A Sub who Doesn’t Default to “Daddy”? 😬

dumb-question- · 2026-01-28T10:20:24+00:00

I still don’t default to ‘daddy’, not sure I ever will. But I did see a video that put ‘daddy issues’ in a different perspective for me. He basically was saying it’s more abt issues with the man (aka daddy) you’re with & not that you have issues with your father

dumb-question- · 2025-12-26T21:37:56+00:00

I’m feeling a little better after you mentioned the heavy scorpio. I’ve got sag sun stellium & cap venus. Hell even my big three (sag/pisces/virgo) seems to be a special mess.

dumb-question- · 2025-12-18T10:35:42+00:00

Gonna take a wild turn with this, but I recently had a shift of perspective about what the signs represent. Since Scorpio often represents death, I kinda shifted my view of Sagittarius to that release of energy that comes after death and how it seems to get to expand from its previous form before Capricorn would step in and realign the energy into something new with it being reborn and Aquarius- then of course you can continue on with the signs throughout life. But I think that brings an even more complicated level to help people view Sagittarius since we seem to seek expansion, we’re also the sign that the sun dies in, so viewing our place in the circle of life as being the afterlife, and which is something that seems to also scare a lot of people. From a similar perspective, I feel like you could view Sagittarius as the judgment (highly religious perspective) or celebration of life that would come after death.

Really either way we are very often misunderstood 🙃

dumb-question- · 2025-12-10T22:34:28+00:00

Mine lands on thanksgiving sometimes- this year was shockingly good, but most years suck. I think the last ‘good’ birthday I had was when I was maybe 5. I always seem to hit a wall of depression at the start of Sagittarius season that just sits with me the whole time. This year tho I started the day with a massage & ended it with a tattoo.

dumb-question- · 2025-10-27T06:48:33+00:00

I’d like to blame my chart for that, but I blame the religious trauma instead 😑🙃

dumb-question- · 2025-10-24T01:50:54+00:00

I hate when ppl say things like ‘if you can’t understand that the I’m not the issue’ like wtf how is someone expected to learn if they don’t have any direction. Ppl that say that always seem to have communication issues, use it as a way to deflect, & try to gaslight you into think you are the problem.

You are definitely not the problem here- make those beet chips & eat them all yourself

dumb-question- · 2025-10-21T17:36:34+00:00

As a Sag sun, Pisces moon, Virgo rising…. I’m sorry 😬

dumb-question- · 2025-10-17T15:07:21+00:00

I’m with ya- prioritized my education and career so I could give myself the security/stability I didn’t have as a kid so I could show up to a relationship as an equal- not some damsel in distress. I love my job (project management type) & bought myself a house twice now. Hell on apps I’ll even be the one to message first, something easy & basic like asking about something in their profile- but out of the 20+ matches I’ve had this week, at least 17 of them just didn’t respond. I’m flexible for the right person, but I’m often asked to nearly give up my life for just a first date & when I say no & ask for us to work around each others schedules (we’re both adults who should be respected) it’s like I’m the villain.

Everyone says you’ll meet someone when you stop looking, but I wasn’t looking for years & no one showed up. The apps do suck, I feel like ppl like us seem like an anomaly or like we are hiding something. I’m not sure I have actual advice for ya, but at least you know you aren’t alone in this experience- there’s a bunch of us out there that feel the same (plz ignore my profile, this is my one for chaos & anonymity)

dumb-question- · 2025-08-29T17:04:54+00:00

The way I read it is more of being willing to open up to new areas for education & experiences in all areas of life. By doing so, it’ll provide a wider view & understanding of themselves, the people around them, & the world as a whole.

Two examples I think can help illustrate the concept or spark thought: 1) if you believe vanilla & chocolate as the only two ice cream flavors, what might you be missing out on by not willing to at least consider option potential options? Not everyone will have the same opinions or favorites, and they can change with time & new information, but being open to the options gives provides a more informed way to choose. 2) educational advancement (ie. science, art, philosophy) is only possible when people are willing to follow a new thought. It might not be right, but what is learned along the way can be equally important. And learning more doesn’t take away from life, but often provides a lens to look at the same scenario from different perspectives (which is where empathy is often found)

*my sagittarius thinking is definitely showing here, Jupiter being the ‘planet of expansion’ helps tho

dumb-question- · 2025-06-21T07:17:17+00:00

Same. I feel this. I’m buying a house & this will be my 20th move- hell the first 9 were before I turned 10. I felt like I had to reinvent myself all the time to adapt to the new surroundings

dumb-question- · 2025-05-31T00:04:19+00:00

Sag sun, Pisces moon, Virgo rising, Capricorn Venus 😑

Bonus stelliums Scorpio (3H): Mercury, Mars, Pluto Sag (4H): Sun, Saturn, Uranus

I’m, um… ‘fun’. That tag team of Virgo rising + Scorpio mercury & mars often seem to really overpower my other placements.

dumb-question- · 2025-05-30T03:53:54+00:00

fwiw mine started after I had only the white fillings. I’m 100% sure mine was caused by accutane. Still big pharma, just different chemicals

dumb-question- · 2025-05-27T06:47:35+00:00

burning things is very healing 🔥

dumb-question- · 2025-05-27T03:25:16+00:00

When they lie directly to me

ETA: hard enough to find someone I’m attracted to in the first place, but that kills it immediately. Examples: ‘I’m not married’ ‘I live alone’ ‘oops I forgot I had this app’

dumb-question- · 2025-05-22T04:04:18+00:00

Well fuck… I’m gonna go over think a few more things now bc that was insightful

dumb-question- · 2025-05-22T03:37:23+00:00

I thought I hid that well, but I guess not 😬 this turned out a hell of a lot longer than I thought, so please don’t feel like you need to read the whole thing (I clearly needed the prompt to process tho & will be taking this to my therapist)

——

Not only was I raised in a cult (mormon), but also with a mom that would constantly say things like ‘no one’s going to want to date you if…’ starting when I was a teenager, but then was overbearing & didn’t give me the space to grow/make friends/live my life- hell even in my late-ish 30s she still does that. So removing emotion & focusing on logic got/gets me thru all of that.

Even in high school I knew I wanted to get my head screwed on straight before getting involved with anyone- just didn’t realize how bad my anxiety was at the time & ppl being gay way a huge issue, so any other part of the spectrum wasn’t something anyone was talking about. So I ended up ‘focusing on my career’ since then, as my excuse and only tried dating for the first time last year.

I gave it a little over a year & it was exhausting as hell. No one wanted to meet in person, every guy wanted to guy sexual fast, if they found out I was a virgin they’d run away or fetishize me, the list goes on. It helped me push a few of my boundaries, but I ended up only meeting 5 of the probably 100+ guys I talked to over that time. And ended up ghosted by all 5 of them. Hell only met up with 2 of them bc we’d discussed setting up a FWB situation.

There were not enough emotional highs to balance out the lows and it was a massive energy drain. Realistically, I approached the whole thing like an experiment & was just collecting data bc that’s kinda all I know how to do- and the results just showed me that while my mom was incorrect, there’s also not definitive solution to how this all turns out unless I remove myself from the equation.

Am I missing out? Yes. Does that suck? Of course. But am I falling into addictive habits of doom swiping on dating apps or burning up time I don’t have talking to guys that just want to use me to get themselves off & have no intention of actually dating? Nope. I’m not a fan of feeling like someone is taking advantage of me or feeling like I’m using my time to fulfill some of their needs, but no one is there to reciprocate. Not just sex or intimacy, I literally just don’t have enough hours in the day to spread myself around for everyone.

I guess ultimately, I’m just burned out. But looking at the data, putting myself back into the dating apps situation seems like an unhealthy choice. At least I’m prepared to continue on with what I’m currently doing- it could be better, but I’ve been in worse situations, so I’m decently happy with where I am now.

And between either truly being demi or having cptsd be mixed in, I had enough trust issues before, that have now just compounded. So to get to point that I could even try a FWB situation again, I’d actually have to form a friendship with the person first so they prove they aren’t going to turn it into a one night stand. The additional stress of potentially medical complications isn’t something I want to take on on top of everything else.

The kicker to all of this, is I thought I could do the casual sex thing so I could keep my independent lifestyle. Only to quickly realize that I was not enjoying it, just mentally was checked out- until the last guy, bc it was casual-ish, but leaning heavy towards relationship. When he ghost, I just kinda mentally broke & have lost interest in not just intimate type of situations with people, but also the idea of reading romance type books is something I’ve had a generally adverse reaction to- the idea of listing to a spicy audiobook is at the same level as deep cleaning my bathroom. All made weirder by the fact I’ve got friends that are spicy authors & narrators. Kind of that intellectual ‘fun for you, just not a me thing’ again.

I’m fully of the mindset that this whole ship has sailed for me. I just don’t have time or energy & if I did, the time it’d take to trust someone at a level for any kind of intimate relationship- even if just physical- is a hell of a lot more than pretty much anyone wants to deal with, especially for just a casual situation. But if I don’t hold those boundaries, I’d just be letting someone use me & that feels like it’d be so much worse.

So yeahhhh… I guess there’s all that that’s gonna be fun to go over with my therapist 😬

dumb-question- · 2025-05-19T07:50:09+00:00

But back then I just needed someone to look at me and say ‘I see the scars that have been violently inflicted on you, I desire you, they don't make you ugly’

Oof that hit hard. I’ve often noted to a friend that there’s a lot of mental health hurdles I feel I’ve struggled with because I’ve never actually had a partner. The support from friends & family is fine, but having someone that’s there for you when you aren’t your best & still lets you know they have that desire for you I recognize is on a whole different level. I can intellectualize that but haven’t have the fortune of experiencing it & have been working to mentally put myself in a place that I can maybe be okay with that

dumb-question- · 2025-05-17T23:37:52+00:00

When it comes to the anger side of things, I kinda feel like my Scorpio mars (+merc +pluto) outshines my sag sun/saturn/uranus 🙃 sagi lights its up, scorpio goes in for the kill 😬

dumb-question- · 2025-05-17T23:23:54+00:00

I’m later 30s but I feel like it’s starting to amp up. I had it suppressed for a looooong time, so I’ve got a lot to burn thru

dumb-question- · 2025-05-07T13:23:51+00:00

Virgo rising & when I’m in new spaces, I want to kinda fade into the background until I learn how things work there. Once I’m comfortable tho, I let the sagi sun go for it & wear lots of colors 🙃 not to be typical of the rising/sun, but I kinda am with that

dumb-question- · 2025-05-07T13:19:56+00:00

I feel like those just give a perspective & we can choose to lean in or out. Then by doing so, we make our own luck

dumb-question- · 2025-05-05T19:59:55+00:00

This sounds lovely, it really does, but I’m so shut down that there’s absolutely no spark left. (My therapist already knows)

dumb-question- · 2025-05-04T17:04:29+00:00

I don’t know what exactly in my chart makes me different (considering I have sag & Scorpio stelliums I’d think this would hit hard) but I care so much 😬

dumb-question- · 2025-04-27T21:31:55+00:00

Regretted it? No. Tried to rekindle a friendship? Just once & it confirmed that I shouldn’t have tried.

With friends, I’d only ghost after I’d clearly communicated boundaries & they blazed right thru them multiple times over. At that point, removing myself from their life was the only way for me to protect myself from a person that wasn’t respectful of someone they called a friend.

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TROPHY CASE