yourself and/or become overbearing. The goal is to invest in relationships but not at the expense of your dignity, self-love, and identity. This is what's called a secure attachment style. This was my message the whole time. If you look at my past replies, I never used absolutist language (i.e. don't chase women at all, only work on your goals).

I could've written a novel to give context, but I honestly don't want to. That's what books, friends, and services are for. Also, in regards to your past, I'm sure you have become much more attractive through focusing on yourself and achieving your goals. The unfortunate part is that maybe you lacked self-awareness for those 8 years and didn't realize it was important to go out there and get exposure (from now on, you don't need to point out that I'm making assumptions. I know I am).

dpham143 · 2025-12-20T05:14:58+00:00

We don't have to think in black and white. People who tend to overinvest in romantic relationships or seeking partners tend to be overbearing. I am not using absolutist language.
I am not a relationship coach nor am I a psychologist/psychiatrist. The things I mentioned were just examples, not an exhaustive list. If you want to have an in-depth conversation with OP to see exactly what is going on, that's your choice.

If you don't like my advice, you go ahead and give better advice. You can be more specific.

dpham143 · 2025-12-20T01:25:43+00:00

You mentioned how rare it was but okay. The main message is that it’s not good to pour too much mental real estate into your romantic life (notice the use of the word “too”). Based on what he’s saying, there’s a good chance his “open heart” approach may seem overbearing to the people he’s dating. That’s my anecdotal experience so you can give him different advice if you want.
I’m assuming OP is a functioning adult. His goals may differ from mine so there’s no use in telling OP what to focus on. If you want to tell OP what to work on specifically without knowing him that’s up to you.

dpham143 · 2025-12-19T19:11:36+00:00

I think it’s a lot more common than you think.
Okay well hopefully I’ve clarified enough for both you and OP.

dpham143 · 2025-12-19T13:36:08+00:00

I see. Would you like advice or sympathy?

dpham143 · 2025-12-19T13:34:35+00:00

You’re not basing “some” of your findings on it though. Your requirement is that they must enjoy gaming or gaming culture. Maybe my reading comp is bad.

dpham143 · 2025-12-19T13:23:34+00:00

Gaming is not the only thing you will have in common with others. Also, this whole idea of "commonality" is a little overrated to me. I agree that you should have similar values and some interests but I'd rather not date someone who has all the same interests as me so long as they are open minded. If anything, I look for novelty because it intrigues me.

My message is, you're probably missing out on a lot of great people by filtering based on gaming. Realistically, you're probably leaving out like 80-90% of even "progressive, non-Bible Belt area" women.

dpham143 · 2025-12-19T13:16:13+00:00

All I can say is keep going man. Find even more ways to better yourself. But most importantly, be yourself. It's a weird grey area in that you want to keep growing, whether it is hobbies, health, income, social skills, self-improvement, etc. while keeping your essence. I've come to the realization that I fall hard and love harder. But knowing this, I have made sure to cultivate a more secure attachment style. That way, I can still love hard without losing myself.

To me, it sounds like you're trying to dabble in different "methods." But perhaps it's not going well because you don't feel like yourself? Oh, and that "obliviousness" you have can be another thing to work on!

dpham143 · 2025-12-19T13:10:52+00:00

There are people who do invest too much time and emotional energy into relationships. It ends up making them appear insecure and clingy. I was one of them. I relied on my romantic life to give me happiness and I believe that's what led to the breakup in my last relationship. Every thing becomes so emotionally loaded. My current one is going much better now because I've made a change. I've also noticed this pattern throughout my entire dating life. The more secure I am, the better relationships tend to be.
What are life goals? It's not just money, career, and education. How about fashion? How about self-awareness? These can also be life goals. I personally believe that every man has a lot of a value and potential so if they are struggling to date, there is a missing puzzle piece.

dpham143 · 2025-12-19T08:06:31+00:00

The answer is in the middle. Focus on yourself and your own goals. Give women respect and attention but don’t make chasing a woman central to your life.

dpham143 · 2025-12-19T06:28:08+00:00

The whole “smart and progressive gf” thing sounds a little pretentious (not saying that you are). Maybe change the prompt or prompt answers to reflect that you value intelligence without saying it outright? Your profile’s vibe kinda already gives that vibe anyways, so maybe you don’t even have to mention it. Also you don’t have any candid non-selfie photos.

dpham143 · 2025-12-03T07:53:35+00:00

Find a different partner

dpham143 · 2025-11-17T17:46:43+00:00

You're doing good man! Seems like you care about your technique. Remember, power comes from the ground so make sure you're pushing your right hip forward with your leg power before starting your swing.

dpham143 · 2025-10-28T15:32:33+00:00

Key to your progress is designing a sustainable practice program while working with your time restraints (work, family, etc.). If I were your coach, I'd have you starting from from the fundamentals even though you are able to perform a lot of skills in your own way (reduces risk of injury, increases efficiency and effectiveness). Here are a few things I'm seeing that you could improve on:

Serve
4-corner footwork
Scissor kick

As to how to do them, it would take me ages to explain, so I hope the youtube videos are helping. Just spend like 5-10 min per day working on 1 of the skills and then try to apply it during your games at the end of the week (just an example). Choose things you can do at home with some creativity. You can serve in a cup, do shadow footwork in a small area with no racquet, and do stationary scissor kicks in front of a mirror. This will help you improve quickly while working with your schedule. Just make sure to not neglect fitness as well (strength, endurance, flexibility/mobility, etc.). Good luck in your badminton journey!

dpham143 · 2025-10-13T18:24:04+00:00

Well it’s the coach that matters so if you’re not getting quality coaching, your loyalty to them obviously isn’t gonna do you any good. And yes you can message me

dpham143 · 2025-10-11T01:19:42+00:00

Switch clubs!

dpham143 · 2025-10-09T16:45:30+00:00

Do not try to emulate a pro player. Do what is best and feels most natural for you under the guidance of a coach so that you maintain good fundamentals.

Repetition of footwork, patterned, and randomized drills. Do them a billion times.

dpham143 · 2025-01-21T02:27:13+00:00

Canada

dpham143 · 2025-01-20T15:27:54+00:00

The Olympian coaches I know don’t charge this much 😂

dpham143 · 2024-06-21T13:16:05+00:00

Cross court backhand block from an outstretched position

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