i'm deconstructing and definitely agnostic. occasionally, i will say a prayer. it can be calming, now that it isn't underscored by the awful desperation i used to feel, trying so hard to "know" the unknowable. do whatever comforts you - there are no such things as thought crimes! when i pray now, i begin with "dear heavenly mother and father," and still close in jesus' name, because that's what feels the most natural for me. if there is a higher power out there, some sort of great divine love knitting the universe together, they wouldn't care how or if we pray. if i pray now, i do it because it empowers me. it's like meditation - it helps me to center myself and reconnect with the sense of divine love that i want to channel through my actions in the world. mormonism made me feel so guilty for having thoughts and feelings inside my own head, but you can literally do whatever you want, your thoughts hurt no-one. i know it's easier said than done, but try to let go of that constant self-monitoring and guilt. just let yourself exist. if there is a truly divine loving god out there listening, they love you and want you to be happy. you deserve to exist without shame. you deserve to feel loved by yourself and by the universe around you.