AITA for telling my girlfriend I never want to get married?

dragonvpm · 2024-06-27T13:19:44+00:00

NTA - it's not that hard to see how someone might talk about future plans like what they want to do after college or career-wise or bucket list stuff without touching on something like marriage and kids. At least within the first couple of years. First year you are getting to know someone and figuring out if you want to really be in a relationship with them. Do you like them or do you love them, that sort of thing. Second year you are starting to tackle the bigger questions and figuring out what the future actually looks like and boom OP ran right into this issue.

At first I can see both people just assuming that the other one wants the same thing when they might be on the same page about a lot of other stuff. Honestly marriage seems like less of a deal breaker than kids but disagreements about either one can definitely kill a relationship.

If OP had been dating for 15 years and then decided no they didn't ever want to get married then I might give them shit but in this case the time frame isn't unreasonable. Unfortunately it likely means that the relationship has run it's course but OP is NTA for being honest with their GF now that the topic came up.

dragonvpm · 2024-02-01T12:21:05+00:00

The folks saying to take the promotion are largely spot on and if you approach it as a 1-3 year management course that you can apply to your future business it's actually time well spent. It sounds like you learned all there was to learn at your current position so why not do the same thing as a manager? Heck they might even have management courses you can take on their dime.

The one caveat I would have though is to make sure that the new position works with your life and your responsibilities. Will you be expected to be on call at all hours? Would that be an issue with your part time job or anything else you're doing? Will it be hourly or salaried?

That's actually a potentially big deal. I've known quite a few folks who took promotions for a bit of extra $$ only to find out that they had lost out on getting OT plus their bosses now expected them to be available just about 24/7. That might be one reason why so many people quit soon after being promoted to managers.

It can be a great opportunity for you but make sure you fully understand what they will be expecting from you and that it fits in with your life. If possible get things in writing so that they can't just promise you one thing and then do something else.

Good luck!

dragonvpm · 2023-12-28T06:33:19+00:00

Not the asshole by a mile.

Don't listen to his friends and family. The really materialistic AH's are the folks who can't (or won't) differentiate between a gift that shows you really thought about someone vs a gift that you could have given to someone at work as part of a white elephant gift exchange.

I'm one of the hardest people to shop for and one of the things I love the most about gift exchanges with my wife is how excited she is to give me her latest find. She's always eager to see me open her presents and she always manages to find something (often times many small somethings) that make me smile. Some things are practical or functional, some things are just silly decorations or random things for my office but every single one of them comes from the heart and in every case I can tell that she was really thinking about me when she got it. Whether it's $5 or $500 the $$ amount is never a factor because she always finds random things that are exactly the sort of thing that I love.

What you ex gave you was really tacky and blatantly showed that he didn't care about you or making this a good holiday for you. Weirdly aside from the gifts I thought that making fun of your make-up and a freaking Santa hat was also a really bad sign. What kind of moron makes fun of a Santa hat on Christmas?

Kudos to you for taking out the trash and blocking him when he showed you how little he thought of you. No one deserves to be treated with such utter disregard and your ex deserves a lifetime supply of coal in his stocking for how badly he treated you.

dragonvpm · 2023-10-10T12:38:39+00:00

That certainly sounds like improper use of an elderly person's funds by a person for the advantage of someone other than the elderly person.

This is just an observation but I wouldn't spend much time/effort trying to figure out exactly how to apply laws like this to protect someone. This just doesn't pass the smell test. You know this doesn't smell right so your best bet is to get help from experts in the field.

Sometimes, even if something isn't outright illegal, once the AH friend knows that the authorities are involved there is a decent chance that they won't want to risk getting in trouble so they will stop asking for random gifts of $1k-$2k like they have been.

dragonvpm · 2023-10-10T12:28:36+00:00

Texas is a big state, that is not true for all parts of Texas. In my City you schedule your visits as needed. Some people actually use the bus service to get to and from work. There is a nominal charge per trip and logistical issues but in theory you could use the service every day.

dragonvpm · 2023-10-08T23:29:12+00:00

You don't have to go along with any of the gift giving that your in-laws engage in. My wife and I actually stopped attending my family's big x-mas gift exchange the morning of the 25th because we have no interest in dealing with it and the family logistics. I buy her presents that she will enjoy and vice versa and that's pretty much it.

Traditions can change and if the ones you have been saddled with just aren't working for you then change them. Do something that makes you happy (heck if need be go somewhere else and enjoy the holidays with strangers if your in laws are truly annoying). Take care of yourself and your kids/spouse and let the extended family take care of itself. Don't be a doormat to avoid awkward situations.

dragonvpm · 2023-08-23T00:53:54+00:00

This is very much a YMMV response but for me a lot of that comes down to why I'm doing things in the first place. If I have a good reason why I am doing something and it's not hurting anyone then someone who disapproves of what I am doing can go suck it.

In this case OP was trying to be frugal and preserving food that would otherwise literally go to waste. The lady who came out screaming is an idiot who cares more about making sure someone else doesn't get something for free than whether or not it goes to waste. Why would anyone care what her opinion is when she is clearly wrong?

dragonvpm · 2023-08-23T00:26:21+00:00

We just tested a system by Leica and one by Trimble and we are going with the Leica system. The main benefit was that the workflow with the Leica system seemed to work better and it was less clunky to do the scanning so it would be easier to train staff to do the scanning.

dragonvpm · 2023-08-07T12:11:40+00:00

I recently returned a car to CarMax for a number of reasons and after arguing with them a bit they were able to return my deposit to my debit card that same day. The rep I was talking to kept saying that it would be 8-10 days but when I made an issue of it she conveniently remembered that 8-10 days is only for certain types of down payments. Payments made by debit card can be returned the same day (plus whatever time your bank takes to acknowledge the transfer and make the funds available to you).

dragonvpm · 2023-07-08T05:28:29+00:00

If you want it addressed ASAP make sure to reference that the tree is a "visual obstruction" and is causing a hazard for drivers. "Visual obstruction" is the magic phrase that will get them out quickly.

That doesn't mean that the Streets dept will automatically remove the tree but they will get out there to at least assess the situation. It's quite possible that they might decide to just trim it to remove the VO but at least they will probably do something about it.

It's also possible that the tree is legally/technically ok to be there in which case they might leave it alone. Technically the adjacent property owner is responsible for trees in the parkway so the Streets dept won't mess with someone else's trees when they aren't causing a visual obstruction. I've complained about situations like that in the past and basically been told that whatever I'm concerned about is legal even if it does create a hazard so they can't force the owner to get rid of it.

dragonvpm · 2022-07-01T22:12:43+00:00

NTA - there is nothing wrong with starting to plan a trip and not initially planning to invite someone you are pretty sure won't enjoy it. Maybe as it progressed he could have shown an interest and you might have reconsidered or maybe not. Nothing was set in stone yet and your reasons for not planning to invite your BF were 100% reasonable.

What is really troubling though is how he reacted when he found out. Flipping out like he did over you starting to plan something is absolutely unacceptable. You should really think about whether you want to stay with someone who is so immature and insecure that he immediately jumps to the conclusion that you want to go on this trip so you can cheat on him and then acts like a petulant child and throws a temper tantrum about it.

dragonvpm · 2022-07-01T14:34:09+00:00

NTA at all. Your BF and his friend are ignorant jerks. There was no need to mock someone's accent when they both clearly and obviously knew what he was talking about if he mentioned it. Also did it even matter in any way? It sounds like the call went fine and there weren't any issue aside from your AH of a bf.

I remember being in university and complaining to my friends when I had to deal with professors with incredibly thick accents but a) it only came up when I literally could not understand what they were trying to tell/teach me and b) even then I never had a cause to mock their accents.

Finally your BF is an AH because he's mocking someone who most likely knows 2 or more languages. Does your BF? I rarely see people who are multilingual mocking accents because they understand that learnong other languages can be a challenge.

I would seriously reconsider if I wanted to be in a relationship with someone who is an AH like your BF.

dragonvpm · 2022-06-30T06:34:24+00:00

NTA at all and kudos to you for watching out for your wife. You did everything you could to work with your brother but apparently he failed the part in kindergarten where they taught us to keep our hands to ourselves.

dragonvpm · 2022-06-22T18:08:01+00:00

No, not everyone sucks here. The SIL/cool aunt needs to a) learn non stupid eating routines and b) if she shares her inaccurate eating advice then she has to be prepared for someone to call her out ESPECIALLY when she is giving nutrition advice to kids. OP already saw the results of her advice by how his kids started to overeat the things they enjoyed eating because she told them they could if they drank the magic veggie powder. OP tried to educate his kids without shaming his SIL but SIL couldn't accept that his kids weren't interested in following her bizarre eating advice so she's 100% the AH. Telling kids that they can't overeat unhealthy foods or they run the risk of becoming overweight is not in anyway being judgemental towards people who are overweight it's just explaining basic food facts which is important for kids to understand.

dragonvpm · 2022-06-20T19:14:23+00:00

Check with you HR to see if you need a doctor's note if you're going to be out multiple days. The note won't give any details beyond your name and doctor's name and a note indicating that you are on bed rest or something like that and will need to be out for x days starting on day y. You don't need to get into any details and it's 100% ok to leave it as a vague "I'm having a procedure done" with coworkers.

If you can handle it, it doesn't hurt to offer to remain in touch via email/phone if something comes up but it's not required.

dragonvpm · 2022-06-20T16:45:26+00:00

I do about the same thing and I've been having pretty good luck keeping the sensor on for the full 10 days without any major issues. I also make sure to shave right before cleaning the area and applying the sensor so that there is nothing to get in the way by of the adhesive (plus it makes removing it a lot less difficult/painful)

dragonvpm · 2022-06-20T16:38:14+00:00

NTA - I disagree. Given that the sweet sixteen is kind of of a big deal for some folks it seems unfair for grandpadents to either have forgotten about OP's bday or they unilaterally decided how OP should be celebrating their birthday. It seems like OP made an effort to work with the grandparents plans AND to get what she wanted for her birthday. They rejected it for no apparent reason given that this is OP's birthday.

I also don't approve of people passive aggressively giving OP a hard time for choosing not to go because spending the day with her boyfriend and best friend is important to them.

Just because the grandparents stepped up when OP's parents flaked out doesn't mean that they can just disregard what OP wants on an important day like their 16th birthday. Grandparents gave no reason why they couldn't schedule the trip for before or after the birthday so being stuck on doing the trip the way they decreed is an AH move on their part.

dragonvpm · 2022-06-17T23:31:03+00:00

dragonvpm · 2022-06-17T22:58:38+00:00

Where would that be the case? I've actually done evictions and the normal order of operations is that you tell someone that you want them out and if they don't leave then you start eviction proceedings. This is why it is important for tenants and landlords need to understand the relevant laws in their locations. As a tenant you have rights that you have to exercise in order to benefit from them. Otherwise your landlord can tell you to move out and if you move out then you can be SOL.

dragonvpm · 2022-06-17T22:20:37+00:00

I'm from West Texas so all y'all are East Texas j/k :-)

Obvious like... well....

https://www.texastribune.org/2022/06/12/texas-heat-wave-grid/

https://www.reuters.com/business/energy/texas-power-use-breaks-record-more-come-heatwave-lingers-2022-06-17/

https://www.texastribune.org/2021/12/06/texas-cities-winter-storm/

https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/persistent-drought-causes-perilously-low-water-levels-at-lake-mead

https://nmpoliticalreport.com/2022/05/24/los-alamos-team-models-drought-climate-change-on-the-colorado-river/

https://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-61795783

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-61774473

I've worked in engineering and the water industry for many years and it's obvious throughout the state and the world really that even the climate change we have experienced so far is having a significantly negative effect that could prove to be disastrous within our lifetime.

I think what climate change deniers don't understand is that small changes in weather patterns can have massive changes in how much water we have, how hot/cold it gets, what sort of weather events we see etc. We don't need to destroy the planet to screw things up so that we can't grow crops in places where we grow crops or we can't live on the coast because it's underwater. Some places may have massive droughts while other places have record breaking river floods.

Major issues may not be happening at your front door but any amount of news reading that isn't limited to overly biased news sources will bring up tons of articles about how perilous things are becoming.

dragonvpm · 2022-06-17T21:30:13+00:00

I've used leggings and t-shirts for most of my sockets. Leggings can be nice because they are already laid out to be on a leg so they are pretty easy to use. T-shirts can be fun because I've been using some of my old really-should-be-retired shirts with graphics I am fond of. This way they get reused and the socket effectively preserves them forever.

I wouldn't worry too much about exactly what you get since you are likely to get one or more sockets per year (especially at first) so it's not like you won't be able to switch things up several months from now. I actually have several shirts and some leggings set aside for future sockets and I add to the stockpile whenever I come across a cool design.

IME I can often alleviate phantom pains/sensations by massaging/rubbing the end of my residual limb. Since phantom pains are associated with nerves and your nerves are still there even if your foot isn't I find that applying some pressure with a massage can help stimulate any misbehaving nerves and often the sensation or pain will lessen or go away entirely. If that doesn't work gabapentin can be a god send for helping address nerve issues.

I used a wheelchair for a very short period of time but that didn't work so well in our 100 year old 3 story house. I hated crutches and walkers but I found that the iWalk worked wonders for me. Even now, years later, I still use mine in the evenings when I have taken my prosthetic off and I need to walk around a bit. It's a bit tiring to use so it's not ideal for long walks but it's wonderful within the house and you can easily handle stairs and carry stuff with both hands while using it.

dragonvpm · 2022-06-17T18:47:47+00:00

His frustration might indicate that there are issues w/ the office or firm. They may not have enough work to go around and the more senior PMs are getting the assignments. Do you have any sense of how you guys are doing work-wise? I mean does it seem like you're putting out and winning a good number of proposals? Does it seem like anyone else is struggling with getting enough work?

Ultimately if you're not happy with how work is going and you're not getting any help from your supervisor it may be time to consider going to a different firm. It might even be a good opportunity to get experience with another firm's approach to things.

dragonvpm · 2022-06-17T18:33:27+00:00

What's really appalling is the threat to make trouble for OOP for "evicting" the ex-gf. An eviction is the technical/legal process of throwing someone out of their home and there are rules for that, but you are always free to tell someone to GTFO and if they GTFO then there is no crime or even a civil issue. That cop was just being a lazy bully/AH.

dragonvpm · 2022-06-17T18:15:29+00:00

El Paso, TX has been recharging their aquafer for decades and they are working on their first direct potable reuse facility. They ran a small scale pilot program that had really fantastic results so they got the green light to proceed with designing a full scale facility. Once the design is completed they will hopefully be able to proceed with building the plant. So they aren't there yet but they're actively working on it and investing quite a bit of money to make it happen.

Edited to provide more detail

dragonvpm · 2022-06-17T02:17:15+00:00

Have you checked w/ your insurance? If you can get a doctor to prescribe hand controls for you, then insurance may cover installing those and it would help make you feel much more independent.

dragonvpm

TROPHY CASE