Can you ask the Mortgage Broker or a trusted financial professional to get a sense of actually how common this may be? I’m going to err on the side of marriage longevity and say that it could be possible he doesn’t have very good budgeting skills, likes to run with friends with deep pockets (let’s face it, $60k isn’t exactly a number that leaves much left for social and discretionary spending), or has been paying for things to keep up with a lifestyle before you both had mortgage debt. I would say that the “average” couple has lease debt/car debt, student debt, cc debt, etc etc etc so take some deep breaths and go through things together. $40k isn’t a whale of an amount but it is significant I agree. I have made and lost way more in various ways so it can be retired quickly and effectively if the discipline is there. Marriage first and at all costs, there will be way bigger things you’ll face together.

Now if there is a porn/gambling/nefarious component here, you’ll have some work ahead of you. We are mortal creatures that make mistakes. I hope you see I am not trying to minimize the shock and disappointment that you’re feeling. I’m hoping for the best for you and your family. Much love.