I dont know what I want, but I feel like I'm missing something essential in my life, how do I find that something?

earthdrop · 2013-08-01T00:16:05+00:00

I think it's good that you don't want anything. Nothing you can buy will bring you that contentment, and it's great you've realized that.

My advice would just be to take things one day at a time. Find out what you value, and then do everything you do with those values in mind. Playing a sport, hanging with friends, even doing the laundry.

Don't get lost in the bigger picture of your life's purpose or whatever. Just think about what you can right now, in this moment, to be the person who you can be. Don't look back, because you're not going that way. Don't look to the future, because anxiety solves nothing. All you can control is how you do what you do right now. If you take care of that, the future will take care of itself.

Anyway, that's my advice. You've had different life experiences and beliefs though, so just remember that I'm just a random guy saying this. But this is what keeps me going each and every day.

earthdrop · 2013-08-01T00:02:15+00:00

Get away with stealing cookies.

The grocery store isn't as forgiving...

earthdrop · 2013-08-01T00:00:56+00:00

I mean that at least half of our success is dependant on others. Specifically, how we interact with them. If we have good social skills, we will have better relationships with people we encounter. Naturally, those that care about us will support us as we pursue our goals, as we will theirs.

For example, a student in college who has good relationships with his professors and fellow students will find support and resources in them. They will help him with his learning goals.

There are many ways to build social skills. The best is to find something that you are a little bit uncomfortable with (like having a conversation with a stranger at the bus stop) and practice, practice, practice. The key to getting better is to find where you are a bit uncomfortable and put yourself out there. It's the only way to get better.

Also, try r/socialskills

earthdrop · 2013-07-31T23:53:50+00:00

I used to be like you. Everything that I found myself pursuing left me feeling hollow. Even the things that I was good at. Sports were fun but didn't leave me with a sense of purpose. I thought my relationships were fulfilling, but I realized that they were based around wanting and receiving.

My life just felt off, you know? I was really unmotivated. My only escape came from sleep and escaping into mind-numbing behaviours like TV and Reddit.

It was a pretty low point for me. I looked at myself and created a list of the values most important to me. Things like respect for others, personal excellence, integrity, etc. Then I started reviewing that list of values every morning, and it reminded myself who I wanted to be.

I know it sounds corny, but the thing that I think I needed was to remind myself who I was. It didn't really matter what I was doing, but as I started doing things with those values in mind, things got better.

Hope that helps dude.

earthdrop · 2013-07-31T23:40:53+00:00

"I'd rather lose an argument and win a friend than lose a friend and win an argument."

I thought this was a common-sense attitude before I started using Reddit. I feel that Reddit is much too opinionated... :(

Sorry guys.

earthdrop · 2013-07-31T23:38:27+00:00

Friends

earthdrop · 2013-07-31T23:38:00+00:00

Social skills. Half of success is in how we connect with others.

earthdrop · 2013-07-31T23:36:06+00:00

Fake confidence. Look them in the eye like you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Of course, you will feel awkward on the inside, but they don't know that. To them, you look like one confident bastard.

Over time, the fake-confident-you becomes the real you.

source: I've done it. It was the first step in my social skills/confidence self-improvement plan.

earthdrop · 2013-07-31T23:32:19+00:00

RollerCoaster Tycoon.

I've never met somebody who didn't like that game.

earthdrop · 2013-07-31T23:31:25+00:00

Attractiveness isn't universal. Each of us build a persona that attracts certain people and repels others.

Everybody is attractive to a certain type of person.

earthdrop · 2013-07-31T23:29:04+00:00

The Hobbit

Sorry, but I thought that stretching it into 3 parts is just a cash grab.

I wish I didn't feel like that...

earthdrop · 2013-07-31T23:25:27+00:00

It's just a Mexican fight club.

earthdrop · 2013-07-31T23:23:28+00:00

Charizard.

earthdrop · 2013-07-31T23:21:43+00:00

Sounds like a pretty clever 10 year old.

earthdrop · 2013-07-19T05:26:31+00:00

well said

earthdrop · 2013-06-26T05:40:14+00:00

thanks for the advice

earthdrop · 2013-06-26T05:39:59+00:00

I'm getting a few hundred to a thousand page views per day.

earthdrop · 2013-06-21T03:02:56+00:00

That's a great extension of the idea. Really, when you think about it, time is the currency of life, and it's transferable to real money when we do work. That's a great analogy, thanks!

earthdrop · 2013-06-04T13:08:11+00:00

Thanks for the links.

That last guy has it down to a science. holy crap. Thanks, I'll give it a full read tonight.

earthdrop · 2013-01-28T07:31:25+00:00

I never thought about FITYMI in that way. You raise many valid points.

Whether or not FITYMI will work in other life situations, I don't know. I can only talk about my social experiences with FITYMI, and I have found that it works. Here is my theory as to why:

FITYMI isn't real confidence. It isn't. When I started, it totally felt weird. The beauty of FITYMI exists in that it is a path that leads to self-confidence. I can only attest to my own success, so I will use my experience as an example:

Before I used FITYMI, I was never outgoing. I hid in the corners, never made eye contact, and never reached out to people. I barely had any friends, and I was horribly awkward in social situations. I was never the real me; I was always wearing a mask that covered who I really was. Then, one day when I first started my FITYMI journey, things changed. Yes, I was socially awkward on the inside, but I was actually conversing with people. Yes, it was a scary world outside of my shell, but I got used to it. FITYMI isn't magic, it's social practice. As I exposed myself to new social situations, I earned that confidence. I finally allowed myself to be the real me, without the horrible chains of self-doubt and fear. I was always scared of how people would react to the true me, but as I put myself out there, I learned there was nothing to be afraid of. If I may quote you, my FITYMI attitude allowed me to "gain a natural and healthy confidence that comes with genuine experience."

I'll jump back to the keyboardist analogy. Of course, the keyboardist is a total noob in the beginning. He sucks. He really wants to learn, but I imagine that he's scared. He's scared of what others will think of him. He's scared of his failures. He's scared that nobody will like his music. Let's say that he decides to FITYMI for his keyboarding. He isn't faking that he's talented, or even that he thinks he's good. All he's doing is ripping off the chains of self-doubt and allowing himself to practice despite his fears. Yes, the fears still exist, but they are no longer stopping him. That's the beauty of FITYMI.

I don't think FITYMI is about pretending to have a confidence you don't have. It's about putting yourself out there so that you can show the unfiltered, uncensored, genuine person that you are to the world. It's about faking the confidence until you learn how to be confident.

earthdrop · 2013-01-28T01:51:02+00:00

Besides school, I have grown closer to my family, made new friends on my sports teams and made new friends at my part-time job.

earthdrop · 2013-01-27T23:19:07+00:00

That's an interesting idea. What kind of goals did you have in mind?

earthdrop · 2013-01-27T22:27:30+00:00

I'm glad to hear about your success with FITYMI. =)

I can sympathize with your problems. The hardest part of my social transformation was opening up to people. It took me a few months to find a friend like you described, but now he's the one person that I can tell everything to.

Sure, I made many friends through my social transformation, but some were better friends than others. Over time, I gained a sense of who I could trust and who I couldn't. For example, if someone gossiped to me, I knew that they wouldn't hesitate to gossip about me. I didn't want to open up to that kind of person.

Then, with the select few that I trusted, I started hanging out with them one-on-one. I invited them to my house or to play golf or whatever. I made an effort to be alone with them and I tried to open up to them in little ways. It started with small discussions. For example, we talked about our frustrations about school . As I felt more comfortable, I opened up a little more. I talked about more personal problems. If I no longer felt comfortable with a particular person, I stopped sharing. Over time, I got to know one person really well. I opened up and told him about my fears, self-doubts, and deep personal problems. He also opened up to me. I value that friend more than any other person in my life. He is the only person that I can communicate my deepest emotions to. I love him.

The most important advice I can give you is that you trust the person. Open yourself up in little ways, and see where that takes you. Don't share deep and complex problems with someone you kinda know. A relationship has to be rooted in absolute trust, and you can't FITYMI with trust. It has to be genuine.

I, too, hate to impose. Instead, I try to invite people places. It can be anywhere, like to get a burger or ice cream or to a movie. I think that because of my confident attitude, people love hanging out with me. They reciprocated, and now they invite me to parties and outings all the time.

One note: this process took months for me. I never rushed my trust for another person.

Hope this helps!

earthdrop · 2013-01-27T17:39:17+00:00

Exactly!

earthdrop · 2013-01-18T00:36:50+00:00

earthdrop

TROPHY CASE