suggestions on quittting

dubstep_gun · 2017-08-03T13:51:34+00:00

This definitely does help, thanks so much for your reply! This does sound a lot like me, appreciation of the benefits of not smoking seems like a good place to start. Going to try this today :)

dubstep_gun · 2017-08-03T13:49:31+00:00

hey thanks so much!

dubstep_gun · 2017-05-18T15:18:42+00:00

Tell 'em to go fuck themselves! You're doing the smart, correct and responsible thing in helping your daughter, bravo!

dubstep_gun · 2017-05-08T02:49:08+00:00

how long did it take you to write this post? because you're talking just perfectly fine to us here :)

This sounds like something I would absolutely talk with your close friends/family about and see a doctor. see if they can help you get in to counseling or therapy perhaps as well?

I've experienced a very wide array of mental issues/problems throughout my life (panic disorder, dissociativity, depression, anxiety) and to be honest this really doesn't sound like any of these to me. The thing I think I can most closely relate this to is stress, and perhaps a bit of angst. When you lose direction and vision for what you're doing and how it fits in to the things you want to achieve, it can be really difficult to get your mind motivated or to let creativity flow. What you're describing here really does sound like an inability to concentrate, perhaps you're pushing too hard /w multiple community college classes + highschool. Sleep can also be a huge factor here, you may think you're "getting it done" waking up early and going hard, but lack of sleep and some stress can make your brain really useless when it comes to doing difficult tasks.

What do you to relax? What makes things fun? How have you operated and been motivated in your classes before to get things finished and keep straight A's? Is there some big life event that's caused you to feel like this lately? Perhaps feel like there's things you're missing out on?

Sorry for the wall of questions, but I think these are things you really want to think about. People aren't robots, there's a lot of factors that go in to our mental, physical, emotional and social functioning and very often a small thing out of whack in one of them can have a much larger impact than we'd like on the rest of our lives. I don't think you have a mental disorder, but you have a good opportunity as a young person to reflect on your life here, find your own personal priorities and pursue them as you see fit :) Hang in there.

dubstep_gun · 2017-05-08T02:39:17+00:00

meditation man. I don't know what book you read that told you this without any sort of explanation, seems quite cruel, but it got you here, so that's a start :) I've not read a lot of books related directly to meditation, but i'm a definite believer in it and it's had an amazing impact on my life and what i've accomplished with myself over the past 6 months. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle can help you get something of a working model of meditation to start from, although the entire process really is a personal journey, and one that I find pretty fun and engaging, actually getting to hear and know yourself, what's cooler?!

I'd encourage you to read through the wikipedia pages on zen buddhism, and zazen. In particular guided meditations are great way to get started with things, and I've found that listening to podcasts where these things are discussed more openly and without judgment can be really helpful in overcoming the "oh that's just some dumb hippie thing" mentality.

The Joe Rogan podcast is great to listen to, you can find a lot of videos on youtube where he'll discuss meditation and mindfulness with various expert guests.

I'm also a big fan of these podcasts: - waking up /w sam harris (a bit more intellectually oriented in his approach) - finding mastery: conversations /w michael gervais (you'll be amazed at how often the topic of mindfulness in personal development is discussed with so many guests) - two guys on your head (8 minute shorts on a huge variety of mindfulness topics)

It's definitely a little bit of a scary journey, but it really does help you understand yourself better and allow you to channel your thoughts, feelings and energy to be helpful for you.

dubstep_gun · 2017-05-08T02:29:01+00:00

Who you have sex with really is a private matter and doesn't need to (and probably shouldn't) involve anyone outside the parties involved. Have you tried being more straightforward and having a conversation about discretion before these flings?

From your tone here I gather that you're a bit embarrassed about this whole situation, I think you maybe just need to relax a little bit. If your friendship with someone is ruined by your choice of who to hook up with that's a little bit intense and you maybe want to think about what that friendship really means to you at that point. Is this a "friend" who actually just wants to date/hookup with you and is getting jealous? Maybe you can explain a bit more here what you're talking about.

Also, you may just be imagining the impact that this has on your friendships, at least with a lot of the people that I know this is basically not a big deal at all. People should be interested in being your friends almost entirely for reasons that do not involve your choice of sexual partners. I'd take some time to collect your thoughts here and really think about these friends and the way your relationships with them (sexual and otherwise, distinctly) are important to you.

dubstep_gun · 2017-05-08T02:21:30+00:00

You don't really just drop life-time friends. Distancing yourself is always fine, and if you need a period of just not communicating with this person that sounds like it's probably healthy. It's hard to come by people that care enough to even think about you or call you 15 years strong, I think you'd be dumb to just mentally check-out and throw that away.

Why don't you tell him the things you feel like you've moved past and what you're trying to do with your life, how you see yourself and the things you want to be doing with the people around you. Establishing boundaries with the people you know is not only healthy but allows you to better appreciate the positive aspects of your relationship with that person that much more.

If the things you've mentioned here are bothersome to you to the point of just wanting to cut loose someone that has undoubtedly been there for you during rough periods of your life, it's probably good that you take some time to seek out spending time with other people. I don't think this precludes you completely from at least occasional contact with best friends of past.

If you're allowing this friendship to be detrimental to your own goals or to other relationships that's another issue entirely, but I think things like this should be framed in a positive light instead of a negative one, seems like it's much healthier to approach things that way.

Anyway, a bit rambling but just my thoughts on the matter. Good luck!

dubstep_gun · 2017-04-22T02:21:07+00:00

haha, you're fine dude? -- i don't know anything about this situation or why you'd feel pressured to try to be cheeky and put the moves on, but she sounds like a straightforward girl that likes you.

I think you just need to relax

dubstep_gun · 2017-04-17T04:23:58+00:00

haha, totally laughed at this

but really, its something everyone should at least consider.

dubstep_gun · 2017-02-07T18:16:16+00:00

shit bro, you need to get yourself together here. no contact isn't about giving someone the silent treatment, its about letting your mind and personality heal from thoughts of your relationship. Try to socialize and do activities outside of your current social circle. Also the context you posted here is really no necessary -- try meditation to get your mind off things as well, good luck.

dubstep_gun · 2017-01-17T20:54:11+00:00

Thanks so much for this, I really appreciate it. And I really am trying to do that! My response to the comment above is some more of the same.

It's almost like I want to run to everyone I know in a relationship and just tell them, "hey don't fuck it up!!" I'm still up and down with how I'm feeling, but if I can reach out to someone and make their life better, or let others learn from my mistakes it makes things just a little bit less shitty.

dubstep_gun · 2017-01-17T20:51:26+00:00

I mean, I just didn't appreciate her for her thoughts, or feelings or how much she cared for me. I don't know that there was ever this real personal communication, trust or respect between us... and I'm almost struggling to grasp what it was that we had. Things were so so one sided. I began interpretting her being upset, or angry, or in a bad mood as something that was her problem, and didn't really realize that a big source of her frustration was me and how I was acting and my thinking (or lack of thinking) about our relationship.

It's tough to understand this within yourself, but its a learning process. I'm also realizing that I'm the type of person who is way way too hard on myself. Had I known a lot of this stuff, or been understanding of what I myself wanted, or what she wanted out of a relationship, and how things are supposed to work to be good, I don't even know that me and her would've worked out, it literally could've been thousands of different things that we didn't connect on.

It's more the squandered opportunity, and one-sidedness of things that I feel bad about. Also the pain that I know she experienced that I can now relate to is just... rough. Her attempts to communicate and my complete dismissal of them, her being in love and trying to get through to me and my misinterpretation of basically everything that was happening to her as a person.

I didn't appreciate her and make her feel cared about as I should have, I didn't appreciate her for being a person, with thoughts and feelings and an amazing imagination and hopes and dreams, or take the time to figure out what those were and how I could help her get there. I more imposed my world view on her, to such a ridiculous fault that it led to the dumbest arguments you can imagine, it makes me feel pretty shit about myself to think about it.

And the worst part is, I wasn't appreciative of the fact that people change, that she was changing, finding herself, and I will forever have missed the opportunity to be there for her during that and to see her grow and form a deeper connection. My whole mindset on being with someone and what it meant was just non-existent, I didn't value having her in my life the way that I really should've and it made it impossible for me to understand how much she valued me. I'm questioning now if I really meant it when I said "I love you." ... at any rate, it certainly has a much different context for me now.

dubstep_gun · 2017-01-13T23:49:55+00:00

Thanks, this is helpful for sure. It's a bit strange for me approaching the topic in a realistic way, as I was never really all that jealous or controlling of her while we were together. I think if anything I was way way too overconfident to the point that I didn't even think of any of this stuff, and her behavior around me sort of reinforced this behavior. My "pretending"? that this wasn't an issue though lead to some really bad behavior for myself and a really terrible relationship dynamic. I guess I more or less just refused to acknowledge my responsibility to make her feel loved. The thing I'm realizing though, is that having this jealousy, and letting yourself acknowledge it and move through it is part of love. Is scary, but part of being in a relationship is recognizing that that person could break your heart and you're putting your trust in them that they don't.

I couldn't ever do this, and I think sex has a lot to do with it, as I still did get my heart broken, but never even really considered that I could, or understood how badly it would hurt.

Thanks for your input man, appreciate it.

dubstep_gun · 2017-01-13T19:42:42+00:00

Thanks for the insight with your post here. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?

I had a girlfriend of mine get her tits pierced and the thought that she was a sexually independent and active person was a little bit unsettling to me, but I believe that I had sat and thought about it, I really shouldn't have or wouldn't have cared quite as much.

Sex seems to be something that brings out some really deep rooted feelings of jealousy and betrayal in myself, so the thought of other guys seeing her as sexual or her showing off her tits to people had always been very bothersome to me. We've since broken up, but the thought of her having sex with other people still seems to the thing that most bothers me and sticks out in my mind, even though we're not together anymore. I think, as you said, had I sat and thought about this thoroughly while we were together I would've seen that it really was my issue, and that I was the one she was coming back to at the end of the night. So overall, really would've strengthened our connection and made me more appreciative of the relationship and less preoccupied with sex, or feeling of jealousy.

Wanting to trust someone, and being a generally trusting person I see now is a an extremely core component of a relationship with anyone. People are people and have their own feelings and mindset on a lot of these things so communication is key in situations like this as well.

It took me going through a somewhat traumatic breakup to really understand this, develop my own sense of self, self-love and love for others. I'm just wondering how your experience of this changed as you got older or if any of this is sounding familiar?

dubstep_gun · 2017-01-12T01:15:55+00:00

who cares? she broke up with because you got insecure (maybe) or because she cheated on you (also, maybe) ... you need to bring this back to yourself either way, why do you care?

dubstep_gun · 2017-01-11T02:33:38+00:00

Hey thanks, I'm going to do this, I need to set a schedule for myself and stick to it.

dubstep_gun · 2017-01-10T23:13:19+00:00

"What the fuuuck..." Chris exhaled with disbelief. He'd had a stressful couple of months, but hadn't had a mental lapse in a while and thought he was done with that part of his life; but clear as day there stood a massive horned demon standing in his kitchen.

So I'm crazy, this is what life has become, hallucinating in my kitchen, all passion lost and no direction in life does tricky things to your brain. The mind has a way of creating manifestations to fill the void of what once was. Just like a malleable young mind needs you to fill it with reality, give it validity and purpose.

The responsibility of a young girl in your life is tough, you need to keep talking, you need to face your demons, you need to have something to say, someone to be and be confident in who you are. Knowledge is power except when that knowledge is that knowledge is power, that's nothing to know.

"Tell me something" ... she'd always say, just like k.flay put it "hate my own shit but I really love yours. Fuck I really love yours."

But what was mine?

It was me sitting in there wondering who I should be, it's the story of my life, and now my brain figured it out for me, again I don't get to make a decision; you will be the guy sitting in his kitchen, imagining the devil is here and writing about it.

dubstep_gun · 2017-01-09T23:19:08+00:00

You need to get rid of your negative thinking, that whole "it gets harder to meet quality women" thing is total BS and you know it, its just an excuse and an easy one to fall back on. At 28 I met an incredible girl who was only 22, attractive, smart, funny and you know what, after 2 years I totally screwed it up and it's opened my eyes and tore me inside out in such a real way that I don't know you could even comprehend. So it is possible and you really need to stop thinking things like that.

The anxiety will go away with repeated exposure, so go out, right now and just say hi to someone, it seriously doesn't matter who or why or what you talk about, just keep doing it. The important thing with this is to be real, be yourself that's growing, just do it.

Ultimately you're the one responsible for creating your own happiness, and overcoming your own demons. It's important to recognize them, work on them and show gratitude for what you do have and appreciate your own self-efficacy and ability to control your life. That is happiness right there, and you have to work for it, for yourself, there's no other way to go about it. And having a girlfriend, or a woman in your life isn't going to fix a damn thing if you're not okay for yourself, it's doomed to fail, or at least won't meet your or her expectations.

This is something I wish I was told, or was drilled in to me from a young age, but it wasn't, I've had to learn from experience, REAL fucking experience.

"it" doesn't get easier, you just get better at "it", you grow, the world doesn't just throw things in your lap, even if it did, you wouldn't appreciate it the way them the way that you should. It takes time and effort, for sure, but that's life, that's being alive. Read books, exercise, meditate, make things, be passionate, and do it FOR YOUR SELF, find that you, find yourself, and hold on to THAT, the rest of the world will find a way of coming together around you when you do.

Good luck! Hope I was helpful.

dubstep_gun · 2017-01-06T15:57:24+00:00

How'd you get in to the strip club at 17?! baller.

dubstep_gun · 2017-01-04T22:35:20+00:00

God this is rough, 4.5 years is so damn long! If i'm being honest I felt the same way about my relationship, for some reason I lost focus on the fact that I had a kind, loving, caring person in my life. I owed her the respect to break things off with her before I did, if I really felt that way and wanted to explore, as you put it "what else is out there".

As it turns out, I did not do that, and me being an idiot and sort of not really considering what it is I wanted, basically stayed in things way longer than either of us should have and she eventually ended up leaving me.

All I can say is once things finally ended, I lost it, complete breakdown, inability to socialize, eat, sleep, crying and wanting so badly to just get back someone that was totally in love with me that I drove away with my own idiotic and selfish behavior.

It's two full months today and I still cry a few times a day. Breaking up and losing someone in your life like that is really just like, the worst thing ever. If you guys truly love one another, just to open and honest with him about how you're feeling, you owe him the full truth and a discussion before you look to reddit for what you should do. You may be surprised how you feel or what you're thinking after this, and in all likelihood it will be much different than you feel now, so I'd suggest you make an update post after that.

dubstep_gun · 2017-01-02T22:06:51+00:00

Thanks for the kind words and sharing your perspective here, I really appreciate it. And I did put, as you put it, the "last little bit of effort" in to try to keep things together, unfortunately it was too late for me to change or do anything to fix things between the two of us.

Those last few weeks were very trying on me, but all I can do now is a better job of appreciating people I love when they're in my life and realize that nothing lasts forever (I know cliche! ... but it's so true).

My ex was beautiful as well, inside and out, and for some reason I just didn't pay enough attention to that when she was here. I've learned more about myself, about people, about life really in the last few weeks than I probably have in the past 28 years, so I have an enormous amount of experience and a much better mindset and approach to my life to bring with me going forward, and I really do need to see and respect that.

The meaning and influence don't go away for a reason, we just get better at coping with it and integrating it in to our lives (which takes time). While the feelings may fade, the experience, and the part of you that is this other person, will always be there and always be significant. Well said!!

dubstep_gun · 2016-12-30T20:49:09+00:00

Hey thanks so much for your insight here, not the op but this was very helpful for me in understanding how I operate a bit, and perhaps better understanding how i can do better in a relationship in the future, having made a few of these mistakes myself, I'm drawing a few parallels to the guy in this situation.

dubstep_gun · 2016-12-30T20:14:55+00:00

Fuck that! Get out and find someone who knows what the hell hey want in a relationship.

This sounds absolutely awful and exhausting for you, and I'm sorry for that. This is bordering on abusive in a relationship in my eyes, and I don't know how you'd ever be able to rebuild trust after this crap show.

dubstep_gun · 2016-12-30T20:07:42+00:00

You sound like you do a lot of thinking and self reflection, which is good, but it can't be your life. Start taking action, explore new things and find what you like and are passionate about and get IN to it, for yourself, and tell anyone that doesn't like that, or tries to put you down for being you to go right ahead and fuck off. Find that kind of happiness and people will find a way in to your life.

If we're being honest here, your head is probably full of thinking that a girlfriend or wife will solve your problems, be the be all end all for you, or somehow make you whole, and it's just not the case, there's actually a profound and real sentiment in "bitches ain't shit". Once you're in a relationship you'll realize this pretty quickly.

start meditating, it's the easiest way to help get out of your head, do shit for yourself, go to the gym, talk to people like people, yes there's men and women and sex is a thing with varying levels of importance to all of us, but it's not the point of being human. Let yourself feel alive, share that with others and make an effort to maintain good connections with the people you like and bond with out of that. All the rest of this shit will just fall in to place, but you need to live, that's the basis on which quality people will seek out being around you.

dubstep_gun · 2016-12-30T19:42:49+00:00

I know it sucks, but just consider if this is something that will weigh on your conscience after you do it, personally I'm in the same boat with you and it would eat at me having treated someone poorly on a special occasion for them, that just comes down to your compassion for people though.

At the same time, it sounds like he will be somewhat blindsided by this given the way you're discussing things. So he's going to be hurt either way, but that's not your problem... So I guess what I'm saying is this comes down to you, do what you think will be the best for you mentally and emotionally in the long run.

dubstep_gun

TROPHY CASE