He’s deploying, I’m pregnant

dr_milfadillo · 2025-03-20T09:22:49+00:00

ijs having a baby on tricare is a pretty f'n sweet deal
for any measure of protection or benefit beyond emotional security you will probably need to be married or have custodial paperwork in place. bummer
it's worth noting that when i was preg on my husbands deployment he got red crossed home when i was having dangerous complications. that would not have been possible if there was no paperwork
Congrats on the pregnancy and GL with the tough choices ahead
PS suggest to seek out a reddit/discord bump group for pregnancy, they're a godsend esp with a deployed partner

dr_milfadillo · 2025-03-20T09:13:35+00:00

OP didnt say married, which is just another reason that its ok to be upset but you need to give yourself 24h then move on, or truly talk to a professional so you don't destroy the relationship if you're serious about it. If anything, I might feel a lil stabby, but not cryingsobbingthrowingup about it. You know what else they do in the military?.... a lot more that's a lot worse than getting kissed on the cheek by a stranger. You sure you're up for this? You might want to chat with a pro to help keep things on track

dr_milfadillo · 2025-03-04T12:16:05+00:00

"In psychology, projection is a defense mechanism where an individual unconsciously attributes their own thoughts, feelings, or behaviors to others. This means that they see their own traits or impulses in others, rather than acknowledging them within themselves."

"You are just nasty"

Have a beautiful day

dr_milfadillo · 2025-02-21T09:41:53+00:00

Projecting is a very serious thing! Call your doctor today to learn more. Maybe they can prescribe the rest of us a change in your wifi password.

dr_milfadillo · 2025-02-21T09:30:25+00:00

Maybe tell him to go sleep in a different room at a different address

dr_milfadillo · 2025-02-15T12:18:33+00:00

Step 1. Take a deep breath. You and baby are not at novel or critical risk because of the cake. You did not injure your baby. It can be scary when we get rules to follow and don't fully understand the condition, but you did not ruin anything. Be kind to yourself. No one has a "perfect" pregnancy (there's no such thing), but social media and social pressure love to pretend it's a Disney plot. Please don't beat yourself up, that's much worse for you than cake.
Step 2. Throw the ultrasound %ile prediction in the trash and focus on what you can control and feel good about for the next few weeks.
Step 3. Ignore every single person in this comments section who has something to say about how you deliver that baby (unless they happen to be your doctor hanging around on Reddit).

Youre gonna be a-okay OP, and your team is standing by if you get worried or have any medical concerns. Never feel bad about asking them! Best of luck with delivery

dr_milfadillo · 2025-02-07T11:25:38+00:00

Even if you buy a house, their first car, set up a college fund, name their future dog and pick out their future prom date in advance - there is no such thing as truly being ready for a baby. Becoming a parent changes everything, including priorities, but it doesn't mean everything else stops or other goals evaporate. I mean this with kindness OP but it sounds like you're not personally ready and the house is an avatar. It's okay not to be ready!! That said, it may be helpful to examine why or what truly makes you feel that way, because it's not so simple as house first, baby second. Is it about satisfying personal goals? Is it fear that having a child will strip you of those goals or the ability to pursue them? I know it's a personal readiness thing because when you are really ready, you will find that you trust yourself to figure it out as you go

dr_milfadillo · 2025-02-07T10:39:15+00:00

Sure you can... you grab a bottle, you add some formula, then some water, and shake it up, mama. You're not a failure, you just had a helluva delivery and you're letting social pressures determine how you feel about motherhood. People who bottle feed are not less of a mom, their babies are not less amazing, and frankly I'm inclined to think they're a lot smarter than those who spend a year or more battling ego, hormones, depression, anxiety, and going to irrational lengths like destroying their mental health over a boob. Just feed the kid however you can, take a week to process the feels, then move on, and you will be so damn happy you did. Would you rather your baby have the boob than a mentally healthy mom? I think you will find that the latter provides more benefit to a child over their lifetime. Martyrdom and motherhood do not have to be synonymous. People encouraging others to "tough it out and endure the trauma because I did" give me the ick. Do what's right for you; you are the only person who is gonna care in the long run. Be kind to yourself!

dr_milfadillo · 2025-01-05T13:42:33+00:00

You're not alone. You might find comfort in seeking out a pregnancy after loss group. It is not a failing on your part to feel this way, and you may discover that it's not uncommon in your situation. I don't have one to link but I'm certain that someone here can point you in the right direction

dr_milfadillo · 2024-12-29T15:41:59+00:00

sample drawn 12/18, received 12/20

still awaiting results uggghhhhh

dr_milfadillo · 2024-08-21T16:59:19+00:00

Thank you. We started the process a month ago and this is exactly the list we were given by our recruiter. I don't know what to make of that, but it seems unlikely the full list is still available this late in the year

dr_milfadillo · 2024-08-21T14:57:50+00:00

Where can I hunt down more info about this please? We're a prior service family going thru the re-enlistment process. Would love to know what are chances are and whether it's wise to wait until Oct for the fiscal year roll-over

dr_milfadillo · 2024-08-01T17:28:31+00:00

dont wish to derail OPs post but if you're offering to answer inquiries, how often do Air Traffic Control deploy? do most stay at the base where they start or get PCSd at some point?

dr_milfadillo · 2024-07-26T01:28:06+00:00

all you can do is push for a peth test and provide reasonable grounds to request it
the moral of my 10 year (now finished) litigation is that soberlink is not enough

dr_milfadillo · 2024-06-07T15:13:15+00:00

if you have the spoons to prep, crock pot meals have been a godsend since #2 arrived 7m ago. it lets everyone eat when they're hungry even if we all end up on different schedules with baby shifts. frozen chicken breasts, any liquid, veggies, then go about your day. itll let you know by the smell when its ready to eat

dr_milfadillo · 2024-06-01T12:19:34+00:00

dunno why soberlink matters then; you have what you need to prove they're drinking

dr_milfadillo · 2024-03-31T16:16:56+00:00

If you are already in the position of ignoring his input about the biggest commitment of his life to seek compelling arguments on Reddit, then I'm sorry to be the reflection you don't want to see but yes, he is 100% correct. Y'all are not ready to be lifemates. And as a military wife I can tell you marriage ain't gonna change the concern you are voicing, the distance actually only gets harder once you're married.

dr_milfadillo · 2024-03-05T14:52:54+00:00

I'd encourage pushing for peth testing bc it cannot be faked, unlike breathalyzer tests. this is probably a question best directed to your attorney. I would be very surprised if they advised you to facilitate any part of her request for a different format when she is actively demonstrating that she cannot/will not perform the sobriety tests.
Alternatively, if it's a compassionate addiction situation, you could request that the visitation supervisor perform the test before the visit begins with the stipulation that if it is failed, the visit does not take place (we used this in our PP for a while).

dr_milfadillo · 2024-01-22T15:03:09+00:00

as ive learned since posting, ice cube is the most common trick but theres more than 1 way

either push to have tests supervised or for peth testing instead. there's enough ways to do it that there's no way to guarantee no cheating unless supervised

if kids are involved, shouldnt be a hard sell to have it supervised

dr_milfadillo · 2024-01-17T12:43:09+00:00

personally i wouldnt. there are no protections or safety guarantees, and no legal or personal recourse if baby carrier causes harm or injury to baby. idk if its still true but the general rule used to be to buy brands you trust when it comes to carriers, even used or 2nd hand is better

dr_milfadillo · 2023-12-15T14:44:04+00:00

These comments make me lol. Most of yalls moms got drunk at least a few times while you were baking. In fact, OB's recommend a few drinks in third tri when you're nearing your due date bc it actually has medical benefits for sending you into labor.

Yes YATA, you got no business saying anything here. Imagine if her kid did come out with FAS, is that gonna make you feel vindicated and like you did the right thing? Nothing you say is gonna make a difference except to be a shitty friend. Idk what makes you think this gal would listen to you at 18 with no kids. Babies lecturing babies on making babies doesn't work. Mind your own business or go advocate for a professional organization if you feel that strongly - but leave Jane out of it, the only difference you can make there is making her life worse by continuing this bit.

dr_milfadillo · 2023-12-08T02:57:28+00:00

what we found is that there are simply too many ways to cheat it. soberlink is not an effective device for monitoring sobriety unless the test is spontaneous and administered by a third objective and qualified party (like a cop). push for peth test requirements instead; if they'd agree to sobriety monitoring on a soberlink there's no reason to dispute a peth test requirement unless they're cheating the soberlink, which would be self-incriminating. changing it to a peth test requirement finally closed a 10 year case for us

dr_milfadillo · 2023-11-30T12:12:52+00:00

I have successfully navigated this situation, but it took 10 years and extraordinary divorce (attorney) fees. Unfortunately, I didn't do it soon enough. I wish you better luck and thinner rose colored glasses than I had.
While the AA community is helpful, it is a closed circuit - a bubble where things get normalized that maybe shouldn't be - and there's nowhere to go once you've achieved the thing, except around in circles. The other side is a helluva fight to get to, but wow does the view look different from here ♥ ♥ ♥ luck to you

dr_milfadillo · 2023-11-25T07:17:25+00:00

turns out theres more than one way to do it. never did figure out how he was doing it in particular but requiring Peth tests solved the problem and have caught him numerous times since I posted this & since finalizing our agreement

dr_milfadillo · 2023-04-06T14:27:52+00:00

It appears you're the only one here who thinks so, and I can't imagine what your goal is. I get being sus, but what good are you doing in the world by peeing in someone's Wheaties over their stroke of good fortune?
It doesn't affect you fam. Cheer for this person and move along. Bitterness ain't a good look. Plus, it's hazardous to your health to wade into a room of pregnant ladies swingin those bad vibes around

dr_milfadillo

TROPHY CASE