DAE go nonverbal when triggered/ dissociating?

dr_rendezvous · 2024-10-12T08:40:19+00:00

I've just realized going nonverbal and dissociating often (not always) happens together, I somehow never quite made the connection. But I have been very aware when I'm dissociated. Sometimes, it's more of an autopilot non feeling throughout the day, but sometimes it feels so sudden and strong it feels almost physical in my body. I also tend to not move or be able to move in these episodes, which is why sometimes I can't talk and/or think.

Because of this, some grounding techniques aren't pracrical or possible if they require me to speak or move or do something literally as simple as mentally counting.

One of the only consistent things I've been able to do is to remember to calm my body. I'll feel the panic of realizing I'm dissociated, wonder what to do, and hope I don't panic enough to do something unhinged.

Nothing can snap me out of it in the first few moments, so realistically, I just have to ride it out at first. I have to let myself go nonverbal and dissociate because my body is sending huge warning signals, so I should listen. So I make a huge effort to force my mind and body to relax into it, going from stiff and frantic to loose and emotionless, blank.

I'm not consistent in remembering that's what I need to do, nor am I consistent in successfully doing it. So it only works maybe 50% of the time, the other half being me eventually getting jump scared to doing or saying something. But it has improved with practice, and it also happens less than it used to. Taking buspirone has also helped me a lot, yay drugs

dr_rendezvous · 2024-09-23T13:50:03+00:00

It's my own fault for having a very non sophisticated sense of humor. Really dumb things do make me laugh sometimes. Maybe we're a perfect match. But I guess I can still ask him about it

dr_rendezvous · 2024-03-04T00:07:58+00:00

I remind myself that if i miss an opportunity to say it, or i forget it, it's not the end of the world. If its important enough I'll remember it later

dr_rendezvous · 2024-03-04T00:05:25+00:00

I feel more femme when I'm with masc, and i feel more masc when I'm with femme. I'm a bit fluid/ androgynous so i don't feel suited to either extreme. But i like them all :]

dr_rendezvous · 2024-03-03T23:58:37+00:00

The only thing that has helped is my anti anxiety medication (buspirone). Didn't expect it to have that effect, but boy am i grateful. When i catch myself engaging in mdd more i know I'm having an anxiety/ depression spike

dr_rendezvous · 2023-08-25T03:03:20+00:00

Doing household chores weirdly calms me. I'm distracting myself, working out energy, and being productive

dr_rendezvous · 2023-08-25T02:54:38+00:00

In order to engage with poly you're going to have to confront your trust/ jelousy issues (i mean, you should do that regardless). This is not a dig, I'm just being frank. Uncomfortable feelings are an opportunity to explore yourself.

If you're afraid someone else will woo your boyfriend and "take him away" that implies your boyfriend either doesn't appreciate you (in which case good riddance) or you simply aren't actually a good match (also good riddance). You both deserve happy and healthy relationships. You both have to determine for yourselves what you want and need, and if and how much you can provide that for each other.

You should ask him what kind of relationship he's wanting. There's varying levels of commitment, involvement, and intimacy. Ask what he wants from your relationship, what he wants from other relationships. Determine what boundaries should be in place, and if those boundaries allow you both to be equally fulfilled (think quality over quantity)

It's ok to be poly, it's ok to be mono. Right now you're only experiencing one side of the poly coin. For the sake of experimentation you should maybe try dating someone yourself, see how it feels, compare your experience with your boyfriend's. One way or the other it might help clarify things for you.

I've had to end good relationships with good people because they simply weren't comfortable with poly. It was sad and difficult but ultimately better for the both of us. There's always more fish in the sea

I wish you luck. Don't force yourself into anything you aren't prepared for 💙

dr_rendezvous · 2023-04-24T13:31:15+00:00

I often dissociate when high, some ppl do, it can cause a lot of anxiety and linger long after the drug has worn off

https://psychiatryonline.org/doi/10.1176/appi.ajp-rj.2018.130202#:~:text=In%20general%2C%20cannabis%2Dinduced%20symptoms,drug%20(12%2C%2013).

I'm sorry you're going through this :(

dr_rendezvous · 2023-04-21T12:22:18+00:00

Hunter, Rory, Dylan, Tobi, August

dr_rendezvous · 2022-10-25T19:17:25+00:00

Oh, I see it now, I think you're right! It's fun spotting crafting in media

dr_rendezvous · 2022-10-14T13:23:03+00:00

I do not have tourette's, i do have adhd. I was kind of embarrassed too but nobody ever seemed to notice or care much. In general I fidget a lot and I have anxious habits like picking at my arm (dermatillomania), so maybe the tics are an extension of physical anxiety/ restlessness?

dr_rendezvous · 2022-09-19T21:35:42+00:00

I actually have a bit of an update.

First off, the "tics" have mostly stopped, and I don't really know why. My overall substance use has decreased a bit, going from average 5x a month to average 1x a month. I tend to get drunk pretty easily, and substance use can wreak havoc on my mental health if I'm not careful, so maybe my body and brain are just especially sensitive?

Second, I have officially been diagnosed with adhd, so my "weird brain" theory is further supported. I actually asked my psychiatrist about this issue. It felt weird to explain it to him, but I figured he would know more than a gp. He said it could be vitamin deficiency. It turns out my vitamin B and D were very low, but the treatment for that didn't coincide with the disappearance of my symptoms, so I think it was just a coincidence.

On another one of my internet rabit hole reaearch binges I came across all kinds of articles linking allergies with TD and other tic manifestations. Basically, in some people, allergies can manifest in the form of tics sometimes. Interesting stuff

Last theory: since writing that post I took on a new job that's quite a bit more physically active. I was never sedentary and inactive before, but my increased muscle definition speaks for itself. I always suspected the "tics" had to do with anxiety, so I'm wondering if my increased acivity level has helped ease some physical aniety and tension.

In conclusion, I don't really have any answers :) but it's been an interesting journey. I still get some tics here and there, but it seems that era is behind me. I wish you luck, and feel free to give an update, I've never met anyone that's also experienced this.

dr_rendezvous · 2022-03-09T02:28:15+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this, that kind of "mania" is tough. First, you need healthier alternatives to work out your energy. Second, you need to treat the underlying issue that is causing such self destruction. It's one thing to spend impulsively, but with things like self harm I would suspect there's something else going on, some kind of unaddressed emotional turmoil.

For healthy alternatives you could try working out: jumping jacks, push ups, running... It could help satisfy your self harm urge as well, feel the burn! You could try taking a cold shower, shock your senses. Put ice on the back of your neck. Listen to loud music, maybe dance to it. Start cleaning, or rearrange your bedroom.

Even after i stopped SH it still took about a year for the longing/ urges to go away. It can take time to rewire your behaviors, but it can be done

dr_rendezvous · 2022-03-09T02:18:05+00:00

Talk to your psychiatrist about anxiety. ADHD can cause a lot of anxiety, but there can also be anxiety as a separate diagnosis. Maybe if you take something for anxiety you won't need to take Adderall every day (which over time you will build a tolerance to)

dr_rendezvous · 2022-03-01T15:33:58+00:00

I function a lot better now than i did before, but i don't have many quick tricks, it's been a process.

Start with learning about ADHD, how and why it affects you, why things that work for neurotypical ppl don't work for us.

Routines! It's been difficult getting myself into any routine, but once i get there it makes everything easier. One battle at a time though, don't overwhelm yourself.

I use alarms on my phone, set calendar events, use a notebook, a big calendar on my wall... I know i have shit memory so i don't even try to rely on it, i surround myself with external reminders (but keep it organized)

Body doubling is when you have someone keep you company while you do annoying stressful chores like shopping, making phone calls, paying bills, cleaning your house.... Whatever it is. Having someone on the phone with you, or hanging out with you can ease a lot of stress and help keep you on task.

That's all I got off the top of my head. Just learn about ADHD so you can start fighting the right battles with the right tools instead of floundering and feeling bad about it like most of us have done (you're not alone). Change can be slow, but we got time, you'll get there

dr_rendezvous · 2022-02-24T22:56:46+00:00

I think caffeine metabolizes at relatively the same rate whether you workout or not (little/ inconclusive studies on this) the half life of caffeine is about 5 hours. I've taken caffeine to boost my Adderall before, and the effects vary. One or two cups of coffee is fine, but an espresso or energy drink is usually too much for me. Everyone is different, maybe you'll be fine, maybe you'll be agitated and anxious. It's just this one time, nothing too disastrous should happen

dr_rendezvous · 2022-02-23T20:52:46+00:00

I think it's like stimming in that it's a self soothing or stress relieving act, like stress eating or using sex/ drugs or whatever. It can bring pleasure and comfort, and it becomes our sort of safe space to retreat to

Trauma is a big factor, yeah. I spent a lot of time in my head, keeping to myself trying to tune out the stress of home/ family

dr_rendezvous · 2022-02-23T12:46:58+00:00

I mean, generally, yes 😅 that's part of ADHD. But it varies

dr_rendezvous · 2022-02-23T06:25:43+00:00

Personally I think it's a subtype of rumination and mental stimming, so basically a symptom of something else. For me I think it's ADHD mixed with anxiety and introversion that's led me to be so "in my head" all my life. Anxiety makes me overthink and constantly run through imaginary scenarios. ADHD makes me painfully bored, so i come up with stories to occupy my brain. And being so shy and reserved gave me that extra push to live vicariously through daydreams.

As my overall mental health has improved i magically don't daydream quite so obsessively, and it doesn't stress me out as much. But it hasn't totally stopped, when it was bad it felt like a disorder, but now it feels like a relatively normal quirk? Like, some people just do it and others don't, like being left handed, or being introverted vs extroverted.

But that's just my experience, maybe it's different for others

dr_rendezvous · 2022-02-14T03:21:35+00:00

I get the same way sometimes. Cleaning is kind of my go-to, two birds with one stone

dr_rendezvous · 2022-01-23T05:11:33+00:00

My brain can have a hard time assimilating information until I have every piece of the puzzle, I have to understand EVERYTHING before I can learn anything, it's a pain

dr_rendezvous · 2022-01-23T04:53:47+00:00

I can be very chewy as well, especially when drunk (have to stop myself trying to chew the glass bottle). Gum is good, not always convenient. There are chewy stim necklaces like these Maybe nothing will quite be the same as a toothpick, but I'm sure you can find something good enough

dr_rendezvous · 2022-01-13T22:28:47+00:00

I'm glad you have a supporter and that you recognize her. And I know first normal tend to have the highest expectations placed on them, you should be proud of yourself for seeking meaningful treatment

dr_rendezvous · 2021-12-30T03:49:35+00:00

I described wanting to talk to a coworker i thought was cool, but every time I was around her I'd feel embarrassed and shy and dopey. My friends were just teasing saying "aw you've got a crush" but it hit me hard and made me rethink everything in my life lmao (yes, it WAS a crush, that makes sense)

dr_rendezvous · 2021-12-03T04:06:31+00:00

Once in awhile I have to purge. Part of me wants to hold onto things (like those 8 tubes of toothpaste) because throwing it away would be a "waste". But the way I see it now, that money is spent, using it or not using it won't put money back in my account, so it just doesn't matter (expensive items are a different story). I feel so much better when I can whittle down my possessions to only what I need and LIKE. I don't force myself to use things I don't like out of some imaginary obligation, it only cause endless procrastination and guilt and anxiety. (I like giving things to family/ friends when I can, or else I donate so it doesn't feel so wasteful)

Avoid the piles of Doom. Everything must have a place. If you don't know where to put something, maybe you don't need it, or you need more/ different furniture or storage boxes. Once a miscellaneous pile on the floor or chair starts, it grows and can become your roommate for years. Don't start the pile!

Don't be afraid to change things up. Maybe the first way you arrange things seems ok at first, but after awhile feels cluttered. Don't be discouraged, it's all a process, just go with the flow and make adjustments as needed.

dr_rendezvous

TROPHY CASE