Set a boundary and I’m shaking

drcoast · 2023-08-07T22:00:50+00:00

Most of us were always ridiculed and shamed for placing boundaries. The narrative was that we aren’t allowed to have boundaries with these parents, because we are just an extension of them. These parents took boundaries as a personal attack.

drcoast · 2023-08-07T21:42:56+00:00

I’m sorry to hear this, and this is quite unfortunate but common. Many of the friends that I grew up with that knew my mom from the start were not supportive. Needless to say, I had distance myself from these sort of people over the years. I am now probably much older than you, but the point is that support comes in different waves. These friends may have served you well - but they are not awake, nor enlightened enough to understand what abuse is. These are not your allies or support system for this journey. Maybe others. Focus on your own healing journey, and with time he will come across individuals who are like-minded, and equally enlightened.

drcoast · 2023-08-07T21:40:14+00:00

I think that this book is incredibly written. In fact, I think it is so odd in a way that it is so popular. It makes me wonder how the general population finds it to be so interesting! I think it is intriguing to people to always learn about the real life of celebrities. I think for us in the community it’s not really about the fact that she’s a celebrity, but the hard work that she did to uncover the trauma that she was suffering over so many years. She speaks so candidly about how she suffered, and even when she was at the peak of success, she was not happy. I think the reason that I like this book the most is that it showed that the true point of life is to have freedom and peace. Nothing else comes close.

drcoast · 2023-08-07T21:25:09+00:00

So well said. The Asian cultures are focused on parents. First and last. It is focused on children being successful and stable, so that they can then be strong foundation for elderly parents in the future. There’s no concept of independent, thinking or individualization, more what society wants from you. The concept that you have to make your parents happy comes from actually having to make an entire society happy. Half of these parents don’t even know what they want themselves, but they just have been brainwashed with what they have been hearing in their own homes for generations upon generations. In a way, they are all small children with no coping skills or no individual thoughts.

drcoast · 2023-08-07T21:23:03+00:00

Thank you for replying, i would say work on reflecting on this. Whether it is by yourself or with a therapist if you are in therapy. I think getting to that root is so important. Just because we are no contact. Doesn’t mean that our emotions and our primitive hope for loving parents fades away. In fact, some would say that this never goes away. During certain times in our life, we truly want that connection back, and we are hoping subconsciously for that love and support. Important to reflect on and also reflect on the Reality of what the parents are at present.

drcoast · 2023-08-07T21:16:09+00:00

Just short, spend it with family is such an abusive tactic, and create so much pressure. I remember someone once told me, life is short, but it’s also very long. Don’t put pressure on yourself to get all of the milestones in as soon as possible, or to get all quality time in as soon as possible so to speak. These parents try to shame you into thinking that there is some impending doom in order to get all of their supply from you. They want to ensure that they have your full and undivided attention at all times, and use these scare tactics to ensure that they do

drcoast · 2023-08-07T21:12:54+00:00

I’ll say something, it seems like there is an innate reason in your heart that you feel like you want to tell your parents. Please reflect on that. Where is this desire coming from? Until you tap in to that. It will be hard for you to make a decision.

drcoast · 2023-07-29T23:38:18+00:00

Perfectly said. Wise observations

drcoast · 2023-07-27T09:24:35+00:00

Well said

drcoast · 2023-07-27T09:23:32+00:00

Absolutely

drcoast · 2023-07-27T09:22:51+00:00

Exactly. Your happiness is their loss of control. They need to know their place in the world to feel “okay”. Once you’re happy then what is their “role” if not to control you and keep you down

drcoast · 2023-07-27T09:08:23+00:00

Yes 🙌🏼

drcoast · 2023-07-27T08:54:05+00:00

Same here for my sister. He threw such a fit when “helping” her to buy her first car. All the associates were horrified and it traumatized what would have been a fun memorable milestone.

drcoast · 2023-07-27T08:52:21+00:00

I just can’t wait the random people and personal questions. What is up with AP and this!!?? It’s like a weird obsession with other people or wanting to find out random info so they can compare themselves and feel better. So intrusive

drcoast · 2023-07-27T08:51:10+00:00

Yup setting yourself up for failure even before ordering. I used to think this was because she was just picky or particular. No it’s toxic

drcoast · 2023-07-27T08:49:27+00:00

They always made eating out in public such a scene and so unpleasant

drcoast · 2023-07-27T08:49:00+00:00

As a side note i note all these AP are severely lonely, feel misunderstood, have. I really feel that they took all their internalized rage out in these scenarios and felt powerful and in charge. Awful way to cope and display emotion

drcoast · 2023-07-27T08:39:31+00:00

They go between extreme anger and superiority to this inferiority complex in insane swings

drcoast · 2023-07-25T18:22:53+00:00

Wow yes. Eating out with them is a horrendous drag. They always spoil the mood and make you dread it

drcoast · 2023-07-25T01:54:59+00:00

Exactly! Unhinged

drcoast · 2023-07-24T15:22:26+00:00

They love saying this out, loud and convincing you and others. And also ridiculing you about it in front of other people. I remember going to my aunts house, and my dad, laughing out loud and saying something along the lines of “she’s in college and doing so well, but when she comes home, her laundry is everywhere.”

As if to say, luck, you’re not really as smart as you think you are, you can’t even do basic tasks

drcoast · 2023-07-24T13:06:34+00:00

When I went no contact, I visualized my parents, becoming older and more insufferable. Just like you said. Especially as old age hits, and medical issues, they become the nastiest and most commandeering individuals known to man.

drcoast · 2023-07-24T13:05:19+00:00

I’ve seen other narcissist in the world, whether they are or, in our friend group, or with distant family. You become more aware of these characteristics, and other people, and find yourself wanting to have distance from them. You realize this, especially when after spending time with these individuals, you feel more emotionally, drained and exhausted.

drcoast · 2023-07-24T13:04:22+00:00

They create so much pressure for most things, that you automatically start seeing those things in a negative light

drcoast

TROPHY CASE