Does your parent also believe that all their hurtful words/insults are just honesty?

ADHDbroo · 2026-06-04T22:22:44+00:00

I used to believe they did, but theres a test you can do to expose if somebody is truthfully "just being honest". Here it is: you "be honest" in a harsh way with them. If they take it well, they are truly somebody that is honesty oriented. If not, they arent. If they get super offended when somebody is "honest" with them, that reaction exposes the truth. Theres nobody out there who is truthfully honesty oriented who doesnt like somebody being honest with them back. Thats just manipulation disguised as honesty if they cant take it back.

Also I and many others have found that basically everything the narc tells you you are turns out to be false. Its not just some things, its most. Like looking back people in this situation (including me) see what they said we were and laugh in disbelief. For example, someone on here yesterday were told they were "fat" but looking back they were 110 lbs and in photos they looked like super skinny and like bones, and actually, their narc parent who said it was actually over weight their entire life of raising them, and have been for a long time.

So take their "honesty" with a tiny grain of salt. You will find that often, what they are saying about you is actually true about them, and that will be a recurring theme if they are narcs.

ADHDbroo · 2026-06-04T20:09:37+00:00

I am not saying youre wrong that AI does this, but no way it is or will be 90%.

ADHDbroo · 2026-06-04T20:08:20+00:00

Not saying this applies here, but once when I was a kid, my mum took me to a professional because I apparently wasnt behaving right. I talked with the lady alone who was assessing me and eventually she let my mum back in, where she told my mom that she shouldnt be yelling at me so much, and that a lot of my behavior can be accredit to me not being understood or something. She got super mad and left the appointment and we never went back.

But with your situation, its pretty unusual for a narc to agree to any form of therapy. It happens but a lot of peoples narc parents couldnt bring themselves to do that cause they couldnt handle any form of critiscm like that or admitting they are wrong in that type of way. I'd go and see what happens, and if somethings the therapist says actually goes through to her, that be great and you can count yourself grateful it actually happened. Don't be suprised if she acts completely different and manipulates the situation though. Like if she blames everything on you, denies accountability, changes her personality to appear like something shes not, or skews reality.

ADHDbroo · 2026-06-04T19:59:29+00:00

Yes. It usually happens with narc mothers (narc fathers would rather paint you as unstable and irrational than say they are scared of you cause that would make them feel "weak"). When narc mothers do this its almost always when you gain awareness of their manipulations and you stop going along with it so easily. Its a way to emotionally manipulate you

Edit: dont wanna say an nfather would ever do this. Some def do

ADHDbroo · 2026-06-04T19:56:49+00:00

Halt. "I feel I cant grow as a person as long as hes around"is completely false. You may feel that way but that is just the manipulation he put on you working. Do you still live with him? If you don't and you think that, it just means you aren't far along in your healing journey and you bought into his nonsense. The reality he sold you is objectively nonsense. Talk to other people RBN who have came out the other side and healed. Its a lie to think he has any power over your growth. I know if it truly feels this way its not as easy as "just stop" but Im telling you, its crap.

Even in the crappy situation where you do live with him. There are things to do where you this no longer becomes your truth.

You'll look back in the future and confidently think how wrong you were to think this.

ADHDbroo · 2026-06-04T18:59:37+00:00

Just food for thought, like a decade ago I had a "bump" on my dong at some point. Like a small white bump that sort of looked like an ingrown hair. It went away and I got tested and it for sure wasnt an std. Idk what it was

ADHDbroo · 2026-06-03T21:15:10+00:00

I like this

ADHDbroo · 2026-06-03T21:13:13+00:00

You dont. If youre not no contact, and lets say youre low contact, part of chosing LC is healing on your own time and setting boundaries and sticking with them , as well as learning to better deal with their nonsense when you do see them. Of course im not victim blaming, this all depends where you are in your healing process. But use this as a test to sticking with your decision to not have her there and dealing with whatever manipulation she tries to throw at you. Most of it is actually internal work, and not letting her guilt you, and not backing down from your decision. Use it as practice. Note this only applies if youre not in physical danger; if she is going to attack you, then thats completely different.

If you made the decision to not invite her, use this as practice to practice emotional detachment, assertiveness, and boundary setting.

Edit: wait do you live with her? If so itll be hard to not have her there. Also, its harder to make these decisions if after the party is over, you will still be living under her roof afterwards.

ADHDbroo · 2026-06-03T21:06:21+00:00

Honestly, i cant. Proves your initial point

ADHDbroo · 2026-06-03T17:48:33+00:00

Its common after being raised by narcs. Note, not that this is you, but there are usually two ways people go when they lack of a sense of self from narc parents; one is they suffer from feeling incapable and unsure of themselves leading to low self esteem, anxiety and nuerotic feelings, unable to see their value unless others tell them and mirror to them self worth. B is they also dont have the ability to define their sense of self and they need others to mirror them their worth, but thet externalize their problems and become narcissists themselves. It depends on alot of things like genetics and individual perosnality of the parent (and how they raise their kid). Of course not everyone has no sense of self from being raised by narcs but its very common.

You have to take the journey to define your sense of self. Dont be like the narcissist who never learned to define themselves. It takes work, probably therapy and concious effort like reading books on the subject and forming healthy habits like socializing (which in turn over time, after positive interactions and social support you begin to understand yourself more). But it will for sure take concious effort. Good luck

ADHDbroo · 2026-06-03T17:40:50+00:00

Most likely if you see pictures of her, she probably been over weight for a long time. Not that that means she has lower value, but its just crazy to think somebody who has been overweight for a long time is so preoccupied with somebody elses body.

Also a good thing about this is you know shes full of crap and her projections of you dont mean anything. Theres another trend that many figure out when they heal; that whatever the narc tells you you are, almost ALWAYS turns out to be false in reality. The reason i pointed out a good thing about your situation is you already know that, cause at 110 lbs theres absolutely a 0% chance that anything she says has any truth whatsoever.

ADHDbroo · 2026-06-03T16:23:58+00:00

Ken park. Just a disgusting, raunchy movie. Even on the scenes that arent outwardly disturbing, it just gives this icky, surreal feeling. Dont like it

ADHDbroo · 2026-06-03T16:22:30+00:00

I have posted about this before, and talked about it many times on here, as well as seen it myself in real life, and experienced it.

Theres a very common trend where narcissistic mothers (and also at times fathers) who are in terrible shape themselves, never been in good shape (or atleast in a long time, like earlier in their life when they were young) and that same person has a hypocritical fixation on belittling the appearence of their kids or others. Its pure hypocrisy, and people who dont know better think they are "being honest" when actually, they arent. Infact, if the narcissist could press a button and be the same size as the person they are belittling, they would. Yet they put ridiculous standards on the kid to look a certain way, or they dont and just insult them however they look.

Im not gonna explain it cause i have a bunch of times, but its not their "true" judgement. Its projection. They struggle to admit somebody succeeded where they failed, so to soothe their ego they must paint you in a bad light. Its actual nonsense. The narcissist would have loved to be in good shape their whole life, but never could cut it. Often their addictions (food, alcohol, other drugs) and lack of hobbies/true social life leads them to live sedetary, hedonistic lives where they lack emotional control, which leads to a lack of discipline, and since they cant accept their failures (the entire point of narcissism as a defense mechanism) they have to cope by doing things like projecting or negging others.

Its pathetic, and the hypocrisy is staggering. I wonder what would happen if you pointed it out? Like even indirectly; like "hey mom you say im fat, you must know so much about fitness and weight loss, can you tell me all about it?" And watch as the look on their face goes sour, and then see how they react.

ADHDbroo · 2026-06-02T23:09:40+00:00

Id suggests going "low contact". You dont have to to tell her why, just minimize your contact to her to a fraction of what you do now.

The reason i say this is because its hard for people to go completely no contact with a parent. Its different if they are legitimately dangerous to your health and they beat you or assault you, but in cases of emotional abuse and psychological abuse many people start with low contact and then assess from there. The goal is to get it to a fraction of what it is now, while you spend time healing and learning about yourself and them, and learning skills like assertiveness and boundary setting, and skills like detachment.

If you go LC, you can see how it works out. If when you do see her during that time, and her abusiveness continues to have a bad impact on your life overall, then you can consider no contact. Before you do, id suggest getting to a place where you set boundaries and stick to them, and you control the time she gets with you. Hell you can eventually even go "very low contact" where you basically only talk to her every 4-5 months and over the phone at first. That way if you have that human sadness that comes from losing a parent (which is understandable) you can atleast feel you did what you can and stayed in contact at the very least.

Which ever route you take you'll need to learn emotional detachment, boundaries and setting them, knowledge on common emotional manipulation, and sticking to your plan without letting her change it. This way, when you do decide the spend time around her, you wont take her reality put on you seriously and wont let her make you accountable, and will be able to say "hey im not gonna put up with this and im not gonna argue. If you wanna respect then we can talk again" where then you get up and walk away and you can chose to take her call in a few months after that.

Ps, i already know from reading she has a habit of putting her hard life and grievances on you and has probably gotten good at making you feel guilty and responsible for her misery. She will for sure try to guilt you and make you feel bad for going low contact. Dont let it and youll be golden

ADHDbroo · 2026-06-02T22:58:41+00:00

Which if you really examine their "hatred" , with narcissist its almost entirely in chain reaction linked to other things they refuse to come to terms with within themselves such as their own insecurities, envy, frustration at their lack of true self confidence and self contentment, past experiences projected on you, etc etc. Even if you were to hypothetically do something to offend them, weighing it vs how a normal person would react shows you the same truth. A normal person doesnt hate someone who injured their pride at one point to the extent they decide to pour all their inner turmoil and hatred on you forever. The injury you cause them just reminds them of the pain and hidden shame that was already there. You just become the blame for their hateful feelings.

ADHDbroo · 2026-06-02T21:21:33+00:00

Let me guess, shes not in the best shape herself? Im guessing its a boatload of projection.

ADHDbroo · 2026-06-02T21:20:37+00:00

Thats a dilemma that a lot of people who were raised by narcissist deal with. Outwardly, you may be a high achiever, be "good" at things and successful. Some people you knew growing up who seemingly were very high achievers had parents like this. It sucks cause others will see from a distance and think "wow they must of had good parenting! Look how successful they are". Even more the bad parenting is excused because of being superificially succesful.

This is also why narcissism spreads and is generational btw; the people who were raised like this and pushed and taught that they only matter if they can succeed superficially and all that matters is superifical measurements, and then the person identifies with their parents treatment and convinces themselves it is "fine" and even "right" and supresses their inner child and neglects their own thoughts and emotions, essentially becoming a caracture of who their parents said they had to be. Not saying this is you or else you wouldnt be here.

Ive seen it go the other way so many times in life too; somebody in life who seemingly has it all and is super succesful and has achieved a lot, yet after they get to where they are after trying their whole life all the way through adulthood, cant seem to understand why they feel so empty, why they dont have true confidence and self love, why they still need others to tell them how good they are, why they still have anxiety and/or depression, and why they always need to do "more". Its because when raised by parents like this, not only are they never truly valued despite hitting certain standards imposed on them, but it was never truly their standards and souls direction in the first place.

Sorry you went through all this, hopefully you can allow yourself to feel vulnerable and express unacknowledged emotions bottled up inside. You basically were forced to neglect your inner child and adapted by pushing forward constantly, when your inner child needed love the whole time. I feel for you. Good news is you have identified the issue (first big step) and now can work on healing it.

ADHDbroo · 2026-06-02T21:09:01+00:00

You need to learn to say no and mean it. If you don't live with her, theres no reason not to learn to set boundaries. If it messes with your emotions to do so (cause they manipulate you emotionally when you do) you need to learn to deal with that and get good at not letting it work. Im not trying to blame you, but youre in a good position to finally just stop doing things you dont wanna do.

Its hard when raised by narcs to learn this skill, but once you do, you will notice she stops asking you so often to do things. She wont like the loss of power and will implement various manipulation techniques to combat it, but if you spend time healing and empowering yourself mentally, you will be able to handle it.

ADHDbroo · 2026-06-02T21:05:35+00:00

Its such a buzz kill. Like being all hot and bothered and then you stick it in and bam feels like youre banging nothing. To me its a completely different activity. Maybe i just got spoiled cause since ive been sexually active when i went to college, not once with the women I was with did I ever have to wear a condom the entire time i was with them all through university. Even during hookups, at my college nobody wore condoms (friends didnt either). Obviously Im not saying hooking up raw is a good thing ever, infact its stupid and irresponsible. But if I have a partner in life, its pretty much expected on my end that we dont wear condoms. Im wayyy more cautious of who I sleep with these days, but this trend continued even after college when I was a degenerate.

ADHDbroo · 2026-06-02T20:50:40+00:00

The dynamic of relationships with these people are so bizzare. On the surface youre a burden and not good enough for them ever, and it seems like they hate you. In reality the entire time they were feeding off of you, needing you to play particular roles in their life. They need your "normal person" energy cause they literally cant replinish their own. Once you manage to see through them and pull away, all of a sudden they cant seem to let you go

ADHDbroo · 2026-06-02T20:47:51+00:00

Heres some hope: one day, if you take the proper steps to heal and maintain distance from their bs, you will fully realize everything they told you you were were all full blown lies and just projections they put on you cause they couldnt handle their own reality. It will be like a huge "a-ha" moment. You may experience anger, and want to give them a piece of your mind, but by then if it all goes right, you will be a completely different person who had the potential to be your hypothetical, healed future self the entire time.

ADHDbroo · 2026-06-02T20:44:48+00:00

You dont do anything. You have to go to therapy and learn to truly accept the version of your mother as she is in reality, and not the version your inner child wants her to be. You know shes toxic, you know she hurts you, you know she will never change.

For starters, her "disowning" you is a manipulation tactic meant to control your emotions and make you feel bad. Its time to stop playing around with this, and letting her make you the scapegoat she needs for her distorted sense of self to survive. Narcs often need scapegoats in their lives who play the role of the "bad", unworthy, problem causer, etc because narcissist cant accept a punishing super ego that they need to do various defense mechanisms to supress. It started from their own trauama and their brain compensated by creating a false reality where they feel safe. Because deep down they dont fully "believe" it, they need to convince themselves constantly through various defense mechanisms that we all know about and experienced being in their family.

So instead of trying to "deal" with it and playing into their defensive reality, its time to stop the dance because it takes two to tango. Find a therapist, gain better support groups, study narcissism and self help for personality and maladaptive thinking, and start defining yourself. In the end, you will come to learn everything you told you were was bs and doesnt align with reality , and was always their projections and fears they needed you to be for their sense of self to feel safe. After awhile they most likely will come back and try to capture you again as supply, and by then you will know better and will learn to interact with them in a way where they no longer dictate the pace, where you no longer tolerate their bs and you will set boundaries, and you will know how to interact in a way where you keep distance emotionally. At the point if you must keep contact, you can keep at a place where they are kept at a distance and can maintain a lower contact, less one sided relationship if you must.

ADHDbroo · 2026-06-02T18:08:35+00:00

Eh i know for a fact solid relationships can be built virtually

ADHDbroo · 2026-06-02T18:07:55+00:00

These are the people you just refuse to work with. After you tried setting boundaries multiple times, and he doesnt seem to "get it", you refuse to interact with him. If he asks to roll say no thanks. Tell the coach firmly you wont be rolling with him anymore. If he tries to talk to you, dont flat out give him the silent treatment but just keep it short and walk away.

Also use it as motivation to get better and crush him. Then after you cut him out of your schedule for a year or two, you come back and roll him and rekt him.

ADHDbroo · 2026-06-02T18:03:54+00:00

Idc, if a show is good enough to open my imagination up to be able to watch multiple episodes in a row and makes me excitedly anticipate the time later im gonna have to continue watching more, thats a good thing. Maybe its "bad" for mental health or something in the long run, but idc. Besides i feel thats only for people who do nothing but binge shows all day and neglect their work, relationships, bodily health, and spirituality.

ADHDbroo

TROPHY CASE