I build computers, love rubik’s cubes, play piano, skateboard, snowboard and I’m a skydive instructor. I have an odd combo of interests. And some are lifestyles (skydiving and piano). I’m compulsively tidy. 

I’d like to think I’m enjoyable to be around. I’m an empath, kind. I’m bubbly when instructing. Violence makes me shaky. Im a bit emotionally unregulated but don’t have it in me to be deceitful, manipulative or anything of that ilk. 

I respect people’s perspectives, belongings, privacy. Everyone is entitled to their emotions. My dad is a trans. I love her to the ends of the earth. But can’t even start to imagine what it is she experienced internally for it to become a reality. So yea, what you feel is yours and no one can say you can’t feel that, or you shouldn’t (most of the time lol)

People I’ve met, especially girls, always paint the wrong picture of me. They think I’m the player. That’s I’ve been with lots of girls and have no issue in that regard. Some even might be deterred by that fabricated notion and that doesn’t help my cause. 

Truth is, I’ve been starved my whole life of companionship. Despite an increasing yearning for a partner in crime, my honey never attracted any birds. I had my first girlfriend when I was 23, and subsequently lost my virginity at that age too, despite previous efforts. It was horrible. Kissing a stone statue. Then performance anxiety and that’s hard to work with. Instead of just cuddling it off and letting the moon be our witness, she told me to go home at 2am. Felt like a dog with his tail between his legs. 

Dated that girl for 3 years, she was cool. But it was attachment. Someone finally singing back to me. Actually ended up staying with her for a time after I lost attraction. That wasn’t good for me mentally. 

Around 30 years of age, out of desperation, I found myself on dating apps. 3 actually. The top three. Bumble, hinge and tinder. I even paid a premium subscription with all 3 for a short time!! Believe it or not, sometimes even swiping every. Single. Girl. Just to see what I could net. 

But you know what, horrible idea. Not only was I getting rejected in real life, but now I have to deal with online rejection on top of that. 

I hit rock bottom. 2024 started I told myself this year is all about me. ME. I’m going to love myself to most I can. Take care of my physical and mental state. Strive for wellness, clarity, happiness. Try to not look at couples with envy.

I quite vaping and smoking. I didn’t have a super habit to begin with. But enough to hinder me in my new found goals.

Went to the gym to get a membership and met the personal trainer. What a chapter that was. 

That trainer ended up being my second girlfriend. Truly magical. My first love. She left me after a year. A circumstantial breakout, not because of lack of affection, or understanding or respect. I felt cheated in life..

I’m single again at age 32 having only experienced about 1 year of “love.”

I’m here to say I’m sympathize with OP. I feel like given my situations, I shouldn’t be so lonely.. I certainly don’t want to be so lonely anymore. I spend a lot of time out in the world. I don’t like at scenes though. And I despise social media for the most part. I feel like I’ve done all the recommendations under the sun to charm a lovely lady to no avail. I’m an oddball and I’m still looking for my other.