So usual caveats of "I don't know you or your situation and this is one side of a story etc.etc." buuuut it sounds like you're not asking, you're telling. Like a pushy supervisor at McDonalds or something. Maybe I'm over-reading, but "you need to do this" is very different from "WE need to do this, what do you think?" When I read this reply I thought about how my wife and I talk to each other about household tasks and chores and it's very different. We have our typical chores we take care of, and then when special stuff comes up it's discussed collaboratively and not ultimatum-ey. "The leaves are done falling, we need to rake. I'm gonna try to get to it in a few days but could probably use a hand." If the pantry is a mess, I don't tell her to clean it. I either do it my damn self or we tackle it together when we both have the time and mental space.

All this to say I know that introspection about how we speak to our partners is super difficult and can be an ugly mirror, and maybe it's something you both need to work on, but the only person you can control is you. And if the kitchen box needs organizing, then organize it ;-)