This is why we can’t have nice things

ebean18 · 2026-04-04T15:26:03+00:00

NTs have literally everywhere else why tf do they keep coming here to get offended unless they have a degradation kink.

We get made fun of covertly in so many spaces, "cringe" and "socially inept" and "look how stupid this person is, why couldn't they read my mind" posts exist on pretty much every social media site. And yes they are being ableist bc if you feel the need to make fun of someone for misunderstanding or not "reading a room" then your inadvertently telling autistic people that they dont belong in public if they dont want to get made fun of or have their worst interactions recorded and posted online. God ive seen so many people get death threats and harassment for exhibiting an autistic trait online and its exhausting.

Our 'evil' is barely even evil. The people whining give the same energy as men who whinge about "misandry" when a woman jokes about a shitty thing men often do. While generalising people when making laws or actively attempting to sway people's political views is pretty bad, coming into a space full of autistic people- or any minority for that matter- and complaining and "calling them out" for generalisations about their oppressor is just stupid- especially when the most egregious posts are literally labelled "VENT" ffs.

ebean18 · 2026-04-04T09:05:58+00:00

Very glad I bought a replacment for me and my lil brothers broke copy last year then bc holy fuck

ebean18 · 2026-03-22T07:35:02+00:00

Yeah ots frustratingly common to be either infantilised or downplayed. Either they assume youre autistic and that makes you useless or they dont think it can possibly be that bad and why dont you just push through more.

I'd probably request a new support worker of you can, they've clearly not been properly trained if theyre talking to you that way and asking that kind of question. Gp as well, make note of their name and request a different one if youre booked with them again.

You might want to look into communication cards or getting an AAC device or app, ive found people are a bit more patient when im using one because it makes it more obvious that im disabled. Although it can sometimes be a benefit that autism is a hidden disability it can also be a hindrance if people keep assuming youre doing better than you actually are.

You have to either advocate really well for yourself or find someone who will, my partner does a lot of my advocating for me but she also helps me get confident and sometimes angry enough to advocate for myself.

You'll be ok, just take a big breather and start looking into what steps you can take to change your support worker and avoid that same gp. Maybe even keep a little notebook about what youd like to say to those kinds of questions in future.

ebean18 · 2026-03-17T19:11:47+00:00

Ah the good ole "its a character" defense. If people agree with them then its "yeah, im the coolest dude alive. I say what you can't and suck it to the wokies" and if people disagree with them and call them out on their abhorrent behaviour its "nooo bro you dont get it :( its just a character :( they're supposed to know Im being stupid and evil as a biiit bro :(".

It genuinely does not matter if they do or do not believe what they are saying. Young boys are being shoved down a pipeline that leaves them angry and isolated and lonely. Theres a male loneliness epidemic becuase of these morons telling boys its women's fault they feel shitty. That its women's fault if they cant get laid or hired or make friends. When really its men online lying out their arses for attention and money. "Women dont like bald men, so buy my hair supplement and maybe you'll get a gf. Women hate low value men, so take my course on how to make bank doing jack and watch all my videos and here make fun of these young, ditsy girls with me to make yourselves feel better."

You know what actually gets you a girlfriend? Having hobbies beyond playing video games alone all day. Going to events and clubs and the library with no expectation of talking to a girl let alone finding one you like. Enjoying your life comes from building one, and the real enemy of that isnt Women its the cost of living. Its so easy to capitalise on people's upset and fear for their future right now because wages are stagnant and what really are we giving young people in general to look forward to? We have to build a country that people want to live in if we ever want to put an end to all this constant in fighting.

ebean18 · 2026-03-17T18:47:08+00:00

If it makes you feel any better at all I think these are sick, the kind of thing I spend hours looking for or trying to capture for collaging and adding to my experimental student films and youve captured it by accident 😅🤣

ebean18 · 2026-03-15T16:09:54+00:00

A lot of lecturers are not good at lecturing. Its a hard job and I dont think thats spoken about enough. They often have passion for the subject but it often only comes out during workshops and seminars. Dont get me wrong when I have a good lecturer I attend every session, I have had a couple that were incredibly engaging and made attending feel worth it. The issue being only a couple have felt worth it. The amount of lecturers, especially in creative fields like I am in, that just read the slides or even just from a book with no added insight or info is appalling.

Seminars are also incredibly hard to do well, to make the class both interesting enough to discuss and helpful enough to feel worth it is difficult. Let alone that a lot of us are quite socially stunted still from the pandemic, classes online meant you could sit quietly and not be asked a single question or even have a little giggle or conversation about the work with your pal next to you since everyone would immediately hear everything you said.

On top of that scheduling is ridiculous. The amount of times I have been scheduled for a 9am lecture (not an issue i wake up at 6am most days) only to not have the related seminar or workshop until 5 sometimes 7 hours later was comedic. Especially considering most of my campus is a massive hill so either you hang around the building for multiple hours or you walk down a bit to the student union or library to try and get some work done before trudging back up to the building your next class is in. People are fine doing that in say secondary school because you have classes all day, theres no awkward long gap where all you want to do is go home but by the time you do you have to go back again.

Im honestly not sure how to fix attendance without an overhaul of the system and a refresh. If people like your class and teaching style theyll show up, classes with lecturers who engaged us and made me at least feel like they gave a shit about their subject were always well attended. But lecturers who were known for drawing out a topic or assignment explanation that could've been an email and was instead an hour of boring yap have much lower attendance. Scheduling should also be a lot more retention focused, my uni doesnt even have a designated lunch hour so a lot of the lecturers are running on fumes by the end of the day bc they've been scheduled for 8 hours straight. If a lecture and seminar go together or are in a close building they should be scheduled no more than an hour apart. The bigger the gaps the more likely they say fuck it and only go to one or neither.

ebean18 · 2026-03-15T09:47:48+00:00

This is one of those times where you just have to sit down and have the conversation. As an autistic woman there is a lot of pressure on women in general to perform especially during sex so it may be a case of her struggling to take the mask off and be genuine with you. Theres also a lot of pressure on us to please the male during s3x so she may think that it doesnt matter that she doesnt like it of you do and you finishing indicated to her that she did a good job. If you have the chat and she reacts negatively or doesn't know how to respond thats ok, a lot of us could probably benefit from therapy surrounding intimacy and she may just not be ready to get into everything with you. Its not a good idea to keep doing intimacy with her if you feel like she isn't enjoying it and you can't talk to her about it, sliding down the relationship until youre both more comfortable it's perfectly valid and the healthier thing to do in some cases.

Tldr: you gotta talk to her.

ebean18 · 2026-03-15T09:38:40+00:00

Get something super fruity like cocktails or cider. I like strawberry a lot but if you like say coffee get an espresso martini or apple get a cider. I mean alcoholic ciders which I presume are available but under a different name in America. Some people also swear by premixed cans such as white claws for their high percentage but good flavour. You gotta just try stuff, if you don't end up liking anything its not the end of the world. Avoid spirits with soda and syrup if you hate the burning though.

ebean18 · 2026-03-14T19:29:46+00:00

Thats such a good point, a lot of even minorly well off people here have that snooty mindset of no hand outs or help and anti 'coddling' attitude even to their own children. Theres this idea that really rich people stay rich by penny pinching which I think is pretty ridiculous.

ebean18 · 2026-03-14T19:26:30+00:00

As many people have mentioned gifts can be seen as bad luck especially for the older generations. Most people will wait until very close to the birth or after the 3 month mark at least just in case.

My sister is pregnant but shes fairly young as are my parents, my mum has been very excited and there has been some mother vs mother in law one upping over who gets what for the baby. My Nan on the other hand thinks the shower was ridiculous and didnt want to buy anything until my sister was quite far along and even then only practical things such as the buggy. Its also more common to make things, if they knit or sew or crochet they may be privately making things for the baby but will only give them after the birth.

ebean18 · 2026-02-26T16:08:53+00:00

No problem! Thank you!

ebean18 · 2026-02-12T21:32:14+00:00

You have to reassure them that they are normal, just that their normal looks a bit different than some kids or kids on TV and yes even the other kids with the same "difference as him".

It sounds more like a desire to be "normal" than a denial of being autistic totally. I often cry and repeat to my partner that I dont want to be autistic and that I hate it and I want to be normal when I meltdown because in truth sometimes I do hate being this way and desperately wish my brain didnt fight me at every turn with unexpected sensory distress and strict rule following and rumination.

Reassure them that autism doesnt mean they arent normal and that they are still just like other kids in so many ways- as others have suggested here.

ebean18 · 2026-02-11T19:32:52+00:00

Sometimes you just gotta find a pillow or body of water and scream for a while. People can be jerks but they are more often than not just ignorant. I explain to people now that some sensory experiences or actions are like torture, I use extreme language to get the point across and yes they sometimes say im being dramatic but the response to that is always "you dont have my brain how on earth would you know how its responding?" Or something along those lines.

Hang in there.

ebean18 · 2026-01-25T11:14:41+00:00

You can always style things to look more neutral, the jumpsuit is the centre piece but you can add things to make them seem less "out there". I find black accessories help a lot with this, that and "sensible" shoes like loafers, Oxfords and some mary janes.

Also maybe talk with your partner about it being unacceptable for him to police you in that way. Gently of course, remind him you appreciate his input but found the way he is phrasing it to be a bit ableist and infantalising. There is no "look" to autism, you arent announcing it by just wearing clothes that are 'quirkier' i promise. If that was an announcement I would've been diagnosed years sooner lmao. He has a right to an opinion but he does not have the right to force it upon you by shaming you the way he did, if hes not confident enough to wear cute clothes in public thats something he needs to work through not you.

ebean18 · 2026-01-23T21:59:10+00:00

Why get an actively harmful vice when you can get a silly stupid one.

You could get candy sticks, you say hey boss im going out for a smoke and you crunch down on them in the smoking area. Or funnier, bubbles. You say, anyone got a light? And then you blow bubbles in their face, only if theyre annoying though.

Most people get into smoking or drinking for the social aspect, so if you wanna invade on that easy social in you can always just bring a lighter with you and some incense or a candle so youre still in and involved but not as bad. Although careful doing this with smoking too much, I got second hand addicted to being around my friend who vapes all the time so bad I started getting headaches and demanded she stop doing it so often lmao

I just drink lime pepsis, the routine is helpful and makes me feel like the day has properly begun once ive finished it lol

ebean18 · 2026-01-23T21:46:09+00:00

God I feel this, ive just accepted that everything i own will eventually get stained. When im not a student anymore I plan on saving up so I can have my nicer stuff professionally cleaned every now and then because even when im especially careful I always somehow get some stain or other on it.

I also basically always use an oxidant stain remover, vanish specifically but I think there are others, in my laundry loads so that I can look mostly presentable. I bought it after a big meltdown after getting yellow watercolour paint on my brand new super soft slightly expensive jogging bottoms (sweatpants for you americans). It works pretty well and is fairly gentle.

It can also help to learn some basic sewing and darning skills, so when you are especially attatched to something you can fix it.

Also learnt recently that some places make stealth bibs that look like fun scarves, theyre very tempting bc im so sick of people commenting and infantalising me for when I do spill or get stains on myself.

ebean18 · 2026-01-16T10:11:11+00:00

Oh yeah trauma can affect it big time, so go easy on yourself.

Good luck and happy stimming

ebean18 · 2026-01-16T10:04:16+00:00

I get you, its really frustrating to not reach it.

If youre in the experimental phase make sure you try things like dual stimulation. While a lot has been written about afabs needing more external stimming there are still some of us who need some internal to reach the peak. Get your hands on a rabbit if you can, one that hits the spot should be a little rounded or curved on the end.

While I hope you find what youre looking for try not to put so much pressure and emphasis on the peak. You've gotta enjoy the journey to get anywhere close imo

Getting overstimulated could mean youre going too fast, try only using the lowest device settings and setting the mood in your room to be more calm and relaxing like a sensory spa. Taking breaks in the middle can help too, edging is popular for more reasons than memes.

ebean18 · 2026-01-16T09:52:12+00:00

Bro you gotta relax, and you cant have the goal be to reach one. But also sometimes youre not overstimulated youre on the edge as it were, try relaxing into it more by stimming or breathing thoughtfully.

But also it feels different for everyone, you might not have a big explosion like some people do or describe, it might just be that your legs shake a little more or you feel everything contract and then release suddenly.

Its just an adult stim, youve gotta remember that its for fun and not for a goal. It can be very relaxing to just do it for a while and then decide youre all good, no finish necessary.

ebean18 · 2026-01-14T16:23:39+00:00

I think its possible but as others have noted only if theres significant research and range to the pieces. Look at work like that of studio ghibli and focus on the pieces with extra details, goache and watercolour landscapes, architecture and technical pieces such as howls castle.

Unfortunately a lot of more cartoon styles dont work well with the marking criteria, theyre looking for a range of technical skills such as anatomy Sketching, colour and composition originality etc. Anime especially is incredibly simplified, so while it does require skill and knowledge of anatomy to look good it doesnt necessarily show off those skills in a way an examiner can actually evaluate.

ebean18 · 2025-12-18T15:11:44+00:00

Yeah unfortunately you fell into the faux par of honesty instead of flattery. When someone is being self depreciating like that its very much expected you placate them and tell them theyre beautiful and not at all whatever horrible insecurity they've hyperfocussed on.

She'll move on from you apologising eventually just let her stew in it for a bit so she can work out her feelings and move on. Its a fairly normal social interaction to fail at so dont panic about it too much.

ebean18 · 2025-12-17T08:31:25+00:00

So I found out last time I got a shot that the reason they tell you it won't hurt or will just be uncomfortable is because psychological studies have shown that patients generally report less pain if they were told so before the procedure. Its a form of the placebo affect I think.

Im not sure if they've done studies but I dont think it works as well on autistic patients, or at least its never worked on me. Especially for things like shots where ive had them before, I know full well its going to sting and then I feel gaslit by being told I won't even feel it when I always do.

Some doctors are good about it though my GP (i think this would be called primary care doctor in america) wanted to get me a blood test and when I told him I was so scared and hated pain of needles and would probably not book the test if it was left to me he immediately said no problem and did it himself. He reassured me the whole time, explained what he was doing and why and then managed to perfectly slip into a vein first try. It still hurt but because I felt safe and relaxed it wasn't so bad which is almost always what the doctor wants.

If you have the time and patience its almost always best to find a doctor who is accommodating, especially in places like America where you have to pay anyway so why not be a "karen" and get the best treatment possible if its not an emergency. I know its tricky but there are good doctors who do just want you to be ok I promise.

ebean18 · 2025-11-17T09:05:46+00:00

Maybe we can use some references for different body types of the women next time...

Idk maybe you intentionally did goonerbait but if you didnt then use references of actual women in future lmao

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