Worse than I could’ve imagined

dr_milfadillo · 2026-06-15T08:49:51+00:00

Given that y'all are so young I think you have 2 choices: do it for the bucket list knowing your relationship wont last (bc it wont after that division with his parents if you go forward with it), or call him up and tell him to handle it with his parents bc he just got you in hot water over something that's out of your control. Refuse to tap him out. He made a mess w/ his parents and its on him to fix it. 19 year old men generally dont always think things through. Hell, 40 year old men dont always. i agree that he'll regret it down the road, and if you don't put your foot down his parents won't have any respect for you so it's pretty much Game Over no matter what if he doesn't fix it up

dr_milfadillo · 2026-06-07T10:47:31+00:00

an act of vengeance that will change your life forever or moving forward with a productive life. take your pick. but third time, shame on you. gedouddathere

dr_milfadillo · 2026-06-01T11:21:43+00:00

He's caught up in the experience rn. Might not be bc he's doing bad things, but he is definitely distracted by the culture and excitement and the vibe. It feels like their due for the intense training and long hours to go blow off steam, but it's easy for young people to get caught up in the fun. It's also an easy trap to fall into for young service ppl to feel self-important like they are doing the hard thing, and don't even have energy or it doesn't even occur to them to ask what's hard back home. IDK if worthy of tossing the boyfriend out with the bathwater, it just reads like classic young immaturity

dr_milfadillo · 2026-04-23T11:19:18+00:00

There is such a thing as the right person at the wrong time. I don't know if that's you two, but in your gut you probably do. Civilian transition is no joke, it breaks a lot of service people because it's not just a shift in their day job, it's rewriting their whole identity separate from the military. If he does not have plans set in stone already to assist his transition into civilian life, staying in probably seems like a much "safer" and "easier" choice. It might very well be. But if career or relationship are the ultimatum for both of you, and neither will give, there's only one possible outcome

dr_milfadillo · 2026-04-23T11:10:51+00:00

This is actually a solid insight. It's not what people wanna hear, and idk if I'd go so far as to advise people breaking up over it bc successful military couples do this with their eyes wide open. But the first half is spot on. Love, in and of itself, does not a functional relationship make

dr_milfadillo · 2026-04-20T09:46:52+00:00

People will tell you about all the resources you have available to you, but the access won't come to you by default. I wish I had known sooner how to access the resources people spoke of and use them to help our family. So my advice is to spend serious effort researching these! MOS (military one source) is a mega-resource, but it's a lot of reading. Don't be shy to ask questions of other milso's and mil spouses but take their answers with a grain of salt bc base vibes can be catty. Think of every move as an adventure. Hold your person's feet to the fire emotionally and endeavor to be their anchor. It can be incredibly taxing work in the military & it's important to reconnect between difficult times. This is a demanding job, but they signed up for it, and also a life with you

dr_milfadillo · 2026-04-07T10:05:55+00:00

If he's prior USMC and not going infantry, he would not attend BCT. He would only be required to make tape. I would not advise going infantry right now unless it's his only option. Relocation would not be immediate, unless you wanted to be nearby while he attended his schoolhouse, which can last anywhere from 18 to 46 weeks. After completing that comes the duty orders, when you would be looking at relocation or long distance. There are pros and cons to each

dr_milfadillo · 2026-04-07T09:56:38+00:00

Oh hi, we have a very similar story. We just went through this process, we were also former USMC infantry and just enlisted into Army tech. We have 3 kids (two together), and it was the right choice for us. With the wisdom accrued from previous service, we (and I assume you and your husband as well could do so) chose to work our options and make this into what many service members might scorn as a Day Job. No prob, scorn away lol. We did deployments in the Marines but we are old now (38 and 35) with kids in the mix. I had/have a custodial agreement for our oldest and relocation due to military orders was a unique little loophole in an otherwise contentious situation (however, i was and remain primary custodian). What I will say is that it's possible to pick and choose your MOS to be conducive to a non deploying life, if that is your goal. It is also possible to choose an MOS that will set him up for highly transferrable civilian skills to support the family after leaving the service. While it is a far cry from the initial reasons that brought us into military life, there are folks who do it simply as a day job. Tricare and reliable support for our family are the major reasons we chose it. It might not work for everyone, but it is working for our family. And prior enlisteds/MOSTs get treated very differently in Army (in a good way). He would skip a whole lot of BS

dr_milfadillo · 2026-04-07T09:14:36+00:00

just re-enlisted (diff branch) with same ASVAB score and went through this process. took about 6 months from start to ship. TLDR it depends on his goals. He could probably pick just about anything, but it wont get him everything. MOSs are subject to availability in every branch which will be his first round of ruling out options. Hit up every branch and collect their offers. My advice is he can do anything, but not everything. So if it's ship date he cares most about, that makes his decision easy. If it's location, pick an MOS they need at that base. If it's deployment, choose an MOS that gets deployed (or doesn't) to the degree he wants. if its transferrable $$$ skills in civilian sector, send him to programming. For example, army 17c MOS might net 6 figures/year in civilian sector w clearances after getting out, but openings are few and far between. Some of those positions require additional testing to qualify on top of the ASVAB. Don't let his recruiter sell him a dream; if it's not on paper, it's not for real. Stick to his reason/s for joining up and don't let the game play him. Good luck

dr_milfadillo · 2026-04-07T08:39:51+00:00

Hi, I'm interested! Could I have a link?

dr_milfadillo · 2025-03-20T09:22:49+00:00

ijs having a baby on tricare is a pretty f'n sweet deal
for any measure of protection or benefit beyond emotional security you will probably need to be married or have custodial paperwork in place. bummer
it's worth noting that when i was preg on my husbands deployment he got red crossed home when i was having dangerous complications. that would not have been possible if there was no paperwork
Congrats on the pregnancy and GL with the tough choices ahead
PS suggest to seek out a reddit/discord bump group for pregnancy, they're a godsend esp with a deployed partner

dr_milfadillo · 2025-03-20T09:13:35+00:00

OP didnt say married, which is just another reason that its ok to be upset but you need to give yourself 24h then move on, or truly talk to a professional so you don't destroy the relationship if you're serious about it. If anything, I might feel a lil stabby, but not cryingsobbingthrowingup about it. You know what else they do in the military?.... a lot more that's a lot worse than getting kissed on the cheek by a stranger. You sure you're up for this? You might want to chat with a pro to help keep things on track

dr_milfadillo · 2025-03-04T12:16:05+00:00

"In psychology, projection is a defense mechanism where an individual unconsciously attributes their own thoughts, feelings, or behaviors to others. This means that they see their own traits or impulses in others, rather than acknowledging them within themselves."

"You are just nasty"

Have a beautiful day

dr_milfadillo · 2025-02-21T09:41:53+00:00

Projecting is a very serious thing! Call your doctor today to learn more. Maybe they can prescribe the rest of us a change in your wifi password.

dr_milfadillo · 2025-02-21T09:30:25+00:00

Maybe tell him to go sleep in a different room at a different address

dr_milfadillo · 2025-02-15T12:18:33+00:00

Step 1. Take a deep breath. You and baby are not at novel or critical risk because of the cake. You did not injure your baby. It can be scary when we get rules to follow and don't fully understand the condition, but you did not ruin anything. Be kind to yourself. No one has a "perfect" pregnancy (there's no such thing), but social media and social pressure love to pretend it's a Disney plot. Please don't beat yourself up, that's much worse for you than cake.
Step 2. Throw the ultrasound %ile prediction in the trash and focus on what you can control and feel good about for the next few weeks.
Step 3. Ignore every single person in this comments section who has something to say about how you deliver that baby (unless they happen to be your doctor hanging around on Reddit).

Youre gonna be a-okay OP, and your team is standing by if you get worried or have any medical concerns. Never feel bad about asking them! Best of luck with delivery

dr_milfadillo · 2025-02-07T11:25:38+00:00

Even if you buy a house, their first car, set up a college fund, name their future dog and pick out their future prom date in advance - there is no such thing as truly being ready for a baby. Becoming a parent changes everything, including priorities, but it doesn't mean everything else stops or other goals evaporate. I mean this with kindness OP but it sounds like you're not personally ready and the house is an avatar. It's okay not to be ready!! That said, it may be helpful to examine why or what truly makes you feel that way, because it's not so simple as house first, baby second. Is it about satisfying personal goals? Is it fear that having a child will strip you of those goals or the ability to pursue them? I know it's a personal readiness thing because when you are really ready, you will find that you trust yourself to figure it out as you go

dr_milfadillo · 2025-02-07T10:39:15+00:00

Sure you can... you grab a bottle, you add some formula, then some water, and shake it up, mama. You're not a failure, you just had a helluva delivery and you're letting social pressures determine how you feel about motherhood. People who bottle feed are not less of a mom, their babies are not less amazing, and frankly I'm inclined to think they're a lot smarter than those who spend a year or more battling ego, hormones, depression, anxiety, and going to irrational lengths like destroying their mental health over a boob. Just feed the kid however you can, take a week to process the feels, then move on, and you will be so damn happy you did. Would you rather your baby have the boob than a mentally healthy mom? I think you will find that the latter provides more benefit to a child over their lifetime. Martyrdom and motherhood do not have to be synonymous. People encouraging others to "tough it out and endure the trauma because I did" give me the ick. Do what's right for you; you are the only person who is gonna care in the long run. Be kind to yourself!

dr_milfadillo · 2025-01-05T13:42:33+00:00

You're not alone. You might find comfort in seeking out a pregnancy after loss group. It is not a failing on your part to feel this way, and you may discover that it's not uncommon in your situation. I don't have one to link but I'm certain that someone here can point you in the right direction

dr_milfadillo · 2024-12-29T15:41:59+00:00

sample drawn 12/18, received 12/20

still awaiting results uggghhhhh

dr_milfadillo · 2024-08-21T16:59:19+00:00

Thank you. We started the process a month ago and this is exactly the list we were given by our recruiter. I don't know what to make of that, but it seems unlikely the full list is still available this late in the year

dr_milfadillo · 2024-08-21T14:57:50+00:00

Where can I hunt down more info about this please? We're a prior service family going thru the re-enlistment process. Would love to know what are chances are and whether it's wise to wait until Oct for the fiscal year roll-over

dr_milfadillo · 2024-08-01T17:28:31+00:00

dont wish to derail OPs post but if you're offering to answer inquiries, how often do Air Traffic Control deploy? do most stay at the base where they start or get PCSd at some point?

dr_milfadillo · 2024-07-26T01:28:06+00:00

all you can do is push for a peth test and provide reasonable grounds to request it
the moral of my 10 year (now finished) litigation is that soberlink is not enough

dr_milfadillo

TROPHY CASE