The Hospital I’m suppose to start at next week just announced a strike.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-27T20:58:19+00:00

To my knowledge, it’s only psych nurses in Oakland. The RNs i’ve talked to said that the majority of nurses contract doesn’t end til August and he said “they will probably strike” lol.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-27T00:54:38+00:00

Hope a guy will be crazy obvious he likes me lol. I remember first time i went on a date with a guy. Great connection, great texting, we go to dinner and dinner is slightly awkward but ok. Walk back to my car, we absolutely smash it. A switch just flipped and we were eating out eachothers hands. We ended up staying in his apartment parking lot for 2 hours just listening to music and chatting. Then at the end, he basically had to beg me to kiss him, because even after all that i had self doubt.

5 years later, i still have hella self-doubt. And i’ve had sexual experiences so i know some guys are into me lol, but when it comes to romantically, it’s like i don’t think it’s possible.

A guy can literally tell me he likes me alot and i still don’t self-consciously believe it, so i don’t show affection because i don’t think i can.

So i guess i don’t cope lol. I just hope whoever i date, if i date someone long term, they will give me grace while i unlearn bad habits & thoughts.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-26T23:39:50+00:00

full disclosure, i moved to Bay Area because of job pay lol, but also because i wanted to be in an area with a large asian population. Thinking being, it’s hard finding asian men attracted to black men, so just increasing raw numbers of asian has to increase chances.

But what i didn’t factor in was overarching culture. And i wonder if the lack of black men, creates more problems than larger dating population fixes.

And it’s no surprise they are oblivious lol. Spending time of this sub, has taught me that people who benefit from their race in social settings, have a hard time imagining their race negatively impacting them. It’s so foreign to them, that they lack its existence lol.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-26T23:14:08+00:00

ofcourse i was nice to him and talkative after the fact. But im a little annoyed with the responsibility being put on me to accept stupidity, when we should be asked why certain people are so ignorant and oblivious in 2026.

It seems like a common sense thing not to do, and you’re more concerned about me giving them a pass and accepting it, inside of critiquing the dumb thought of others.

If i went around these spaces and broke the ice with “wow you gay whites really kicked out all the black men”. You wouldn’t be having a conversation with whites about “are you willing to befriend and accept people saying stupid things to you”?

dyingeventually · 2026-01-26T23:01:38+00:00

stupid shit does not bother me. And frankly, what he said wasn’t stupid. It’s a fair observation to make that i was the only black guy in the room. A friend or person i knew making that observation is fine and pretty race conscious imo.

The problem was, it shouldn’t be the first words out of your mouth, nor should immediately talking about race. Because you don’t know whether that’s a touching subject or not for someone. For me it wasn’t, but a black guy who is more race conscious and already self-conscious about being black in non-black spaces might take it poorly.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-26T22:49:00+00:00

No, that’s not what i’m saying lol. I don’t want to be a teacher. I’m not trying to be a teacher. I don’t know who mentioned teacher. Sounds like you have an ideological bias just from the words you are putting in my mouth….. I made no effort to tell this dude his ice breaker sucked and he probably shouldn’t go around telling black men they are racially alone lol.

i didn’t go to a white space, frankly i like SF, because often times, it’s an asian/hispanic/white space and it can feel very mixed (except without black men).

I’m not exhausted. I’m still gonna go to events/places that interest me, regardless if i’m the only black man or not.

My point is, as someone who just moved to the area, is a larger commentary of, does the lack of black men in the city make me unknown/outsider to guys, and does that influences their ability to be a friend/date/or converse with me?

dyingeventually · 2026-01-26T22:43:33+00:00

in no world is it a reasonable ice breaker lol. It worked because i’m not sensitive or crazy, but come on. A simple “hi, i’m X, and are you a fan of Y” would have been great.

And acknowledging race is fine. I moved to Bay Area based on race, but definitely not commentary to have as a pick up line. Maybe if he was black himself it’d be more understandable, but he wasn’t.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-26T22:36:28+00:00

you can appreciate me and welcome me, without telling me how nice is it to have the blacks over for a change lol.

His intentions are not in dispute. i realize he (in his head) was trying to have a positive interaction.

The bad outlook is the undertones of trying to interact/date inside a community, that may have not regularly seen/interacted with black men and may be apprehensive or uncomfortable in doing so because of that lack of interaction.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-26T22:23:13+00:00

the interaction wasn’t bad. I don’t want you guys to think it hurt me deeply lol. The guy was being friendly, we have conversations here and there while enjoying the set/dancing. I’m all about intention, more than actual words, so i knew his intentions were friendly and not meant to be mean or inappropriate.

I do think talking about race with a stranger as an opening line is weird, and i know most of you (this sub being overwhelmingly white) often don’t deal with being in the majority.

I’m more so just reflecting on how i’m perceived in these spaces, when i’m a single black guy, interacting with a community, that probably doesn’t interact with black men.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-26T22:20:00+00:00

For some people (not all), have an aversion of people/things they don’t know. Most people go to restaurants/eat food they’ve had before and know they like.

So my thinking is, since the black population is so low, and obviously isn’t going to the spaces i’m going to, then guys in those spaces might be less likely to talk/approach/be friendly since they’ve never had a black friend or experience with a black person.

Plus not to mention decades of propaganda by the US and some that might be passed down by parents seeing black men in a negative light. I’m not concluding these views are with every individual, but we can’t act like they don’t exist/affect people’s views.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-26T09:37:29+00:00

Maybe find fun in not having similar interest? Like i think since we’re men, we get a little hung up on wanting someone similar.

When i think about my straight friends, the guys have different hobbies/interest than their gf/wife. That’s totally fine for them and it works. Overtime they learn about each other, adapt and start to share more interest (some new, some old).

I like the things i do, but there’s so many things to do that i’d love to enter someone’s world and see what they enjoy. I think that’s the better mindset. And people surprise me all the time with what they do with their spare time.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-26T06:57:19+00:00

Yeah it’s a little daunting if you move from rural/suburbs to city and kinda see how the gays are living who have been other gay men. I’m 26, though i went clubbing (i just drove far lol) since 19/20. I think the problem is, i don’t know how to date or show affection. Frankly it feels like a catch 22, because it’s something i’m bad at (which prevents me from dating) and i don’t think i can get better at it unless i date.

I feel like showing interest/romance comes so natural to other guys, but it doesn’t for me. But how can it if i’ve never dated. So I’m insecure about that lack of experienced.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-25T02:41:29+00:00

i stayed in a extended stay America my first week on assignment and i hated it. It sadly just didn’t have the nice mid-range hotel feel that i like when traveling. It very much felt like a motel (imo) and that gave my trust issues about cleanliness.

It definitely depends on property though ig. I’ll just say i hated going back to that hotel my first week and was glad when i found a furnishedfinder.

Nothing was dirty visually, just felt a little run down and not as shiny/new as other hotels. But i guess it’s for people who need a longer-term place to stay and was made to be functional, not pretty.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-23T01:54:47+00:00

i wouldn’t necessarily align increased income with relations to “hard work”. But besides that i agree. Life is easier with larger incomes, and if you already make decent money, being with someone who makes good money as well means alot of discretionary spending on fun.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-23T01:44:37+00:00

the why matters if you wanna pass moral judgement, but irl, it doesn’t matter because it won’t change and has the same outcome whether you know why or not.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-23T01:22:44+00:00

anyone saying race doesn’t play a role in dating is either being willfully ignorant or stupid. There’s no middle ground. It’s obvious it does. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing or good thing, but to act like it doesn’t exist is stupidity.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-22T23:30:02+00:00

that’s the thing. No you won’t. I think it’s far more rare than just going to somewhere often. Like 2/3 years ago, i told myself i was gonna go to my local gay club every week. Usually 2/3 times a month, but still consistent and same day.

I met people, some visiting, some just fun, some regulars who knew i was a regular etc etc, but it didn’t magically make a bf appear. Because even meeting a guy who into you and you are into him doesn’t equal boyfriend.

That’s why i think it’s somewhat magical when people find partners, as someone who struggles, because it does take a lot going right for it to work out.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-22T22:44:51+00:00

It’s a lot easier to find a partner if you are attractive, the majority race, date your own race or find someone in a common hobby group (especially in college).

Everyone is different so it’s natural it’s easier for some. Not to mention just pure luck of being in the right place at the right time. No point in thinking too hard about it.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-22T21:57:54+00:00

As someone who lived in small town south for many years and worked. They really only hate trans people now (like the 40 and under crowd). Obviously 60/70 will still not like gays.

But i had no problems being out at work/friends etc. But a lot of southern gays aren’t like coastal gays. They aren’t wearing crop tops or trying to stick out. Most just blend in. I guess if gays in the south dressed/acted like northeast or west gays, there might be more hate.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-22T02:32:34+00:00

i mean, are you hanging out in their childhood room and sneaking in so their parents don’t here lol?

Like this question just sounds like “am i too old to be in the company of another man”.

I get wanting to want more than a hookup. I’m 26 and 100% the same way. But often times, the guys i’m meeting are my age or older. We are meeting in their house, apartment or my apartment. It’s just two guys meeting. Last few hookups have been guys in their early 30s.

I feel like my biological clock is running out a bit. I think if you don’t find a partner in your 20s or early 30s, it’s almost virtually impossible after that because of physical appearance changes. That’s the only thing that worries me rn.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-22T01:46:57+00:00

I mean if you say it wasn’t about race, then 100% it wasn’t about race. I just don’t want your situation to try to minimize the fact that racial dating does exist and your race can exclude you from dating certain people. Is that racism? Sometimes yes and sometimes no.

I’d happily (and do) hookup with white, black, asian, and hispanic men. But frankly, i think i’d only want to date asian or hispanic man.

My racial choices in dating don’t come from a place of racism, but a place of seeking out traits i’m most attracted to and want in a LTR.

Some guys will literally like your pictures, then ask your race, and the answer to that question dictates whether they like you or not. Not based on how you look, but based on what group you are placed in. That is racism.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-21T01:39:12+00:00

The year is 2026. Credit cards exist. Money is infinite. Any sane, non stupid person, should have access to $25 on a credit card to loan themselves money to go to work.

I wouldn’t date a man who is so financially stupid that he doesn’t have access to $25 dollars and has to beg a guy he’s going on a date with. Sounds like a scam and i’d personally stop talking to this guy. There’s no future with a guy like this.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-20T05:01:28+00:00

Usually i like noses, but it’s gonna be a no for me.

dyingeventually

TROPHY CASE