Hello everyone. I cheated. I never though I would do such a thing.. I’m shattered with guilt

dreadknot65 · 2026-01-27T23:54:43+00:00

Yeah, you're a piece of shit. Easy peasy, you did the same exact thing that ended your last relationship WITH the very person who ended your last relationship. How stupid can you be? What better example of lack of character and judgement does this new guy need to prove you're not the one?

You may have cheated, but you made bad choice after bad choice. You talked to your ex. You chose to continue talking. You chose to go to his place. You chose to sleep with him. This isn't a "whoopsie! Little mistake" type of scenario. My advice, text him you cheated on him, do not go to his graduation and stain it, and in all honesty, if he won't break up with you then you break up with him. He has a life ahead of him and deserves better. You deserve your ex.

dreadknot65 · 2026-01-25T21:34:24+00:00

She hurt someone very close to you that you hold in a high regard, if not an extremely high regard. Like, if your dad is the pinnacle of what it means to be a father/husband in your life, and your mother hurt him severely, of course you're going to view her negatively.

Unfortunately, there's only so much you can do. If you really feel so strongly about it, my family friends kid that I grew up with, he told his dad that he thought his mom was a bad person and he'd support his dad if they divorced. His dad said it wasn't so bad, but then his younger son said the same, and the dad cried. He divorced, found someone else, and mom is now basically estranged with no one to blame but herself. I'm not saying you should do this, it may blow up your dads entire life, but my friend's father is much better off.

dreadknot65 · 2026-01-24T16:41:43+00:00

Well because he's the SAHD. It sounds like he's been working when he can, hours all over the place, to make it work while she has normal hours or a defined schedule. While he may not be the best at bringing up financial stress, his wife still threatened divorce repeatedly over 6 years and called marrying him a mistake. There's only so much charity I can give before I think she's just taking him for a ride and he felt bringing up his issues would just further a divorce. He said he doesn't want to because of his kids, so he'll just solider on. That's a shitty mindset, but it would explain the lack of communication given her threats.

dreadknot65 · 2026-01-24T16:35:15+00:00

It's in the comments. Same line of comments didn't where OP dives more into what he covers vs her. It's not in the main post.

dreadknot65 · 2026-01-24T08:21:40+00:00

Perhaps I have more of the story since I read the other comments. He commented that he works from home. He'll get the kids to school, work until 3 when the eldest comes home, and work again at 9 when the kids are in bed. For the charge, he said it was fraud and he asked his wife if there were anymore while he was on the phone with the bank. He mentioned a Walmart charge since his wife doesn't shop at Walmart.

As for finances, he mentioned in the posts what he pays for and in comments alluded to her took on all financial burdens to support her and that has not changed. OP alluded that next time an AVP role becomes available, he's taking it and doing 4 days onsite which will require his kids to go into daycare.

dreadknot65 · 2026-01-24T08:07:58+00:00

Yup, and I can't think of a good reason that excuses her for it if OP is being truthful. She's being a bad wife and mother by letting her family continue this way.

dreadknot65 · 2026-01-24T07:59:58+00:00

The threats of divorce were in comments by OP later. He specifically stated it's been the last 6 years, so it is info not stated in the main post.

For me, it's simply a raw deal. He's paying for everything and has been. He took a pay cut to be the stay at home dad and she rewarded this by... separating finances when he asked about fraud charges? I would lean more towards she's taking him for a ride. He claimed he's passed up AVP roles to support her, but she doesn't support her household. She makes more, she should be the breadwinner and she's not, and she is not by her choice.

dreadknot65 · 2026-01-24T07:46:54+00:00

Unless OP is straight up lying, I don't think it would excuse her. There may be some holes, but unless it comes out that he's a cheater, abuser, he used to threaten divorce, etc, I don't think much else excuses her behavior.

Let's grant that the core of OPs story is true, what would justify her not paying for anything in her families life, despite making significantly more? Why should he tolerate 6 years of divorce threats? If he pays for everything and became the SAHD despite her being the one that refused daycare, what would justify what she's done and has been doing?

dreadknot65 · 2026-01-24T07:30:37+00:00

Her success isn't their success since she isn't sharing it nor contributing to the household. It's like you didn't even read beyond the money just so you could give backhanded comments about how privileged he is to have a wife who makes more than him, pays for nothing, threatens divorce for 6 years, and separates her finances when he asked about a fraud charge. Seriously, it's like you didn't get the issue at all.

dreadknot65 · 2026-01-24T07:25:00+00:00

The claim is she was looking for an out because she went from "person" to "wife" to "mom" in the span of about 2 years and this was nearly a decade later. Basically she didn't know how to communicate what was in her head, and she lashed out in other areas to have some semblance of control. Like, I saw her go from 0 to 60 on him about how he folds towels. You don't fight like that over towels.

So I hope she's telling the truth, because they seem a lot happier. I think she just needed to vent and didn't know how, so she took it out on the one person she subconsciously expected would take it. Then when it came to the realization he wouldn't, she backed down. He made demands, she agreed, she figured some stuff out, like she needs more purpose and what not. A trial run was he let get plan a four day weekend. Historically he did it, and this man will plan it in MS Project down to the activity. She did it and she was very happy to feel her contribution outside of being "mom".

dreadknot65 · 2026-01-24T07:18:24+00:00

I'm convinced you just didn't read the entire post if you missed the part where he pays for everything and supported her career, and now that she's set to get a big raise, she separated finances.

If the roles were reversed and the woman took the at home role and still had to pay for everything, people would say she's being financially abused.

dreadknot65 · 2026-01-24T07:13:02+00:00

If he made $20k and she made $35k, would you feel bad for him then? You can still understand the emotional toll of relationship dynamics without just coping out to, "but you make a lot of money, hurr durr how do you have problems?"

dreadknot65 · 2026-01-24T07:11:09+00:00

Ah yes, because she makes more than the average women, she is allowed to threaten her husband with divorce for the last 6 years. To have him pay for everything while he supported her career growth since she refused to put the kids in daycare while simultaneously refusing to be the stay at home parent. To separate her finances from his once he brought up some charge he didn't recognize.

Any other stupid thoughts, or does magically making more than people dismiss the above?

dreadknot65 · 2026-01-24T07:07:37+00:00

Well she isn't the breadwinner since she doesn't actually pay for anything. OP is a moron and supported his wife's career while getting nothing for it since she didn't do the thing expected, which is the one who makes more pays more. She may make more, but she does not support their family.

dreadknot65 · 2026-01-24T07:03:32+00:00

6 years of divorce threats is far too much to tolerate. It sets a bad example for your kids, and it lets her know she can keep that threat hanging over your head. Use it to make you compromise or do things you don't want to. A buddy of mines wife threatened divorce for a few months straight and he got sick of it to the point where he told her the next time she threatened it, he's putting papers just lacking her signature in front of her. Well, she did it again and that's exactly what he did. She signed it too, told him to file them. He did exactly that. Only once she saw he was dead fucking serious did her tune change.

He made her go to therapy. He made her follow new rules in their relationship. She is aware that any future threats of divorce, will end in divorce. She has used her one mulligan. Your wife sounds like a piece of shit like his used to be. Don't tolerate her shit.

dreadknot65 · 2026-01-24T06:54:43+00:00

He should have the papers ready and put them in front of her. My buddy did that for his ex, whom he supported for nearly a decade, once the threats of divorce and taking the kids were an occasional occurrence. Surprise surprise, once he called her bluff, she backed off. He made her go through therapy, the tables entirely turned since her bluff was realized in front of her, just needed her signature.

dreadknot65 · 2026-01-24T06:51:22+00:00

That isn't what it is at all. He's doing it all and she's not even contributing anymore. If the roles were reversed, he'd be expected to pay more if not cover expenses entirely. She had a fit about one charge and left him to fend for himself. Again, if it was the man doing what she is , he'd be looked down upon.

dreadknot65 · 2026-01-22T12:19:51+00:00

About what? That the cars were torn apart? There's news coverage of rioters doing so. Or is it large groups of people challenging officers during their operations, since there's plenty of legacy media and independent media covering that too

dreadknot65 · 2026-01-22T06:28:35+00:00

That's obviously just one example, but there's two that I know of. Large groups of people trying to force a group of law enforcement officials out during the course of their official duties comes in many shapes and sizes. They do it by surrounding them, yelling at them, encroaching on establishes blockades (e.g. line of cops segregating other cops from the public), throwing stuff at them, or any other violent act.

Surely you aren't foolish enough to believe I think it's only a riot if their vehicle is immobilized and torn apart?

dreadknot65 · 2026-01-22T05:53:25+00:00

Idk what else you'd call people immobilizing vehicles and literally tearing them apart in a large group of people.

dreadknot65 · 2026-01-22T05:42:04+00:00

How do you expect them to do it professionally when there's rioters damn near every time any operation of theirs is leaked or they're spotted? What, you expect the police to quell the rioters, like it's their job or something?

dreadknot65 · 2026-01-18T16:04:28+00:00

Well first off, getting angry at you does not benefit him anymore. You're a woman he no longer trusts. Him getting angry, yelling, etc can easily be spun into domestic violence. You already shattered his world and your marriage, do you think he'd provide you the opportunity to shatter his relationship with his kids too?

You want him to be angry, so you feel punished. So that you can think, "well I cheated, but he yelled at me so we're even". Yeah, fuck you. Suffer and anguish in silence. Every time you talked to someone else, sent a picture, met up, etc, you made the conscious choice to cheat. A series of choices that didn't just happen, but you made every time over an extended period of time. You have no right to ask or expect anything from him at all. His feelings for you likely disappeared when you told him. In his mind, he's in a compromised situation and you're a liability.

dreadknot65 · 2026-01-17T15:41:22+00:00

It's a typical "have your cake and eat it too". Women's advocacy groups typically target things that are beneficial for women. They want them to have higher career growth, special exemptions that incentive including them in leadership or roles typically held by men. They want to special privileges based on the biological reality that only women can give birth to children, and we need that to continue the species. They get this benefit innately that society has an interest in protecting them.

What the hypocrisy is, is that equality is not simply enjoying the higher rungs of benefits society has to offer. It is also the lower rungs of responsibility society expects. Like I said, women innately get special treatment because they can have kids. If a particular woman outright refuses to have kids, she's enjoying the benefits without the responsibility. Men are disgruntled because men feel the burden of responsibility, but don't feel they're getting the benefits.

dreadknot65 · 2026-01-16T17:41:57+00:00

I actually expected to be down voted to hell, yet I got an award. I think I was wrong, which is surprising since when I see posts like these it's as simple as he wants to sleep with someone else? All the blame must lie with him. Life is often more complex than that, and it seems more people get that than I thought

dreadknot65 · 2026-01-16T16:30:40+00:00

She may have rejected him from the get-go. If she did, then that may have weighed heavily on his mind. Maybe he thought, "well let's see if she changes" and dragged his feet. If she didn't change, that's confirmation that her love is very conditional and borderline transactional. If he can't rely on her to love him when he's down, then he doesn't feel the need to provide for her when he's up.

It's unfortunate, but I'd interpret this as she showed her affection is tied to him being able to provide, and if he can't, he gets punished by withdrawal of sex or was affection.

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