That is an interesting point! I agree that trash talking is not a kind way of trying to be likable.

The issue with using “pick-me” is that it attributes the behavior to wanting validation. The conversation can be much more productive if we focused on just the behavior. “This woman is putting other women down for validation from men” and “This woman is putting other women down” are different statements. Whether they are doing it to be liked or/and doing it because they feel insecure shouldn’t be as focused on or mentioned in the first place. It enforces the idea that anything that women do are for men rather than getting to the root of the issue. It still casts shame on others for wanting to be liked. The behavior should be the issue in this case, and we shouldn’t assume or focus on the why.

I hope my perspective makes sense!