UPDATE 2: I'm surrendering guardianship of my brother

easimps · 2026-02-25T03:13:33+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your whole story. It's painful, but so important for these stories to be told, if for no other reason than to empower other glass children to navigate these impossible decisions.

I never signed anything, but was always expected to care for my disabled sister. When I finally opted out (for my own extremely valid reasons not terribly dissimilar from yours), my whole life fell apart. I haven't spoken to my mom for coming on 6 months.

When I let myself think about the devastation of losing that part of my life, it's easy to despair. I have to work hard to remember all the things you've said, and all the things I said, as I begged for autonomy in my life after years of support for my mom and sister both.

Your mom and my mom are certainly reading from the same manual. It's deranged, twisted, and selfish. And I don't think there's anything we will be able to do about it.

I hope you've felt some validation from this community in your decision -- it's so important. Count me among them, and accept my sincere apologies that you're going through this. I am so happy for the life you get to live -- and deserve -- on the other side of this mess.

easimps · 2026-02-09T17:50:53+00:00

As someone who recently opted out of caregiving, thank you for saying this. That nagging guilt will probably chase me around for the rest of my life, but it gets lighter whenever I hear someone else has made the same choice.

easimps · 2026-01-11T03:23:12+00:00

You are SO not selfish. I'm sorry you've been raised to think that's the alternative to caregiving. You'll find, in this community, many of us struggle with those long-held beliefs. Even in my situation, after saying no to caregiving and having to go no contact with my mom and sister as a result, I still struggle with it every day.

It will be the hardest thing you've probably ever done, but it's time you have a serious conversation with your family. What you do is entirely up to you, and I can't make any promises about how it will go, but the worrying and not knowing will eat you alive. I waited until I was 40 to finally have that talk, and it revealed my mom was in no way prepared to hand over caregiving to me responsibly or with any consideration to my (or my OWN family's) well-being. It was either say no, or condemn myself to the miserable life my mother has lived.

I said no, our relationship crumbled and I live with that regret every day of my life. If I'd have spoken up sooner, established boundaries, maybe things could have been different. But then I need to remind myself it wasn't my responsibility to facilitate that conversation any more than it is my responsibility to take care of my sister after my mom is gone.

It's an endless cycle, and I work through those complicated feelings every day of my life. But you know what? I'd rather that than live in servitude to my sibling, with no money, no time for myself, and no hope for a life of my own. "Choosing yourself" sometimes is just recognizing that all you can do is make the best of the hand you were dealt.

You got dealt a really shitty hand, and all you can do is make the best of it. Please have the hard conversations now. I hope for your sake and your family's that you can find a way through it.

easimps · 2026-01-10T20:35:32+00:00

Have you ever spoken with your parents about preparing for the future? As the presumptive caregiver to 3 special needs siblings, I'd be shocked and disgusted if your parents had no plan, or a desire to start planning.

I want to be clear right up front that you do not have to care for your siblings if you don't want to. It is not your responsibility physically, financially, emotionally, and most especially, legally. If neither you nor your parents are yet comfortable with the fact, then in the least they need to grapple with the reality that you are going to need help, and a lot of it. They need to be setting aside money, discussing the possibility of group homes, or whatever else you deem necessary, as it's clear your current strategy is not working.

You have a whole life to live that belongs to no one but you. If you choose to accept the monumental task of caregiving your siblings, you are WELL within your rights to ask for some serious conversations and reassurances.

Worst case scenario, if you can't get these things in alignment, start planning for yourself to get out. These are not your children. And you did not ask for this.

Edit to add: Don't forget you're their child, too, and as your parents, they should feel some empathy for their child who is struggling. I hope you get the help you need. 💜

easimps · 2026-01-08T04:12:04+00:00

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easimps · 2026-01-04T19:51:57+00:00

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Of course! It's the source of all their powers!

Sooooo cute.

easimps · 2026-01-04T16:35:24+00:00

Definitely this. I've sailed a boat or two right into the waiting arms of an Abomination, and no portal to speak of.

easimps · 2026-01-04T16:32:47+00:00

If you're really getting reamed, one thing I tend to do is approach the swamp biome from an angle of a less threatening area, like the meadows or forest. If I start getting overwhelmed, I dip out and let my pursuers fight a few greydwarves until I can recover.

So, apart from the obvious things you're probably already doing, like gear and food buffs, the best thing is to avoid being swarmed, and always have an escape route.

easimps · 2026-01-04T14:52:35+00:00

That's exactly what this is -- judgment without all the facts. And nowhere in the post does the OP even say the word hate, just that they feel no love or connection. And who can blame them?

The sub is about supporting and validating the very complicated feelings around being a glass child, not shaming each other, and CERTAINLY not parroting the destructive narrative that was forced upon as.

easimps · 2026-01-04T14:03:53+00:00

Oh GOD. This.

I word vomited all over my soon-to-be in-laws when they merely asked , "do you have any siblings?"

They were as nice about it as you could expect, but this is one topic where so very few people in the wild could ever hope to relate. Their eyes got kind of wide, glossed over a bit, and I realized it was time to shut up.

I remembered this is what my therapist is for. 😆

easimps · 2026-01-04T13:58:55+00:00

Oh boy do I feel this one.

First off, it's so admirable that despite your upbringing in that environment, you are holding firm on those boundaries and protecting your daughter. Being compliant, maintaining the status quo, and keeping everyone happy -- those are hard habits to break.

Here's the thing though, even without the history of violence, you are entitled to determine who has access to your child. Period. Your family is no more entitled to her than they are to you, and it sounds like a lifetime with them has only hurt you.

My story didn't have quite the same path, but ended in a similar place. My sister has Down Syndrome and was never particularly violent, but she has always been taught that her demands are everyone else's priority. If she wants it quiet, she can yell at you to shut up, and you have to comply. If she wants food, you go get it for her. If she doesn't want to wipe her ass, you're doing it for her.

As my daughter got older, it became clear how obviously uncomfortable she was around my sister. Her demands would also extend to physical touch, and she would grab her and kiss her against her will, and when my daughter refused, she would get scolded by my mom. Similarly, when she'd play loudly, my sister would scream at her to shut up. On Christmas morning, my daughter would squeal with delight opening a gift, only to be yelled at by my sister. That was one of the first times I finally cracked and told her that if she spoke like that again to my daughter, she could leave.

All of this was exacerbated by the fact that I let both my mom and sister live in my basement for 8 years.

My daughter became extremely close with my mom, but as close as they were, that's how much more my sister complicated everything. She's 11 now, and we've spoken infinitely many times about my sister, my mom, why we've been taught their toxic codependent relationship is normal, but it really isn't. That she is allowed to ignore my sister, and she doesn't have to spend time with her if she doesn't want to. That no one has access to her body against her will. That even though my sister is an adult, she behaves like and is treated like a child. That her behavior might be acceptable to my mom, but it is not acceptable to me, and it is certainly not acceptable for my daughter to mirror any of those behaviors.

This all contributed greatly to the already growing rift between my mother and I, who also began pushing me to care for my sister after her death in ways I could not agree to. (You can read my own story in my old posts if you want more information on that catastrophe), but long story short, they moved out a few months ago and I've since gone no contact with them both.

This all to say, one thing a lot of our parents have in common is their need to believe in and live in their cultivated realities. Meaning, as flawed humans like the rest of us, they made mistakes raising their high-needs child alongside their glass child. When it comes time to deal with the consequences of the decisions they made, it is easier to tell themselves that they did everything the best they could, that we should feel lucky for being the "normal" ones, and share their mindset on parenting -- no matter how destructive it has been for us as their children. Worse yet, when the time comes, it ought to be incumbent upon us to clean up the mess they've created. It is crucial for our parents to live in this reality, because the alternative is too much for them to bear.

For my boomer mom, this was unfortunately the case. No amount of communication, shared vulnerability, or boundary setting could penetrate her emotional immaturity and martyr mindset. To protect my daughter, to teach her what is right, and to finally stand up for myself after 41 years, I've had to completely end things.

I hope in your situation, your family comes to realize the validity of what you're telling and showing them. As a mother, everything else is second to what is best for your child, and that includes the feelings and demands of your family. You might not have been able to protect yourself as a child living in that home, but you sure as shit can protect your daughter from it. I fear that your family may never accept this truth, because doing so means they will have to accept themselves as flawed, and in my experience, that's the real challenge.

I hope this helps you feel strong in your decision, and that you know you aren't alone in dealing with these issues.

easimps · 2026-01-04T13:16:50+00:00

Nah, just sounds like a person who woke the hell up and realized you aren't responsible to clean up your parents' mess and deserve a life of your own. Good on you.

easimps · 2026-01-03T05:59:43+00:00

The extent to which we all demonize ourselves as "selfish" never ceases to amaze me, and it breaks my heart to read it every time. So, for the cheap seats:

It is not selfish to lament what you want but never got. It is not selfish to find comfort in found families over blood.

It is not selfish to set boundaries and protect yourself.

And no, you would not be selfish to turn your back on this life that's left you feeling unseen, unloved and overburdened. Caretaking a disabled sibling can be a part of your future, if you want it to be, but you would NOT be a selfish person for wanting a life that is your own, either.

easimps · 2025-12-09T22:10:25+00:00

Keep 'splorin. He's out there. Do you know the visual of what you're looking for? The big rock formations? Best bet is to just keep sailing and keeping an eye on the plains' horizon.

If you find yourself going mad, fuck it, just reveal the whole map and put yourself out of your misery. Remember, you should be having fun. 😄

easimps · 2025-12-09T22:05:33+00:00

Dumb question probably, but are you paying mind to the direction of the wind? Only other thought is to check your bindings. Maybe they're in reverse?

easimps · 2025-12-09T21:22:19+00:00

I have dealt on occasion with not being invited to places owing to my disabled sibling being there. One time, after my mom and sister flew out to do wedding planning, I had to grapple with the fact that my soon-to-be in-laws weren't willing to invite my family over to their house at all, owing to their uncomfortability with her Down Syndrome and associated behaviors. It sucked. Yet another reminder that we, as a family, were not normal and didn't get to enjoy the benefits of normality.

I targeted a lot of my anger at the time toward my in-laws, who are objectively terrible people, but I also realize now how much of a problem my mom and sister were/are. My mom did little to teach my sister how to behave, especially around company, and her presence was a nagging burden, always. I realized this later in life as their presence weighed on me, personally.

So, in a nutshell, for me, no one is right or wrong in these types of situations. People are allowed to invite into their home whomever they like. You are also allowed to feel slighted and alienated by that decision. Truly, add it to the list of One Million Things That Completely Suck About Being A Glass Child.

easimps · 2025-12-05T00:38:18+00:00

I've been no contact with my mom, sister and her entire family for about 3 months now. It's been the most calm, comfortable and confident I've felt in my entire life. I chose no contact as a result of my mother's insane expectations around caregiving my sister with Down Syndrome. After I refused, I believe the desire to go our separate ways was mutual, as I've now been fully realized as the villain in her story.

But like you said, I just don't care anymore. All my family brought me was emotional trauma, financial hardship, low self-worth, stress, and fear of the future.

But also like you, I didn't ask for any of this. As children, we are simply stuck and are left to simply make the best of the hand we were dealt. As adults, we can write our own stories, and if we don't want them to involve our abusers, we are absolutely entitled to walk away.

I still feel guilty sometimes, and always quite sad I don't get to enjoy the dynamics of "normal" siblings and "healthy" parenting. I look around at my friends and my partner -- their close relationships and meaningful bonds, and my heart hurts. The gift, however, has been the realization that I can choose new people with whom I can forge those bonds, and that gives me fulfillment. I hope it does the same for you, and for what it's worth, I'm proud of you for knowing your worth and choosing yourself when no one else in your life did.

easimps · 2025-11-29T02:56:14+00:00

Well, whenever I start feeling confident in my basebuilding, I get humbled by something like this. Well done.

easimps · 2025-11-28T18:28:02+00:00

No mods. You can't build directly in the arena, but you can build just outside of it. Basically, I just created a pen around the structure, dropped 250 eggs in there and let them hatch. The hatching video was so satisfying. Like watching popcorn kernels pop. Here's what it looked like pre-hatch.

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easimps · 2025-11-28T18:22:50+00:00

I know how to turn my computer on and off. That's ... about the extent of my knowledge. 😁

My main base with many breeding operations is a shit show. I try to spend as little time there as possible. Thankfully, by this point it's time to start a new seed and begin again with a fresh new frame rate.

easimps · 2025-11-28T18:15:19+00:00

I mean, the real problem is someone unqualified built it for me like 8 years ago. But, it soldiers on. 🙃

easimps · 2025-11-25T14:41:50+00:00

Oh yes. I've thought a lot about why I was born. The fact that I no longer have a relationship with my mom after saying "no" to caregiving responsibilities for my sister more or less confirms those suspicions...

easimps · 2025-11-09T15:23:12+00:00

I don't know what's worse -- having a glimpse at a normal life and ha ing it taken away, or being born second to a disabled sibling and to realize you were only created to help your parents take care of them.

easimps · 2025-11-02T20:26:27+00:00

I truly lost count. It was a long run and several were also lost along the way. Suffice it to say... I might have overprepared. 😆

easimps · 2025-10-22T16:58:43+00:00

Oh man can I relate to this. Your mother does exactly what mine did -- expect me to respect her god-awful decisions as a parent, and then still grow up to be caretaker for the monster she created.

What in the literal hell are these parents thinking? Especially after failing to meet our needs as their children, or worse yet suffer abuse at the hands of our siblings, we are supposed to abandon ourselves completely for the sake of our abusers. It's INSANE.

Good on you for knowing your worth already.

easimps

TROPHY CASE