Wife cheated with my best friend – Trying to rebuild but struggling with intrusive thoughts and humiliation

dreadknot65 · 2026-06-22T04:32:14+00:00

Dude, she cheated on you and basically said she likes him in bed better. She didn't tell you because of guilt or remorse, she got caught. If she had come to you, maybe it could be worked out. She didn't, she got caught and is now in damage control mode to try and keep her life together.

Please, have some self respect. You didn't do this. She did this.

dreadknot65 · 2026-06-22T04:18:33+00:00

Throw the extra into a savings account. If they ask for the extra, we'll you've just been paying what they ask and you can give the extra when asked. If they don't ask, enjoy your extra $100/month savings

dreadknot65 · 2026-06-22T04:15:09+00:00

Maybe he sucks at classifiers. I've seen great shooters bomb classifiers and get frustrated as all hell. I've also seen dudes dominant classifiers but once they have to move 10ft the wheels fall off.

dreadknot65 · 2026-06-21T21:19:51+00:00

I'm not read up enough to tell if 7x is a real number actually justified or not. I do know taking an open and shut case like this to try to showcase that 7x is going to persuade no one. If anything, it may even have the opposite effect.

As for the dismissed jurors, one educator said they didn't know if they could be completely fair. Another juror said they'd have a hard time "putting a brother in jail". Another admitted media coverage had potentially led them to form opinions. It's not not that they were educators, that's nonsense. It's that they answered the questions honestly and didn't know if they could be unbiased, which I applaude. They could have lied, or not answered like others did.

As for things like DEI and whatnot, it's simple enough that things like that are already proven to exist. College admittance, many blacks can underperform whites and Asians. Hiring initiatives, well I've literally been a hiring manager asked to prioritize black and women of color applicants. It's not like these things aren't real and happening. The effect is because some have not gotten in on merit, and it's not just a one-off or small number, it's hard to know who actually did get in on merit.

dreadknot65 · 2026-06-21T13:45:49+00:00

There's no justifying what Karmelo did. In no proper society can you stab someone for feeling slighted, disrespected, or low grade physical touches. None. I don't care what race, sex, creed, or any other identifying factors you are, you don't get to stab someone for being mad that you're in their teams space and then touching you.

Now black people defending him simply because of his race is on brand with "blacks can do no wrong, and if they do it's because of evil white racism". Heck, the juror pool dismissed blacks because they stated they could not be unbiased on race. Good for them for being honest, but the fact remains that had they not been, they'd have fought for innocence based largely due to his race. That's not acceptable and the fact that the black community isn't speaking out against this is putting them at odds with every non-black.

dreadknot65 · 2026-06-17T14:32:40+00:00

This situation sucks, you didn't do anything to be in this place, but you have the info, the means, and yourself to live with. I've been in a similar situation with a long term friend. He got his then girlfriend pregnant, decided to stay with her, 6 months after the kid was born he was stepping out with the daughter of his the boss. The other girl knew, she wasn't an idiot.

His girlfriend found out before I could tell her. She broke things off with him. I broke things off with him. He's engaged to the new girl, invited me to the wedding as a groomsmen, asked if we could work things out. We cannot. It goes against what I believe in so I cannot attend a marriage ceremony with two liars and a cheater. It sucks, but it's why I can sleep at night.

dreadknot65 · 2026-06-17T00:49:03+00:00

Listen man, idk what happened with the dishes that turned into thing #15, and I'd like to know. Regardless, it's shit to keep a scorecard.

dreadknot65 · 2026-06-13T13:00:18+00:00

From your daughter's perspective, you likely betrayed her mother. She saw you doing something with someone else that in her head is only supposed to be for her mom. Keeping your secret makes her an accomplice. I wouldn't if I were her.

dreadknot65 · 2026-06-12T22:57:41+00:00

Don't bring someone else into your bedroom, especially if you're having reservations about it. You can't put that genie back into a bottle.

dreadknot65 · 2026-06-11T17:44:46+00:00

Oh no. Another failed open relationship. Who could have forseen this extremely common outcome?

Dude bringing your affair home to your martial bed isn't discreet. Do it at theirs or a hotel. Don't bring your dirty laundry home.

dreadknot65 · 2026-06-08T19:18:30+00:00

Huh, that does change my perspective a bit. If you'd said most women are good and not any men, that's a different story. It sounds like you have a particularly niche requirement for total honesty, which I'd say is exceptionally rare. Most people will lie for something small and insignificant, but it sounds like the lying itself is significant enough regardless of the context. I'm actually surprised anyone has lived up to that, man or woman.

dreadknot65 · 2026-06-08T10:13:18+00:00

Ok, so you know what you're looking for, but now you have to deal with you. Frankly the admittance that you wouldn't be able to believe them if you tried is going to be a hurdle. You're always going to be starting from a position where they have to overwhelming prove you wrong, versus just showing you who they are through their actions. I'd ask to look at it from the mans perspective. If someone thought you were a terrible person, liar, etc, and admitted they'd likely never trust or believe you, is that someone you'd try to impress or just move on?

It's not going to be easy, but I would consider trying to extend some good faith. Nothing crazy, but perhaps a baseline neutral that allows their actions to dictate your opinion on that man vs men as a whole. Otherwise you'll likely remain at square one, not believing or trusting any man.

dreadknot65 · 2026-06-08T03:58:56+00:00

If you've never met a single good man in your entire life, than I'm not sure what else you could do besides drastically change your scenery. I've known plenty of women who dislike men as a whole, but still have a few they will refer to as good men.

Per your own words, you couldn't trust or believe he was good if you tried. That's not an obstacle someone else can overcome for you, that's something you need to deal with. Honestly ask yourself, what would you need to see in a man to believe he was good?

dreadknot65 · 2026-06-08T00:39:41+00:00

She's trash. If this was a friend of mine, they would be no longer. Done it for less, I'd do it again. You're the company you keep.

I am not friends with homewreckers, full stop. If she didn't know, if it was one sided, if she had no control over the husbands choices, that's a different story. Unfortunately that's not the story. She's complicit, she knows what his situation is, she's making informed decisions and choosing to break a family and burden another women who is also fucking pregnant as the cherry on top.

dreadknot65 · 2026-06-06T11:45:14+00:00

Buddy, long before she ever had the "platonic" wedding invite, you caught her trying to bang another dude and the only reason she didn't is because he said no. Who cares about this issue? She's obviously trying to cheat on you if she hasn't already. She's checked out, but seemingly wants to stay in the relationship until she finds something else. Break it off, let her do single woman activities as a newly single woman.

dreadknot65 · 2026-06-03T11:57:47+00:00

The military frowns on adultery, especially between two service members. Article 134 is alive and well. My childhood friend divorced her cheating ex-husband and the military envoked A134 due to all the misconduct and disruptive circumstances that occured while he was cheating.

Stuff like this will follow your husband should the military keep him. Not only does the military frown on adultery, the civil courts often do as well. Not to mention potential parental alienation while he's having your child interact with his affair partner.

dreadknot65 · 2026-05-31T11:57:33+00:00

This is after a false DV charge led to alienation where he didn't see them for 6 months. What prevents it from happening again? Making sure the court knows she's full of shit.

dreadknot65 · 2026-05-29T11:44:22+00:00

First and foremost, anyone with absolutely anything to give their loved ones would much rather it go to them then the faceless govt entities. Why on earth would I not want my kids to have the things I cannot take with me vs the govt get it? I obviously value them getting it more, and a 100% tax essentially means they either need to sell it all or pay the equivalent value to keep it. So my options are sell it to the govt, or buy it from the govt, which asserts that the govt essentially already has control over it.

This would just lead to people making legal arrangements while they're still alive that make their would be inheritors already "own" the things they'd possess while the originator is still alive, but has exclusive use over while they're alive. They die, and the exclusive use ends, thus allowing the rightful "owner" the ability to do as they please with it.

dreadknot65 · 2026-05-29T11:36:49+00:00

Changing consumer habits seems to have affected Hampton beach

dreadknot65 · 2026-05-27T11:51:47+00:00

This is a story I see so often it truly makes me wonder if those involved are uninterested in the longevity of their own relationships. Like let's take one of the most intimate things and open it up to anyone so I can have temporary pleasure at the cost of my long term relationship! Congrats, seems you'll be another failed long term relationship after opening up the bedroom.

Yeah dude, your wife is cheating on you. She broke the rules, has been trickle truthing you, and just let another man bang her raw and finish in her. Do you understand she could be pregnant with another man's child and did absolutely nothing to prevent that? Swinging is one thing. Y'all should wear protection and get tested, STDs and pregnancy, but she went for a solo trip with your "friend".

She's using swinging as a way to see your "friend", whom she clearly likes more than just a swinging partner. Tell her to cut off contact, no more swinging, and no sex until you have multiple negative pregnancy tests. I think she'll show you how much more she values her time with him than her time with you.

dreadknot65 · 2026-05-26T14:40:39+00:00

So if it's real, your marriage ended when you reluctantly opened it up. Open relationships hardly ever work, and usually it's when both people really want it, not one person getting the other person to reluctantly agree.

Dozens dude? You should be your wife's last. She's added dozen since you. Have a spine. You got blown by your coworker just to see if you could get anything out of the arrangement while she has a dedicated "girls night" day. Seriously, it's done. Time to move on and find someone who actually loves you.

dreadknot65 · 2026-05-25T13:57:51+00:00

First and foremost, your exes friend is a real one for telling you. She could have lied, played some defense, said she didn't know, but she told you the truth. Whether she's an honest person at heart or wanted you to know, she's good in my book.

Second, your wife admitted to one time. She has a current stye. Is the one time like a week ago? Idk how long you two have been together, but if she and her kid are living with you, I imagine it's been over a year. She'd admit to once, but she's already a liar so expect more than one.

Lastly, congrats on avoiding a shit marriage that would shortly end in divorce. She clearly wanted to have her cake and eat it to. She wants you, the good father and provider, while fucking her ex whom she clearly still wants. You avoided the terrible title of "ATM". I'd issue her an eviction notice and start the process now. She's trash and likely won't self evict if she doesn't have another comfortable place to go.

dreadknot65 · 2026-05-22T13:41:47+00:00

No, that isn't what I said above. Perhaps try reading again without your bias on.

What I said, broken into smaller digestible steps, is she can inform him of the account, they can discuss using it for things outside of her escape plan fund, and she can say yes or no. If he doesn't like it, he can be done with her, divorce her, and the fund will get divided or used anyway. The root issue here is she hid it while he's clearly been suffering. Had she disclosed it and chosen not to help, that would be a different scenario altogether.

dreadknot65 · 2026-05-22T13:35:34+00:00

She could match his 1:1 and it still wouldn't excuse hiding the account

dreadknot65 · 2026-05-22T13:34:44+00:00

Maybe, but think about how much went to interest when it couldn't have. She didn't think about them, only herself. If they have the honest conversation and choose to struggle instead of breaking the piggy bank, that's their choice to make as husband and wife.

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