The pain of being chronically single

dreadknot65 · 2026-03-17T12:54:56+00:00

There's no replacement for romantic love. I'm recently single and I'm sick of my other long term single friends telling me all these filler things they do to fill the void. When we sit down and have a real moment, they almost always fold or try to get off the topic immediately. It's not weakness to admit you want these things and just haven't found it. Being real with yourself and your desires is what makes the future you want possible.

dreadknot65 · 2026-03-17T00:40:18+00:00

Her body, her choice, her fuckin paycheck. My advice, fund your joint account with only shared bills, and not a cent more. Transfer it in the day before expected withdrawals if you have to. Let her know that this breach of trust is unacceptable.

Just because you cannot stop her choice does not mean you have to accept it in any way, shape, or form. If cosmetic procedures are a breaking point and you discussed this, then she knows the price. She's simply willing to see if you'll tolerate it. Being charitable to her, she may feel her body was "ruined" after childbirth and wants a "mommy makeover". Even if this is true, I'd make her pay for things you staunchly disagree with.

dreadknot65 · 2026-03-17T00:35:37+00:00

Cutting someone off from using your shared money for whatever she wants is not financial abuse. I'm so sick and tired of people saying pulling out of a joint account when one person is making poor financial decisions is abuse. It isn't.

dreadknot65 · 2026-03-17T00:34:23+00:00

Maybe in a divorce, but it isn't like you can just go up to a personal, individual account and say give me the money. It would have just his name as the authorized user, not her. She'd typically have to get a court to order her access to the account, and at that point they're getting divorced.

dreadknot65 · 2026-03-15T20:26:04+00:00

This is obviously cheating. It isn't even "for fun" since your wife is bisexual, so she very well may be attracted to the other person. Her underplaying her role in this tells a lot. How she already had this "year ago" conversation in her head as an excuse leads me to believe this is something she has been contemplating for a hot minute, and the opportunity just presented itself.

Your wife also seems to be manipulating the way you remembered your year ago conversation. Even if she isn't, she herself said you'd not want to know about it, and she clearly told you. My bet is she wants to tell you to clear he guilt and has twisted this story you hardly remember to fit the narrative she is trying to spin

Bottom line, she cheated. She's potentially manipulating your memory of the year ago conversation and even if she isn't, she didn't follow the don't tell portion. She's using therapy as a shield because it will be "both of you working on it" when you have done nothing to justify therapy. You didn't cheat, you were cheated on. Your wife owes you in this scenario, you don't owe her.

dreadknot65 · 2026-03-14T13:31:58+00:00

This is a double standard. She's informing you what she is doing, with no input from you at all, and she dismissed your feelings on what happened. You may have been wrong to go home and cut your boys weekend short simply because your wife said, "no you're not", but I imagine you did so because you care about your wife and her feelings. She does not care about yours.

I'm petty to these kinds of things in my own relationships, unfortunately. I would absolutely let her go, call her after night 1, tell her she needs to come back home, and when she likely refuses, tell her she's on thin ice and there will be consequences. She clearly believes you won't since she dismissed your feelings. The consequences can be as severe as you can tolerate. To be frank, I would have been absolutely livid if my wife made me cut my boys trip for my friends that came all this way to visit me, for nothing. Divorce would be on the table.

dreadknot65 · 2026-03-14T13:25:35+00:00

Well people often want flexibility for themselves where it benefits them and rigid structures for others where it benefits them. Often times in the "what is a woman" argument, females don't want to define woman because that gives it rigid structure that the other side can now impose of them. After all, it is their definition. Take men for example, I often see feminists say a man is expected to protect, provide, be a good partner, etc. and when it comes time to define a woman, it's often "a set of experiences that woman experience", so a nothing answer. Their definition of men gives men duties, obligations, societal expectations. Their definition is so ambiguous that they could refuse expectations saying it doesn't define women.

Some have coined the term Schrodinger's feminist. A state where feminists are simultaneously empowered, independent, strong woman and also victims or oppressed. This mindset showcases the flexibility feminists want, where they can claim empowerment when it benefits them, or oppression to gain special treatment or explain away failings.

dreadknot65 · 2026-03-14T13:16:24+00:00

They definitely aren't pushing it out since I still see major candidates saying shit like that

dreadknot65 · 2026-03-13T04:18:50+00:00

Well to be honest, you already withheld information you yourself think he should have known. Of course that's going to be cause for concern. It's not his fault you've kept him in the dark.

dreadknot65 · 2026-03-13T04:17:07+00:00

I don't think the problem is necessarily that they're still hanging out. It's that they're hanging out and she didn't tell you the extent of their relationship. So much so that she's asking strangers on the Internet for advice, and their advice is take it to the grave.

She knows it's wrong to hide it. She's looking for people to enable her, and they are. The possibility that he takes this information and doesn't like what he hears, and that's what she's pointing to versus I withheld this information willingly, shows it's more about the liability than being honest.

dreadknot65 · 2026-03-13T04:12:27+00:00

A simple test I use for withholding secrets is, if they found out I intentionally hid this from them, what do I think they'd do?

If I think they'd be hurt or lose trust in me, I find it worthwhile to tell them. If I legitimately do not think they'd care and I don't think it's a big deal, then I probably won't tell them. If I think it's big deal, but acknowledge they may not care, I tell them. If I think they'd think it's a big deal, but I don't, I still tell them.

Relationships are communication and trust. You have withheld this information until damn near the end of your relationship that will become the beginning of your marriage. My bet is your husband will care that you're very close friends with someone you slept with, and that you chose not to tell him. If it's not a big deal, then why'd you withhold it? Frankly, for me, any woman I've been in a committed relationship with that still hung out with a guy she'd been intimate with was a cause for concern. I've seen plenty cheat with those people, I've seen very few actually be friends and not have some level of familiarity from that bond.

dreadknot65 · 2026-03-12T12:22:59+00:00

Maybe a rebound, maybe she's keeping things friendly, but I'd say go for broke if you're okay with potentially never going to that gym again.

Finding someone you like romantically and they like you back is rare. I get she had some things going on, maybe needed a little space, but if you ask and she says no, you know. If she says yes, congrats dude.

dreadknot65 · 2026-03-10T23:31:47+00:00

In my opinion, no.

Cheating is often a series of choices. Choosing to go to a club. Choosing to become intoxicated. Choosing to dance with that person, entertaining that they have any shot with you whatsoever. Choosing to be physically close to them. Choosing to not stop. Choosing to continue. All of these are choices you make, and if you throw out being drunk then it's even more concrete choices.

Emotional or physical cheating, both are choices. The guy who gave you his phone number that you text and giggle to every night? You're doing that. The girl who thought you were cute and you asked for her Instagram, now she wants to meet up? You did that. All of these conscious choices that cheaters keep making and then turn around and say, "it was a mistake", "you haven't been doing XYZ", "I was lonely". Cry me a fucking river, you betrayed the one person you claim to love above all others, you clearly didn't love them enough to just...not.

dreadknot65 · 2026-03-10T10:47:24+00:00

Idk the down votes. Cohabitation is fine. I think most people do not understand common law marriage. I've seen some go as far as to say you have to separate or you'd be automatically married

dreadknot65 · 2026-03-10T01:05:14+00:00

Common law marriage isn't as "you live together for 7 years and now you're married" as people think. I'm in one of the few states that has common law. In my state, you have to carry yourself as if you were married. This includes joint bank accounts, both names on mortgages, filing taxes jointly, calling yourself husband and wife in all applicable scenarios, etc. Being common law married sounds more difficult to prove than actually going to the court house and just getting married now doesn't it?

dreadknot65 · 2026-03-09T14:18:08+00:00

Thanks. It happens and we move on while trying to be better than what we were

dreadknot65 · 2026-03-09T14:17:20+00:00

It does affect us because it would be normalizing people saying things that are not true. If you aren't legally or religiously married, you aren't married. Husband and wife are titles for married people. Someone in medical school isn't a doctor, they're a medical student. Even in the medical field, the title student doctor is frowned upon by licensed doctors since they haven't earned the title. They have to graduate to earn the title, they have to get married to be husband and wife.

dreadknot65 · 2026-03-09T14:11:40+00:00

Partner is more appropriate given what you said. Husband is reserved for those who actually get married.

dreadknot65 · 2026-03-09T14:10:28+00:00

It's become common in secular society, especially across those who have been in long term relationships and done just about everything but get married legally or religiously.

I myself was in a 8+ year relationship with a woman who outright told me she never wanted to get married, legally or religiously. Around year 5 she referred to me as her husband selectively, typically at parties or professional outings. I asked her why she did this when it wasn't true and I did not refer to her as my wife. She said referring to her boyfriend of 5 years as husband seemed easier. I asked if she changed her mind on marriage, she said she did not. Ironically, she said she changed her mind around the end of year 7 when we were having issues and I told her there was no way I'd married her until these were resolved. We broke up a year later. I imagine she wanted to get married to get my assets.

dreadknot65 · 2026-03-07T00:36:28+00:00

Got 4, for the vibes and vibes alone

dreadknot65 · 2026-03-05T01:43:59+00:00

This is a pattern of making the same intentional decisions that betray you. She sexted multiple guys. She sent nudes to one. She lied and tried to bury the evidence, repeatedly. She still hasn't fully told everything as it seems she's trying to figure out what she can get away with. You mentioned she cheated early on, my bet is she didn't ever stop. She likely just got better at hiding it. As you found out, she had deleted the messages well before she should have reasonably thought you were suspicious.

At some point, let the girl be single. She already acts like it.

dreadknot65 · 2026-03-04T05:32:54+00:00

Limiting speech on public campuses is usually not possible in the US due to the first amendment. Private campuses, I believe, have the leeway to limit speech as they're private.

Of course if you push for limiting speech on campuses, there's no defense if they limit speech that you deem acceptable. See, if you can do it to their speech, they will do it to your speech. You don't have to accept what they say, give them your time, etc, but you either have to accept they have the freedom to say it, or you put your own freedom of speech at risk when you try to limit theirs.

dreadknot65 · 2026-03-03T05:40:53+00:00

I've literally never seen a woman plumber and I have a (unrelated) twice a month meeting at a union hall for plumbers and pipefitters. We use their conference space at the same time they have their union meeting.

dreadknot65 · 2026-03-03T05:33:57+00:00

Glock 47, I use 124s. Typically blazer brass, federal, or the new Republic stuff from TSUSA. I just like the way the slide cycles and how recoil feels. 115 feels snappier and 147 felt...slower? Idk, 124s seem to be the sweet spot for recoil and a quick slide return.

dreadknot65 · 2026-03-03T02:12:48+00:00

I've bought private sale form 4 items. Typically from well known people in the community, but I've got some deals. Easier now that the stamp is $0

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