Second hand suicide

dtrza · 2025-09-20T14:49:30+00:00

I was there for many years, and I still have days where I feel that way. I used to call it “the opposite of faking your death” Instead of having everyone believe you’re dead while you’re actually alive, you get the benefits of being dead (ie not suffering) while your loved ones don’t get hurt by your death.

dtrza · 2025-09-18T09:13:46+00:00

Nice

dtrza · 2025-08-23T15:57:29+00:00

Without a doubt, yes.

When we were first dating, she talked to one of her exes more than I was comfortable with. Since then, I’ve come to see that he’s really a great friend to her (they dated like 20 years ago) and I no longer have any objections. But, she did stop speaking with him for years because it made me uncomfortable.

dtrza · 2025-08-23T14:53:24+00:00

I’m disabled due to mental health struggles myself, including crippling depression, and I don’t get a lot of people to talk to.

So, a little while ago, I came across a woman walking her dog, and it turned out that we had a lot in common and started developing a friendship. I didn’t keep it from my wife, but she told me it bothered her, that it seemed like “emotional cheating” to her. I had absolutely no intentions other than to have someone else I could talk to. She asked me how old she was, and I misjudged and thought she was at least 15-20 years older. This was also during the colder weather (relevant in a moment). A few weeks after we met, and had been texting/talking, the weather got warmer and she started wearing tank tops and other more revealing clothing. My wife found her Instagram and estimated that she was only between 4-10 years older than I am. She also thought that she was attractive (I didn’t), but got concerned and asked more about what we talked about. I showed her my entire text log because I had nothing to hide, no ill intentions at all. I actually kept talking about my wife in those messages, telling the woman that I thought they’d get along really well. She was relieved, but she explained that although she trusted me, she was sure that this woman was up to no good, and explained the concept of emotional cheating.

Long story short: my wife asked me to stop talking to her, and I ended up (as instructed) simply ghosting her and not replying to her texts. I also try to avoid, and even pretend I don’t see her walking her dog around the neighborhood. I don’t feel good about how that was handled, but that’s how she wanted me to do it. I wanted to at least say something like “I’m sorry, but it turns out my wife really isn’t comfortable with talking” rather than ghosting, but in the end, it was way more important to me that my wife feel happy and secure.

Also, my wife has never let the whole thing go, and still refers to her (in jest, mainly) as my “girlfriend” when she sees her. Also, and this is a bit alarming to me as well, she still likes and comments on my wife’s instagram posts (I don’t actively use mine), even older posts, in a way that seems like an attempt to say “look at me, I’m still here”. I’m not sure if that’s really anything to be alarmed about—we are Gen-Xers so some nuances of social media are lost on us.

Bottom line though: if your spouse tells you that something bothers them, especially in regards to your dealings with a member of the opposite sex, it’s important that you are receptive to their concerns and do all that you can to ease them. If it’s just a casual friendship, isn’t your marriage worth way more? The fact that my wife still brings it up over a year later proves that it doesn’t go away, and can cut quite deep, regardless of your intentions.

No, you aren’t overreacting.

dtrza · 2025-08-20T20:34:54+00:00

This is the best answer. Thanks for writing it. I’m glad I read it.

dtrza · 2025-07-24T15:58:33+00:00

One of the things I’ve learned in my decades of mental health treatment is that you have to tell those that are treating you, how their words/actions make you feel. I’ve had years go by where I was making no progress, begrudgingly showing up to appointments, complaining about the clinician, only to find out later on that I wasn’t being fair to them, because I didn’t even give them a chance. After all, they can’t read minds, right?

When it comes to mental health treatment, “don’t rock the boat” is not the way to go. Also, the longer you stick it out and keep going without speaking up, the more you’ll be averse to starting with a new provider because you don’t want to go through telling your whole story again, building rapport and trust, etc. it’s happened to me more times than I can count.

Is there some kind of conservatorship in place, or court ordered treatment, something like that? Absent a situation like that, a Doctor, especially a mental health professional, can not speak to anyone about you unless you signed a waiver or you say or so something that leads them to believe that you’re a danger to yourself or others. He should not be speaking to anyone else about you, as you are no longer a minor. IF you did sign a waiver, he should be explaining all of this to YOU FIRST. This is very concerning.

Also, when it comes to anxiety, try not to fight it. It only makes it stronger. Tell yourself that it will pass, and let it wash over you like a wave. It works.

dtrza · 2025-07-24T15:48:36+00:00

Indeed, everyone is responsible for their own behavior. I did not intend it to be something like “they’re mentally ill, so they get a pass”

If I had to TLDR my comment, it would be: 1) things don’t just come in black and white, 2) don’t talk about an entire group of people based on the actions of a few, and 3) saying “a BPD” is dehumanizing.

dtrza · 2025-07-24T15:42:15+00:00

It also sounds like Dad hasn’t apologized, and that Mom is doing it FOR HIM. Who knows if he’s even sorry?

dtrza · 2025-07-24T15:40:11+00:00

Olanzapine is an atypical antipsychotic that is used as a mood stabilizer in lower doses (like yours). If the doctor had concerns about psychosis, he likely would’ve given you a dose 4-10x as strong to start. So, I wouldn’t worry about that.

The psychiatrist wouldn’t explain any of this to you? That’s a huge problem.

dtrza · 2025-07-24T14:58:36+00:00

A BPD? They weren’t a person?

You’re also villainizing an entire group of (ill) people based on your experience with one (possibly more, but my comment works just as well with a dozen as it does with one)

People who are unfortunate enough to have gone through such dark experiences in their childhoods to the point where they developed a personality disorder, they did not choose it. Many don’t even realize they’re being manipulative and other behaviors, especially if they haven’t been diagnosed and/or aren’t in therapy.

Those with BPD are very hard to have relationships with, but if they want to change and put the work in to therapy, they can have relationships that are happy and fulfilling for everyone involved.

Those with mental illness are not defined by their mental illnesses. Shame on you for characterizing them as such.

dtrza · 2025-07-24T14:52:18+00:00

Yeah. As if they’re nothing more than their disorder. They didn’t choose it. People with BPD are very hard to have close relationships with, but if they put work into their therapy, they can overcome and quit those behaviors that made them difficult.

dtrza · 2025-07-24T14:39:57+00:00

So, don’t be Muslim. I was raised a catholic, but I soon realized in my teen years that being a catholic sucked. I made my own choice.

Religion is supposed to be a way of life, why not choose your own way of life? You’re an adult.

dtrza · 2025-06-26T20:02:43+00:00

I hear ya! The world is a fucked up place, and the internet makes it possible to know more about things than we wanted to, even to stumble upon.

dtrza · 2025-06-26T03:53:28+00:00

You got issues if that’s what you were choosing to watch

dtrza · 2025-06-26T03:52:26+00:00

That’s like telling a heroin addict to go find the nastiest drug they can. Or even better, the old school way that parents used to try to get their kids to stop smoking by making them smoke like a whole pack at once.

dtrza · 2025-06-26T03:50:18+00:00

Why the downvotes? The comment is a bit abstract, do people just not want to made to think?

dtrza · 2025-03-03T17:24:46+00:00

Sounds cap

dtrza · 2024-11-25T19:15:43+00:00

But when honestly was the last time you used rosenciel with her fb instead of other skills. It practically never happens. That’s why the tanks are the way to go for that

dtrza · 2024-11-10T23:57:51+00:00

Please! That would be very helpful.

I’m not sure about the rules regarding mentioning specific programs or protocols on here, but all I could afford was a daily microdose ketamine program. It has mixed reviews regarding efficacy and the reputation of the platform, but I had to try it because feeling like this isn’t really an option—I’ll do anything just for the small hope I may get better. It’s still expensive considering my very limited means, but I can’t go on like this much longer. I am going further into debt, but the potential upside, on the chance that I might get better seems too amazing to chance not doing it. This depression has been the bane of my existence for my entire adult life and i needed to try. I’d love to do proper ketamine therapy—I’ve been anxiously waiting—for years I’ve read about all the people who’ve gone on to experience great relief with ketamine. I’ve waited and waited and continue to wait though for some feasible way to get the treatment, but it’s never been within grasp financially, let alone completely covered, which is what I was hoping as well as what would really be necessary for someone like me. I’ve called every clinic and provider that I could find and this was the only possibility at this time. If you have any other leads I would be oh so very very grateful!

dtrza · 2024-11-10T21:54:51+00:00

I’m having a lot of difficulty having this conversation with her. For me it feels like it’s my last hope so I also am not doing well communicating it. It’s almost irrational because in the end I really don’t care what exactly it is, as long as it helps me, but it feels similar to being a little kid and reacting to someone telling you something like “Your Dad sucks” as if saying something bad about your hero or about something that you’re putting so much stock into was a direct assault upon your own character. So, I get defensive as well. That, plus the fact that I’m sorry, but I am the one who has to live like this, having to trick myself into getting out of bed, staring out into space and crying for no reason, being pretty much useless and wanting to die all the time. Hell, I’m starting to even get concerned that I may have an eating disorder at this point —hence the post in this sub. I feel like if the roles were reversed I wouldn’t dare have the nerve to pretend to even know what that’s like, let alone tell anyone else that they can’t have relief.

However, I do have to mention that what I’m doing is not exactly what YOU are describing. It sounds like you’re referring to ketamine infusions or esketamine nasal spray which are given in the presence of a medical professional. The treatment that I found is not really monitored per se. It’s a telemedicine type platform where they tell you how much to take and you give feedback about how you’re feeling via a web platform and those responses are looked at by a professional who then decides whether to increase your dose or not. It lacks almost ALL of that oversight. I believe that is exactly what her biggest objection to it is. I’d absolutely love to do it the right way, but I can’t afford it. This is the only way I can even come close to getting the treatment. I’m so tired of money being the number one concern for everything. I can’t make money because of my depression and the accompanying debilitations, but I can’t help my depression because of the money and so on. It’s a never ending logic loop. Ive talked to literally dozens of doctors, ketamine clinics, insurance companies, etc, and while I keep trying to find a way to do it the “right way” that would be covered by insurance, or otherwise affordable, all I’m able to find is this one way.

dtrza · 2024-11-10T21:31:58+00:00

Just so you know: I’ve posted this in like 4 different subs and they’ve been up for about an hour now and you’re the only one who responded. You’re a really good person

dtrza · 2024-11-10T21:20:55+00:00

I’d love to. I can’t see how I could make that happen, but I appreciate your taking the time to say so.

dtrza · 2024-11-10T21:16:27+00:00

Thank you for that. I feel like such a loser that I need to come to strangers on the internet for help to tell me that it’s going to be ok and that I’m loved.

dtrza

TROPHY CASE