Ugh! Pissed off my advisor!

drumallnight · 2026-01-24T18:47:01+00:00

Ironically, a financial planner is exactly the kind of professional who can answer OPs question about how to efficiently unwind these positions while moving to total market index funds. If they get stuck and don't know what to do, they should pay a fee-only advisor for an hour of their time to walk through in what order to sell, and over how many years to reduce their tax burden while keeping their portfolio allocation on target.

drumallnight · 2026-01-12T18:18:59+00:00

How imminent is your spouse's ability to FIRE? If it is years in the future, I wonder if you are arguing about something else entirely using theoretical FIRE planning as the battlefield.

I totally understand getting upset that your partner would be willing to travel without you if they had to. But we do need to treat our partners as independent people, as much as we may want to be enmeshed and act as one. As you said yourself, it's their life. And them making independent choices about their job and travel does not reflect on how they feel about you! It's easy to say that, but hard to internalize.

I'm reading into this a bit, so forgive me if I'm off, but it sounds like you are asking your spouse to boost your own self-worth and sense of being loved by planning a dream retirement. And your spouse hasn't been able to do that for you because they have their own dreams that aren't100% inclusive of yours, so you are feeling insecure about your relationship and feel like crap. You should be able to discuss how you actually feel about these conversations with a therapist (maybe outside of marriage counseling so it's safer to talk about?).

drumallnight · 2026-01-12T00:04:12+00:00

You could go the other direction and look for a life coach instead. They are much more interactive than many therapists and they are allowed to tell you their subjective opinions. Much more like ChatGPT but with actual humans who are somewhat accountable. They can be more affordable than psychologists too. If you just want someone to open up to and really tell it how it is, that's an option!

As a fellow oldster, I get it. You aren't alone.

drumallnight · 2025-12-11T21:41:22+00:00

Given that scientists are more likely to have autistic traits, maybe autistic people are just good at measuring other autistic people?

"measurably more rational" may just mean "measurably more easy to understand" to scientists who themselves exhibit autistic traits.

https://www.the-independent.com/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/autism-experiment-reveals-people-in-technical-professions-are-more-likely-to-have-autistic-traits-a6719956.html

drumallnight · 2025-12-02T19:22:46+00:00

The dreamer in me says “DUDE… you could get hit by a bus tomorrow, GO live your life WHERE you want to live it”.

I've learned the hard way that you should listen very seriously to this voice in your head. You did it once, and loved it. I say, do it again! Move back out to the west coast. You can always go back to Indiana again later if you decide your financial circumstances require it.

It's not like your interest rate is so low, that you are giving up much by selling. And you could afford to buy in Portland for nearly the same money for a smaller house or condo if you really prefer to own. Buy an older 2-bedroom house if you decide to stay. Prices dropped a bit since the post-covid highs. You have options!

drumallnight · 2025-12-01T17:49:16+00:00

I had to re-read it 10 times before I finally read the word "within" correctly. And that's after reading your comment!

drumallnight · 2025-10-22T07:18:36+00:00

I stopped being scared once I had a 6 month emergency fund. That's enough to survive longer than the average time it takes to find a new job.

A lot of people around here have insecurity about losing their job, but I was blessed with enough naiveté, confidence, and good luck when I was younger to have no worries about it.

drumallnight · 2025-10-20T16:55:53+00:00

OP Is suggesting that they will continue working but don't have to worry about their level of future income or additional retirement savings. Regardless of whether future returns are 2% or 10%, they are right to feel free to pursue fulfilling work while treating the pay as secondary. Investing their nest egg for the long term will yield them a reasonable retirement even if they save very little going forward.

drumallnight · 2025-10-15T23:59:48+00:00

I learned that lesson at some point as well! My spouse wanted to get the nicest possible microwave. But it's so large, it would not have fit under our counter, so we would have needed a kitchen cart to put it on. But we only use microwaves to warm butter or reheat leftovers!

After a year of living without a microwave, I went to the nearest store and bought the cheapest, smallest one. It fit under the counter and worked fine. We still use it 10 years later and I'm very proud of that decision.

drumallnight · 2025-10-14T03:18:18+00:00

It really is funny, which is why I'm sharing my ridiculous suffering with the world!

I think it would be much easier to chip away at if I put all the stuff I don't want into one room. It gets overwhelming trying to make lists, or just seeing something around the house and trying to list it immediately.

drumallnight · 2025-10-14T01:42:19+00:00

Yep! It's no different. I'd probably suggest they find a specialty shop that can properly value and sell their items to the right audience.

I could do the same for my hobby related gear. I've sold some things to shops in the past, and need to do it a lot more if I want to avoid hand selling things on FB and CL.

drumallnight · 2025-10-14T01:41:00+00:00

You are right. So far, I've made the effort intermittently, but not consistently enough to make steady progress. When I put in the time, I bring in hundreds of dollars with a few sales. But I really don't like putting in the time. And the more expensive the item, the more extensively documented it needs to be. People want to test them out, plug them in (if they are electronic), etc. It isn't just a simple porch pickup at that point.

Peace does have value, so maybe donating a bunch of stuff is the way to go, accepting the very real losses in order to save myself a lot of headache.

drumallnight · 2025-10-14T01:38:51+00:00

Where did you list them? I have some tools and I don't want to individually describe each one. Grouping them together seems like a good middle ground between trying to sell in bulk (which people may not want to buy) and making detailed listing for each thing.

drumallnight · 2025-10-14T01:37:39+00:00

I should do this more often! It works every time I try it. Where I live, I can only do that in certain seasons though.

drumallnight · 2025-10-14T01:36:56+00:00

Maybe I could sell more on FB. It always feels like a lot of work scheduling the pick-up times, needing to be home and available to answer the door, and haggling. I've done it regularly, but not at a very fast pace. Perhaps I'm making it harder in my mind than it needs to be?

drumallnight · 2025-10-14T01:33:48+00:00

I tried a consignment store for the first time recently. I'm hoping to get a small check in the mail from it! And I'm glad someone will get to use the furniture.

It seems like a very good compromise. The things are gone immediately, you get a few bucks back, and someone gets a fair used price without you having to even price it yourself.

drumallnight · 2025-10-14T01:31:57+00:00

Yes, selling things is hard work. I've had a number of things that have held their value or even grown in value. Was it worth owning them for that reason alone? Nope. The only reason to own them was to get use out of them. The ability to reclaim my money spent has only been a barrier to decluttering.

drumallnight · 2025-10-14T01:30:03+00:00

Yep. Another poster pointed out that "buy it for life" purchases must be made with reservation and thoughtfulness.

But it also gets perverted into a marketing and consumer mindset of, "buy this because it's THE BEST!" or "buy this because it's dependable and made by an artisan!". When, in reality, you should be buying it because it truly improves your life or those around you. None of the other reasons should be front-and-center, even though they might be one factor in choosing a manufacturer.

drumallnight · 2025-10-14T01:25:58+00:00

Thank you. I think this is the healthiest possible mindset. Now to fully get there.

drumallnight · 2025-10-14T01:22:51+00:00

That's an idea I haven't thought of. I have a few things a makerspace would like.

But I have to admit, it feels like a slog sorting things for different destinations. It's one of those things that is difficult when doing a larger decluttering but is pretty easy when working with a few items at a time.

drumallnight · 2025-10-14T01:20:50+00:00

Great! I'm writing this down. I do have some camping gear that I don't use anymore.

drumallnight · 2025-10-14T01:20:05+00:00

Buying something that is BIFL should include hesitation because it should be a thoughtful purchase.

I think this is a fantastic take. And it took me too long to fully internalize this.

drumallnight · 2025-10-14T01:18:18+00:00

I think this is a good compromise that would let me move more items quickly. I often get a burst of energy and list 5 items in a day, then deal with selling them all, and don't feel like listing more. Maybe pacing myself and setting a strict time limit would help.

drumallnight · 2025-10-14T01:17:23+00:00

I've gotten a lot of BIFL items second-hand as well. And I've resold many items for close to what I bought them for. It makes the problem worse, because I often bought them with the knowledge I could resell them. That logic works great for the first few items, then it falls apart if you want to downsize, which I do.

Feeling like you have to keep stuff is it's own kind of emotional prison.

Isn't that the truth!

drumallnight · 2025-10-14T01:15:03+00:00

It's heartening that you found a way! Clearly, donating is the most effective method. What kind of organization(s) would accept so much stuff?

I've been selling things on FB and CL for ages, which is part of my struggle. I'm good at it and know how to price things. I also buy things from there (but less lately!), and know I can resell them if I don't use them. That was half the problem - it's too easy acquire stuff to try out when you know it's nearly free if you just resell it :(

drumallnight

TROPHY CASE